you're on your own, kid

in retrospect, she really should have just decided against running the face painting table this year. the fact that they'd moved it to right across from the popcorn stand, across from where he used to be, should have been the final blow, but the truth was that it was easy money and zahra had bills to pay. adjusting her skirt as she shifts on her stool, butterfly wings painted on her face, zahra spots someone familiar. "did you see that they got rid of the chair-o-planes?" it's not one of the many questions that she'd really like to ask (why his shoes? who's sending the messages?), but it'll do for now.

both in the grand scheme of things and also... quite literally at that moment.

she'd meant to get an ice cream or something, a sugary treat necessary to keep her perfectly alert given her lack of sleep. instead, she'd gotten distracted along the way. she'd ended up at the face painting station. how? who knows. but it was easy enough to chalk it up to the fact that zahra's friendly face had been a beacon. she'd been drawn there like a moth to a flame.

"i hate to say it, but it's probably for the best," she admitted, thankful for the ease of the conversation. "they seemed shaky back when we were in high school, and i doubt they've been inspected since then."

of course, there were still plenty of other rides that had been around for forever, but one less death trap was probably a good thing.

where: carnival

"nick tried to get me to swim in the lake the other day," river explained as he took a bite of the giant salted pretzel he got from one of the food stalls. he offered mari a piece as they walked through the carnival, looking for whatever clues they could find. "i went with him the other day, he's convinced someone in town planted chris' shit so the cops could find it. which isn't a bad theory, but fucking stupid on whoever planted them if it's true."

seriously, how fucking dumb would you have to be to plant stuff that belonged to chris AFTER being invited back into town for an alumni event. it literally was declaring that you've been away for years.

"but now that lux leaked that those shoes were buried," he started, letting his mind wander. the cops had intentionally mentioned finding the shoes by the lake, probably because they wanted everyone to think that the items were found in the lake, not next to it. easier to weed how who knew what if they had information other people in town didn't.

"sounds to me like chris left the lake," so who met him on the other side?

she'd lost track of her brother long ago, twenty bucks and a quick have fun all he'd needed before going on his merry way. and, having been left to her own devices, mari had inevitably ended up with river calloway. her partner in crime.

or. the opposite of that.

"maybe he had something to do with it," she suggested as they wandered through the grounds, popping the bit of pretzel he'd offered into her mouth. she let her words hang in the air as she chewed, soon following up with an explanation for her thoughts. "i mean, don't perpetrators tend to return to the scene of the crime?"

eyes scanning their surroundings for anything suspicious, the lack of anything terribly interesting had mari turning back to her companion. and just in time. river's mention of chris leaving the lake was something they'd yet to discuss, but she'd been eager to do so. and to assess how he was feeling about it.

god knew she was having major feelings about the news. after all, it was the different ending she'd always hoped to write. the survival story. and yet, if chris had survived, where was he? the pieces didn't all add up yet and it felt like they had more questions than ever before.

"you might not currently be paid to be a journalist, but you still have those habits and instincts, so we should trust them." he explained. who cares what her current job title was, right? finishing off half his burger, he just nodded along as she spoke, making sure she knew he was listening. and agreeing.

so it seemed like they were both on the same path. this information, was most likely, being held by the police until they all were back in town and the cops could do something about it.

honestly, it was nice to talk this through with someone. river mostly did that in chat forums, or he just wrote his notes and reflected back on them, either agreeing or disagree with his past self. but mari made him feel like his ideas and hunches were valid, he it was kind of exciting. talking this all through with someone who was just as curious and interested in the topic? he enjoyed it.

snorting at her comment regarding them both being scholarship students, river couldn't help but think a silent fuck you to their old school. only because he knew it was true. they needed funding and were using their past students to benefit on it. "yeah, yeah the lockdown was set in stone. no one can control the weather. but it's too fucking suspicious that something of chris's suddenly surfaced when everyone came into town."

they were in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, river looking over their separate notes, when she asked about that night. "uh yeah, yeah." he said, suddenly feeling like eighteen year old river again. "i went to the lake with a lot of people. i saw him go in." and never come out.

at the time, river hadn't thought much of it. he assume it was some stupid fucking prank played on the drunken students that ended up at the lake. but the next morning, when the whole town found out chris had been declared missing, river realized what had happened the night before. he had seen someone die.

mari - at party, did not see chris go in lake. heard after.

