marielenaloves

wow, two years have passed.. i miss all the thoughts and feelings I had back then because I know they were much kinder compare to what I have right now. Life has been beautiful & cruel at the same time. I'm glad that I have this page to return to when I'm feeling down, and need some time to reflect. I don't even know where to start ~ I'm just enjoying the comfort this blog has been giving me. I have so many photos & stories to share; I have so many fears & tears to turn into words, again don't know where to begin.

This is such a good title to write about you. Heck, you don't even deserve it. But it is true, after all this time, I still have feelings for you. And it is so true, one of the hardest things to let go is the one you didn't have in the first place.

I think I almost loved you until time put a stop into it. You were never meant to catch me, I don't suppose you even thought about doing so. It hurt me but I forgot about you - for a loooooong time.

You were never in my mind during those years so how come my heart flutters now? I don't love you, I didn't.. BUT I was meant to fall in love with you.

I don't want to think of what could have been because when I try to look back, I could only see myself. You were never really present back then, that's why I could never say that we had a 'past'.

one of the few things that keeps me motivated is visualizing my dream - a farm life.

Yesterday, I had a glimpse of what could be my everyday view.

I am still figuring out when or how am I going to achieve this.

But ever since I realized this dream of mine, I'll just continue on living - waking up each day, and maybe, soon, making this dream into reality.

Hello World, Hello Self! As usual, this blog has no clear direction, just gonna dump various thoughts, emotions etc.

This past six months were GREAT, MUCH BETTER than the previous year. I have so many realizations na sana noon ko pa nalaman, but then again I just lived through the normal process of living.

This is another letter from me, for me. Please don't ever forget what's written here.

1. RESTORED FAITH IN GOD

Remember that one night in March - when everything seems great but the feeling of emptiness is still there? That's when you decided to seek Jesus. Basically, everything makes sense - all the past pains, they all made sense. You are still working on your relationship with Him, but you know in your heart how much you've learned from your daily talks. It's a life-long journey so please pray that you will never wander away. You are a dumb sheep, easily distracted, often lost in direction - so please follow your Shepherd. The Lord is the satisfaction that your heart needs. May his will be done in your life.

2. ALLOW YOURSELF TO CHASE HAPPINESS / RESPECT THE HAPPINESS OF OTHERS

Even if it is for the smallest/weirdest reason - always do what will make you happy, so long as you are not hurting anyone. Reading a book, listening to your favorite songs, and podcasts, playing with your dog, streaming movies or tv series, drinking coffee, eating your favorite foods - anything that will bring you happiness; everything that will help you survive. At the same time, respect that each person has their own source of happiness - don't rain on their parade.

3. ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE SAD / UNDERSTAND THAT OTHERS CAN BE SAD TOO

You have always been so strong because life required you to be, but there was a time when you snapped - and realized that you're a sad girl too. Please understand that "sadness" is a normal feeling and you are allowed to have it - just don't dwell on it. Remember the things that will make you happy and chase them. Other people can be sad too, be sensitive enough. You deserve peace - but never disturb other's peace also.

4. FINANCIAL STABILITY IS A MUST

You know that this is vital but a great challenge as well, so do your best, be disciplined enough to save, save, save. You are already going there - just be consistent.

5. AIM TO BE YOUR 'BEST' BUT NEVER EVER THINK THAT YOU ARE 'BETTER' THAN ANYONE

Do everything to reach your goals, to become the best version of yourself. Remember too, that other people are also working on themselves. You are not better that anyone else, and they are not better than you. Keep in mind that everyone is a work in progress.

6. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN DEFINE YOUR SUCCESS

You are the only one who can define what is "success" in your life. People will judge whatever it is that you achieved, they have their own definitions of success - you don't have to listen to them.

7. TREAT PEOPLE WITH KINDNESS