Marley (not Bob)

Why not?

Because I’m not convincing. Like I said, I can barely lie. I think you need some ability at that to be a good actor.

No one expects you to be the best, mainly because as the most Gryffindor son of a bitch, I’ve already got that title locked down. But it’s really not that damn complicated. You just walk up to someone, say “hi, I’m Marley, and I make cookies” and they’ll be happy for the little velcro stuck in their mane.

Those tits were clearly for self-defense. The fact that she didn’t cut anyone with them was just a wasted opportunity.

I’m really not good at like...any of that, honestly. If you want to help me make new friends, though, I’ll make you even more cookies. Like, all the cookies possible.

Aw, you’re bashful. Listen, going out with strangers is the best way to make them not-strangers and I’ve already done all the scouting around for you – there is literally no one worthy of being scared of living here in the apartments. It’s a crazy, probability-fucking bubble of good intentions and shit.

I’m not surprised that no one else is willing to investigate an underground maze of death with you. It’s an extraordinarily specific breed of human that seeks them out, and they usually go under the name of Indiana Jones. Let’s go, Croft. Cookies can wait!

I guess you could say that. I’ve never really been the best at meeting people, but once I get attached, I’m seriously like velcro - like, I’m as loyal as a Hufflepuff, though I consider myself to be a Ravenclaw. I’ll take your word for it, but putting myself out there is not my forte.

You ever wanna be an actress? Or just singer?

Perfect. Just don’t sneeze on me. Good. Just keep in mind, I am not looking for a long term relationship, I’m looking for a bed warmer. I will obviously repay the favor, unless you’re about to tell me you’re married or something. In which case I will probably judge you a lot but not try and set you up with anything that moves. 

I have no sneezes left in me anymore. ...Okay, got it. Um, no, I’m not married, but I’m not really looking for a relationship or a uh “bed warmer”.

Fucking right? I just spent two weeks basically glued to my bed. I had to get up to shower or else I’d hate myself, but even then I could barely stand. Who the fuck has it out for us? 

I’ve just been getting fresh air, so try that. Walk around Central Park or even just go up to the roof – it feels good as fuck to not be inside anymore.

So. Annoying. Yeah I did my best to shower since it made me feel slightly better, but honestly standing up for that long was hard during a lot of it. I was basically just a greasy, coughing, sniffly mess for two weeks. It’s probably the city in general. Whatever. I’m just glad to be out of it now.

Huh. I’ll remember that.

You do musicals?

Alrighty.

Shit, we live in New York City. It’s never been a question of is there something to do, only which one you wanna do first. Getting bored here is like getting hungry at your grandma’s house – you have to be trying.

I’ve been wanting to go explore the catacombs under St. Patrick’s cathedral for a while now, and if you came along it’d be an awesome “fuck you” to the Grim Reaper. Not only did they miss, now you’re walking around on their turf.

I know, but I don’t know that many people here, still, and I don’t like the idea of going out on the town with people I don’t know or completely by myself.

Oh yeah? What’s your poison?

But we can do so much more than just sing. Like, a bird can sing, but making art’s different. I just don’t get the point of singing other people’s words, or letting something come out of your mouth that doesn’t mean something. At least with music. 

I like cocktails. Normally I go for a Seabreeze. Vodka, cranberry juice, and grapefruit juice. It’s refreshing and still sweet. Like me.

Gross. Are you sure you’re not contagious because I do not need to catch whatever you’ve got. I’ve spent all these years managing to not get an STD, I refuse to spread the flu I got from someone I didn’t even sleep with. It’s more pathetic than I will allow myself to be.

If you’re not secretly Typhoid Mary, there are some clubs I’ve been dying to try, with a decent wingman or woman, if you’re up for the job. Provided your version of doing something isn’t something boring like picking flowers or some shit. 

My fever’s gone, as are the rest of my symptoms. Trust me, they aren’t a huge fan at work of people coming back in sick, so they got me all tested out. We’re all good. 

Um...I guess I could give it a try? I don’t normally do the wing-woman thing, but I think I could pull it off really well actually. I’m good at talking people up!

Really? Don’t drink?

It had some soul. Not that she should’ve had to go through that shit — but it made some damn good music. It’ll be worth it. Everyone’s got something, it’s just actually having the depth to find it. Putting out some arrogant, shallow shit isn’t something worthwhile, even if it’s 90% of what’s on the radio. Whether it’s “pop” or some weird abstract shit, it’s all worth listening too when it’s actually someone putting everything into it. 

Not much, and definitely not Jack or scotch. I’m more into sweets myself.

Gonna take me a while to live that down,huh? I’m really more of a Scotch man. 

Yeah, well that’s good. We don’t remember artists who just came in for money. We remember people who tried to change the world. Nah, that’s totally true though. Getting money for something you made, that reflects you — that’s the best shit in the world. Not cos of the money, but because it’s proof you did something. Pop music can be good. But it’s the most marketed music ‘cos it’s clean. But it depends on the person. Kesha is a total badass in my book. I keep up with music news and I know she went through a lot of shit.

Yep, it is. I’ve never had either, so no comment.

You calling me a grouch?

I mean, they’re always looking for a new face. Not flirting, but yours is a pretty good one. What you do with an opportunity is up to you. I think a lot of singers who talk about “fame” and shit are just idiots who didn’t know how to brand themselves. They forget about the music, and why they started in the first place. I could be doing shitty pop punk shows right now, but I’d rather make music I can actually be proud of. If you look at any successful musician in the business right now, it’s about them following through with what they started with, rather than bowing to what’s going to make them money. Then they make a shitload more ‘cos they didn’t bend.

Well, Oscar liked spending his time alone and also probably liked himself some Jack Daniels, too.

I liked the trash dude. And the vampire. 

Well if you ever get a day off, hit me up. I’m in good with a couple really good cafes. A lot of talent agents hit ‘em up for good ol’ NY classics. 

Oscar the Grouch. Seems fitting. And the Count.

Oh, I know that one.

Only lofty if you don’t put the work in. You play anywhere now? Like coffee shops or somethin’?

Did you like that show growing up?

So — muppets. From what I can tell, they’re puppets. Do they do the entire movie just with the puppets?

Yeah, used to write a lot more, but I’ve written a couple lately. So what do you want to do?

Yes, they were created by the same guy who made Sesame Street. There are normally human actors in there as well.