"i was there too," she admitted as her pen stilled. "but i've never been good at parties. even then, i remember keeping to my friends and wanting to leave early. i didn't see him go in. i just remember what i was told - that he must have drowned in the lake when he jumped in for a dare. but not to mention that to anyone. the drinking, the dares… there was so much that we shouldn't have been doing."

it had haunted her for a decade now, how complicit she'd been in everything. no, she hadn't actually seen anything, but she'd been there. she'd been so keenly aware of both the before and after, even if she missed the middle. maybe, had she told the truth, some meaningless memory could've turned out to be important. instead, she was left with nothing but what ifs. questions.

and now there were more unknowns than ever. because if the police had something belonging to chris, was the story she'd always been told even true? they'd all worked to cover up a secret, but what secret was that, exactly?

but river had seen chris go into the lake. there had to be some truth to it. right?

"what do you think happened?" she asked next, clarification coming before she was even asked for it. "i mean, ignore what we thought we knew - he got drunk, he did a dare, it was a tragic accident and no one realized until it was too late, et cetera. if anything is possible, what do you think happened to chris?"

mari wasn't naive - she knew that st. mary's wasn't the picture-perfect place that it pitched itself to be - but she'd worded her initial response incorrectly. sanem had mentioned that it would be crazy to show up and not expect there to be more beneath the surface. and mari had been polite in her questioning. that was the wrong move.

delete. start over.

"no, it seemed pretty purposeful," she tried again. "but i was wondering if you'd maybe heard anything else. because there's the finding something of chris's thing, and then there's those weird messages in the alumni group and that video of malcolm and helena. i didn't know if something else had also popped up to add to the list."

she'd already decided that chris's belongings showing up a decade later wasn't a coincidence, but it was a relief to know that she wasn't alone in her thinking. that it wasn't just her and river going full conspiracy theorist.

"convenient is a good word for it, yeah. but none of it has ever made sense. and that's probably why we're right back at square one. quite literally. redoing police questioning is as close to reliving the night as they can get us."

watching mari get settled in, he chuckled. "yeah sorry, there were too many people in there that i didn't want to talk to. the second they said we were free to leave, i booked it." finishing off half of his burger, river wiped his mouth with his napkin before diving into his theories.

"all i know is it's a little fucking weird that after ten years the cops suddenly have evidence that ties someone in that room to chris. part of me thinks maybe they've been holding onto whatever they found and were just waiting for enough of us to be back in town to let the other shoe drop." chin resting on his folded hands for a second, river continued to speak his thoughts outloud.

"don't you think it's pretty coincidentally that this happened right when we all got here? do you think maybe this whole alumni event was like... just a fucking lie to get us back here so they could keep us here?"

river didn't trust the cops. he might have, at one point in his life, when they arrested his father and all the lies began to be uncovered. but he had a bit of a troubled rebellious streak in college and thats where the distrust began. "i just can't figure out what the fuck they might have found..."

mari simply shrugged off the male's apologies, almost confused at his response when it hadn't actually bothered her. focus wasn't a bad thing, especially when river's determination to get answers was the thing driving their meet-up.

but she was caught off guard by the realization that he didn't know about her younger brother. about her whole tragic tale. of course, she hadn't known him in high school. not really. he'd been on one of the same sports teams as her brothers, and she'd been aware of the suspicions some held after the chris incident, but they had only really spoken for the first time that night. there was no reason for river to have known about the untimely passing of her father. about her brothers' insistence that she take one for the team and move back. and she had no intention of telling him.

