Catch Me I'm Falling

Reg,

Ha! Can’t be too many of them running around London so I think we should be safe from more Americans. You’re welcome. Thanks for telling me. Who really knows. Dumbledore seems like he could be pretty vindictive. But he also does things that seem to make no sense and work against what he’s supposed to be for. I don’t know him well but given he wasn’t a Gryffidor I feel like you have a better shot at him being reasonable and not just hate you blindly. I just figure Tookers are your best shot at a quidditch match that feels like proper quidditch. Either way I think we’re going to have to pick someone to try and ask so you get a chance to play even if it’s not him.

Oh right. I didn’t think about that. I guess you are. Good taste I think you mean and I bet it would make it easier. We can just work on building up your wardrobe and apply what we learn to helping them incorporate style into theirs. I hope that means that wasn’t too much. Thanks, I really appreciate it.

Ha! Glad to know that wasn’t too bad of a task. You’ve been kind of knocking the breath out of me for a bit tonight so that feel fair. Still I’m glad that’s your reaction. You breathless because of me is always hot. Was that too much? I like that you find me endlessly distracting too. A lot. Great! Going to the beach would be great. If you’re sure that you don’t mind going back there. Would sort of defeat the purpose if we went flying someplace that would stress you out to be back at. Plus I just wouldn’t want to put you through anything like that.

Drew

Drew,

Ha! Good point. I like telling you things. It’s kind of scary but I always feel better after. Yeah. Wouldn’t surprise me if he had the bloke killed or tortured for information or something, but it also wouldn’t surprise me if he did something else. I just hope we never hear about it, whatever it is. Ha! That’s true, way better shot than with a Gryffindor. I just. I feel like it’s already a lot to hope people don’t hate me for everything I’ve done. I’m not sure I want to ask for any favors. Maybe I’ll just have to settle for flying and let you tell me about playing, for a while at least. 

Yeah, it’s kind of weird. I’m glad it sounds like you haven’t noticed, maybe it’s just because what Andie got me is such an improvement from the clothes Sirius gave me. Thanks for that. Ha! There we go, we’ll prove its possible for them to have good style too. You’re welcome. 

Ha! Not bad, just endlessly distracting like you said. Have I? Wow. I’m glad you think that because you’re really great at making me breathless. Too much? You breathless because of me is also really hot. Yeah, I think it could be nice. Honestly, I hadn’t thought about it too much...I’m not sure how I’d feel going back there. I know how I’d feel about going back into that house, which I absolutely don’t want. But flying around over the beach was the one nice part about being there. So I’m not sure. Guess it might be better to think of someplace else where we wouldn’t have to worry about it. Thanks for thinking of it, even when I didn’t. You’re amazing. 

Reg,

Sounds like a nightmare. He’s very American isn’t he? Glad American puppy blokes aren’t your type.  I think I get it. I’d be pissed if someone chose someone like that over me. Throw in all the morally superior Gryffindor hero complex bullshit and it’d be worse. Especially that person being an absolute creep who tried to play both sides. Can’t blame you for being pissed off. Or even wanting to gloat about it. And that’s not even getting into the whole unfairness of your situation. Whatever the motivation, I think it was good of you to expose him. Hope he got what was coming to him instead of just fucking off to the other side permanently. Maybe we could talk to Tommy Tooker? Even if you couldn’t go to their quidditch he could set a game up or something. He probably knows plenty of people who would be safe that also know how to play a decent match. I’ll agree to both of those, everything was easier.

If you’d like to help me with working out how to dress well on their budgets I’d love all the help I can get. This feels like a huge task truthfully. I’m glad you get it, and that I can talk to you. Really glad. Honestly, I feel more confident about telling the blokes and my grandmother because of you. Which maybe silly, the blokes were never going to react badly. Maybe weirdly but not badly. But it just feels easier because I’ve already told one of the most important people in my life. And the only person I really wanted to tell.Is that too much? You’re welcome. Just let me know if you ever decide to and we’ll do that.

I did! I can’t believe you just wrote that I’m attractive. I didn’t have to look at myself all the time so it really wasn’t a fair comparison. Endlessly. Still are. I’m so glad you like it because I like saying it. Even though it does feel a bit naughty. Wonderful! I”ll make sure it smells like me. Very much so. Good! Is this … are we…. Feels a little like we’re getting a bit dirty. I like it. I’m very glad you enjoy it too. Brilliant! I’ll see if I can’t find us a place to fly. Someplace nice and open. Secluded too. If you have any ideas of where let me know.

Drew

Drew,

It really is. He’s about as American as it gets, at least as far as I can tell. I hope I never meet anyone more American, anyways. Thanks for getting it. I guess you weren’t kidding when you said you weren’t surprised by anything I did. That you know me and still like me anyways. Not that I thought you were kidding about it. I just. I hope he got what was coming for him too. All I know is Sirius and his mates turned him over to Dumbledore, so who knows what happened to him. You think? I dunno. I mean he doesn’t seem like a jerk or anything but he probably doesn’t like me that much. But maybe. 

I’m happy to help. I’m having to learn to dress on more or a budget myself. Ted and Andie seem like they’re doing really well but it’s not exactly the same as what I’m used to. But I’m at least starting with decent taste, makes it a bit easier. I really make you feel better about telling them? Wait, one of the most important people in your life? I mean, obviously you’re one of the most important people in my life but. The only person, really? I’m glad you’re feeling more confident about telling them. I’ll be here for you no matter how it goes. 

Ha! Maybe, but I had to look at you all the time. Endlessly. Wow. That kind of knocks the breath out of me. Especially since I find you endlessly distracting. Wow. I really like that. I’ll make sure the one I have smells like me when I give it back. Someplace secluded? So we can get tousled about? Fuck. Flying somewhere secluded sounds nice. Really nice. There was a beach by the safe house I was in that was always empty enough I could take my broom out after Sirius got it for me. Never thought I’d want to go back to that house but I wouldn’t mind going to the beach.

Reg,

Exactly! You’re the one person I can trust not to go insane and think it sounds like a fun idea or something. Ha! I can see that, from what I’ve seen a puppy does seem an apt descriptor. Right, just horrible. Yeah, he was always creepy and never seemed like he should be mates with them bt I had no idea how gross h was. I’m just surprised he thought he could outsmart everyone and switch like that. I can see how that’d be a concern. Though given that Andie is a Black who married a muggleborn I feel like she probably isn’t worried about more trouble too much. If that helps any. Yeah, I can understand that, especially since you had quidditch at school. We do need to find a way to get you into a quidditch match, that’s for sure! It’s ok, I didn’t think you weren’t grateful. If I had to choose a time to go back to school before fifth year would be my choice too. I know it’s not my fault but I still wish there was more I could do to make things easier for you. Welcome. Ha! What a loser! I hope when I’m old like he is I’ll have better things to think about than something I was passed over for in school. I do too, though I don’t know him well. He does seem like a nice bloke for sure.

Truthfully some of it is money. When I first saw Benji and Berty’s houses I thought they were poor. Thankfully I did’t say anything since they aren’t exactly poor just not well off. But I still feel like they could do a better job of it even on a budget. I’m not sure how but maybe I’ll try and work that out for them. Could be an interesting project. I do. It was just a difficult subject. I’m glad I won’t lose you though. Really glad. Good, please don’t. It’s okay, as long as you know you can. There’s no pressure to do it. I dunno if this is going to sound stupid but I’d be happy to hold your hand and not peek over your shoulder while you write to me if you wanted to try it sometime. I could read a book or something. For now just know I’d also like to be holding your hand.

Yeah, always. I remember thinking how unfair it was that you were both attractive and smart. And as I’ve already said you were endlessly distracting when we’d study together. I’m glad you find it hot because I’m very much still grinning like that. It’s going to be difficult to stop after these letters. I’m glad. You have my favorite smile and knowing your smiling and wearing my sweater because it smells like me makes me feel very I like knowing youre smiling just for me and wearing my sweater because it smell like me very much. I think you’d look just as hot in my grey sweater when you’re ready for that trade. I like that you think about it. Good, I’m glad because it’s very hot. Just thinking about it is very hot. In particular when it’s from other things? Really? I’m breathless. I can’t believe you’re writing me that! I enjoy getting all tousled about from other things. As I’m sure you’re well aware. Maybe after we go flying we can do other things. Get extra tousled about.

Drew

Drew,

Ha! Yeah, only not a cute puppy, a puppy that’s a full grown bloke who was the American version of a Gryffindor. Right! I can’t believe Sirius actually wanted to hang out with that bloke more than he wanted to hang out with me. I was surprised too, when he showed up and he hadn’t just left but was actually doing the whole double-agent thing. I was actually the one who told Sirius about him. Not in so many words, but I gave him a hint. I was probably gloating a little bit, maybe. Or trying to, because I felt like I should, only I wasn’t really happy about it. It kind of pissed me off. Like, I should have been happy one of Sirius’s mates turned on him, but they’d all picked this arsehole over me and he still ended up right where I was. Which is probably not the right reasons to have been pissed off about someone turning on the good guys and being the bad guys, I guess. Maybe I should just erase all that. I hope you meant what you said about how you know me and you aren’t gonna decide you hate me. I’d love get it into a quidditch match. Fuck, I miss it. Yeah, everything was easier before fifth year. I won’t remind you it’s not your fault since you know that, I’ll just agree that I wish we both could have had it easier then. 

Oh. That makes sense. Still, I don’t think you have to have a lot of money to dress nicely. Ted and Andie aren’t rich, I don’t think. I’m not sure how much money Andie hid away before she left but I know Ted’s family wasn’t anything like ours. But they still dress well. I’ll bet you could help your mates figure it out. They just need someone with good taste to help them out. I get that. I’m glad you know you can talk to me. And thanks. That doesn’t sound stupid, it sounds nice. Maybe I’ll try it sometime. There’s a lot I’m still afraid to write down though. I hope that doesn’t eventually start to bother you. 

