So, I was at a local place near my house having a casual dinner with the family when, out of nowhere, in come Bradley Cooper and Robert De Niro—apparently family friends—and sit down to chat and finish eating with us. Somehow I act aloof and normal and manage to have human-to-human interactions with them. After a while I go home for the night, assuming everyone went their separate ways. However, at some point before sunrise I am awakened by two small creatures roaming my bed. As I slowly come to to the land of the living and realize they're the cutest little baby pigs, Bradley casually comes into my room and apologizes profusely for waking me—he'd thought my room was the living room (which it kind of is). Anyhow, the little devils apparently are his pet pigs, Wheat and Ugg (ok?). I pet and play with them somewhat awkwardly while he sighs and groans from his place on the couch for a little while, until he suddenly stands up and politely asks me if I would be so kind as to direct him to a place where he could buy a bottle of wine and some toilet paper (again, oookay?). He rushes me while I try to dress appropriately—it's cold and pouring down outside and he for some reason decided without consulting that he could wear my rain boots, 'cause yeah we have the same shoe size—and we head out. Somehow, we're no longer at my house but at some fancy hotel in the city center and we can't find the main entrance, so we ride an elevator that takes us to a side street. For some reason, everything is covered up for renovations and I can't figure out where we are. I start to panic because this is my town and Bradley Cooper needs me to show him around and I can't seem to find my way, how embarrassing. So, we walk around for a bit until we find some sort of giant supermarket that somehow also feels like a späti (Berlin after hours Turkish convenience store), which sits right in front of the hotel's main entrance. He, of course, notices this and says "oh, come on! Tell me that's not the hotel!" to my further embarrassment. He's not being mean, he's just clearly tired and having a shit day. Anyhow, we go in and find the wine, which is of course in the same aisle as the toilet paper (as well as loads and loads of diapers) and as we stand in line to pay, my alarm goes off signaling the start of my first day of classes for the semester. So, yeah. Wtf, brain?
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