Marcie Grimaldo

Ok I need to say a few things that happened the past few days. So months ago my bf and I decided we're going to take a trip to Miami for a few days, by the way best trip I've gone hands down. We had nothing planned out even though we said we would. We did not. Not one thing was planned, but that was okay still had a good time. My bf wanted to go in an airboat ride which was lucky because there was an aligator farm right down the road. By the way if you get a chance to go. GO. I had a grand old time.

It’s crazy to know that somedays you can get stuck in your own head. It only takes a single thought to make you trapped in your own head.

It’s hard to write anything down. I’m struggling. Have you ever just sit thinking about absolutely nothing? Nothing. Just listening to the noise that you put on is just static in the background. I have those moments where I feel like i’m processing something but I’m just zoned out, and I realize that I’m not thinking about anything. Just static. It really scares me.

How to spend the day is to watch Disney movies that remind you how good the day back then were. A good way to start is watching old Disney movies.

I can appreciate my flaws because it makes me who I am. The hardest thing for me to do is to love my flaws, even harder to love myself. The only way that makes it easier for me, is when someone that I love tells me that they love me. I think it’s mostly because it’s easier to find the flaws in oneself; that the people that we let in makes a difference in helping you love yourself. For example, I think that I’m pretty average but my friends, family, and my boyfriend remind me that I’m more than what I see myself as. The love and support they all give me makes me want to strive to be more than what I see. I want to be and see the person that everyone else sees and say that “I love her too.”

I look at what I’m given and I really wonder if I truly deserve what I have? I feel like it was given to me with no real hassle and it makes me question what I have. I question if that I’m worthy of all that I have... The fights I had, the battles I faced, the scares that were given to me, makes me question what I had gained was truly mine to have. Am I worthy of the people in my life and the time that they have given me? I feel like I’m just dragging my feet as others run past me with no restraint. I’m worried that I’m not giving my all, in fact I know that I’m not, because in the end of it all I’m afraid of failure and the unknown of what comes after. But I’m trying to face that fear and keep pushing forward, because I know that I’m worth it and I know that stronger than what I’m giving myself credit for. 

What a cloudy day, a day of promise, a day of change. The day seems ready to change within any minute of the day. I feel like I’m trapped though, well I shouldn’t say trapped but I’m lost. I need to find a direction to go in and stick to it, I’m afraid of failure but that’s what life is, right? I’m not going to make some huge inspirational rant about how I will somehow pull through. All I can say is that I promise that I will take it one step at a time. I promise that I will look toward the future but never forget the past. I’m not afraid of my past or my past mistakes. I understand that life isn’t given to us on a silver platter, we are given what life’s hands dealt us. And I’m going to make the most of what I was given and I’m grateful for a loving support of people I have in my life.

I struggle with the simple concepts of what love really is and maybe it’s not a bad thing, truly. Is it such a struggle for me to find the words on how I can express my feelings to the people, especially to those I love... I find myself disappointed in myself as the words get caught in my throat. I find it much easier to lie about my feelings than it is to say them out loud. It’s even easier to write them down or to tell them to someone that you know is willing to listen. But to say them to the people that need to hear them, to understand your struggles proves to be more difficult than expected. The feeling of guilt weighs down on my chest and it only grows as it remains unsaid. As I move on I hope to learn and be able to express my love to you. To share my thoughts with you.

It’s been a few weeks living in the city, and it’s still an adjustment in being so close to everything near me. It’s a struggle to maintain a life here but I have friends and love ones supporting me in what I want to do. The day starts with thunder and rain. Which is a beautiful way to start a day, it’s been a very long time since I’ve seen rain. A relaxing way to start the morning and a way to calm the mind. The day only started, I can’t wait for it to show me what comes next!