Bel 🩷

‘Mason’

His head turned towards you immediately, almost like he’d been waiting for you to say something for a while the his emotions were so clear over his face.

‘You should talk to her’

‘Y/n…’

‘I’m serious’ you told him but he looked away instantly, his jaw tightening harder.

‘I can’t’

‘Yes you can’

‘No’ He laughed softly, but there was no humour in it at all. ‘You didn’t see her face when we broke up ’

He was right, you hadn’t. But you’d spent enough time with him over the last two months to know how much he’d been hurting too, even if he thought he hid it well.

‘I know’ you said softly ‘but I saw your face last night and I’m assuming it looked pretty similar’

That shut him up quickly.

To anyone else, the pair of you last night in that crowded bar would have assumed you were on a date. Truthfully, that’s probably what you would’ve called it if someone had asked. Mason made an effort with you, spent time with you, made you laugh and remembered small things you mentioned in passing.

You hadn’t even kissed yet, but before last night you’d started to think it was coming. Little moments had begun to linger slightly too long, his hand brushed against yours when he passed you a drink and his eyes sometimes dropped to your mouth before he caught himself. It had felt like the beginning of something, even if neither of you had said it out loud yet.

But no matter how much you liked him, you’d always known there was still a part of him somewhere else and after seeing the way he looked at the pretty stranger in the corner, you weren’t sure he’d ever love someone the same way again.

You watched him quietly for a moment before speaking again, careful not to push too hard even though you both knew this conversation had been coming for a while now.

‘You looked at her like your whole body forgot how to function’

Mason rubbed tiredly at his jaw, the cogs visibly turning in his head before his eyes finally landed on you again and you knew in that second whatever had been growing between the two of you was over.

‘I really tried’ he said quietly.

‘I know you did-’

‘No, I mean it’ he cut in, his voice rough with emotion. ‘I really wanted this to work’

‘I know’

You smiled softly and you could see immediately how much that affected him. His lips pressing into a thin line as he rubbed at his eyes with the heel of his hand, and when he looked back at you again they were glassy.

‘Why do you have to make this so hard by being kind?’ he laughed quietly but you could only shrug slightly, offering him a sad smile.

‘Because I liked you, Mason’ you admitted honestly. ‘And because, for a little while, I thought you liked me too’

‘I did- I do’ Mason corrected quickly, leaning back heavily against the sofa. ‘But you deserve someone who’s fully here’

‘Maybe.’

‘No, definitely’ he argued immediately. ‘You’re going to make someone really happy one day and I really fucking wish it could have been me’ he said honestly, ripping your chest open right there but you did your best to hide everything from him.

A brief silence settled between the two of you, heavy with everything neither of you really wanted to say out loud.

‘You still love her, don’t you?’ You asked him and he closed his eyes briefly not wanting to answer until he couldn’t hold it in anymore.

‘Yeah’

‘You know what’s annoying?’

‘What?’

‘You actually made progress’ you laughed faintly. ‘You smiled more and you stopped looking like a Victorian widower all the time’

Despite himself, Mason huffed out a laugh at that and a small feeling of triumph washed over you until you needed to be serious again.

‘But then she walked into the bar last night and suddenly I understood why’ you told him and he looked down at his hands. ‘It’s like she’s left her fingerprints on you’

The sentence hit him hard enough that he went completely quiet and you knew it’s because you were right. She’s everywhere in him still. In his routines, his humour, even the instinct to reach for his phone whenever something funny happened.

It was her he wanted to share that stuff with first until he realised he couldn’t.

‘Go get your girl, Mase. It’s okay’

‘You’re unbelievable’ he said quietly, an incredulous look on his face at what you were saying but once again you tried to defend yourself with humour.

‘So I’ve been told’

‘No, seriously’ He frowned, shaking his head slightly as he sat forward and reached for your hands. ‘Most people would hate me right now’

‘I don’t hate you, Mason’ you reassured him, even though your chest was aching with every word. ‘I just want you to be happy and I think that’s with her. You can’t help how you feel’

‘I don’t know’ he huffed. ‘I broke her heart, you know? She probably wants nothing to do with me’

‘She still loves you’ you told him gently, and you felt his body still. ‘I could tell just by looking at her. Honestly, I think she probably wishes you’d fight for her a bit’

‘Yeah?’ He asked, but all you could do was nod cause in some twisted way that’s all you wanted from him too. You knew it was a completely different situation but for a little while you knew this could have become something. Not a replacement or just a distraction, but something real in its own way that still could have been just as fufilling.

Mason shifted closer without really thinking about it and once again your eyes flickered down to his lips instinctively before they met his eyes. For the first time all evening, the air between you changed. A soft, emotional pull of two people who cared about each other at the wrong time and even though you were trying to be strong for him you felt awful about it.

Mason reached up gently, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear and your breath caught slightly at the gesture.

‘You know, this would be significantly easier if you weren’t so annoyingly lovely’ you joked, trying to lighten the situation as everything suddenly felt tense but when you found the courage to look at him his eyes were on your lips like yours had just been.

When his lips landed on yours, you weren’t expecting it. He was slow and careful at first, like he was giving you time to pull away if you wanted to but you didn’t.

Your hand slid lightly against his jaw as you kissed him back and for a few seconds you could tell Mason was letting himself fully feel it. The warmth of your mouth against his, the deep affection sitting between you both but also the sadness underneath it.

It was soft and real and somehow that made it hurt even more because you knew that whilst he was kissing you, this wasn’t the happy ending you were after.

When you finally pulled apart, neither of you spoke immediately. Mason rested his forehead lightly against yours as you both tried to settle your breathing and whilst you tried to give him a reassuring smile you knew it looked a little wobbly round the edges.

‘Well’ you sighed ‘That was… yeah’

‘Yeah’ Mason breathed,and once again neither of you moved until you brushed your thumb against his cheek and he looked back at you intently.

‘She’s still the one, isn’t she?’

Mason closed his eyes tightly and the silence was enough of an answer for you. Nodding your head as you pulled away from him carefully but you could see it hurt him to see you like this.

‘I think’ you said gently, weighing up if you wanted to carry on your sentence or not but in the end you did as you’d rather have left nothing unsaid. ‘I just wanted to know what it felt like to be loved by you. Even for a little bit’

‘Y/n…’ he sighs, reaching to pull you into his arms and you let him tuck you under his chin. You knew what you’d said had nearly broken him because deep down you knew that cared about you enough that seeing you sad hurt him too so you shook your head and once again tried your best to lift him up.

‘No regrets, okay?’ You told him, trying your best to be strong. ‘It’s not meant to be, and that’s okay’

Mason looked down at you for a long moment before nodding once in agreement.

No regrets.