Wait, really? You thought that? I don’t know why you’d think it was unfair since you’re also both attractive and smart. I still can’t believe you think I’m attractive. Wow. Endlessly distracting, huh? I’d say I’m sorry for that but I kind of like it. Actually I really like it. I really like everything you say. And I really like thinking about you smiling because of what I said. It’s making me feel kind of I like your gray sweater, that sounds like a good trade. I can’t believe you just wrote that. Fuck. Something is wrong with me just reading something shouldn’t make me feel all I enjoy it too. Very much so. Getting tousled about from flying and then getting tousled about from other things sounds like a great day to me. We should definitely make that happen soon. 

Reg,

Ha! Good point! I’m glad I’ve only mentioned it to you so it’s safe. That would be a nightmare. Is he? I haven’t really talked with him a lot. Right? Just throughly awful and all of them have different styles. That’s what it looked like. I couldn’t prove anything but it was gross. He was under a set of stairs, one of those you could see the people walking on under it. A group of girls had just gone down it and there were a few that were heading up when I caught him. He claimed he’d dropped his lucky pin and was looking for it. Except if that was the case he’d be looking down surely. As secure as we can get is probably the best we can hope for. Yeah, if something happened too her because of me I’d feel so guilty. I’m sure it isn’t. Sort of surprised you miss it though, except maybe not because there was quidditch and I know I liked most of the classes. I just know how hard you had it outside of those. At least it’s brought us together again. But I do wish something I was doing was’t making it worse for you. As am I! You are very justified in being here. Ha! That seems right for both of them. Oh that’s brilliant, imagine holding a grudge over a head boy badge. He has a presence about him that would make one listen, I feel. Has he? I’m very glad to hear that! I’d hate for you to feel too friendless there.

She likes you too. Thanks, me too. Ha! I suppose I do have friends with bad taste, though I have honestly tried to correct that. Every birthday and Christmas I always gift them something nice to try and nudge them closer to better taste. Expose them to it in the hopes that it’ll stick. I’m very glad you like them. You didn’t do anything. It’s just complicated and made even more so because it wasn’t just me telling you that I wasn’t interested in birds or that I was interested in blokes. Instead it was me telling you I fancied you. I just did’t want to lose you again even if you did’t feel the same. I’m glad you like that I’m being open with you. I do promise that I will talk to you if anything ever changes. I would never not talk to you. Honestly I still can’t get over where we are so I’m very happy with it. If you ever have any doubts or worries please know you can share them with me. I want us to be able to talk about everything. Even if the talking is actually writing because sometimes that’s easier.

Good, because I do. I’ve always thought that even before I realized what thinking you were hot meant. I’m going to disagree with you on who’s hot but also I’m sitting here grinning like a madman reading how you think I’m hot. In case you were wondering. I can’t believe we’re telling each other all of this! It’s always for you. I’m glad I’ve made you smile. It’s hot that you’re wearing my sweater right now. Really hot. I’m definitely having some thoughts I should’t put to paper about that. I like that you like that my sweater smells like me, I like it when things smell like you. Do you really think about that? Is it weird to find that hot? I’m not sure if it is or not but I really do. We should go flying again soon. I love seeing you on a broom. I always felt a little embarrassed about how hot I found you when you get sweaty, flushed, and just generally tousled about. In contrast it felt obvious to find you hot when you’re all put together. Though now that I’ve seen you all tousled about for other reasons than flying and how hot that is I’m sort of understanding why I liked you on a broom so much. I really hope that’s not too much.

Drew

Drew,

Ha! Yes, you know I won’t tell a soul. Yeah, I don’t know, he’s just so enthusiastic. Sort of like a puppy or something. Bloody hell, that’s disgusting. I always figured he was a creep but still. At least Sirius’s other idiots probably wouldn’t pull shit like that. Figures someone like that would decide the Death Eater crowd was a better fit. Probably. Yeah, I get what you mean. I’m always worried I’m going to end up getting Andie and Ted in trouble. Ha! Yeah, I guess that’s a good point, school wasn’t all that great. But even as bad as it was being around my housemates all the time, it was always better than being at home. I guess things are sort of better now, except I still can’t really go most places and I also can’t play quidditch. Not that I’m not grateful for where I am. Just things felt easier back at school, at least back before fifth year. I guess that’s sort of the time I think of when I think about wanting to go back. I’m glad it brought us back together too. And that’s not really your fault. I know you think I am. Thanks. Ha! Yeah he never let it go. And he does, right? Hard to describe but I like him. Yeah, he’s a nice bloke. 

I’m glad. Ha! You’re doing a great service for your mates and they’re just completely ignoring it, how rude of them. I suppose all you can do is keep trying and hope eventually they’ll realize they should follow your lead there. But I do like them, in spite of their terrible style and the fact they won’t take your style guidance. Are you sure I didn’t do anything? I feel like I must have done something. But I guess I’d be nervous to tell you all that too, even if I didn’t think you’d react horribly. I can see where you’re coming from, I think. And I hope you know now you can talk to me about anything, and you’re not gonna lose me. I’m happy with where we are too. I’m not sure what exactly we’d call it or rather what you’d call it but I’m happy with it and I’m especially happy with the fact we’re not calling it anything. I do like you being open. I wish I could be As long as I know you’ll talk to me I guess I can try not to worry too much. And I know I can share anything with you. I promise I will, when I can. It’s just hard sometimes. Not because of you. Because of me. Writing does help. Except I wish I could write to you and also hold your hand at the same time. 

Wow. Always?? Always? It’s hot to think about you grinning like that because I said you’re hot. Which you are. Always for me? Fuck, why do I feel all I like that it’s always for me. You make me smile a lot. But especially right now.  I’m smiling just for you and wearing your sweater and loving that it smells like you. And I like that you like when things smell like me. I’d offer to give you one of my sweaters but it probably won’t fit since you’re so buff and it’s fucking hot. Maybe once this one stops smelling like you and starts smelling like me I can trade you for a different one of yours. Yeah, I do think about that. And I sure don’t mind that you think it’s hot, so I don’t think it’s weird. I’m starting to feel sort of hot right now. We should absolutely go flying again soon. I can’t believe you think that’s hot. I can’t believe you think about me all tousled about for other reasons. I think you’re also hot when you’re all tousled about. From flying and otherwise. Maybe in particular when it’s from other things. 

Reg,

Glad you’re out of that for a lot of reasons. And that Dumbledore also doesn’t believe in branding. Though with how many Gryffindors we have I’m a little surprised peer pressured phoenix tattoos aren’t a thing. Almost yeah. I can’t imagine how terrible that would be. I’d find it hard to accept someone new too. But he’s a nice bloke. Terrible dresser. Fits right in with that group there. Yeah, there was always something creepy about him while the others were just I dunno freaks like you said. I’m pretty sure I caught him spying on some birds last year, he claimed otherwise but it looked like he’d been watching them. I feel like if there was a way around it someone like Moody would know. Seems like his sort of thing. More real is it exactly! It wasn’t hard to know things were going to be dangerous but having spells up on the house so grandmother would be protected was a shocker. Never thought I’d be spending the majority of my last year in school doing this. Ha! I do. Right it’s a relief. Because while I think we could pull it off, red and gold together feels so ostentatious. I’m glad you don’t want to, I feel like you’ve been made to do things like that enough. Nothing wrong with sitting in the library, and you’re not alone. There’s others who aren’t fighting. You’re welcome. That would have sucked. Ha! Was Lucius Malfoy ever in consideration? That feels like a delusion on her part. Malfoy gold can’t buy everything, thankfully. Have you talked to him any since you started coming to headquarters?

Yeah, she’s really cool. Thanks. I agree, I feel lucky to have her. Family is complicated that’s for sure. I’m closer to you too. Glad we’re part of each other’s lives again. I really appreciate you saying that. I feel like of anyone you’d tell me the truth about that. You might be right, they sort of have low standards with a lot of things regarding personal style. I’ve tried helping them pick out clothes but it’s a work in progress still. I don’t think it was a matter of you doing anything that made it harder just me worried about losing our friendship. Because I’d only just gotten you back in my life, I did’t want to do or say anything that would drive you away. You’re not holding me back any. I’m still trying to work out who I am, so not sure at all of it. And I don’t want me working out who I am to make you feel like you have to be at the same point. Which is why I mentioned it. I don’t want to accidentally pressure you anymore than I’d want to pressure you o purpose. So that’s the only reason I mentioned it, to make sure you knew just because I was thinking of talking to more people none of the other stuff had changed. I want to be open with you, I don’t want you to have to wonder about anything with us. Sorry if it did the opposite and instead of reassuring you put pressure on you.

Truthfully, I think it’s rad too. Especially because they’re such cool Puddlemere players.

You’re a hot bloke. Can I write that? Wait really, just standing? Wow. Thanks. Is it okay to admit that the smile is just for you? I like when I catch your eye and you seem to get what I’m thinking without me having to make any extra reaction to what’s happening. I think you look really hot wearing my sweater. Your smile is really hot too. Especially that grin of yours when you look over your shoulder at me when we’re going up to not study in your room. I can’t believe we’re really writing this to each other wow.

Drew

Drew,

Me too. Ha! Don’t you dare let one of them hear you say that or next thing you know they’ll be pressuring everyone into it. Yeah, I would too. I guess he’s nice enough. He’s a bit much, though. Definitely fits in with their awful fashion sense, it’s almost impressive how each of them finds such different ways to dress horribly. Ew, you caught him spying on girls? Creep is right, fucking hell. Moody would probably know, I’d hope. It’s probably as secure as we can get anyways. Yeah. I don’t think I’d have thought about that if I was you either. I mean it’s good they put the spells up but it’s scary she needs them. Yeah, this isn’t how I thought my last year of school would go either. I miss it there. The fact this is what you’re doing now makes it even worse. Ha! We could pull it off but I’m glad we don’t have to. I guess so. I just sometimes feel like I’m not helping enough to justify being here. But thanks. Ha! I doubt it, but he and my cousin seem to think he was. They never got over it either, it was hilarious. Especially since people at school actually listened to Kiran. He’s actually stopped by and said hi to me a few times. Said he was glad to see another Slytherin at headquarters. He’s a good bloke. 