"yeah, connor," she nodded, stealing a few more fries. "he's why i had to move back."

she would offer no further explanation.

instead, she listened intently as river outlined his thoughts, nodding where appropriate and cracking open her notebook to take actual notes. he had more questions than answers, but who didn't? there were holes in the story that had been spun for closure that had always bothered her.

"well, i'm not a journalist anymore, so my instincts on that front are rusty, but if i were writing this… yeah, i'd have held it back until everyone was where they needed to be," mari was quick to agree.

how odd, to be airing her suspicions rather than keeping them close to the chest. it wasn't necessarily a bad odd, though. so she paused to take a sip of her coffee before offering her own analysis.

"i don't think the whole event was a lie. every school that depends on high tuition to function relies on showing off their successful alumni. where would us scholarship students be without the generosity of the people in that room? but you know i don't believe in coincidences. i think the lockdown moment would've happened rain or shine. and whatever they found is big enough for them to suddenly attempt to be competent. i mean, the fact that they found anything belonging to chris throws of the timeline of the night, right? everyone always said that everything he had went into the water with him."

letting a beat of silence pass before she spoke up again, she asked what she felt was an obvious question.

mari had known, of course, that her peers were being called in for questioning, but her self-isolation from almost all of them meant that she wasn't aware of who had made the list. if there was any rhyme or reason to it. the types of questions that people were being asked. she'd been impatiently waiting her turn, but with each passing day she grew more restless, her curiosity at an almost all-time high.

so the fact that someone could so casually bring up the one topic that she wanted to discuss? a blessing. truly.

"no...?" mari answered, the lilt of her voice at the end of the word a clear indication of the actual question that followed. "did you?"

"mmm, yeah, we have to stop meeting like this," mari agreed, matching kai's energy without a second thought.

she'd figured that the alumni event had been bad enough, but the fun little request that the police had tacked on at the very end of the night had been a game changer. how could it get any worse? well, by trapping everyone in the same small town for an extended period of time, of course. mari had assumed she'd never see kai again, and yet there he was. implying things she'd rather ignore. prodding in ways clearly meant to get a rise out of her. unable to infuse any of his words with an ounce of believability.

there was nothing sweet about their run-ins. and there was nothing meet cute about them either. they were tense, fraught with the unsaid, leaning towards petty squabbling.

and yet she was unable to break the cycle.

mari actually knew very little about sanem. they'd gone to high school together but hadn't run in the same circles. they knew the same people but weren't friends. and yet, when she'd seen the girl at the coffee shop that afternoon, mari had found herself inexplicably drawn to her.

it wasn't for a new book - she really wasn't drawing any inspiration from sanem's situation - but, yeah, she knew about her family. and mari was sympathetic. empathetic, even. she had also lost someone horribly and she'd felt compelled to connect. two girls marred by tragedy? it only made sense to sit around discussing another tragedy.

"what do you mean by that?" she asked after a moment, head tilted in curiosity. "about assuming there isn't more beneath the surface?"

taking a sip from her own drink, she weighed the pros and cons of being honest about her assessment of the situation. and the winner?

"maybe they just want to confirm the timeline of events. i think everyone always assumed everything of his went into the water, so the fact that something didn't is just... new."

she didn't believe it, but she was trying to be reassuring.

just like he had told mari at the school, once able to leave, he had left and gone straight to the 24 hour diner on campus. in the back booth by the window, river sat with a cup of coffee, a burger and two sides of fries. he also had his own journal that he had started using a few years back when he really began to look into the chris case. he figures it'll probably be best to go over everything they know, and everything they learned tonight.

including the fact that something of chris' had survived all these years.

river was going through all his notes when he noticed someone slip into the booth opposite him out of his peripheral. "so you decided to come." he said, giving mari a welcoming smile. he motioned the waitress over as he turned mari's coffee cup up to indicate they wanted it to be filled. once the cup was full of piping black coffee, river sat back in his seat and motioned to the drink and fries he had promised. "i was starting to wonder if you were gonna leave me hanging, didn't want the fries to get cold."

