nice try, jan.

“I have nice things when people don’t you know… leave.”

“Well, no need to be crusty about it.”

“Fair enough. They had a read of my blog and want me to write about the ancient city walls in Dubrovnik. Not too exciting really.”

“....Why? Are they local or something?”

kasey: liar liar pants on fiyaahhh

kasey: what did they ~hypothetically~ do

kasey: yup. that's your 1st strike, jsyk. 3 strikes and all you get it water

mary: why did i read that in alicia keys' voice

mary: headbutted me and i dropped my cake... hypothetically

“Why are you like this? This is exactly why we can’t have nice things, Mary.”

“We? Or you?”

“Your level of melancholy is truly inspiring.”

“Less melancholy and more resting sad face. What’s the interview or meeting or whatever for?”

kasey: did ya steal them from a helpless child? we talked about this... you can't keep doing that. you're only supposed to steal their candy

kasey: tacos and donuts, my otp. you're my hero. i'll serve up whatever the hell you want in exchange

mary: .....no 👀

mary: hypothetically does it count if the kid is a shit

mary: well you know. not all heroes make crepes

“So you are here to impersonate Pennywise.”

“Unnecessary. I already have a clown name. It’s Pussywise.”

kasey: nah im still @ the bar. my shift ends in an hour or so but crowds aren't my thing. or people. or art...

kasey: if u do swing by pls bring me something greasy + sold from a food truck, im sick of pilfering snack mix

mary: same. i stole a bunch of balloons from a clown buuut i couldn't figure out how to blow them up all the way so now i'm just wandering

“But - but… all of them look like they’re not even shaped to be animals.”

“Okay, fine, jeez, stop pressuring me! You can have one. And I will sign it but you have to ask nicely.”

“Not so much of a presentation as it is a meeting. I’ve been asked to write an article, but they want to talk to me first.”

“Oh. That’s cool. You should talk to me more about it while I get hammered by myself, then.”

Removing his glasses to clean them on the fabric of his shirt from the fog that had accumulated there as a result of getting a little too carried away with the previous patron, Quinton leaned back in his seat while he regained his composure. At least he could whore himself out for a good cause this time around. Even he sporadically donated to local humane societies when he could — no event encouragement needed. Hearing someone approach the stand he was occupying, he raised his head and squinted at the figure before tossing his glasses back on. “It’s only a dollar if you’re interested. I’m also cheap and will accept four quarters as well.”

“Thanks, but my psychic said I should take extra care with my immune system this week, and I think possible mono would be included in that. How’d you get roped into this anyway?”

“Listen… there’s a clown giving away balloon animals. And they’re awful. I wonder if he’s even apart of the fiesta.” 

"Hey! Not a clown, dick. And these balloons are all for me, so don’t get any ideas.”

“a drinking game? seriously? i mean, I know this place is lacking proper entertainment but taking a shot every time someone sneezes or yells at a waiter is just barbaric. plus, i’m not looking to get hammered tonight. i’ve got a presentation in the morning.”

“You have a presentation... on the weekend?”

kasey: are u going to the fine arts fiesta

kasey: (say no)

kasey: i'm stuck working that day so u gotta take one for the team and hang with me k

mary: no!! actually idk. i wasn't planning on it.

“Do you really wanna get into this? I remember there was once filet mignon you made that was so rare I think it was still mooing on my plate.”

“You wanna calm down, Gordon Ramsay? You loved that steak. You told me it was better than Peter Luger’s.”

“This is all I’ve ever wanted in life, do you realize that? If I can get internet famous, I’ll never have to look at a fucking student loan payment again. I won’t have to sell my body on the streets anymore. Just kidding, I don’t do that. But life would be golden.”

“You better get me a cut of the profits since I’m also swimming in debt up to my eyebrows. I’ll be your acting manager, it’ll be great. I’m gonna put Kris Jenner to shame and milk it for all it’s worth. They’ll be calling you Funnel Fried Boy before the week is over. -- Speaking of selling your body, how do you feel about leaking a sex tape?”

“So does that mean I can sue you or are you gonna runaway again?”

“Okay, easy. At least my coffee never sent you to the hospital.”