She is! I’m glad you have each other. Even more glad we’re in each other’s lives again too. I would definitely tell you the truth about that. I think it just comes down to their bad taste and nothing to do with you, except that you have friends with bad taste. I like them though, despite that. Oh. I don’t know...I feel like whatever I did to make you feel like telling me would drive me away sure made things harder for you. Sorry for that. You’re not putting pressure on me. I like you being open with me. I’m just worried I’m not going to be enough for you. Or I’m not going to get where you are and you’ll want someone who can get there. I guess as long as you promise to tell me if you’re ever not okay with where we are, with where we left things, I’ll try not to worry too much. 

I am? Really? I Thanks. I like that you think that. I really like that you think that. Except I’m not, you’re the one who’s hot. Yes, even just standing. I mean, or sitting. The point is you don’t have to do anything and you’re still hot. Is that too much? It seems like you liked the other stuff so. That smile is really for me? Wow. That’s really nice. Definitely okay to admit that, you can’t see me but I’m smiling really wide right now. I like that too, when we catch each other’s eyes and don’t have to say anything. I like wearing your sweater, mostly because it smells like you. I’m wearing it right now. Fuck is it weird that it’s hot hearing you say what you think I do that’s hot? It’s hot. You’re hot. I can’t believe you notice all that. And that you think I’m hot. That grin is for you, but you must already know that. That grin you give me back is really hot. And when you’re flying in a t-shirt and it gets sweaty and sticks to your muscles. Fuck that’s hot. And your face is a little flushed from the wind and you look over at me and smile. I think about that a lot. 

Reg,

That makes sense given how secretive it seems to be from your description. I’d trust your opinion over any others about it at any rate. It really is fucked. I don’t know how a group can function with that level of distrust. Though I guess the truth potion does make us seem nearly as distrusting. Really??? I’d forgotten Sirius had another mate. Maybe because that American is always around them now. That had to be a blow for them especially. A traitor is terrible but having one of my mates be it, sounds rough. You’re right about creepy though, there was something about him that always creeped me out. I haven’t heard of any way around the truth potion either so I hope that means we’re good. Yeah they did! It was really nice. Truthfully though it made me start to get a little nervous. It was before I really knew what was going on. Oh man, how did I miss that, of course it’d be phoenix masks. But yep red and gold phoenix masks. Could have also had us in red cloaks. I guess we got lucky in some ways. Yeah they are nice once you get to know them a little better. I do think. But I get it. Maybe if you were fighting it’d be easier. Still what you’re doing feels important. It makes sense you weren’t thinking clearly and just desperate to get it off. From the sound of it you’d been through a lot. Glad it all worked out in your favor. That was him? I hadn’t realized. Not that I had any run ins in second year. I just remember the whole thing about a Slytherin head boy.

Sometimes. She once told me at her age it gets tiring having an opinion on everything so she likes to pick and choose what she bothers with. Thanks. She’s been sick for so long that it feels like it’s always been in the back of my mind. I remember being terrified first year that she’d die while I was at school. But here we are, she’s still here. I know I’ve got my parents but she’s the one who feels like my whole family. Well, her and you. That’s a good point about not living there. If the absolute worst happens at least I won’t have to worry about where I’m going to live. Wouldn’t it? Thanks for that because I was worried that I’d somehow given off the impression that I’d ever want to be around a person like that. Couldn’t figure out what I needed to correct about myself so no other terribly awful conclusions like that happened again. Thanks, that really means a lot. You’re the one I wanted to tell the most.The one I was most worried about telling. Ha! Yes we have, and that won’t be happening. I’m glad to hear it though. Me deciding to tell people doesn’t mean you have to make any declarations about yourself. What I mean is that everything we said before when I first came out, still stands. I don’t want you to feel like I might expect more now.

I don’t mind at all. I hope I’m right about them. You don’t sound like a loser at all. I get how you feel. At least a little bit. It’s sort of how I felt talking to them about trying out back in school. Now they’re professional players, even more intimidating.

Wow ok you want me to tell you? For real? Like the face you get when you’re reading something really interesting. Is that creepy? Fuck I hope not! I don’t usually go in for the look but when we’re up on the brooms and your hair is all messy, your clothes are a little in disarray, and your smiling and breathing hard, your eyes lit up because you’re so happy, that’s pretty hot too.Feels weird to be telling you stuff I’ve found hot about you for so long. It was weird to see them together. Really weird is right, I was not expecting to see them of all people. But it really did look like when you’d catch someone coming out of a closet together back at school, I’m sure you remember that from being a prefect. Never thought I’d be catching Dorcas like that let alone with the willow bloke. Ha! They seem to right. Some of us do at least. Agreed! Yeah, I think it’ll be really nice.

Drew

Drew,

The trick to getting a group that distrustful to work together is to brand them like cattle and make them more afraid of betraying you than. Apparently. Doesn’t work every time though. Yeah. It’s almost like the American replaced the other bloke, only it’s only Lupin who’s really into him. Don’t think James and Sirius are as excited about him. But I can’t really blame them after the last bloke in their group turned traitor. It’s gotta be brutal. Right, he was always more of a freak than the other two. Hopefully the truth potions works, I’ve never heard of a way around it either. Oh. Yeah, I can see how it would make you more nervous. Make everything more real, sort of. Especially since you were coming from school. Ha! Glad you agree on what he’d make the uniforms be. Thank Merlin he didn’t go that direction, might be the only thing he’s got completely right. Yeah. I mean I don’t want to fight, but all of you who do are going through something different than me. I just sit in the library. I hope it ends up helping. Yeah. Thanks for not thinking I was just an idiot. I’m glad it worked out too. Don’t know what I’d have done if my arm just stopped working. Yeah, that was him! Only Slytherin Head Boy we ever had while I was at school. And I remember my cousin Narcissa being pissed because he beat out Lucius Malfoy for Prefect. That was cool.

Ha! I like that attitude. It sucks you had to be scared for that long. I get it, though. You’re lucky to have her. I’m really glad she’s doing so much better now. Family is complicated. I’m glad you think of me as part of yours. You feel like family to me too. Except for the things we do that are not family things but I don’t mean it like that. I mean I feel closer to you than anyone in my family. No, you never gave off that impression at all. I think the blokes just have low standards about girls, maybe, couldn’t tell she obviously would not be a good choice for you. Really, you wanted to tell me the most? Is it because of what we I’m glad. I hope I didn’t make it harder for you to tell me. I probably did. I probably did. Sorry for that. Ha! Good. Oh. Fuck why do we have to talk about me? I don’t know what I want. I don’t want to think about what I want. I’m scared of what I want. Thanks for saying that. Are you sure, though? I mean, I trust you saying you don’t expect anything more. But are you sure you don’t want more than that? You’re so sure of who you are. I can’t do that yet. I’m worried I’m holding you back. And I don’t know how to be different. 

I hope you are too. Thanks for understanding. I still think it’s rad you’re basically mates with two Puddlemere players. 

You think I’m hot when I read? And when I fly? I like that the things you think are hot are things I just do. I mean I think you’re hot when you’re just standing. Or doing pretty much anything. Is that weird to admit to. But whenever we’re around other people and you catch my eye and you smile, like it’s just for me, that’s extra hot. And that look you get when you’re concentrating, I like that too. 

Reg,

Yeah, it is. Is he? I’d heard he was but I wasn’t certain if it was true or just someone assuming as some do. It is a shame, agreed. Though I do admit this is just the sort of reckless behavior I’d expect a Gryffindor to be in charge of. Let’s hope noble gets us to a good end to all of this. Interesting. Maybe that’s why despite catching some they don’t have names for most. It was always hard to believe that many people were just that loyal or more scared of him than Azkaban. Apparently there was a traitor and that’s the reason behind the truth potion. I haven’t heard anyone talking about this traitor so I don’t know if it was told to me to justify the potion or if it’s true. Sort of scary to think about, that someone could be faking it. Guess that’s not something to worry about now. Not just that, some of the older members even offer to put charms on your flat or your family’s houses.  Doc offered but Freddie and Sturgis already had. It is funny to think about in a twisted way, I’m glad you think so too. With our luck Dumbledore would have us in Griffin masks or something. They’re very intimidating, well Doc more than Tilden, at least individually, together very much so. But they’ve been nice enough. I bet they wouldn’t be like that. Though they’ve both a lot quieter now. Really? Another reason to like Healer Simon. Sounds like him too. I’m really glad that your arm still works. I don’t know how much older Kiran is than us, did you know him in school at all? Ha! He really did, so he says. Checks out from what I remember too. I dunno, I’ve always been a bit jealous of him because he does seem to have an odd edginess about him. He’ll be thrilled to talk about it. I think he misses the betting ring but thankfully not enough to try Knockturn out again.

Yep, that’s all she said and then she passed the paper to me and that was it. Just went on like normal. I think it’s a good sign but it was bloody confusing. Glad she wasn’t bothered but I just was’t sure still about telling her. I think I’d like to before she….well before she dies. Not that I think she’s close it’s just I think I’d regret it if I waited too long. But now that she’s switched over to Healer Simon’s care she’s doing much better. If nothing else maybe telling the blokes would get them to stop messing with me about that weird neighbor. You really think I’m brave? That means a lot, thank you. I’m glad I got to tell you first. Thanks for being cool with it. And for not wanting to stop snogging me.

Yeah, I can see that. I really do feel like they would. Yes, I can figure that out for you. If I can’t I could always just come right out and ask them. That way you’d certainly know for sure. But I can try to figure it out without being direct first if you’d prefer.

Ha! Good I’m glad. Well, there’s a lot you do that I find hot so you don’t have to try even if it wasn’t context-specific. They are right? She always seems so bubbly, for lack of a better description, while he’s very intimidating. I know right!!!! I can’t say for certain that Dorcas was kissing the whomping willow bloke but they sure looked like they’d been kissing. Guess she doesn’t. But then again she’s very close to Penny who is married to a McKinnon. Maybe Ravenclaw birds like Gryffindors? I sure will! Agreed, I don’t want to be the gossip. But I do want to kiss you in a library, even if it’s just a room that’s full of books instead of a proper one. I still can’t believe you still want to kiss me there.

