Maria

And you know, there are experiences like that. There are a bunch of queer people who didn’t have sex until later on. Some of them fall under the ace umbrella, but some don’t. It is okay to wait until you’re ready to have sex, and I’m assuming here that Alice didn’t want to put this kind of pressure on their characters, the pressure to have sex early.

Oh hi! Don’t mind me, doing an analysis of the most over analysed sequence in the fandom. Spoilers ahead. But yeah, you got it, I’m going to talk about Aziraphale’s decision to go to Heaven.

First and foremost, I reject the “adulterated coffee theory”. I believe Aziraphale’s decision was very much his own. The coffee was important, yes, but for a different reason. Gabriel and the other angels (even Muriel!) rejected consuming “gross matter”, all of them, even demons (like when Shax mocks him for consuming food), showed aversion to it. So when the Metatron shows up offering coffee this already sets him as “not like the other angels”. The Metatron is trying to make Aziraphale believe that they respect his earthly ways, that they maybe even admire the connection they have to earth as the manipulative ass they are.

Now, let’s throw into the mix Aziraphale’s self-esteem problems: shortly put, he believes he is not good enough. Not Good enough as in he complies too much with “the bad side”, he lies to his superiors. Not good enough because he is not what Gabriel’s Heaven sees as a perfect angel: he eats, drinks (“You’re drinking wine? But that’s the source of drunkenness!”), he is attached to humans, to earth and to material objects, and most important of all, he loves a demon. He believes he’s “not angel enough”, he was expecting to fall in Job’s episode, he doesn’t believe he is up to the standards of what an angel should be and he spends the rest of his existence trying to compensate for that. 

In their conversation the Metatron says “There are huge plans afoot, enormous projects, and I will need you to run them. You are just the angel for the job.”, here they are taking advantage of  Aziraphale’s insecurities to boost him up, they are the first of the heavenly bosses that treat him like he is worth anything, like he did things right. To him it’s the first time his morals are ever being valued, it’s the first time ever since giving away his sword that he feels like he is enough for Heaven. When listing his qualities the Metatron says things they know Aziraphale values: “You’re a leader, you’re honest, you don’t just tell people what they want to hear.” he believes in kind selfless leadership, he values honesty (despite learning with a certain demon how/when to lie)... the Metatron is painting a picture of Aziraphale that is very flattering for him to hear and the only person who ever came close to doing the same is Crowley.

A note here, I see, as a lot of people pointed out, Nina’s toxic relationship as a parallel to Aziraphale’s relationship with Heaven. As Crowley says “We don’t need Heaven and Hell, they’re toxic!”, he came to terms with how bad both institutions are, but Aziraphale didn't. Remember after Nina and Maggie got stuck in the coffee shop Nina received a lot of backlash from her partner and was discounting it on Maggie? Same thing with the two immortal beings. In the first season Heaven shows up more often than they usually do because of the apocalypse and we can see how nervous Aziraphale gets, he is being constantly watched, his actions are under scrutiny. The bandstand fight was after Aziraphale had been to Heaven to tell them about the antichrist and was quickly shut down. Gabriel shows up running at the park and the next scene we have of A/C together is when he refuses to run away with Crowley to Alpha Centauri. Heaven shows up, Aziraphale gets into a sort of relapse mode and they fight. He hasn’t really worked on his trauma in season 2, he was just ignoring them hoping he would never have to face them again.

In these circumstances, when Aziraphale is being confronted by heaven, he sees the love he has for Crowley not as a virtue, but as a fault. I mean, he  fell in love with a demon! How can an angel love someone who is supposed to be evil? That is not angelic, he should only love things of pure love and light. In those moments he forgets all about Crowley’s good deeds, they become small, in a way, because the bad deeds (his and Crowley’s) weigh heavier on Aziraphale’s moral scale when he’s in crisis. His relapse is seeing everything back in black and white. If everything that comes from Hell is bad, how can he love a being that is bad? When he is seeing everything in black and white his love for Crowley becomes a fault. That’s one of the many reasons he sees Crowley being restored as an angel the best option to ever happen, because, then, he would be loving a being of light and all his moral problems would be solved.

But things aren’t black and white, and Aziraphale is aware of that most of the time (specially after the gravedigging story, I think that was a turning point for him). Crowley can be incredibly kind, as he himself points out. When he starts seeing himself as “an angel who goes along with heaven as far as he can” is when the foundations to “their own side” are laid. Later on he realises his moral is more similar to Crowley’s than heaven’s, but it’s still so hard for him to admit it because there’s a little voice on the back of his mind saying that only bad things come from Hell and that it is wrong to question Heaven’s decisions. Then, we get to a point that he seems to have accepted that despite everything he loves Crowley. This means that Heaven isn’t the source of all good things as they want angels to believe. Humanity teaches him that, too. In the present he trusts Crowley with his existence, he cares about that demon more than anything else and he believes it can be reciprocal. We are at a point where Aziraphale knows Crowley’s presence grounds him, that he wants him near and he stopped fighting against wanting that, he made peace with his feelings for Crowley.

