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I threw up again.

And*fuck*, *god*,

it burns.

It's greasy and hot and *wet* and it's-

it hurts as it forces itself out of me, and my body wracks itself

forwards on my bed, emptying into the empty ice cream tub in my lap.

With the wrench of my body, I nearly fall off the side,

at least a metre down to the floor from my duvet, my hand catching the top of the ladder.

My stomach cramps on green bile..

..I've been a little sick lately.

Not..not too much.

Just..The past few days.

I know why.

I was an idiot.

I did this to myself.

I just..

I wasn't expecting to still be sick.

I hate it.

*There's black.*

...*What?*

...Yeah.

There's..There's some sort of black.. coagulation...in my vomit.

*God..what the fuck did I eat..?*

A wave of light hits my eye from the inside of my head,

and my eyes wince shut, my head turns.

I bear a sudden sharp stab to the temple.

I feel a strong sort of tremble, like all the fibres in my muscles are vibrating, just slightly.

And then- it's passed, like a dry heave, and..

God, throwing up takes it out of me.

I feel so frail suddenly. Tired.

I..I need to sleep.

Jus..

My brain flickers..

...

...

..I'm at school.

It's break time.

"Hey, dude, why are you being so quiet?"

That was my best friend's voice.

...*What?*

My hand is on a pencil.

I'm scribbling down answers to the math homework, because I forgot to do it again.

I don't..I don't even think about it.

I feel like everything starts to swim, far away.

Then I'm tired.

Bored.

I put the pencil down.

My friends notice.

Of course they do.

They always need me to be happy.

Because I'm moody all the time.

"You were smiling a minute ago," my friend observes, unhelpfully.

...I..I feel like I remember that, but..it's not there. Like a brief flicker of it.

Pretty lady

I dont know you

I used to love you

I dont think i can anymore

1. When you said we'd have pepperoni pizza, so i said i didnt want any,

but then you made barbecue pizza (I've hated pepperoni for years.)

2. When my sister bought me a super nice giant Pikachu squishmallow for my birthday,

but then you bought a pikachu plush for my baby sister

nearly the same day

just because she wanted one

3. You didn't notice the first time.

4. When I was stuck in the kitchen for nearly half an hour because there was a bug in the doorway

and you were the only one I could call

But you didn't pick up, and, after 30 messages (including 8 phone calls that went dead),

your first reply was, 'slipper it',

and when I asked, 'why won't you help me',

you replied, 'I am asleep one eye open while writing this'.

Ive been afraid of bugs for years.

I was crying alone for half an hour because i wanted a snack

5. When i got back to my room,

I messaged, 'night love you'.

You messaged back, 'you upstairs? Night, love you'.

Iwas tiptoeing in my brother's football boots.

Every time the laces brushed my ankle

I felt a spike of fear.

But getting a few more minutes of sleep is more important, so thats fine.

Reason number 6.

When my best friend gives that look and I realise ive spoken too much again

and im ruining everything all over again.

7. When my sister grabs my hips

because of all the fat

as a tease.

8. Sports days and always coming last.

9. I'm not as smart as I used to think i was.

10. Sometimes i feel like nothing is real and i never feel truly loved by anyone at all.

I was up with stomach cramps all night after dry swallowing 30,

already nauseous.

I managed to sleep for the first two hours or so

but after that it was too painful.

I threw up atleast nine times.

You helped once- though I still thank you for that.

The next day I went to school.

Nobody knows yet.

Ive given hints.

Either im worse at hints than I thought or nobody cares enough to question.

It'd be so easy to try again.

Ill cover my mouth this time.

Wont vomit this time.

Hold it in.

Everybody has somebody

Nobody has nobody

He says goodbye to the cyclops

But Orpheus

in the light

Of the morning

Watching his love fade

Is truly alone with himself

now

It was the love that killed her

He turns around every time

Love is making sure

She is still behind

Nobody is all alone now

He loved her too much

The god has claimed her

He shouldn’t have looked (loved)

A long journey home now

Telemachus

Fell in a lake

at the sight of his face

Narcissistic

And Penelope

turned to stone

And Nobody