Drew

Drew,

He’s just said some stuff that clued me in. Mentioned a few things about the castle that you can only see in the dungeons, some stuff from the Slytherin common room. I’m positive he was Slytherin. You’re right, it’s very “noble Gryffindor” sort of recklessness. Let’s hope. I’m sure that’s why. The ones I do know I wouldn’t have trusted not to rat out anyone else to save their own skin. But it’s fucked, right? Maybe the same amount of fucked as the truth potion thing, I dunno. The traitor thing is true, though. It was one of Sirius’s idiot friends, actually. Peter Pettigrew. Always knew he was a creepy little rat. Just hope he was the only one, not sure there’s a way to get around truth potion though. At least I hope not. Wow, they really did that? That’s nice of them. Smart too. Ha! He would have us in phoenix masks, obviously. Red and gold phoenix masks. Yeah, they are. Glad to know they’re nice, at least. You think? I dunno, doesn’t really seem worth the risk. I don’t really feel like I fit with everyone else there, you know? I’m not fighting and I’ve been on the wrong side. Yeah. I feel stupid now that I ever thought I could do it myself, but I guess I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly. I’d been stuck in that safe house for so long and seeing the mark on my arm all the time was just driving me crazy. But yeah, Simon is a good bloke. Kiran’s a lot older than us. I remember him because he was Head Boy, maybe our second year? 

Huh. I mean, that’s got to be a good sign right? Does she normally have more of an opinion on things? I don’t blame you for still not being sure though. But shit. I get what you’re saying but I’m sorry it’s something you’re having to think about. I’m glad she’s doing a lot better but you’re probably right. You don’t want to have any regrets about not sharing with her, not if it’s something you want to share. And you don’t live with her anymore so maybe it’ll be less awkward to have that conversation. Be nice if the blokes stop messing with you about her. I can’t believe they think that’s what your type would be even if you did like girls. I do think you’re brave. Braver than me. It means a lot that you told me. That you felt like you could tell me even though I’m not ready to Of course I’m cool with it. I don’t think there’s anything you could do that I wouldn’t be cool with. Except wear a clip-on tie, obviously, but we’ve covered that already. 

That’d be nice. If you wouldn’t mind. But don’t ask them directly, I feel like if you can’t figure it out and we have to find out directly I should probably ask, I don’t want them thinking I’m too scared to ask. Even though I am. I just don’t want them thinking that though. That must make me sound like a loser. 

Oh. I. A lot? Really? Like what? Is there? Like what? Yeah, exactly, weird to picture those two together. Dorcas and the willow bloke is weird though. Like really weird. I’m sure you read the situation right, but what the hell? That’s a good point, maybe Ravenclaw girls just don’t have any standards. I mean the McKinnon is better than whomping willow bloke, but still! I’m glad Ravenclaw blokes have better taste. Right, much more fun doing the gossiping. Kissing you in a room full of books would be nice, even if it’s not an actual full library. 

Reg,

I was engaging in some black and white thinking and didn’t think about other factors. But you’re right, them committed to not dying or getting sent to prison makes sense. It would seem whoever this bloke is leading them was clearly either a Ravenclaw or a Slytherin. Not saying Hufflepuffs couldn’t hold prejudices but it feels as though those are the two houses that would take consequences of losing or consequences pre-winning into consideration. Meanwhile we’re led by a Gryffindor who thinks it’s noble to be unmasked because we’re standing up for something. Yet we’re also supposed to hide it for fear, I assume, of prison because dying is sort of already on the table. They wore the mask a lot then? What a mess. Though Moody did make us drink truth serum before grilling us about our alliances and beliefs. Not a lot of trust here either. I’m not sure if it’s the late hour but I also just had the thought of all of us running around in masks and how hard that would make keeping track of who was on what side. Almost comical. I haven’t actually talked to him much, but I think I’d like to. Mostly it’s Ravenclaws that were older than me. Healer Lucy’s nice but I rather like Healer Simon. I dunno if you’ve met Connor, he seems nice. Also Kiran. Now he knows how to dress as well. I enjoy talking to him. It does right? I feel like Andie and Ted’s place is a lot like that. It was the math, believe it or not. He liked doing the maths and then he started the betting pool on a whim. Breaking the rules was sort of a rush he said and he just got caught up in it. He still does the odds for things, there’s apparently a column in the Prophet that he compares what he comes up with to. Most of the time they’re the same but he gets a kick out of it when they’re wrong and he’s right. He even went to Knockturn before because he and Bert’s criminal know each other. But apparently it was just a few times before he got scared off. Thankfully. Makes me glad I get my rush from quidditch. And now I’ve got kissing you. Much safer. I think it’s probably a gradual slowing down so you don’t realize it so maybe it’s not depressing. I guess we’ll find out. Hopefully. You’d have made it but I agree that would probably have put me off trying. At least made me more nervous about it. Thanks. I don’t think it’s something we have to worry about but saying something might be good. All she said was that quidditch sure was more interesting these days then in her day. I’m not exactly sure what she meant by that. Truthfully one of the main reasons I never said anything was because of you. I was worried how you’d react if I told you. And then I was worried people might try and set me up or make me meet blokes when you’re the only one I wanted. Or they’d think it was lame of me to be hung up on you. Now that most of those aren’t a problem anymore…. I wish there was someone I could ask if liking one bloke made me gay. Except well… Now that I’ve already talked to you I think it might be time to talk to the others. Might be time to tell them I’m— Yeah, I think it is too It’s great that he’s still getting to do all of that. He makes it look appealing. What I mean is that maybe it’s time I tell them I’m gay. I’m gay. Deep breath this is fine.

Yeah, I can see how that can be confusing. We don’t bring up a lot in mine either but it’s less can’t and more we just don’t spend a lot of time talking in general. But I do think most of them would speak up if it bothered them or they felt like they were owed an apology. If there’s anyone in particular you’re worried about I can maybe help you figure out if they seem to be holding a grudge. Sounds very weird yep.

I hope you pictured me groaning at your accidental pun. Ha! There’s an idea. But yeah, it would have been gone. That or she’d have just fixed it and gotten annoyed. Even if she did’t know it was one of us she’d have taken it out on everyone. Yeah? I’m glad, because it is hot. And I was nervous to tell you that. Yes!!!! Right? They are. I wouldn’t have expected it but they were definitely kissing. Well the McKinnons, the ones that are married, which I guess makes sense. But also another surprising pair, I didn’t see them kissing but they did look like they’d been caught doing something, Dorcas and that bloke Davey. There’s a few whose names I don’t know, I can point them out if you want. I wouldn’t say there’s a lot of kissing but there does seem to be some. Also a lot just looking like they want to kiss. I’ve seen a few birds starring at both Healer Simon and that foreign bloke like they wanted to. But I dunno if they’ve actually done it. Sounds good to me. I’m glad you’re not having second thoughts about kissing.

Drew

Drew,

You’re gay. You think you’re gay. I mean if you think you’re gay that means you’re gay but I guess it also means you’ve decided that just fancying one bloke and not fancying any birds is enough to make you gay. Unless you’ve started fancying another bloke. Fuck!

It’s easy to do that. He’s definitely a Slytherin, I don’t know much but I do know that. Shame we got stuck with a Gryffindor in charge. Noble only gets you so far. It makes me even more scared for you. Yeah, we wore the masks all the time. Any time he spoke to us, or a group of us gathered. Some people I could tell who they were, like my cousin and her husband, and of course I know which one was Mulciber. Others we figured out pretty easily. But there were a lot I couldn’t be sure of. Made everyone even more paranoid. Moody made me drink truth potion, but it made sense when it was me. I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised he’s made everyone do it, though. Never know. But I did think everyone would trust each other more here than the Death Eaters did. I guess you still do, seeing each others’ faces and all. Ha! That’s a good point, we’d have to color code our masks or something. Funny to think about, in a twisted sort of way I guess. Most of the Ravenclaws seem nice enough, not sure about Doc and that mate of his though. But Sturgis and Freddie are so cool. I’m too afraid to talk to them though. It’d be too awful to have two players from my favorite team tell me they want nothing to do with me. I like Healer Simon. Not sure if I told you this, but he’s probably the reason I survived cutting the mark off my arm. He basically forced his way over once he found out what Sirius and I were trying to do. I was pissed, but if he didn’t save my life he’s at least the reason my arm still works. And he doesn’t look at me weird or give me any pity or anything. Haven’t met Connor I don’t think but if you like him he must be cool. Kiran seems rad too. Did Benjy really fall into gambling because of the maths? How is that nerdy and edgy at the same time? I’ll have to ask him about the quidditch numbers sometime, that sounds fun. Glad he didn’t get sucked into that Knockturn shit. 

What the fuck do I say now? I’m not gay. That’s rude this isn’t even about me. Except I’m the bloke you’re snogging so if you tell your mates it’s gonna be a little bit about me. Fuck. That’s all your grandmother said? It’s not outright bad, at least. Sounds like she didn’t seem bothered. Maybe that’s a good sign. Might be easier to tell the blokes first. Cene Tooker makes it look appealing, really? To be gay? You know people are still saying all kinds of awful shit about him right. I think you’re brave. For wanting to tell your mates. And maybe your grandmother. You should do what feels right for you. Thanks for telling me first. And trusting me with it. And not asking me to label myself too. Even though if you’re gay for not liking girls and liking me then I’m fuck I’m gonna throw up.

It’s hard to figure out. I guess it is comforting to know most would just tell me if they had a problem. Wouldn’t mind knowing if Freddie or Sturgis hate me, if you could figure that out. 

Ha! I did picture you groaning, and it made me glad I made the pun. Yeah. Nice hearing you say it again. I’d say I’ll try to do it more often but this feels very context-specific so I’ll just be glad you thought what I said was hot. Too glad. That’s insane, what a weird couple. Not as weird as the Dorcas and Davey, are you kidding me? Dorcas kissed the whomping willow bloke? I would have thought she had standards. You’ve got to point the others out to me, I want to know. Not surprised people were staring at those two. I mean because it seems like birds are into them not because I think they’re good looking or anything. That’s obvious thought what am I even doing fuck never mind. If everyone else is kissing at Headquarters we might as well, as long as we’re smarter about it so it’s not people gossiping about us. 

Reg,

Shit! I didn’t mean to write half that. But I guess it’s not so bad because you’re writing me back. It’s fine.

