sangfroid

and at this exact moment  ,  when his eyes meet his  ,  he mouths something to him:      

    »    tired  ?  want something to drink  ?    «

communication is... tiring. humans are tiring. complaints are tiring. and it’s no surprise that on the day junsoo feels the worst, he ends up having to deal with all of that. someone lost their ticket, someone got into an argument with one of the other students, someone was charged more than they should have been; and junsoo is there to take care of all of it.

he smiles through the pain and pretends to be perfectly fine as per usual, charming the customers out of their anger and into buying additional snacks before their movie starts. sometimes junsoo wonders how he manages to do all of that and still remain standing to this day. what helped a little was the notion that there was always someone watching over him, and although he felt like a kid being babysat, he still appreciated it, though the most he could reply with to ed’s smiles and waves was a little nod of his head. he wasn’t much of a smiler when he was tired, unless he absolutely needed to be.

whenever junsoo can catch a break, he finds himself leaning against a wall, yet he never finds that he could relax fully. taking a break means being lazy and being lazy means losing points even though you’re a human being without any infinite energy reserves. as he’s scanning for any of the teachers that might want to tarnish his perfect score, his eyes meet ed’s and his look softens a little. he can’t help that little sliver of a smile as he moves over to where his hyung is standing and leans against the counter slightly. hopefully the teachers spare him for this one.

    »   one of these days heejin-hyung will woke up and scold the both of us  …  so just for today  .  let’s sleep  ,  junsoo.  just this once.   «  he murmurs to junsoo who is not right in his embrace  ,  trying his best to like this just a little longer and hopefully the other will change his mind.

junsoo grins widely when edmund awakens, and it’s an odd feeling that settles in his stomach. he’s never quite this childish, always a little too grown up and too responsible. sneaking into edmund’s room is always the most irresponsible, and the most exciting, thing to do. junsoo knows that even if he gets in trouble, his hyung will always be there to talk them both out of trouble; junsoo knows that if he ever wants to get in trouble, he’d rather have ed than anyone else with him. 

he’s too busy gleaming to react before he is getting smothered under the blankets, feeling ed’s body twist around him and trap him much like a snake would. junsoo tries turning, and twisting, and freeing himself, yet he eventually has to admit his defeat, at least for now. still, he doesn’t feel tired, or at least convinces himself it’s not his time to be tired yet, and he chooses to ignore that ed might be tired. instead, he watches edmund’s sleeping face with a small grin on his face as he gently traces the side of his face and his neck to coax him back into slumber. “but what if i don’t want to sleep?” he chuckles mischievously before pinching edmund’s cheek and kneeing him in the thigh.

“come on, ed hyung. you can sleep when you’re dead. if you don’t go for a walk with me i’m going to kill you.” he wraps his fingers around ed’s throat, drumming his thumb against the male’s windpipe to prove a point. “then you can sleep forever.” junsoo hums quietly, wondering if he’s taking it too far.

euiin would think it’s clearly a joke, but would ed? edmund knows junsoo wouldn’t kill the people he loves, and it’s clear that junsoo loves the other male, but edmund also doesn’t know that junsoo had wished to kill his sister more than once now, the dreams becoming more and more vivid. edmund also knows junsoo has killed someone, and if he was required to, junsoo would kill once again. so would ed ever fear for his life around junsoo?

ed is good at hiding his thoughts, junsoo had noticed it a while ago. perhaps it’s why the younger is so drawn to him. junsoo is good at hiding his true intentions, but never around ed, never around the people he trusts with his own life. sometimes he feels like ed can read right through him, and it evokes fear, excitement and respect all at once. sometimes he feels like ed knows him better than he does himself.

“junsoo, junsoo, junsoo, are you listening??? here’s the thing. i think i’m in trouble. i’m in real trouble. i got scolded by our football coach again, for the nth time. he says if i don’t get my act together he’ll be forced to give me a bad evaluation. he made me practice an extra hour! a whole extra hour junniieeee! why is football so hard, do you think it’s too late to transfer?”

the boy tries to explain as best he could whilst he figures his way further into the room, before plomping down onto the other’s bed, rolling around his roommate’s bed in despair until his a human spring roll.

if there’s one thing junsoo hates, it’s disturbance.

