One for the ride home?

It’s back? What’s back? His depression? This part was rather tricky for Jongin since they had only recently become friends. He had a pretty good idea of what he meant, though. The small red lines, neatly arranged on his wrists were enough to make him understand the situation at least half way. Jongin was listening to Mark, but he was also quite concerned about other people hearing them. He shouldn’t have felt uncomfortable, but he knew it was quite for Mark and it might be hard for some other people to speak.

Still, he pushed these thoughts away and looked over at the younger, carefully taking his hand. He turned the arm over, so that the inside of his arm would be facing upwards, and gently pushed back the fabric of his shirt, taking a closer look at the wounds. Jongin sighed quietly and let his fingers ghost over the thin lines, careful not to touch them and hurt Mark. He then pulled the sleeve over his forearm again and returned his hands to the notebook.

Mark nodded. "Sisters." he rolled his eyes. He loved his sister dearly, she'd been the one who'd found him as he lay dying. She was the one who called the ambulance, she was the one who took him to her house when he was discharged, she was the one who missed classes when Mark was in a really bad low and sat with him watching TV. It was her boyfriend that had helped him with his college admissions, and managed to sort out a way for him to not have to go to class for the first month while he was still recovering. His sister had done so much for him and that was why he had to keep everything a secret. "My sister will remember soon, although she is nearly due." 

Mark watched as Jongin took his hand and turned his arm up. Mark's eyes flickered up to look at Jongin. "Don't." Mark breathed out. He was ashamed, when Jongin moved the shirt up, Mark closed his eyes. He knew what it looked like, the line of cuts he did that morning was neat, it was a line, like a ladder. But there were his scars that had healed, there were cuts from earlier in the week, again a neat ladder but in a different location. He knew exactly how it looked, and it made him feel sick to think that his friend was looking at what he had done. Mark breathed in when he felt Jongin ghosting over them. They were fresh, but Jongin never touched them enough to inflict any pain. 

The older watched how Mark shifted in his seat; he seemed to be uncomfortable about something and Jongin was needless to say concerned about him. He tilted his head to the side slightly and raised his eyebrows, lips parted slightly as if he was about to ask what was wrong, but once a tiny part of Mark’s wrist was exposed, he closed his mouth, not even caring about the well being of his phone, and forced a smile, nodding slowly. He tried his best to seem oblivious. 

Mark felt hyper conscious knowing that Jongin had seen his wrist. He watched as the boy wrote and he felt his heart beat faster. He knew that the other had seen the cuts that were neatly aligned. Mark was nothing if not precise. His thighs were a mess but on his arms he did it neatly. Mark bit his lip, before taking a sip of his drink, he didn't know if he could really tell Jongin what was going on, or what exactly Jongin was going to ask, what he was going to say, or think. 

Mark read the questions. "It's back." Mark sighed, "It's like it was when I was 18." the implication of that being he tried to overdose at 18. Mark felt ashamed, ashamed that he wasn't coping again, that his depression was getting bad, and that he needed help - but he couldn't afford it. He knew that he would in the end get help or try again. He wanted to keep his head above the water but doing that was hard. 

He sat down, pulling one of the books to him, flipping it open to the contents page and scanning it for useful topics. He flipped to different sections, scanning through the pages for anything useful. With a sigh he set the book aside. “Well that wasn’t helpful. At all.” He puffed his cheeks. This was going to be harder than he thought. 

Mark wasn't much help with the books, he looked through the ones that Baekhyun had marked as being useful, reading up what they needed. He knew this was probably the stupidest job, he was probably being nothing but a bother, but the reading was hard and he was going slowly, making sure he took in every single detail he could, trying to understand as much as he could about the situation they'd found themselves in. 

For once Mark was actually dressed in something that he wasn’t going to try to pick someone up wearing, and this was because he was on his way to do some research for the essay he had to do. It wasn’t like he had a choice it was already late and Mark really needed the credit to pass, although in saying that he’d pretty much written the essay, he just had very few sources and then he hadn’t proof-read his Korean. He didn’t even know why he was still on his course, because between school and work he barely had time to breathe let alone do the essays. 

Mark kind of liked it though, although everyday living on 4 or less hours of sleep was beginning to make him feel worse. But he couldn’t do anything about it, and he definitely couldn’t afford to go back to the doctors and have his medication changed slightly. And in that breath he couldn’t ask his sister for money for a doctors appointment for it - he hated asking her for money, but on this topic he didn’t want his parents finding out. Although it might not be as bad as the time they found out his inclination to the same sex. 