It is right? I guess I get the point of it, after all it’s rather cowardly of them to wear masks if they’re really so committed to their cause. Or whatever. But on the other hand we don’t know for certain who is or who isn’t. Only know the arseholes who might be in but could just be arseholes. Still, if they’re wearing masks and we’re also supposed to be secretive why aren’t we? Feels like it would be more noble to actually make a public stand instead of only making one to the Death Eaters. But I dunno. I don’t. Yeah, some of them are bat shit crazy, not who I want to hang out with. Though I will admit I have met some who have been interesting that I wouldn’t have talked to otherwise probably. I can’t believe I literally wrote that to you. Yeah? I’m glad we feel the same. Agreed! I’m glad. This is going to sound like an insult but I don’t mean it negatively at all. Benjy’s parents are exactly what I picture when I think of average. Their house. Just how they are. Everything. Feels very much like what is probably average. Normal. Nothing special. But not in a bad way. They’re both very nice and Benjy seems to have the sort of upbringing you’d see described as normal. Obviously I don’t have first hand knowledge of normal or average but that’s the feeling I always get from them. Ha! Slow old person flying would probably be amazing when you’re an old person. Feel like you’re really flying or something. Thanks! Maybe you could watch somehow? No that feels mean to ask. Exactly! I doubt any of the ones playing haven’t been on the Hufflepuff team at some point. They usually make up half the team or so. Yeah, I can fully understand why he didn’t say anything about his dating life. Me either, but apparently they’re supposed to tell each other before they end up on magazines. Figuring out beforehand probably would help. Thanks for offering to let me practice on you. I had thought maybe I could just say I wasn’t interested in birds because I feel pretty certain that isn’t something I’m going to be interested in. But I feel like the blokes would’t leave it at that. Maybe Grandmother would. I also was hesitant about saying anything because I didn’t want Benjy to think I wanted to go out looking for blokes with him because I didn’t. Don’t. That part is probably obvious. That doesn’t seem like it would be an issue now with Benjy though. I dunno. I’m worried they might catch us and I feel like I should say something before they do. It just might be a good idea to say something after what happened with Andie. But I wouldn’t without telling you what I wanted to say. And I don’t think the same thing would happen that happened with Andie just a thought. Fuck I hope you don’t stop wanting to kiss me. I can see how it would be surprising. But you were cool with it right? Because you clearly don’t mind kissing me. It was really brave, I agree. Very bold.

I’m glad. Though I hand’t planned on actually telling you that. That does seem like a tough spot. Maybe if any of them feel any way about it they’d bring it up to you? Most of them don’t seem like they have issues speaking out. She knew and was being nice before you apologized? Huh. That was nice of her. I’m really glad they’re on the same side as us cause deranged feels accurate. He clearly likes having things be weird. Not worth the nightmares that might give.

Yeah, those were the books I was especially thinking about. Did you? I’m glad. Ha! I did  too. I thought about trying to make it so no one would sit there but I wasn’t sure how so I’d just get annoyed. It’s kind of hot actually, that you like it. That feels weird to leave in but probably not worse than any of the other stuff. Oh shit! I didn’t even think of Moody. Or his eye. I feel like they have to be exaggerated because I know people kiss. I’m practically hundred percent sure that Doc was snogging Healer Lucy. I didn’t see them but it sure looked like that’s what they’d been up to. There’s been some others that looked it too. But I’m fine with being cautious and not doing anything when he’s near the building.

Drew

Drew,

The thing is they’re also committed to not dying or getting sent to prison for the cause. I’m not saying its good they do that, I’m just saying if that’s what they’re doing already it seems like it’d be less bad for the Order to do it too. Put them on even footing. Though the having to wear masks around each other too was fucked. Shows how little trust there is. That’s cool you’ve met some you actually like. Which ones are they? The foreign bloke? Yeah, I am too. Ha! I dunno, average sounds pretty nice to me. At least how you’re describing it. Wonder how Benjy got into all the gambling stuff coming from a normal family like that. Though it’s not like the bloke has a gambling problem or anything, still a surprising hobby though. Ha! I guess you’re right, it would feel fast as an old person. Sort of depressing to think about, but I guess hopefully by that point I’ll have all the fast flying out of my system. If I even survive that long. Yeah, that was another reason I wouldn’t want to be in Hufflepuff, imagine having to compete against all the Tookers for a spot on the team. Of course, happy to let you practice on me. I also really need to know what you’re planning to say. Okay wait so if you’re not just gonna tell them you don’t want to date birds what are you gonna tell them? Are you gonna tell them about us? Or that you’re gay? Are you gay? It sounds like you’re saying you’re gay. Maybe you shouldn’t talk to them about it. But shit you’re right about us maybe getting caught. Maybe we should just not do anything at your place. But then we could only do things at my place and mostly when Ted and Andie are both out. Fuck. When you say you don’t think the same thing will happen as with Andie do you mean they won’t think you’re gay and in denial about or they won’t give you pamphlets. Or are you going to tell them you’re gay. Then they’re definitely going to think I’m gay. Which Andie and Ted already do. Do you think I’m gay. You have a good point, wouldn’t want them catching us like Andie did. Plus they’re your mates. If you want to tell them about us that you’re gay anything, you should tell them. And your grandmother too. Did she say anything about Cene Tooker? Maybe you can bring that up to her to get an idea of how she’d react if you’re worried about that. Yeah, it was bold. I’m still not sure how I feel about it. Looking at them kissing in the middle of Diagon Alley like that scare me. But I think it’s really cool, and surprising, that Cene is still playing for Puddlemere and didn’t get kicked off the national team either. 

Maybe you’re right. Seems like the sort of thing I shouldn’t bring up, but in my family and in Slytherin just about everything is the sort of thing you shouldn’t bring up, so sometimes I’m not sure. But you’re right, a lot of them would probably say something. Yeah, she was, like I said it was weird. Ha! Yeah it is better being on the same side as them I guess. 

I figured we’d be on the same page with that. No pun intended. Yeah, of course. Ha! That’s funny, one of us should have transfigured the chairs or something. Only then our spot would be gone and that would have been sad too. Wait it’s hot? Really? You just called me hot? I mean I know everything we’ve been doing and you fancying me would suggest you think I”m hot but I really like that you think it’s hot. Really, people are kissing there? Doc and Healer Lucy?? Really??? What a weird couple. Who else? Maybe we should avoid people being able to gossip about us, but kissing you there still sounds really hot. Yeah I think just making sure Moody is gone is a good plan.

Reg

There were just some things that felt illogical. For example, we’re not allowed to talk about it with anyone yet we also do nothing to protect our identities. That would only make sense if we were doing things that didn’t expose who we were, which the majority of us aren’t. There’s more but that one was one of the first. No it doesn’t sound awful. I agree, mostly about the how they do things, but I doubt I’d talk to a lot of people if it weren’t for being aligned ideologically. Is it weird that knowing you think that makes me feel warm? Probably is. I’m very glad that we’re on the same side. For lots of reasons obviously including that you’re hopefully safer now. And I’m glad that you think siding with me is the right place for you. I’m glad I can make up for the deficiencies. Truthfully it feels more normal than most places. Maybe on the same level as Benjy’s parents’ house. Oh I like the sound of that! Couldn’t you do both? Read all the books in your great big library house and fly about, probably slower but it would be an aerial version of those little old people you sometimes see taking walks in the public gardens. I wish it was both of us. From what I hear the Tookers would be more like a real match. There’s a reason Hufflepuff is almost always the team to beat. Yeah, isn’t that wild? Bertie was pissed because he didn’t even know his cousin was gay let alone dating a quidditch player. Guess that was a stupid question. Especially given they were on nearly everything. I was pretty surprised. Obviously thanks to Benjy I knew blokes being interested in other blokes was more normal than you might think. But I hadn’t expected a public figure to be so public with it. Made me start thinking that I should maybe say something to Grandmother, maybe the blokes too. Especially in light of how Bertie was. Only I wasn’t sure what to say so I didn’t. Might need to get on that. How about you, what did you think?

Yeah, I guess it’s not really surprising. I dunno, I think you’ve done a lot to prove which side of things you’re on. But I might be letting feelings blind my perceptions here admittedly. It must be awkward seeing those you’ve hexed. Was she? I wouldn’t have expected that from any of the McKinnons. They’re a little scary actually. I feel like anyone having a thing with Sirius would automatically be a weird thing. Best not to know details. Me too!

Yes! Some flying and maybe actually looking at books while we’re in there kissing. It did feel like our spot. I could never bring myself to sit there after. Yeah, I did. No, I like that you like it. Thankfully I always proofread my essays so I caught it. After that I was even more diligent about checking y work. Definitely want to make sure they’re not around then. While kissing someplace that public sounds thrilling, actually getting caught doesn’t truthfully. We wouldn’t be the first to kiss in headquarters, I’m almost positive, but I’d rather not get caught. It might even be as embarrassing as Andie catching us.

Drew

Drew,

I always thought it was nuts you can’t talk about it but don’t hide who you are. Not that I’m defending the mask wearing, but all of the Death Eaters know who’s in the Order and the Order doesn’t know the Death Eaters. Dumbledore can call it noble or whatever but it doesn’t make sense. Glad you don’t think it sounds awful. Exactly, I wouldn’t hang out with most of these people if it weren’t for what we’re trying to do. It makes you feel warm? No, I don’t think that’s weird. It’s nice that it makes you feel warm. Kind of makes me feel warm. It’s definitely the right place for me. You do, more than. Does it really? I don’t know Benjy’s parents but from what I know about Benjy it does seem like they’d be pretty normal. Ha! Good point, I probably could do both, slow old person flying would be better than no flying. I wish it was too, but hopefully at least you can get a shot at it. The Tookers could be fun to try. Good point, it’d just be like playing Hufflepuff wouldn’t it? Yeah, it is. I guess I don’t blame Bertie for being pissed. Though, I don’t know, seems like it was his cousin’s business. But I don’t really know what normal families are like so what do I know? What, it made you think about saying something? What kind of something? Are you gay? I mean I know you fancy me but you said you weren’t sure if that makes you gay. But I guess your mates who fancy blokes could probably help you figure that out. Would you mention me if you talked to them though? Would it even matter if you didn’t mention me, I mean they’d know. They already know. Fuck. You should talk to them if you want to. I don’t wanna stop you from that. What would you say to them? Figuring out beforehand helps. You could practice on me, if you wanted. Please tell me if you’re gay. I dunno. I’d heard some jokes and comments in the Slytherin common room about two blokes together being a thing, but I never knew it was an actual thing until I saw that. It was surprising. It sort of freaked me out. Maybe because I’m scared of wanting that. Really brave of them to just put it all out there like that. I’m not sure I’m that brave. 

