Pairing: Findlay 'Hazard' Docherty x Fem!Reader
Description: After months of dancing around each other, you and Hazard come to one last draw before your inevitable departure.
Early February morning, the snow has partly melted by now. Out on the second-story balcony, the vapor coming from your coffee isnโt the only visible steam. Your breath is as well, it comes out in puffs before rising above your head and dissipating.
The air is crisp and refreshing, the sky is clear and the sun is shining brightly. For a moment, you close your eyes and let the rays warm your frozen, runny nose.
The coffee mug is scalding against your chest, itโs comforting, brings you solace and helps you think clearly about the conversation that is to come. You rest against the railing of the balcony, taking in the city beyond, Maisie is sniffling at your feet, already walked and fed because thatโs the first thing you do in the morning, even before showering.
Your feet are cold despite the thick woolen socks and slippers you have on. You think it is what it is and decide to just live with it, your extremities have always been cold during the winter.
The sliding door behind you opens and you look back to see Findlayโs disheveled form standing there, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He yawns and stretches, the thick muscles under his tank top flexing and expanding, itโs a sight to behold for sure, but sadly you wonโt be a witness to it for much longer. And heโs never cold, a part of you has always been jealous of that trait of his.
โHey.โ You call softly, voice still heavy with sleep. You keep your eyes on him for a bit longer before turning them back to the city.
โEy.โ He responds in kind and comes to your side, your elbows collide when he leans on the railing next to you, following your gaze towards the cluster of skyscrapers in the distance. Thereโs a brief moment of silence before he asks. โIs everything aโright? Ah didnโt expect you leavinโ a note fโ me out of all people.โ
You take your time sipping coffee before speaking up again.
โYeah, sorry. Didnโt mean to worry you. Just wanted to talk in private.โ
Deep, steady breath and a calm mind were how you were going to get through this encounter. You just had to stay level-headed, thatโs all, be friendly but keep him at armโs length, for both your sakes.
โWas this about?โ He doesnโt even seem bothered that stray snowflakes are falling on his bare shoulders, meanwhile, youโre shaking, but whether thatโs from the cold or from anxiety is uncertain.
You take a breath, then another, then finally manage to string together the words.
โI found a place.โ You begin and glance at him anxiously. โYโknow, to move into and finally stop being a freeloader here.โ He doesnโt react and you take it as a bad sign so you continue, trying to lighten the already heavy atmosphere. โItโs already furnished so I wonโt be stealing any of your things.โ
โYou can take whaโever you wont, you know I donโt care.โ He rasps, you hear the strain surging in his voice, the pebble stuck in his throat, the weight suddenly pressing down on his chest, a weight you had just put there. โYou can take the whole place wiโcha, if yโ wanted. Still wonโt care.โ
โWhy?โ You stiffen at his question, the rawness of his tone, the betrayal heโs trying to hide but is still so visible in those honeyed eyes youโve come to love. Itโs painful to watch him at a loss, not knowing how to combat your decision and ultimately having to let you go.
He looks like heโs been slapped.
Youโd been preparing for this talk for days and it was hard for you, you couldnโt imagine what it was like for him. But you were set on your words, you couldnโt stay any longer, you didnโt want to.
โ โ Is someone botherinโ you?โ He finally turns to face you. โDid someone do somethโn tโ you? Yโ can tell me, I always listen.โ
โNo, itโs not that.โ You avert your eyes and stare into the blackness of your coffee instead, trying to find the right words in the murky caffeinated water. โOf course, nobodyโs done anything, I love you all like family.โ
A breeze blows past and manages to force a shiver up your spine. His first thought was to take you in his arms and bade the cold away, but just as abruptly as his hands lifted to reach for you, they fell back to his sides.
You wanted to cryโฆ protest and have him continue, tell you that everything was going to be okay and that heโd take care of things like he always did. But now wasnโt the time for weakness. Because the hug would end, then heโd ruffle your hair and leave, nothing more. He wouldnโt hold you like a lover but like a sibling, a friend.
And you didnโt want to leave. You had to.
โWot is it then? Yer room? Too small?โ He asks abruptly, wracking his brain and trying to figure out your reasoning while simultaneously coming up with solutions. Anything to keep you from leaving him. He couldnโt bear the thought, not after everything. Heโd move with you if it werenโt for his family depending on him, he didnโt care where in the world he was as long as it was with you. โYou can have mine, Ah donโt care.โ
You shake your head and his world shatters a little bit more.
