#thr.

the reality is more along the lines that he's realized that even his social battery can run itself dry; especially after hours of quick flashes and subsequent explanations that no, you shouldn't be drinking anything alcoholic the moment you walk out into the mall hallways and that no, the even if it looks so tempting, you really shouldn't peel the plastic right away, even if the ink is just a single word, or just a little moon.

"you think the exit to rooftop's open?" jaewon voices his idea the exact same moment that it it manifests within his mind, putting a tinge of manifestation into the universe by doing so. surely, with the commotion, security would be more concerned with keeping the visitors in check, with safety and precaution around the amusement rides. and with the a lot more luck, his question would have a positive answer. "we can grab burgers and something to drink. i think my head is going to explode. shit."

with it (and some exaggeration), he drags his hands down his face. groans, too, just to make sure she really gets the extent of his woes.

a pause.

"the most i'll do is bumper cars, by the way. don't even think of the pang-pang."

he was told women will be the cause of his downfall.

he laughed it off, telling grandma she can't believe everything she hears, reassuring her that he will marry a nice girl some day and that she doesn't need to worry about him, but even then, a part of him knew the fortune teller was right.

a lot of his problems revolved around women. yet, somehow, he can never steer clear of them. like a curious moth flying into a flame, or a ravenous fish biting the bait, seo jaerim is a knight that knows no fear, one that finds himself dashing into the dragon's lair time and time again.

the one thing he should've learnt by now is to stay away from his exes (it's rule number one of the breakup handbook), but it is also the one lesson he never learns. he gravitates towards women he knows are bad for him—there is a reason why they're an ex, but there is something so addictive about being around an old flame, reigniting an old spark. is it the comfort of familiarity, or does he just like getting burned in the same place twice?

he never should've met up with seryung. maybe shouldn't have came to this event that her family was hosting. then again, can he really avoid her when they run in the same circles? he should've long cut the detonating time bomb that is seulki off, let alone agree to spending time with her at the event. both of these terrible decisions led to his demise, as it always has all his life.

but there is one girl that he feels so right being around, enough for him to delude himself into believing that she is good for him. the way she does not hesitate to point out his mistakes, or make fun of him like he wasn't the seo jaerim, allows him to let his guard down around her. he's found a friend in her, but his greed keeps getting in the way and he finds himself wanting more. it doesn't help that he can tell she wants him just as much.

their fingers touch when he reaches for his bottle of soju. his vision gets hazier by the second but it does not matter, because she is all that he sees in that moment. he wants to shove everything between them out of their way and press his lips against her. he wants to be alone with her, without this stupid table between them, or all these intoxicated people around them. for once, he wants to have her to himself without feeling like he isn't allowed to.

he lets his fingers linger near hers, dilated eyes piercing through hers. he doesn't care that he was giving her his 'fuck me' eyes, doesn't care that he misses his bottle and reaches for hers instead, sipping from the exact spot her lipstick had imprinted on the nozzle of the bottle.

"i had a fucking terrible day today." why does her soju taste sweeter? is it because her lips had been on this bottle? "drink with me, please."

The derivatives of ennui often lead him astray. The current exhibit displays his inhibited mind, clattered with thoughts that he does not want to entertain, mostly the searing ones, too heavy for a moment clasped between the teeth of fatigue. As such, he searches for a place baptised anew, the neutral territory a lapse between thoughts that tend to skew towards the crimes that mar the city underneath its glam. He knows it too well, but nowadays, he doubts that any place isn’t actually accentuated by some bias to an extent. Still, it’s none of his business. To plenty, he’s another face that remains a fool, oblivious to the ire of the brewing battles, so he’d rather capitalise on that than having to act otherwise.