once the waitress left and the two were alone, river got to buisness. "so, looks like no one is allowed to leave anytime soon. makes me think whatever they found either has no DNA evidence on it, or it does and they'll start taking asking everyone to give voluntary samples.."

once they were finally released, mari wasted no time in getting home. of course, she fully intended on meeting up with river at some point, the male's proposal too intriguing to decline, but she had no intention of doing so in the uncomfortable semi-formal attire she'd tossed on for the night. and she'd wanted to grab a notebook, check in on her brother, not seem so eager, etc.

the whole detour hadn't taken her more than half an hour, so she felt confident that river would still be there. and luckily with the late hour and the flash flood warning still in place, he was easy enough to track down upon her arrival.

what was the most secluded spot? go there. a little predictable, but likely necessary for the conversation they were meant to have.

"hello to you too," she offered in greeting as she slipped into the booth. "i had to make sure that my brother was where he said he was and not up to teenage mischief while his sister was trapped in the surprise escape room from hell."

stopping the waitress when her cup of coffee was only half full so that she could create her usual 60% milk and sugar concoction, mari made sure to steal a handful of fries before continuing.

in truth, while she knew that mari was a successful published author, zahra...hadn't read her book. mostly because she preferred audiobooks and didn't think there was one out yet, but also because there were whispers that it had to do with st. mary's; the school already occupied her thoughts enough without returning to a fictionalized version of it.

"an honor," mari nodded, not sure if zahra was telling the truth or just saying it to be nice. she'd take the subtle compliment either way. in a night where seemingly kind words had been traded as subtle attacks, she was grateful for the change of pace.

and that it seemed like they'd had the same approach to the evening.

"nope," she mirrored the girl's answer, a matter-of-fact confession soon following. "i'm not the biggest fan of public speaking, but i figured this would be a low stakes event. i wasn't actually trying to get these parents to commit to new horizons."

her nerves had come only when she'd stepped into the room, a sea of faces she hadn't expected to see before her. what had drawn them there? the chance to brag or the intrigue of the posts in the alumni group?

"i also didn't realize so many of our classmates would come back for this."

            ❛      you  should  do  that  ,     ❜         kai  nodded  ,     ❛     just  send  it  to  our  favorite  spot  in  maine  and  i'll  be  sure  to  pick  it  up  while  i'm  out  there  ,  yeah  ?     ❜           he  smiled  ,  the  tension  clear  .  sure  ,  kai  didn't  want  𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆  to  do  with  that  night  .  now  ,  it  felt  a  lot  like  a  moment  of  weakness  to  the  male  rather  than  a  moment  to  pull  the  weight  he  held  on  his  shoulders  off  .  rather  than  seeing  it  as  something  that  maybe  ,  at  the  time  ,  he  needed  .  no  . . .  it  was  pathetic  ,  weak  . . .  and  it  could  𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑  happen  again  .  that  being  said  ,  just  because  it  was  something  he  didn't  want  to  deep  dive  into  too  much  .  that'd  never  stop  kai  from  making  small  jabs  about  it  .  or  acknowledging  that  he  didn't  forget  .  sometimes  you  had  to  feel  a  little  uncomfortable  to  get  your  point  across  ,  right  ?  what  was  that  point  ,  exactly  ?          (      bitterness  ,  pettiness  and  stubbornness  .     )

eyes  traveled  back  to  his  parents  before  they  rolled  .  something  he  didn't  even  realize  he  did  but  the  sight  of  them  was  enough  to  make  him  want  to  punch  a  hole  in  the  wall  .  the  action  was  shortly  followed  by  a  small  laugh  ,  almost  a  huff  that  fell  from  his  lips  as  he  looked  at  the  girl  .  and  then  ,  just  like  that  his  dramatics  were  put  back  on  .  that  same  fake  smile  placed  on  his  lips  as  his  hands  came  up  and  he  did  an  over - dramatic  shrug  .           ❛      what  can  i  say  ?  i  used  my  big  boy  legs  and  got  myself  here  all  by  myself  .  didn't  have  to  carpool  with  dear  ole  dad  and  mommy  dearest  .     ❜       

