hello deh fandom i come looking for answers/help
so i’ve been in the process of collecting a bunch of fics that have rewired my brain a bit or had some lasting impact on me, and as a former victim of dear evan hansen (/j) there are a couple fics that have really stuck with me. problem is: most of these i read before i ever had an ao3 account when i was like 12, and therefore have no way to track them down other than my very hazy memories that are mostly snippets of scenes and some vague ideas about tags
i’m looking for one particular fic that i cannot for the life of me find, and i’m really hoping it’s not deleted and i’m just looking in the wrong places. or maybe somebody out there has a pdf or something saved if it really is gone. so here’s my very spotty memory of it:
- connor lives au, connor’s pov. i think it was very connor and murphy family centric with little emphasis on ships.
- i’m fairly certain it was NOT a do-over fic
- i’m like. 80% sure it was a multi-chapter longfic. it was definitely finished by the time i read it, though (2019-early 2020)
- i don’t think it was a connor & evan are friends fic, either. i vaguely remember that there may have been a nod to them potentially being friends, or a brief interaction or two between them, very ships passing in the night. 70% sure that it was this fic in particular
- to my memory it followed connor throughout his senior year, maybe some time before that too. i know at some point he graduated towards the end of the fic
- very oddly specific, but i know connor survived a suicide attempt and ended up being anemic because of it. i vividly remember a scene that led up to him finding out where he stood up from the dinner table and passed out about it
- half sure that there were original characters involved??? though this may be memories from other fics overlapping
and, just for good measure, another fic i’m less motivated to find and remember just two things about:
- ghost connor au. the opening scene or something close to it was connor waking up as a ghost in a field (which i think was the orchard?), and he finds this kid alone in the field. her name was daisy(? maybe a different flower, but it was definitely nature related), and she turns out to be evan’s kid. the fic centers around her and connor’s relationship for a decent chunk of it, if not all
- i’m pretty sure there was a scene where connor and this kid colored together. they were pals
straight up if anyone can find these for me i will draw you whatever the fuck you want. it’s driving me nuts not being able to find these and would really like help finding them again