I appreciate that. I don’t mind if you are letting your feelings blind you. I like that you have feelings for me. About me. About me being on the right side. It’s really awkward. I can never tell if I should apologize or just not bring it up since they might not even know it was me. So far I’ve just not brought it up, except for with McKinnon since she was being so nice and I know she knew I’d hexed her out there. I sure wouldn’t have expected it either. They’re scary as hell. Deranged, even, at least it seems like it sometimes. I agree, most things with Sirius are weird. Definitely don’t plan on asking.

Yeah, looking at some of the books would be nice too. Especially if we were kissing in the restricted section. I felt like that too, I never sat there after either. Always got annoyed when I saw other people sitting there too. I’m glad you caught it. And that you like that I like it. I wouldn’t want to get caught in headquarters either. Moody would be worse than Andie, I think. And there’s that eye of his. I dunno how many of the rumors are true but it’d probably be a bad idea to try anything if he’s anywhere near the building, would have to be a time he was out. 

Reg,

I thought they would be too. Though I was starting to have my suspicions before you confirmed anything. Yeah, some bad stuff too. You’re welcome. It’s really something how you’ve managed to be so sane given all those maniacs. Thanks! I’m sure Bertie’s criminal and Timmy and Benjy’s constant PDA dings points off the place. I like going to Ted and Andie’s. It’s nice seeing you live in such a normal place. Ha! That’s true they do. I hope I don’t get too weird when I’m old. I’m not surprised he’s a prat. Ha! I love that. I’ll have to ask next time I see them, give it a try. If they say no at least I won’t have to wonder if I could have played if I’d only asked. Yeah, I know. Maybe we can find a way that has less risk. Probably wouldn’t be as cool as Puddlemere, but if it’s a real game. The McKinnons host games but I’ve heard their parties are pretty big. There’s the Tookers too. Bertie’s cousin is the bloke dating Cene Toooker, he might be able to get us into one. But they’e probably big too. Did you see the magazine covers of Tooker and his boyfriend? Anyway I dunno if either of those options would be less risky but I’d be happy to pretend you were my cousin at any of them if we can get you in a game. I dunno how good I’d be at it but hopefully people would believe.

That sounds like most people in positions of power. Hedging their bets, refusing to make any definitive statements until they have no choice. That’s disappointing considering we’re all dealing with the same stuff for the same goal. I’m glad no one’s been rude to you about it. The whispering and glances don’t sound so great. That’s true, it is hard to imagine. So you were jealous of me having fun with my mates and I was jealous of your friendship. Feels silly except there were a lot of really hard things happening. Mostly for you. Ha! Certainly matches, I’ll give him that.

It really would have been fun exploring the castle for new places to kiss. A perfect day? Fuck. Does it really? I’m glad. Me too. I loved that table. Well loved siting there with you at it. It was always so thrilling when I’d feel your knee brush against mine. One time I actually wrote a line in an essay twice because I got distracted by your knee. Should I tell you that? Yeah, I agree, really empty would be safer. More likely that the spot you’re thinking of is free too. I don’t want to get caught either. Be awkward. But you wanting to kiss me someplace where there’s people just feels so hot.

Drew

Drew,

Were you? I guess that’s not surprising given how messed up things to be on your side too. Our side, rather. It still feels weird to say that. Not that I ever felt the other side was my side, but this side doesn’t feel exactly right either. I hope that doesn’t sound awful. Obviously I agree with what we’re going for here ideologically. But I still don’t exactly enjoy all the people I’m aligned with now or how they do things. As long as I’m on your side, though, I know I’m in the right place. Ha! A little bit, but you being there makes up for it. I’m glad you like it here too. Most normal place I’ve ever been. Almost too normal. Ha! I hope not too. Unless it’s a cool sort of weird, like an old hermit who lives in a library and has read every single book in it. I wouldn’t mind that, at least not once I’m too old to fly. Good, you should! At least one of us should get to play quidditch. Less risky is probably better for me, you’re right. And I’m not picky about where, I’d just love to play. I’m not sure about the McKinnons but I’ve heard someone else mention the Tookers too. But--hang on, did you say that bloke dating Cene Tooker is Bertie’s cousin? For real? Of course I saw the covers, it was a huge deal. Of course the people I was hanging around all thought it was horrible. What did you think of all that? 

Good point, it does. Yeah, disappointing maybe but I’m not exactly surprised. It’s probably deserved, anyways. At least from some of them, I know for a fact I hexed some of them out there. The girl McKinnon was surprisingly nice about it but I think that’s because she has some weird thing with Sirius. Not sure what’s going on there, don’t really want to know either. It does feel silly, glad we don’t have to be jealous anymore. 

Yeah, a lot of fun. It does. Well maybe that plus we throw some flying in. Yeah, I did too. I know it was there for anyone but it always felt like our spot. Wait, did you really? That’s. Wow. Is it weird if I like that? As long as I’m not responsible for any bad marks. Yeah, if headquarters is pretty empty the library will be quieter, it’s usually quiet as it is. Probably safe as long as it’s quiet and we know Ben and Willow aren’t around, they’re the only others I see in there regularly. 

Reg,

Different brands  of lunatic is a great way of putting it. Sort of disturbing how many things are similar between the two groups. But yea, one obviously worse, I agree. Now that I think about it, I really should have caught on. Sounds exactly like something he’d claim. Unfortunately is right, glad you turned out differently. Very low, but at least it was something of an improvement. I’m glad despite everything that you think mine is also nice. You know this, but you’re always welcome here. Exactly that sort of nothing left to lose sort of thing, and maybe once you were really old. But I can’t imagine someone really old wanting to go traipsing about in a dangerous forest so probably not on the table at all. It was their seeker, so you know what a prat he is. I suppose this is one of those situations boldness is warranted. I think I shall. That would certainly reinforce some stereotypes of purebloods if you posed as my cousin. Do you think you could? We could just say you were privately tutored. We’d need a team to play against, you could be on that team. Though some point it would be nice to be on the same team.

True, not exactly something people advertise. Probably not even in a school like that. I wouldn’t consider anyone in the Order an outsider but I could be wrong about him fitting in. Has anyone been rude to you?  He really is. I wonder if he was always that way. Glad you agree. I like it better than showy since it’s less trying to be notice and more just confidence in wearing certain things. I couldn’t just turn off caring for you even if you were making choices that meant we could’t be friends. Guess it’s probably good that I wasn’t obvious about it. Yeah, it’s pretty terrible. But given how he dresses, not surprising.

Exactly that! Plus you can anticipate the danger and what to do to avoid it. Yeah, me too. Being with you is nice. Found even more places to kiss me? That’s really hot. I imagine the castle must have some pretty good spots. I bet we could have found plenty of good ones to kiss in. Yeah, I think it would too. Make a day of it, kiss in all the spots we want. Great! I’m excited about it. Kissing you in a room full of books makes me think about when we used to study together in the library. Have you? That’s brilliant then. Slipping back there together should probably be easy. I can’t believe this isn’t too crazy for you. Kissing when there’s people around that might see us. It’s probably weird how excited I am about this. It’s just so hot. Are we really going to do this? Wow.

Drew

Drew,

It is a bit, isn’t it? I thought they’d be way more different. I mean they’re very different, but a lot is the same. Thanks, I’m glad I did too. Sometimes I wish I was even more different. Of course I think your place is nice. It’s really nice. And thanks. You’re always welcome at Ted and Andie’s, too, even if it’s very awkward right now. Ha! Yeah, maybe once you were old it’d make more sense, except for the fact you’re old and traipsing through the woods. Some people get weird when they get old though, so wouldn’t rule it out. Ugh! I hate that bloke. Except when he’d get that stupid look on his face when I beat him to the snitch. I think it is, if quidditch is on the line! I don’t think they’d mind you asking, anyways, they were on the pitch as much as I was so they’ve at least got to understand how much you’re dying to play. I dunno, might be too risky. But Merlin I’d love to play a real quidditch match again. Just having a broom and flying is brilliant, especially with you, but it’s still just not the same as actually playing quidditch, you know?

Right. I think they advertise their attitudes but don’t want to come right out and make any definitive statements. Always hedging their bets, you know? Maybe you wouldn’t, but I think some would. Some people definitely consider me an outsider. No one’s been outright rude. Just some suspicious glances. Whispering that stops if I get too close. That sort of thing. Something tells me he’s always that way, hard to imagine him any other way. That’s really nice. I was mostly just jealous that you seemed to be having fun with your Ravenclaw mates while I was stuck with the Slytherins, but I did keep paying attention to you until I left. Ha! No, I suppose the smell does go with the look he’s going for.

Yeah, exactly. It is. I’m sure we could have found some good ones too. Would have been fun. Oh, wow. Make a day of it? Fuck. Sounds like a perfect day to me. Me too. Does it? I miss studying with you like that. Especially when we’d sit at our table in the back corner and our knees would brush together. Did you think about kissing me then? Didn’t you say you wanted to kiss me in the library. Yeah, I think so. As long as Headquarters was really empty. Wouldn’t want to risk getting caught. But it would be great to kiss you there.

Reg,

Can’t believe there are still people like that. But then again some people are really idiots. Ha! Sirius, that makes a little more sense. I thought they were bragging on it which seemed odd. It is weird but I feel like you made the right choice believing Sirius. You don’t even seem like you should be related to anyone like that. What a nightmare. At least you’ve got some peace and quiet now. Exactly, not worth it. Maybe if that a was the last thing you had left to learn after you’d learned everything else. But that is an impossible feat so still a no. I think so too. I’m so jealous. Yeah, I’m not sure there’s anyone left on Slytherin that even plays well enough to bother with, let alone all the other baggage. But we had a pretty decent team this year. We hadn’t lost any of our good players unlike the year before when we were without Sturgis and Freddie. Maybe I’ll ask, might not hurt and it’s for the team, they deserve a shot.