"i'll get right on that," mari agreed, playing out their little back and forth to its obvious end. maybe it was for the best that kai was being so passive aggressive, dancing around the issue without fully confronting it. sure, he might hate her forever, but after that night they wouldn't have to see each other again. they could go back to pretending their paths had never crossed, and she'd just live with the guilt of what she'd done for the rest of her life.

except he was pushing her, trying to get a rise out of her. to what end? she couldn't tell. but it felt like they were on some sort of collision course.

"i'm just surprised that you came back at all," she offered carefully. "that anyone would come back just for this."

the roll of his eyes and reference to dear old dad and mommy dearest had served as a further reminder of that night, the things he'd divulged once again as crystal clear to her as if they'd just been spoken. she knew about the complicated wilder family dynamics, about kai feeling second-best to chris. once upon a time she'd been granted a peek under kai's facade, but standing before him now, it was like the mask he'd so carefully crafted had never existed in the first place. he'd fooled her before, when they'd barely said two words to each other back in high school. she'd assumed that the person he presented himself as was the whole of his identity, that she'd observed enough to get it. and she'd run with that. but try as he might to disguise his feelings, she knew better now. he could be as facetious as he wanted, but he wasn't going to get her to break. no hint of what they'd told each other under the cover of darkness was about to be paraded about in the light.

it wasn't that she cared. she didn't. she barely knew kai wilder, but it was basic human decency.

right?

"why do you think i'm backing down?" she questioned. "what if your perception of me was off? alternatively, maybe i'm just boring now. maybe i'm skeptical of a career in extreme sports and i wanted you to know that." she was, but that clearly wasn't what was driving the diversion. "i'm so sorry that you're disappointed by my conversation skills. i'll try harder next time."

it was very unlikely they'd ever speak again.

this would be the moment he held out his hand as if to silently agree to a partnership, but he figured she'd need more than that to agree to him. "when the flood ends and those doors open, i'm gonna get a bite to eat at the 24 hour diner. I'll be in the corner booth in the back. join me if you want, we can talk this through a bit more." if she came it meant she was like him, in need of answers. and he knew it'd be a lot easier to figure this shit out with a second pair of eyes.

moving back to his previous standing position next to her, his eyes bounced over the cops once more. "mmm, any crimes committed tonight and we would've heard about them. this feels like something else." the cops didn't seem to be treating any of them like criminals, and if they were, they were doing a damn good job of making it look otherwise. "you think we're about to get interviewed?" he fucking hated interrogations. but right now that seemed like the only option.

"or... think it had something to do with that video? fucking weird it played and had two people in it that are here tonight, and honestly, not very relevant to this whole rebranding bullshit outside of this event." which could mean the video was not meant to play, someone here could be fucking with them all.

mari met what was clearly a smirk from river with a tilt of her head, her intrigue growing by the second. and for good reason. given that he'd just made moves to grant them further privacy in an already isolated area of the room, what he was about to say had to be good. anyone who could read body language would be able to know that they were not to be disturbed.

and then he revealed his intentions.

"oh?" she asked, her tone reflecting the journey his invitation had taken her on - shock at the idea of someone else looking into things, frustration with the book comment, curiosity regarding the diner meet-up. she hadn't yet said yes, but of course she'd be there. he wasn't wrong - she did need to know the ending. but mari felt like she needed to use the power she had while she still had it. she had a good poker face when she really needed it. river might not yet have detected that the answer was always going to be yes.