He opened the door, closing his eyes for a moment, searching to see if Lila had managed to break the barrier surrounding the library. To his great relief, she hadn’t. “Ok coasts clear. Let’s go.” He took off down the stairs, heading for the back of the library where the non-fiction books were housed. If he remembered correctly, which he always did, the books on folklore were numbered 398. He figured that was the best place to start. From there they could move on to more religious texts. He walked through the stacks, grabbing books that looked like they’d be helpful until he had a large stack in his arms that rose above his head. He cursed himself a bit, struggling to carry the load. “I should have grabbed a cart damn it.” He made his way over to a cart and dumped the books down, slapping his hands together to get the dust off. 

Despite Baekhyun saying let's go, Mark stayed put in the room, he'd just get in the way if he went out to help. He didn't know anything about the library, nor did he know what books would be good for them to look at. He probably should know more about the library or something but he didn't, so he stayed in the room trying to think of something, anything that could help Baekhyun. He looked at  the room, it was messy, so he set to work straightening it out. Clearing the desk properly so they had a space to read the books, and then cleaning up everything that Baekhyun had thrown and setting the room back to how it was meant to be. It was only a little thing but if it made finding out how to protect Baekhyun from Lila he was willing to do even the tiniest thing.

It was then that he realized he couldn’t keep living in fear. Here was a guy who he clearly cared about and instead of running away and hiding he was going to whatever it took to keep Mark. He’d found him, when he never thought he’d ever be able to find anyone ever again. And Mark had found him. He wasn’t about to let Mark go. So now he had to come up with a plan. 

When he heard the others questions he wasn't sure what to say, he'd never been asked to help someone before. He'd never been anyone's first choice for anything and part of this was overwhelming. He was just Mark, Mark who'd learnt to keep quiet, to keep his head down, Mark who had no parents because he couldn't keep quiet enough. And yet someone still wanted him. Someone wanted him to help them. Someone who could probably get a lot of people interested in him. Mark nodded then smiled as he said. "Yeah, I'll do whatever you need." 

But then the thought hit him, he had no idea how to get rid of a spirit haunting someone, he had no idea how they could even go about this. And then he didn't know how much time he had until Lila tried to hurt Baekhyun. He didn't care about himself, she could try to hurt him and deep down he knew that was his illness thinking, hurting him wouldn't matter. He hurt himself enough. He bit his lip trying to think of anything he knew about spirits but he had no actual idea. He had nothing to add to this mission, although in that breath it he was pretty sure that Baekhyun probably wanted him as more of a support than someone who actually knew what to do. Mark actually quite liked that idea. Being the one someone else could rely on, looking after someone, showing someone that he was by their side no matter what. "We're going to free you from this, ok?" he smiled again. "What's our first step?"

"When I was little, I was hit by a drunk driver. When I got to the hospital, they tried to revive me but I died on the table. I was dead for a whole minute then I came back. When I woke up in the hospital room….she was there…just sitting on my bed and smiling at me. To say I was scared would be putting it mildly. She explained to me why I could see her, that because I had died myself I shared a special connection with the dead. And I do….they….they try to talk to me. Try to get me to help. I’ve gotten to where I can ignore them….but the voices are still there all the time. The only place I’m safe from them is in the library where I’ve placed a barrier around it. That’s why we’re safe here…"

Mark nodded. "Lila is obsessed with you." he said quietly, trying to think of anything to say, but again there was nothing. How do you stop anyone from being obsessively infatuated? Mark had never had this issue. Mark wasn't even noticed very often he was just someone who is there but no one ever noticed, he was the person you would pass by 1000 times before you even stopped to look at him. He was the person who slept around just to validate his own existence. He was nothing and this boy sat next to him was trying to keep him safe.

But in a weird way, he was grateful to those pills. They’d brought Mark into his life. He was scared for Mark’s life, but it felt good to actually feel something for someone again. He never realized how lonely he had truly been. Clearly his subconscious had figured it out and had made him gallivant all around town. Who knows how many people he had been with or the things he had done. The thought made him shiver and he quickly pushed it from his mind. 

"I'm sure you're worth anyone risking their life on you." Mark said quietly, not that his was even going anywhere - and he knew that if he decided to meet Baekhyun again the other would eventually find that out - and the idea of his reaction to it kind of hurt. He felt like maybe he could let Baekhyun in but he didn't know if he was even capable of putting those walls down any more. He waited for the boy to continue his story, or to say anything, keeping him close. Making sure that the other could feel some sort of security, despite Mark's arms being thin.