he comes back into his dorm room at 5:49 pm after mr. hwang asks him to not play the teacher’s pet for the day after mr. hwang calls off their usual meeting for the evening. junsoo doesn’t have much to do that day, yet settles to do what he’s most accustomed to; that is, studying. euiin seems to be god knows where, and junsoo desperately hopes the other boy doesn’t get home before the dorms are locked. it doesn’t take him a long time to dig out the two anatomy books that are yet to be read from underneath the very heavy pile of other books he’s been meaning to buy a bookshelf for, and sets them down on his table. junsoo’s mind’s foggy on the topic of plexus visceralis and he figures there’s enough time before euiin comes back to jog his memory.

but he hears the door open sooner than he expected and as much as he tries to ignore the freshman’s sighs and shuffling of feet, he can’t. junsoo’s blindly staring at his book at this point, waiting for his demise. and when euiin dares to say the younger’s voice in such a tone, junsoo finds enough will and enough want to actually arrange a funeral for the other boy.

“do you honestly think it would be possible for me to not listen when you’re being so loud?” junsoo snaps in response, frown evident on his face. “i’ll dig your grave, don’t worry. i’ll make sure you’re in it by the end of this week, even.” junsoo smiles sweetly. euiin is the only person that gets to see this side of junsoo. he doesn’t exactly promise to kill anyone else, but with euiin he finds himself doing that a lot. he doesn’t necessarily hate euiin. it’s a type of affection, really. junsoo bullies euiin lovingly.

‘  all of history was written by men, so… of course they’re gonna make themselves look good.  ’

‘  as i recall, you couldn’t even get it up.  ’

‘  bless your heart. bless your heart very much.  ’

‘  can i sleep over with you?  ’

‘  does it ever get better, with your family?  ’

‘  fine, you can sleep in my bed, come on. you can sleep with me.  ’

‘  hardly matters. you’re ruined. all out of spite.  ’

‘  i believe she’s outstayed her welcome.  ’

‘  i don’t mean to sound cruel, but i don’t think part of your heart can ever work if you don’t have kids.  ’

‘  i forget sometimes how parents aren’t always good for their kids.  ’

‘  i have to get home for heaven’s sake!  ’

‘  i miss her sometimes, even though i didn’t know her.  ’

‘  i never loved you. i hope that is of some comfort to you.  ’

‘  i think we should just sleep separate tonight then we’ll hang out tomorrow, okay?  ’

‘  i won’t grow up, not me.  ’

‘  if i can, you can.  ’

‘  if somebody says ‘bless your heart’, what they really mean is ‘fuck you’.  ’

‘  it’s hotter than a whore in church today.  ’

‘  i’m a bit tired, i think i should just sleep in my bed tonight.  ’

‘  i’m glad you’re back.  ’

‘  i’m incorrigible too. only she doesn’t know it.  ’

‘  i’m just a little frustrated ‘cause the girl i’m seeing won’t call me back.  ’

‘  i’m not decent. no, i’m not.  ’

‘  i’m trash, from old money.  ’

‘  i’ve just never been very good at the adult thing, i guess.  ’

‘  just forget about it, alright? i have.  ’

‘  let’s dig deep here… favorite color, favorite ice cream, favorite season? think you can handle it?  ’

‘  life is pressure. grow up.  ’

‘  my demons are not remotely tackled. they’re just mildly concussed.  ’

‘  nothing’s ever your fault, is it?  ’

‘  please stay.  ’

‘  please stay. if i can, you can.  ’

‘  she’s delicate. a rare rose. but not without thorns.  ’

‘  so, uh, are you guys dating now?  ’

‘  that day has haunted me.  ’

‘  well, i’m an unconventional girl, that’s what you like about me.  ’

‘  well, looks like we both got fucked.  ’

‘  we’re alike. i knew we would be.  ’

‘  what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger… unless it kills you.  ’

‘  what if, after you die, part of you goes to heaven, part of you stays here, just to see how things turn out?  ’

‘  whenever i’m here, i just– i feel like a bad person.  ’

‘  you could take advantage of me maybe, when i’m drunk.  ’

‘  you gonna hit me? be dangerous.  ’

‘  you have the control and… they like you.  ’

‘  you turned out so wonderful, smart, beautiful, successful, and brave.  ’

‘  you were born with it, that cold nature.  ’

‘  your friend sounds like an after school special.  ’

‘  you’re a sick fuck.  ’

‘  you’re like my sister.  ’