โNo. Fin, please listen to me.โ
โWhy den? Why leave?โ Heโs at a loss, completely forgetting that you can speak for yourself and he doesnโt need to play a guessing game. So he goes quiet and stares at you pleadingly, ignoring the ache in his chest and focusing solely on you.
โPleaseโฆPlease, tell me whatโs wrongโฆโ
You take one last stressed sip of your coffee and set it down before turning to him properly, no longer leaning on the railing but instead facing each other in your full stature.
He at least deserved a proper reason and to look him in the eyes when you giving it.
โBecause itโs not right to stay.โ You say, then motion towards your chest as your brows knit together, an angsty expression bittering your features. โI donโt benefit you guys in any way. The best I can do is make food and clean up, help you with some tasks and run errands. I donโt fit in here. Iโm not phreak, I donโt have any skills.โ
Even in dire moments like these, youโre still so pretty to him. His little angelโฆ
The way the sunrays cascade over your form, giving you an otherworldly glow, it takes his breath away and balms over his turbulent feelings and racing thoughts.
You always did have a way of soothing him. Soft words and gentle touches, thatโs how you were, those are some of the many things that made you perfect in his eyes. Always caring for others, especially him whoโs been alone in shouldering the unfairness of the world for so long.
โThat never mattered.โ He shoots back with confidence this time because itโs true. Youโve been a vital part of their team since you first came to join them. It didnโt matter that you werenโt a skilled hacker or couldnโt shoot a gun. Civilians had their own set of irreplaceable skills. Even if all you wanted to do was be Maisieโs sitter, youโd still be doing more than enough. โWe all love you, we do. Couldnโt have made it dis far without ya.โ
Why did he have to fight back so hard? Why couldnโt he just make things easy on you? You were already suffering with regret and the agony of separation before youโd even left, and seeing him this desperate, this sincere in trying to keep you from slipping away was just adding salt to the wound.
You wanted to hug him close and coo at him until he was calmed, tell him that this wasnโt goodbye forever. Youโd come to visit, have dinners as a family again, take walks with Maisie and him, just the three of you. You just wouldnโt be constantly around.
Thatโs all. It wasnโt that serious, you werenโt moving to another city.
โSo is not just thaโ then.โ He scoffs to himself, rips his eyes off you to stare into nothingness. โSomeone did do somethinโ.โ Thereโs a brief pause before his gaze rises again to meet yours, you see the bleak fire within it, still the combative spirit persists, refuses to let you go without a good tussle. โTell me who, Iโll have a talk with โem, can resolve this right now.โ
โNoโฆโ you rub at your eyes to massage away the tears.
You couldnโt tell him. You couldnโt.
It wasnโt his fault, it was yours. Youโd fallen for him, not the other way around.
โWhat then? Why dโ ya wanna leave so badly?โ His anguished, sullen words are like razors to your neck. You canโt breathe properly anymore. The sobs are beating down on your throat and you canโt fight them off for much longer.
โ โ Donโ leave.โ He says, begs you as much as a man of his character and ssize can. Your knees weaken at his pleads and you bite down viciously on your bottom lip to keep from breaking down completely. โYou cannae leave me. Wonโt let you.โ He takes your hands in his, sucks in a long inhale and pulls you a bit closer, shielding you from the glare of the sun, from the cold, from the world, everything. โPlease. Stay.โ
Youโre crumbling in front of him as he stands there silently and lets you speak. Mentally drained and emotionally at the brink, yet you refuse to let go of his hands and thatโs enough to tell him that you donโt want to leave, but something is making you. And the worst part is that you refuse to tell him to keep him unburdened while you take on all of the weight and try to carry it away with you silently.
A part of him is enraged by this. How dare you try to take all the blame and let him demonize you for simply wanting to abandon him? How dare you take his job of carrying the hefty loads? He was the strong one, he was the tank, he was the shield that was supposed to separate you from all danger and problems.
He couldnโt stand itโฆ
โI justโฆI canโt do this anymore, Fin.โ
His thoughts come to a screeching halt.
โThis!โ You let go of one of him long enough to motion between the two of you. โWhatever this is, whatever we are. I justโฆ I canโtโฆโ
Heโs almost relieved to hear you confess your woes finally.
