giants in the sky

Did… you feel different after it?

What’s wrong with Indiana? And I have one brothers. But he has lots of friends that love talking about social constructs.

Yeah. Like... more grown up.

Well… did you want to have sex? Or did you want to lose your virginity?

I have a scarily large amount of guys back in Paris who explained it to me… Which was a little awkward but Jehan got through to me better than anyone else did and he said it good. Wait, no. He said it well. I think it will always matter to some people though, which is sad.

Both? I guess the latter.

I guess the concept can be personal but it’s harmful. I think sex can be personal and perceptible, but I don’t think invalidating virginity as a concept means that you can’t feel special about your first time. You’re celebrating having sex, not losing something that isn’t really a thing. And most people think they’re the same thing or interchangeable but really, I think they’re different. 

I don’t know if I said all that right, but in French it makes sense in my head.

I guess losing mine was pretty pointless, then.

But if I have then why does that automatically give me a new status? And why should that status make me different than someone who hasn’t had sex? It’s a divisory concept. Is that the word you use? Divisory?

What does it matter if a girl wants to feel special for losing her virginity, though? It doesn’t make you a bad different... I guess to some people it would. But you’re a slut if you’ve had sex and a prude if you haven’t, so the concept of virginity is like... personal and perceptible to each person, you know? I think divisory is a word, I’m just not sure you’re using it properly.

It’s alright, you didn’t. Virginity is a social construct anyway.

How? I mean, you’ve either had sex or you haven’t, right?

I don’t like that I didn’t realise that. I think my brain melted.

It’s ok. It was a really stupid joke. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about your... uh, v card.

Um… I don’t think that’s a one-case scenario. It probably depends. I’ve never actually…

That was just a little joke. I don’t think that...

My brother told me that theory belongs in the rubbish with Blurred Lines and teenagers with the hammer and sickle in their Twitter name.

Wait, so if that’s not true... does that mean putting out doesn’t get you love?

I don’t think he likes me in that way. And he makes fun of me pretty much every time he sees me.

My sister told me if a boy is mean to you, it means they like you.

See!

The thing is, I don’t even know for sure if I like him yet. My brain is telling me it’s a very bad idea.

I mean, I understand. My brain sounds alarms every time I even think about liking someone. But.. what’s wrong with this guy?

You could tell Aaron. And he would probably most definitely tell… this person.

I mean, well yes. I tell Aaron everything.

But how can I trust you?

Well, um, think of it this way! I’m kind of a loser, so I don’t really have anyone to tell. And if I did, who’d believe me? And if that still doesn’t make you feel better, we can pinky swear on it.

I don’t think it’s a good idea.

I won’t tell anyone.