He chooses the stool right in the middle of the bar, settling on it before ordering a glass of bourbon on the rocks. Nothing too unconventional. He looks around for a brief moment, but fixates his attention on his phone eventually, scrolling down the social media. Nothing interesting, but his thumb keeps going, and going, and going, until someone claims the seat next to him. He pretends to not acknowledge their presence, as if engrossed in his own phone, waiting for them to say something, anything, if they do really know of him, at least as this privileged fool sitting on top of the food chain.

they’ll hang us in the louvre ( down the back, but who cares )

...

and there is such a thing as planning a getaway. not the jet-off to paris and sight-see kind, but the leave bad enough alone kind. the leave her alone because she’s out of your league kind. the don’t talk to her again because all you ever do is say the wrong thing kind. but, as history has proven time and time again, the last thing hyun knows how to do is to leave anyone alone.

he stares at the messages from the airline—reminders about the trip sent to a group chat with the both of them. there are enough of these reminders to bury earlier messages. excited plans like bygone relics of another time. he tries not to look at the time. hyun glances to the entrance, and try as he might—hopeless as it is, godless as he is, as much as he knows he doesn’t deserve this—he can’t stop praying she’ll show up.

adoration and contempt both wear familiar faces, so indistinguishable as to be disconcerting. but take a step back, and it’s only a simple truth—you can’t keep a rose tucked away in some glass dome, expecting to put a pause on time and for it to be immortalized, all while denying it of life. sujeong learns this from the nights she spent sitting in bed, staring at vases of withered flowers lined up one after another. once a display of affection, then a weapon with all intents to injure when she sweeps it all to the ground in an almost crazed fit of outrage one night. the scarlet red that trickles from her fingertips leaves a blight on what was once unclouded, and that’s when she realises it—the fate of glass is to break.

but the worst thing about loving someone to the point of hating isn’t that you start feeling differently about them. it’s that despite it all, you still feel the same. it’s that however the pain clings to every part of her like a malady beyond cure, she can’t and she doesn’t stop herself from packing her bags a week before the date that’s stamped all across her email inbox, the group chat, and her google calendar. it’s that all the bits and pieces never stop lingering, like the scent of the flowers she swears she still catches a whiff of every morning, even when she’s shoved them all down the rubbish chute.

for some time she wonders if this is what love is, the sole desire to cling on to whatever semblance of hope she has with him, rather than making the sensible choice of searching for certainty someplace else. or—and this stems from all the thinking she’s had time to drown herself in, without hyun around to save her from her own mind—maybe love is somewhat of a misnomer when it comes to them. and maybe what she has is simply one of those bouts of hyperfixation she’s prone to, something like another one of those crocheting projects she keeps tucked below her bed, only to work on them through the night when the urge hits.

but she’s always been used to plunging headfirst into the seething underbelly of motionless waters, always had a penchant for weaving herself into intricate twists and turns. there’s no logical explanation for why she shows up an hour earlier than their agreed upon time, and why she allows herself to stay rooted to her seat all through the past hour when she knows all too well that she should turn and go before he arrives. disappearing acts are her forte after all, and he knows this better than anyone, knows that she comes and goes like morning breeze, the way she left him at first light the last time they spent the night together.

( if she’s being honest, he knows the entirety of her better than anyone. )

the reality is she knows she could never stay away, and it’s only a truth that’s drilled deeper into her heart once she sees him, just a few steps away from her. close enough that she sees his bleached eyebrows, and it seems he always has a way to put a smile on her face. then her heart, its fluttering so harsh against her ribcage that she feels her own body rejecting it, like a foreign object lodged within. who did she think she was kidding when she’d tried to convince herself she could ignore hyun for long enough to forget about him?

he’s someone she misses even when he’s standing right in front of her.

halfway through lunch, ruby’s eyes are glistening with tears, her throat burning. yet, she continues relishing the tingle of spice with every bite. as she chews, she hums in enjoyment, inhaling the familiar smell of the fragrant soup and letting it numb her tongue. suddenly conscious of the woman sitting in front of her, ruby reaches for a tissue, effectively dabbing her runny nose and stifling her embarrassed laughter at the same time.