โThaโs it?โ He quirks a brow and you see the strain in his shoulders vanish. โOkey, aye I get it.โ He rubs at the stubble on his chin, presumably in thought, but not really. The answer to your problem was right there. โIโs no problem. Iโll leave ya alone. Wonโt hear a peep from me.โ Despite the rejection that had been thrown in his face, he smiles wide. If this meant keeping you, he was willing to sacrifice. โShouldโa said something earlier, lass. I just thought you โ โ
โ โ No!โ You protest, yell nearly loud enough to wake up everyone still asleep. You want to rip your hair out with how exasperatingly daft he is. โYou donโt get it!โ You grip the straps of his tanktop, then tear your hands away from him only to hug yourself out of frustration. โI want โ I โ โ
This is the perfect moment, but again youโre left with a lump at the base of your mouth, a lock on your tongue, unable to speak the words. Beyond desperate to explain, you do the only other thing you can think of, you act before your self-sabotaging mind has a chance to talk you out of it.
Stand high on your toes, pull him down by the neck, and link your lips to his. Itโs a brief kiss, a sloppy and uncoordinated one, your mouths donโt even fit together properly.
Gasping for air, you pull away as abruptly as youโd leaned in and search his eyes for anything to hint at rejection.
Heโd not done anything when youโd locked lips, hadnโt reeled back, but hadnโt reciprocated either so you were left in a standstill until he made up his mind.
He stares at you dumbly with his mouth agape and eyes wide and unblinking.
A minute passes and the doubt is already munching at your sanity. However, then youโre unceremoniously picked up and hoisted against his broad chest. He guides your legs to wrap around his toned torso, has your arms locked around his neck and mapping out what skin you can reach as he molds his lips back to yours. You feel your back being gently pressed into a wall to make sure you had support on both ends.
A meek mewl slips past you and his reply is a pleased grunt as he rubs needy patterns into your thighs.
He pushes his tongue past your teeth and twirls it around yours, beckoning you to play. The muffled moan that erupts from you is music to his ears, a noise unparalleled by anything heโs ever heard in his life. He presses harder against you, squishing you between his warm chest and the cold wall behind so thereโs nowhere for you to run anymore. This was it, you were stuck with him now.
No more running, no more denying, no more beating around the bush.
He was certain now that you wanted him as much as heโd wanted you and heโd not let anything stand between you anymore.
And to think this was why youโd wanted to leaveโฆ
His baby stubble grazes your skin deliciously, a single compliment from you months ago and heโd started keeping it instead of shaving it off every morning.
He kisses you with suffocating need, bruising your lips and making them swell as he nips and licks and tastes, and explores every inch of your mouth. He indulges himself, gives into you like youโre a peace of Heaven on Earth, a sinful delight thatโs been dangling before him for months, just out of reach.
The skin on his back ripples to life under your touch, awakens into eager goosebumps that you ghost over with flattened palms. You cross your ankles over his waist, your toes curling in delight the longer he smothers your mouth with his own.
A thin trail of saliva still connects you when Hazard pulls away long enough to take a breath before diving for your neck. You lean your head back willingly, rest your crown against the cement wall and crane your neck to the side to give him more room to explore. Your thighs begin to quiver when you feel his sharp canines grazing over your sensitive skin. His tongue works wonders into your flesh, makes you both giggle and choke on moans, completely forgetting about the cold or the exposure.
โFindlayโฆโ You wail weakly, then gasp when he automatically bucks into you, spurred on by the call of his name. Sparks fly behind your lids and you rake your nails over his shoulders, riling him up even more.
โShiteโฆโ He groans and struggles for air as his grip on your legs tightens. โDonโt do thaโ, luv.โ
โWhy?โ You question dumbly, too drunk on him to truly care for the answer. All you want is to keep feeling him, keep hearing his voice, and smelling his scent.
You laugh out an apology, note the grin, the widest one youโve ever seen, listen to him pant heavily through his nose and rest his forehead against your collarbones as he comes down from his high.
โI love youโฆโ You blurt out and thump a fist weakly against his back. Your legs untangle from his waist without your consent, but every muscle in your body has turned to jello and youโre given no choice. Youโve turned to mush in his brutish embrace and youโd have it no other way. โYou moronโฆI love you so muchโฆโ
It comes out so easily now like youโve been saying it forever. Itโs smooth on your tongue, feels right, deserved.
โI thought..โ He chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief and the tips of his hair tickle your nose.
โYou thought wrong.โ Youโre all too eager to interject, cutting off whatever idiotic, self-detrimental bullshit he was about to spit out.