Back with the Metatron, they know Aziraphale won’t consider any proposals from Heaven if they don’t consider Crowley into the equation. They pretty much acknowledges that by saying “I’ve been looking back over a number of your… previous exploits and I see in quite a few of them you formed a de facto partnership with the demon Crowley.”, it’s only after the Metatron offers to restore Crowley to “full angelic status” that Aziraphale begins to actually listen. But I think they knew Crowley would say no, his comments about Crowley’s choice make me believe that. They say “Ah, well, always did want to go his own way.”, subtly trying to make him believe that he had been fully rejected, that not going to heaven equals not loving Aziraphale. Which is actually the most absurd thing they can say about Crowley, because he’s spent both seasons talking about “our own side”, saying they should run away together. Going back to Heaven is the only thing he won’t do, and good for you Crowley for establishing your boundaries. Then the Metatron adds “Always asking damn fool questions, too.”, showing that Croweley’s questions actually bothered him, that is undesirable having someone asking as many questions as he did,  they prefer Crowley not going to Heaven.

Actually, this was such a crazy proposal. For one, it weakens the consequences of going against Heaven for all the other angels. Sure, you ask questions, criticise, you become a demon, but if you’re good enough, or maybe you have the right contact, then you can be restored back again. Heaven rules under the threat of sending the divergents to Hell, making the angels fear and loathe the other side is how they keep the status quo standing. You’d have the serpent of Eden around your angels, the expert in temptations. It doesn’t sound like a good deal for them. So, this is why offering to make Crowley an angel was just a way to make Aziraphale believe they were truly considering making accommodations for the pair of them, that they were willing to change how things are done. This is another smart way to pull them apart, because now Crowley will be the one saying no to Aziraphale, he’s the one denying him this. He is made to be the one pulling them apart, just like the Metatron says he always does. The Metatron meticulously pulled them apart.

I believe Aziraphale chose to go to Heaven to change it, it makes sense for him, but I also believe that Gabriel and Beelzebub’s arc played an important role here. If Aziraphale doesn’t accept the position, then who’s gonna be the boss? Michael? That angel who threatened to erase anybody who helped Gabriel from the Book of Life. That’s not just thrown in there for nothing. Can you imagine the fear of having the existence of someone who brightens up your day erased, never to be remembered? And the other way around, how lonely Crowley would be without Aziraphale. It’s better to have their past memories for themselves than no memories at all. Aaaaand, Hell also threatened to pursue Beelzebub, former Lord of Hell. Why wouldn’t they go after Crowley too? In this point here, Aziraphale is absolutely right, how are they going to spend the rest of their existence running away? Better to go up and fix things. But it’s naive of him to believe he can fix everything with good intentions and a kind heart (which is very in character for him). 

Sure, there are some rotten angels in heaven, but The Voice of God said things went wrong and wanted everything different, so it must mean The Almighty is good after all. But here he chooses to forget Job’s story. God was betting with Satan, letting children get murdered. God is not the version of good Aziraphale imagines them to be, and I think the only way for him to confront this is to be up close with the rottenness of Heaven. If the flood didn’t do it for him, nor Job’s ordeal this is probably the only way to get him out of denial. 

Crowley, on the other hand, learned all that with the fall, so it’s frustrating to him to see Aziraphale choosing Heaven over, and over and getting his spirit crushed when things were not the way he expected them to be, despite Crowley telling him so. They both know Aziraphale still has hopes about the Almighty’s goodness, but Crowley gets hurt the hardest when he thinks Aziraphale sees him as broken, that maybe Crowley was a “project” of his to fix all along, that he was trying to improve a demon. What hurt him so badly was not attributing Crowley’s goodness to his morals, but something that happens despite his demonic essence maybe due to his time around humans and Aziraphale himself. 

Now I’m going to speculate more than analyse: I don’t think the Metatron considered the possibility of Aziraphale being against the Second Coming. They don’t take into account Aziraphale’s love for humanity, they don’t understand the concept of caring so deeply about beings with such tiny lifespans, just like the Archangels. I don’t think they can conceive the idea of caring for humans individually, of not seeing them as means to an end (to triumph over Hell).

I don’t think Aziraphale was directly threatened by the Metatron during their conversation. I’ve seen somebody here making a very good point that maybe the conversation of Aziraphale and the Metatron we see might not be flashbacks at all, but him constructing a narrative of what happened to protect Crowley from some threat. I agree that’s a possibility, but I don’t see it as the most likely one because of Aziraphale’s joy when telling Crowley about the possibility of having him restored as an angel. But I might be wrong. We have to ✨wait and see✨. 

Then, working from the point of view that the Metatron manipulated Aziraphale thinking he is naive, they probably also think that Aziraphale averted the war because he thought he was doing the right thing for Heaven, not to save the silly little humans nor to stay with the demon he loves. In this interpretation, he can be seen as a naive angel who loves and cares way too much, way too pliable to avoid falling prey to a demon. Even Shax thinks that, she called him Crowley’s pet. They are wrong, of course.