when i was a little stereo

Oh my god, so I just totally went out got my belly button pierced! It’s so cute! Just don’t tell my parents because they don’t know yet, and the piercer didn’t even like ask for an ID or anything. It’s totally been my lucky night.

I wish people would stop looking at me like I’m an alien when I tell them I’m a vegan.

Semi-same boat. I don’t eat pork and people are still stuck in 2009 ask me, “But how do you not eat bacon???”

So you actually cooked your phone…?

Yup, it’s cause your step brother wasn’t here to bake brownies for his Mo bro. Tell Jake I blame him.

How do you even do that?

Shirt pocket failed it’s job. My eyes failed their job. My sense of smell was on the ball however, I was wondering why my delicious brownies smelled like a factory.

That sounds absolutely disgusting. How did you even manage to do that.

Phone + front pocket = Bad times. It looked pretty disgusting... did you know that plastic does melt at 350 degrees? I didn’t.

We’ll never forget you, Broptimus Prime. Does this at least mean you get a better phone? That’s what people do anyway, right? Break their phones on purpose to update it?  I’m sure you’ll bounce back though, man. Out of respect, someone else should be baking those brownies for you now and just keep them coming. Everyone needs multiple talents, you’ve got plenty.

I got an iPhone 6. Definitely not the Mo man’s cup of tea, but it’ll do. And YUP THAT’S TRUE, the phone company wanted proof that my phone was “broken beyond repair” so imagine my seething Uncle carrying a brownie pan into the phone store. It was fucking hilarious. Jake aka Broyfriend SHOULD be making these brownies, but it’s okay, I’ll live with these domesticated talented hands.

You sharing these digital brownies?

I would gladly share them with my number 1 Brofoot Contessa but I kinda don’t want you to die. I’ll chef up a fresh batch.

You know that’s not what you put in the batter to make them special brownies right?

But it is, BroJ Da Juiceman! It’s that new strain of kush called Samsung Galaxy S6. It’s supposed to be super dank, gives you such a chill high.

How did you manage that? Is your phone okay? Or did it melt when you baked it?

I’m pretty sure it fell out my shirt pocket when I was chefin’ it and met its untimely death at 350 degrees. It melted ALL IN the brownies, they were inedible. I had to get an iPhone because Uncle Aamir had a free upgrade. Sigh.

You baked your phone in brownies?

I surely did! Melted plastic never looked so good.

I don’t know what I’d be more upset about – wasting all the brownie mix or baking my phone. Wait, you bake?

I’m a smidge upset about Broptimus Prime (my phone) and his death, but I’m HELLA upset that these double chocolate fudge brownies ft. peanut butter never got to grace my stomach. And hell yeah I bake, these finger ain’t just for my instruments.