Hazard brings his gaze away from the soft comfort of your sweater, and watches you from beneath his brows as the passion darkening his features morphs into the gentlest love. He readjusts, gives you a bit more movement space, but has no intention of letting you go. His hands are still palming at your legs, you can feel the heat coming off them and seeping over your skin even through the thick leggings hugging your thighs.
โCannae blame me.โ He says softly, words only meant for your ears. And despite the twinge of a joking tone, you know heโs serious, that he doesnโt think very highly of himself in terms of appearance. โWhoโd wanna wake up tโ this ugly mug every morninโ.?โ
Itโs sad to think heโs been denying you and himself for so long because of self-doubt, thinking that you deserve better, that you should find better. Someone who has a stable life, can provide you with comfort instead of dragging you into a war and offer you a safe and calm life. Someone who didnโt have half his body replaced by cybernetics, a man fully human who wasnโt littered with battle scars.
โI would.โ You combat tenderly and glide your hands down until theyโre resting over the steady beat of his heart. โI want this.โ You tap his forehead next. โAnd this. Everything thatโs you, I want, Fin.โ
โDonโt deserve a preโy bird like you.โ
Itโs a compliment for you and an insult towards him, itโs unbearable to hear such bitter-sweetness. You press the cushions of your thumbs against his lips to shush him.
โNone of that, please.โ
He kisses you then, having forgotten for a moment that now he was free to do that whenever he wanted. The puppy love flares, lashes out, needing more of your essence on him. He wanted to have a piece of you always with him, hell, heโd carry you around in his pocket if that was an option, show you off to anyone who crossed his path.
You smile in contentment against him, cling to him with one arm as your free hand travels up to comb through the soft tuft of hair youโd helped him bleach not too long ago.
Serenity isnโt something you take lightly, you know itโs a gift to feel at peace, and heโs brought you so much of that this morning. You caress his cheek, both look over and trace his features with the tips of your fingers, committing every dip and line to memory.
He stands still for you, closes his eyes, and leans into your touch like a man whoโs never been touched with tenderness before, never been handled with care.
Your very own hazardous beast turned pet by a drop of affection. It was as cute as it was tragic.
He deserved so much more. He deserved the world.
โWhenever we were together.โ You begin, drawing his attention from studying your kiss-bruised lips to your eyes where he lets himself get lost. You shake your head at the confession, nearly cringing, but it was only natural, for which couple didnโt have their cringe-worthy moments? โOutside that is, running errands. Iโd always watch you closely to see which women youโd look at. Wanted to know what you fancied.โ Itโs a silly little confession, but you want him to know, you want him to know everything about you, be your lager of sorts and from the way heโs focused all his concentration on you, you can tell heโs more than willing to be put to the task. So a smile etches itself onto your winter-chilled features and you continue. โBut you never looked at anyoneโฆI had to guess what you liked.โ
The answer is simple in his mind, he spits it out without even having to think it through.
โDaโs cuz I only got eyes fer you, daftie.โ He shrugs as if his words didnโt melt your core and nearly give you baby fever. โDonโt need ta be lookinโ at other birds.โ
Itโs been such a long game of denial and restraint and now that all cards have been laid face up on the table, youโre not sure what follows. You didnโt expect things to turn out as they did, the bags in your room were ready for departure, youโd thought this morning would be goodbye.
You kick your feet nonchalantly, still propped up several feet above the floor. He holds you as if you weigh nothing and compared to his usual load, you probably donโt.
โWhat do we do now?โ Is the only thing you can muster to ask next, looking to Hazard for guidance as if he wasnโt just as lost as you were.
Mischief twinkles in his honeyed orbs, a certain thought pulls a smirk onto his lips before he answers:
โFindlay!โ You exclaim. Youโre mortified while he just laughs. Anticipation makes your skin tingle. The image of peeling off his clothes and witnessing everything youโve only dreamed of is both nerve-wracking and enticing. But his choice of words couldnโt have been more unattractive, he went straight to the point though.
โI donโt shag.โ You say and cup his face gently, rub your thumbs over his cheeks and smooth down his cocky smirk. You make sure to catch his eyes and draw his attention out of its bubble of lewd images. โI make love.โ
He blinks blankly at that, processing your statement, before showering you with suffocating pecks. He leaves no surface untended in his kiss crusade. You fight him off weakly, turning your head this way and that, eyes squinted shut at his loving assault.
His excitement is unmatched, heโs like a pup at a pet store.
When heโs satisfied with his work and youโre left visibly breathless, he pulls back.
โLeโs get some breakfast first doe, โm starvinโ.โ