“sorry—! i must look like a mess right now,” ruby shakes her head. far too many times, she ends up losing herself in the midst of a gastronomic experience. “it’s just that it’s been so-o long since i’ve had really good hotpot.” she offers a meek smile at eunyoung. “thanks for indulging my craving.”

ruby lets her gaze linger on the other woman, feeling a rush of gratitude towards her. in a place where she has often times felt like a total alien, eunyoung is one of the few that make her feel most at home. ruby considers herself lucky to have a senior so willing to look after her like this — being taken care of isn’t something ruby is accustomed to, but she figures she can afford to get used to it.

there’s no reprieve for the cruel. he engraves that into the mouth of the night, his lips latching onto the third shot glass that he’s learned to familiarise himself with since long ago, too long ago. the feelings of claustrophobia that creep underneath a sign of life, weeping writhing, siphoned in the form of a common complacency. he’s subdued the sense too, the clamouring crowd with occasional glances directed his way—one, of desire, and two, of inquire—has become an amalgamation of the usual denominator. there are words hushed, rumouring the fact that the boss of the triste is dwelling within these very confines. however, despite their best or worst interests, not many actually would surmise that a pretty face harbours a pretty beast, too, underneath this very humble attire. clad in tattered jeans, alongside a secondhand black sweater with its fading humility, he barely grasps the attention of plenty beyond his face. still, he would rather blend with the rest, keeping a low profile.

the mission is afoot, with a sliver of thoughts plaguing the forefront of his mind.

there are two kinds of people jinri likes being around: people that can give her what she wants, and people that know how to have fun. kang hwanhee happens to be both, which automatically makes him her favourite person to turn to whenever she’s bored. harsh, but maybe it’s because of how unimportant he is to his own family (something her siblings never had the luxury of), that gives him all the freedom in the world to entertain her every whim. he seems to think of it as a bad thing, but jinri begs to differ. she likes to tell him, ‘you wouldn’t have as much fun in life if your daddy needed you around.’ it’s true, it’s why she thinks she’s having the best time amongst her siblings. it’s also what makes hwanhee the ideal comrade; the perfect plaything.

then again, there’s the saying that goes, ‘if there’s a will, there’s a way,’ and knowing hwanhee, he’d probably drop everything for jinri if she asked him to. it’s another reason why she likes being around him, she knows he’ll never say no to her. in fact, his tendency to give in to her every wish is exactly what landed them at geoje island, an attempt to escape the brutal winter that was about to hit seoul. anything for one final autumn breeze and a getaway from the suffocating rules that dictated life in cheongdam. here, there are no toxic parents, no appearances to put up, not one familiar face around—it’s the perfect place to do whatever the fuck they wanted.

cold air engulfs her when she steps out of the shower, a hand reaching out to grab a clean towel. she haphazardly dries herself before flinging the bathroom door open, stepping out with nothing but a towel wrapped around her. “i’m freezing.” duh. still, she complains. she saunters across the room, taking the shortcut in front of the television (which was what hwanhee had his attention on before she stepped out of the bathroom), paying no heed to the fact that she was blocking his view. no, actually, that’s exactly what she wanted. still dripping from the shower, she digs through hwanhee’s carry-on for a hoodie she could slip on. “i’m going to change so, don’t look.” she doesn’t turn around to check, she knows he wouldn’t.

his hoodie swallowed her petite frame whole, the sleeves a little too long for her. perfect. it’s warm, cosy, and just enough to get him a tad bit flustered. “i borrowed your hoodie. you don’t mind, do you?” again, she already knows his answer. that’s the thing about hwanhee—he never says no to her. besides, it’s not like he can make her take it off. (he can, he just wouldn’t.) a borrowed hoodie also seems to be the least of his concerns right then. she knows that he’s bothered about sharing a room with her, unfortunately, she happens to take pleasure in that as well. she likes knowing that she has an effect on him, that she could drive him crazy if she wanted to.