"promise not to mention the book again and i'll consider it," she offered, presenting the request as if it would have a real impact on her decision.

what was it going to take to crack the case? and how many painful memories was she going to have to dig up to get there? because mari had been there that night... and yet she hadn't. she knew what happened, yet she didn't. it had been one of the few parties she'd attended during her time at st. mary's, a friend finally successful in getting her to socialize. she'd come to regret her acquiescence later, of course. how could she not? it was that night that had haunted her for the past ten years.

mari truly did not know how the story ended. so, like everyone seemed to be suggesting, she'd created her own ending. write what you know. make it personal. all of the advice she'd been given in college had led to one obvious destination - changing the ending for christopher wilder.

but it hadn't worked out quite the way she'd hoped. and now she was at what was essentially a full high school reunion, locked in a room with people who weren't exactly pleased by her inspiration while still being no closer to the truth.

"also a coffee. if we're making the day longer, you buy the coffee," she added.

and then the moment was over. river had resumed his previous position, and mari was back to surveying the room, watching the police intently. to the untrained eye, it would look like nothing had happened. but there were subtle differences. she was more alert than before, more suspicious of what was currently happening. her air of nonchalance was more false than it had been only moments ago.

and with a slight shrug, she was glossing over river's first question in favor of his second. they couldn't know what the police would do until they did it, but they could theorize about the other odd occurrence that evening in the meantime.

"i think it's possible that that's why they're here. i mean, something would've already happened if it was something else, right?" it was a rhetorical question. she'd already moved on to addressing the video. "i don't know that it would have anything to do with the video of malcolm," and helena, but her eyes had only zeroed in on her ex-boyfriend during the brief time it had been on the screen. "nothing about it seemed worthy of police action."

she was about to continue, but out of nowhere another familiar face popped up entirely too close for comfort. with their wave and clear intention to slide in to the conversation, mari knew her time with river was limited. so she offered one last reminder before they could be interrupted.

"i'm serious about that book thing. promise me."

coming face to face with michael geary after so many years apart was a shock to marianne's system. time was blurring. he was different, and yet he was the same - his features were so similar to what they'd been, but sharpened by ten years of a life... presumably well lived? her mind was whirring with both questions and conflicting emotions. it was at once both good and terrible to see him again. she wanted to force him to talk to her and she wanted nothing to do with him.

what's a girl to do?

the answer was clear when a certain neutrality settled across his face. and somehow that one simple expression drew out a feeling that mari thought she'd long since buried - anger.

you didn't just tell someone you love them and ask to run away together and then completely drop out of their life. not when you'd been friends first. real friends. michael's ability to make a clean break had left mari questioning so much about herself. had they ever truly been friends or had he had ulterior motives the whole time? did he actually have feelings for her or was he just going through one of his moods? what was it about her that wasn't worth sticking around for?

oldest friend. they hadn't been friends since the day they graduated.

"you want to hear the song in my heart?" she double checked. she'd always been able to hide her frustration well, and that moment was no exception. she sounded... neutral. "because i think that might ruin the mood you were setting with your song selection."

She pulls her gaze away from her phone, turning her head to look over at Mari who she didn't eve notice was standing near her. The first thing to pop into her head is who cares? It's not like any of them will be staying here. At least, not the ones who stuck around. At least she assumes everyone is just here for the reunion before returning to their regular lives. "It's possible," she shrugs. "They seemed happy after the speeches were given."

it was impressive how many former members of the school's newspaper committee had made it back.

it was the only thought mari had in her mind as she heard a familiar voice answer her question. of course she knew without looking that it was isabel santos. back in the day, isabel had been second in command to iris on the paper. with that had come being on the receiving end of some of mari's residual feelings about always coming in second to chris.

but things had changed. even before graduation. and mari had never harbored any ill will towards isabel.

"with free booze, anyone might seem happy. pretty sure i saw one of the wine moms down four glasses of red during nick's speech alone," she reasoned in response. "and free food is also a factor here. for some reason rich people seem to love free food."