Probably nothing he can do about it if he does. Yeah, I thought so too, seems to be fitting in alright though. I think Moody is suspicious but I also think he’s suspicious of most of us. Maybe all of us. Right! Bold is probably a better word for it than showy. But he pulls it off. Yeah, I could sort of keep an eye out. Not like I could do anything about it but it was still nice to know you were basically okay. Oh that’s right you’ve been spared smelling him. It’s terrible. I can’t figure out if it’s that he’s been swimming in garbage or just cheap aftershave but absolutely horrible. I agree, especially the ones in your family. Some of mine too.

I  know some of the books were dangerous to even handle but that is a more interesting sort of danger to me than traipsing about in the woods. It really would. Exactly, it was private. That’s sort of how I felt whenever I thought I might run into you alone. Hoping and sort of afraid. I always liked sitting quietly next to you. Just the two of us, reading or even just sitting there doing nothing. You’re welcome. I’m glad you could have a spot to be alone. All of them. Me too. Almost makes you wanna sneak in. You want to kiss me in the garden? Just out in the open like that? I’d like that. It’s a nice garden, I think it’d be a lovely place to kiss. It’s not the restricted section but the house we’re using as headquarters right now has a library. I dunno if you’ve seen it. I haven’t had a chance to look around but it might have a quiet corner. Is that too much? Or too weird. Wanting to kiss at headquarters might be weird. Fuck it.

Drew

Drew,

I can’t either. Seems almost as crazy as the fact people still follow the other side. Different brands of lunatic, I guess. One obviously worse. It does explain it, doesn’t it? Thanks. Unfortunately I am very much related to almost entirely people like that. It was a nightmare! I guess it beat my parents’ house but that was a low bar. Andie’s is so much nicer. And your place is really nice too. I still think it’d be a no, but maybe if it really was the last thing left I’d have nothing to lose. Having nothing to lose really changes the decision calculus, I’ve found. I am too! Can’t believe that Gryffindor prat was bragging on it. I mean of course I believe it but still. You did still have most of your good players, and I bet a lot of you still knew Freddie and Sturgis right? You should definitely ask. Maybe I can take some polyjuice and you can bring me along as your cousin. 

I’m sure there’s not, but I do wonder how well-known it is their headmaster is involved. That’s good for him, I’ve found a lot of people in the Order aren’t fans of outsiders. Of course Moody is suspicious, he’s paranoid as it gets. Bold, that is a good word for it. He does pull it off, it’s kind of impressive. I never realized you were keeping an eye on me. It’s nice to know you were. Ew! Cheap aftershave sounds as bad as garbage really. Hope I never have to smell the bloke. 

Right! That’s my kind of danger too. Feels like there’s more method to the madness, you know. Right. I’ve always liked that too. Just being with you, really, no matter what we’re doing or not doing. Oh. Wow. All of them, okay, that’s--fuck, that’s hot. I would’ve kissed you in all of them too. Then found even more places to kiss you. Fuck why does sneaking in sound so. Does almost make you wanna sneak it. Be worth it. Yeah? Great, we’ll do that then. Wait you wanna kiss me at headquarters? But there are people there. Who could see us. Which is a little bit hot but also. I do really like the idea of kissing you in a room full of books. I’ve spent a good bit of time in there too and there’s this nice quiet corner in the back...maybe one day when things aren’t busy we could slip back there together. Because if you want that who the hell am I to say no?

Reg,

Ha! Good luck finding that someone. Definitely want to hear it then. Ha! The least popular really? Wow. I don’t understand how they would know that but what a legacy. A family trait you don’t share. Not surprised to hear living with Gryffindors is loud and weird honestly. That way you live to learn something else. Truthfully even if no one had risked their neck to learn it before me I still wouldn’t. They did! Cene Tooker is on Puddlemere and so is Sebastian’s older brother so they’ve got those family ties. I bet it was amazing. One of the Gryffindors were bragging about it before the study session we were in together. The prick. I didn’t even think about asking them. I wonder if it’s a family member thing. I wish there was some way that you could play too.

Supposedly he’s from Durmstrang. I wonder if he knows about his old headmaster. Right, some of his clothes are a little more showy than I’d wear but he clearly has good taste. Yeah, it’s nice to see someone caring about how they look. Yeah. It was hard but I think it would have been worse just wondering how you were. It certainly was this year when you were gone. Welcome. Now that we’ve got a thief just breaking in I’m glad we didn’t get it. It’ll suck if he steals the furniture out from under us. My grandmother has a lot that’s the same, she’s thankfully not that concerned with it. At least the ones she finds ugly and uncomfortable. Somehow I doubt the stuff we’ve got in the flat is ever going to be anyone’s heirlooms. Or last that long.

Yeah. I always got a little thrill going into it. Feels like a great spot to kiss, only in a quiet corner in the back yeah. We? Were you? I thought about going back, hoping I’d see you. But I did’t think you’d want to see me. Plus if you did’t want to see me, I did’t want to spoil your spot or take it away from you. Felt like a better idea not to. I really do. It is almost a shame. I’d have kissed you in any of them. All of them. Maybe we could find new places to kiss. Places that aren’t my room or your room.

Drew

Drew, 

Ha! Good point. Maybe one of his gryffindor pets who still thinks the sun shines out of his arse. So I’ve been told. By Sirius, but my parents insisted he was one of the finest the school has ever seen, so I’m inclined to believe Sirius on this one, weird as that it. Glad you don’t think I share that. Yeah, it’s about what you’d expect living with that lot. Exactly! I don’t think I would either, that’s just not worth it. Fuck, that would be incredible. Playing on a real pitch. Puddlemere, of all of them. Not surprised Slytherin didn’t get the invite but if they were already bringing Gryffindor and Hufflepuff you’d think they could have invited your team at least. Maybe it is a family thing, probably easier to ask if it’s for a family member. 

Huh. I wonder if he knows too. Surprising anyone from Durmstrang ended up here, from what I know about the school. Yeah, at least they’re not showy because they’re horrible. It’s a nice change of pace. Yeah, I guess that makes sense, seeing as how I was making a lot of stupid choices. Good point, who knows what he’d do to a nice couch even if he didn’t steal it. Even just him sitting on it would probably ruin it, I’m not sure how much they bathe on Knockturn. Maybe not, but heirlooms are overrated if you ask me. Come with too much baggage. 

I did too. Would be exciting to kiss there, wouldn’t it? And private too. I was. Or I suppose I was hoping to see you but also afraid that I would, because I knew it wouldn’t have changed anything. But sometime I’d imagine you showing up and just sitting next to me quietly. Which was stupid, because if you had shown up I’d have tried to talk to you and it would have been a mess because I wasn’t going to stop what I was doing. And then you’re right, I probably wouldn’t have gone back. So thanks for leaving it to me. Yeah. Wait you’d have kissed me? In all of them? Fuck that’s hot. All of them? Now I’m even more disappointed we’re not in the castle. Maybe we can find a nice place to kiss in the garden next time Andie and Ted are out. That might be nice. 

Reg,

Ha! Maybe you should tell him so he would reconsider. Oh really? That sounds interesting. You had a headmaster in your family right? I think it’d be really interesting to hear what your family has said about it. Yeah, I doubt any of them did. Maybe Rowena but if she had things would have been done different surely. It just feels like a lot of mismatched ideas tossed into one castle and hope it does something worth it. They’re that bad to live with huh? Glad you’ve got a better place now, awkward conversations aside. There’s something to say for first hand knowledge because as you know not all sources are accurate. But you can’t know everything first hand so I think choosing dangerous things as the sort of stuff you want to experience first hand feels insane. I mean it. Yeah, me too. I heard the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor teams got to play at Puddlemere pitch. Lucky bastards. Yeah, it’d have been fun to do.

Not surprised to hear that. I think so. I haven’t gotten to talk to much to him but that’s what I heard. He’s one of the few members who actually dress nice so he definitely sticks out even if you haven’t heard his accent. Me too. It sucked not talking to you but at least I got to see you. Even if some of that time I was just insanely jealous about you and Mulciber looking so chummy. Can’t believe I was worried you might fancy him. I hope it happens for your sake. Be a lot easier on you I’m sure. Hard to picture him normal through. Thanks, I’m glad you find it nicer than theirs. It is expensive! I wanted this lovely dark blue velvet, it looked classic. But it was way too much. Even the table cost way more than I thought it would. I had no idea how much things cost.

Oh right, I didn’t even think of the mud. Disgusting! Well they’re together now. Surprising or not. Are we? Kinda like that we have that in common. Except it probably wasn’t for the same reasons. You think? I’m glad you like them. That spot would definitely have been my first choice I think. Oh wow! The restricted section. That’s kind of hot now that I think about it. I hadn’t thought of that. Good spot. Yeah, no leaning on the bookshelves. I remember that spot, it was beautiful. Weirdly peaceful given how crazy the school could feel sometimes. Bet it was even better at sunrise. You picked good spots. I’d have kissed you in either f those spots. Wouldn’t mind kissing you right now. Talking about these great spots almost makes me miss school. Just the castle.

Drew

Drew,

Ha! Maybe I should tell someone he actually likes to tell him and then he’ll reconsider. Yeah, it’s some interesting stuff. We did have a headmaster, my great great grandfather. I don’t know a whole lot about him. Supposedly he was the least popular headmaster Hogwarts ever had, and I can sort of believe it because whenever he was in his portrait at our house he wasn’t very pleasant. Which is a family trait, really. They were horrible. Just loud and weird and it was obvious I didn’t fit in with any of them. I’m glad too. I agree with you on that, but that’s exactly what I mean. Whatever’s in the forest I’m glad to learn about from someone else who was willing to risk their neck to learn it. They got to play at Puddlemere? Are you kidding me? Lucky bastards is right, I’d kill to play there. You’re mates with Podmore and Selwyn aren’t you? You should tell them it’s only fair they invite Ravenclaw. Maybe I could have asked Oliver if he didn’t think I was a dead Death Eater.

Oh, that is who I was talking about then! He does have good style, it’s refreshing in that lot, isn’t it? Yeah? I think seeing you was harder after that. Made it harder to forget about you. Not that I ever managed even after Hogwarts. Thanks. Still seems unlikely, but it would be nice if it happened. I do. I’m sure the one you wanted was nice, it sounds it. But yeah, I had no idea either. Almost makes sense how crazy my mum was about all the family heirloom furniture in our house, except most of that furniture was ugly and old and uncomfortable.

