the motherland

IN PERSON ????

we're not even dating yet when it happens 😔 he comes back to the agency after a rough rescue where not everyone made it out in one piece. the day has been long, he's literally running on fumes, and he plods into my office in his heavy heavy boots with a closing thoughts document in hand. he slides it over, other gloved hand in a tight fist, and sighs so hard i feel the hot air on my fingertips.

"a bad one?"

"Terrible." sweat sticks in his navy blue hair, thunderous red eyes focused on some fixed point off in the distance. he's reliving it, cataloging it, saving the trauma for a time when it's more digestible. i've never seen him like this.

and his voice. i feel terrible for liking how it sounds. how put upon he seems, how exhausted. he's always so straight-laced, tough and reliable and kind. to hear him reduced to this tugs at the heartstrings and the g-string LMAO. he's about to take his leave when i stop him, hand in the air pathetically. "mr. iida, i mean ingenium-"

he turns to look at me, and that faraway look dissipates for a moment, as if he's realizing himself. but his voice still rumbles and cracks like an old record. "I... believe I need to go home."

"right. but i'm-" i look down at the case closing paperwork. it's messy, scribbled, wet in places. but i'm his marketing director. i'm not who he turns it into. this is for a different department entirely, i can't just...

"It's in no state to be turned in, I know," he murmurs, just loud enough for me to hear. "But I needed someone to see. To know the names, to..."

iida sighs, slicks his hair back with one hand. "... Bear this burden with me."

oh. "oh." i say it out loud, too, just for good measure. yeah, i can bear it. if he's the one asking. "okay. i'll read it. you have my word."

he smiles; it's hollow. then he leaves.

i memorize the names, search next of kin. i'll keep tabs on social media. it's what i'm good at, after all. maybe we'll go to one of the funerals together, pay our respects. i try not to think of him in a suit, now's not the time. with his head bowed, holding flowers, apologizing in that deep purr i've just found out about...

i put my forehead on my desk.

damn you tenya iida and your pretty face and your sexy voice and your chivalric demeanor. damn you damn you damn you.