Right! Just gross. They are, and they don’t have any problem making sure everyone knows it. I do like them. You like the restricted section? Yeah, no leaning on shelves but if we could find a nice quiet corner at the back, might be a good spot. That spot was nice. I went there even more during 5th and 6th years to get away from everyone. Sometimes I hoped I’d run into you there. Thanks, glad you like them. Ha! Makes me miss the castle too. Almost a shame we’ll never get to try any of those places out. 

Reg,

Me too. But what sort of pair do you want to be? Agree, seems like the standard Hogwarts solution.  I could believe he took a perfectly run school and turned it into what it is today. But I think there’s always been an attitude of, ‘It’s always been done this way no need to change it,” around Hogwarts. Which just leads to shit being ignored I guess. Can’t believe it’s really this way by design, Dumbledore or someone else’s. I remember you telling me that and I still can’t believe they all made it through Hogwarts. I know a few Ravenclaws that talked about going into it. But I think most if not all of them had wanted to go in the daylight. I get intellectual curiosity but I’d much rather spend time in the library than a forest rumored to hold all sorts of nasty things. It means everything a lot. Thanks. I didn’t see him play so I can’t tell you how bad he was but I do know they would have struggled this year without you on the team. Ha! Exactly. I’m certain he would’t have been a good beater. So messing with him a little on the pitch would have been fun.  

That feels like an overreaction to Gryffindor but then again they overreacted anyway. Glad you didn’t get stuck there though. What? No way! That’s wild. Have you met that foreign bloke? Not the American always hanging around with Sirius’s group but the other one? I think he went there. But you’re probably right, it might have been a nightmare. Wow, that’s a lot, a good lot but wow. It would have been lonely the first few years without studying with you in the library. Agree not knowing you would be a nightmare. I guess so, haven’t heard Timmy or Benjy say anything bad about him and Timmy’s always hanging out with him now. Yeah, I’m glad because I’d have been real embarrassed to invite you over without a couch or worse some ratty one we got second hand. Not to mention having to eat on our laps or something like a bunch of losers. I wouldn’t have been able to live like that.

Given how much he already gets away with, like that bloke that disappeared and died, I’m not sure. Good. It is really gross right? It wouldn’t be so bad all the dirt but there’s the trash and you’re under the place people sit. I don’t get it. Ha! For sure. Yeah, they’ve been close since first year. I think they met on the train. You might be right, he could have been jealous. I did’t think about it at the time because I didn’t expect them to get together. Plus I just sort of thought it was like how I was jealous of Mucliber. Which I guess it was, huh. I dunno that them being so close for so long makes it more surprising. Maybe it makes it less. After all I’ve fancied you for a long time. I’m not very good with figuring this sort of stuff out. Clearly because I’d never have guessed in a million years that you’d like kissing me. Yeah, it wasn’t something I thought would happen at school. Or ever. I dunno. I can’t think of any place private. Like really private. There was that spot in the library, the one we’d study in, but the library is hardly private. The top of the Astronomy Tower was nice on a clear night but also not private and kind of cliche to kiss someone there I guess. Oh, remember that spot I showed you in Ravenclaw tower, where that little balcony area was and you could see out over the grounds? I never saw anyone else out there when I went even thought it was probably not a secret. But it was always a nice spot, plus you had that area where you could hear someone coming before they saw you so a little more private. How about you?

Drew

Drew,

Yeah. I could absolutely see him doing that too, but I think you’re right. No one wants to change anything. Sounds an awful lot like how my family does things, which you’d think should really make Dumbledore want to reconsider things. Sometimes it seems too crazy to be by design, but then I think about stories passed down through my family, about how Hogwarts used to be, and about the founders, and I dunno, I sort of wonder. Maybe just none of them ever really knew what they were doing. I can’t believe they survived it either. I used to think they were exaggerating but after living with them for a bit I think they really did it. I agree, some things don’t need to be learned about first hand, especially if someone else already learned about the thing and wrote about it. That’s nice of you to say. I miss quidditch a lot. Ha! That would have been fun to see you messing with him. 

Overreacting was sort of their thing. I’m glad too. Is there really a bloke from Durmstrang? I might know who you’re talking about, I think I’ve seen him talking to Ben a couple times. Yeah, I probably would have been lonely at Durmstrang too. Glad we didn’t have to live that nightmare. Huh, maybe there’s more hope for my brother too then. I keep waiting for him to go back to normal. Ha! I’m sure you would have found something, but what you’ve got is nicer than what my brother and his mates have. Which I expected in terms of your taste, but they said that stuff is expensive. Glad you could get nice stuff. 

Yeah, me either. It is! Under the bleachers is nasty, people drop trash and it gets muddy, just not anywhere I’d want to kiss someone. Oh. Maybe it doesn’t make or more or less surprising. Is this why they keep thinking we’re I’m not good at figuring this stuff out either. We should probably just drop it. Yeah, me either. Or ever, really. Oh. Those are nice spots. Especially that spot in your common room, I think that would be a nice place to kiss you someone. I’m not sure where I would go. You’re right, there aren’t many very private options. I suppose if I was brave enough to kiss a bloke at school maybe I’d be brave enough to do it in the restricted section. Maybe find a quiet corner no one else went to. But I wouldn’t want to risk messing up the books or anything. Sometimes when I wanted to be alone at school I’d get up really early and fly to that spot I showed you, just under the astronomy tower where the roof was flat and you could land and just sit and look out at the lake? It was a nice place to watch the sunrise. Might be a nice place to kiss as well. 

Reg,

So like a couple pair or  I think we make a good pair too. Yeah, I think I remember seeing that somewhere. Funny that the solution to having a dangerous forest easily accessible behind the school was to give it the label forbidden. Sounds about right. As old as Dumbledore seems, he’s probably not the cause of everything. He just inherited the mess and left it to get worse. Truthfully I’m surprised more don’t go missing, forbidden is almost like saying please come in to some people. I’d like to think it does, at least it’d be nice if it counts, but who knows. Bruce and the rest of them might just show up one night with marks on them. Is Parkinson awful? I don’t think I ever had any dealings. There were a lot of worse choices, and it wasn’t as if they would be able to do better. Yeah, I’ll be honest I was looking forward to hitting some bludgers directly at Bruce. Not so much we lost or anything but a few well places bludgers, see how good of a blocker he was, would have been a lot more fun than aiming them elsewhere.

Yeah, I thought it was weird that they went to different schools too. But you don’t really ask about things like that. Did they really think about sending you there? I guess that tracks, I’ve heard it’s full of people they’d get along with. Do you really think going to Hogwarts was better just because of meeting me? I’m glad they didn’t either. Can’t imagine not knowing you. Yeah, Timmy really had it tough with that one. Ha! I guess that’s something in Sirius’s favor. Believe it or not, he’s apparently turned around. He came around to the flat when we first moved in and he seemed normal. Gave us some gold to buy some furniture along with pizzas and sodas for a housewarming gift.

Glad to know it’s that way for both of us. Feels special.

I wonder how people would react to that if it ever happened. I feel bad saying I’m glad you missed me but I am glad because I missed you so much. Just anyone could walk into the locker room and I may not have personal experience but I’m certain snogging under the bleachers is a thing that happens. Ha! I agree they do. Can’t think of one who even dresses themselves properly let alone shows taste in other areas. Places that did’t smell or have a lot of trash. I’m glad I had my first kiss in my room. With you. According to Timmy. He was always complaining about Benjy’s taste and how he snogged people. Sort of surprised they ended up together. Ha! I guess you make a good point there. I’m just not sure I’d have felt brave enough to kiss a bloke at school. Maybe because the bloke I wanted to kiss it would have been a little more dangerous than kissing Sebastian Fletcher, serial snogger.

Drew

Drew,

Glad we agree on that. Right, not much of a solution, was it? That’s the Hogwarts way, I guess. Maybe you’re right and Dumbledore just inherited a bunch of problems. Definitely let it all get worse though. That always surprises me too. I know for a fact Sirius and the idiots his mates were always tramping around in there doing Merlin knows what. Pretty sure they saw the forbidden part and took it as a challenge, them and the rest of Gryffindor house probably. It counts to me, if that’s worth anything. Parkinson’s not as awful as others, he’s just a prat and a know it all. Definitely worse choices. And maybe you’re right, there weren’t any great options that I knew of, and I was always keeping an eye out for possible competition. I get what you mean, would have been nice to see you whack him with a bludger, even better because you hitting him would also just rub it in that he’s a shit beater. 

Yeah, not something you can ask about if Timmy never brought it up. They did think about it, yeah. That’s what I’ve heard too. I can’t be entirely sure because of the masks, but I think their headmaster has something in common with the people I used to hang out with, if you catch my drift. I feel like going there would be like the Slytherin common room everywhere. Just a nightmare. And worse because you wouldn’t be there. Can’t imagine not knowing you either. Talk about a nightmare. Timmy’s brother really turned around from all of that stuff? Huh. Nice of him to help you all out like that. I did wonder which of you that nice couch and kitchen table came from. 

Me too. 

I like to think they’d care and they’d turn on him, but who knows. Don’t feel bad about that. I’m glad you missed me too. Right! The lockers aren’t safe at all, people practicing at all hours of the day. And now you mention it I’ve seen people under the bleachers too. I just tried to pretend I didn’t, because that’s just gross. Ha! Right, me either. Bad taste all around with that lot. Right, there were plenty of places that didn’t smell at least. Timmy was complaining about that stuff? Sounds like maybe he was jealous. I mean, he and Benjy have been close forever, haven’t they? Sort of like us. Only not like us in that way. Except sort of like us in that way but we’re not. I mean you were jealous because you thought Mulciber replaced you as my friend. Maybe that makes it more surprising they got together, you know them better than I do. I know I wouldn’t have been brave enough for that. Not that I was really thinking about snogging any blokes at school.. Or after for that matter. You weren’t right? You said you only ever fancied me. Were you thinking about snogging me at school? Where would you do it, though, if you had gone for it and snogged someone at school?