I have a controversial question for you: as much as Remus loved the marauders, he talks as if their friendships came with a certain weight - the fear of losing his friends made him tense and overly permissive. Do you think, in a very twisted way, losing all of them was somewhat liberating?
So I know youâve been waiting for this ask for a bit, but I daresay this is quite a weighted question so I hope itâs forgiven. In beginning, I would say that, as far as relief, itâs a little yes and no. Naturally, the yes is guilt-inducing.
I suppose that Remus is relieved that they donât have to suffer the war anymore, and in a twisted way that they donât have to suffer through dealing with him and his lycanthropy anymore. I feel that there was a certain resentment from Peter about having to deal with it, and Sirius never respected the gravity of it and so would have resentment as wellâthings (for the both of them) like being âweighted down,â or having to postpone things because Remus is ill, etc. Anyone who spends time taking care of a loved one for a prolonged or recurring period feels resentment, and itâs completely normal. But I think Remus would have felt that weight on himself, and I think he would have been happy that he wasnât a problem for them anymore. ⌠Well, not happy, but⌠the things we think of when weâre in turmoil, you know?
I think you might mean that losing them was like the snapping of a tether, and I think thatâs somewhat trueâbut I think that tether was mostly Remus-made, rather than anything in the real world. James, Sirius, and Peter were brothers to Remus, but Remus would and will always view himself as less than, as a burden. And as I said in the above, I think that made Remus almost want to sever the tie sometimes. But he loved them too much, like they loved him.
So⌠while yes, a little, in that guilty way we all do when something happens, I think also no, because while that would have been liberating it would have been a death trap, and they were a liberation unto themselves. They were what allowed Remus to flourish, and he knew that without them he wouldnât have the same opportunities. Thatâs what makes their loss so hard to swallow: because he probably thought about how he would get by without them, had immense appreciation for them, especially during the warâand then, he loses it all. Itâs almost ironic. I donât think he ever really wanted them to go, though.
What he would have felt, I think, after their immediate loss, is the weight of their lives pressing on him more than anything. The burden of the mistakes that were made. Certainly the ones leading to their deaths, which wouldnât be revealed in entirety for years. But letâs face it: James and Sirius took a long time to become true good guys. It took the process of age, on top of fighting in the war (and then Azkaban for Sirius) to crush that arroganceâarrogance that had real consequences. I think for all the guilt Remus felt in being thankful that he wasnât a burden on them anymore, that he also felt gutted that his friends would never get the chance to grow up. Or, to learn from the mistakes. Remusâ memories of his friends are mixed up with a of bad memories of them bullying people, of transformations, of detentions⌠I think Remus may have felt, in the long run, that his friends deserved a redemption that they never got, so to speak.
Both of these thingsâthe burden of his lycanthropy, and the massive loss of his friendsâ futuresâweighed on Remus during the Shrieking Shack scene where he most openly talks about his friends. But then, that is also a Remus who has had all these years to reflect on what was lost. I donât ever want to insinuate that he was happy that they were gone, because that was not ever the case. And after years of living life without them, after years of imagining what kind of impact they could have had, and how things both in his own life and in the lives of others would be so, so different, I think that would have made Remus less forgiving of his past self, a little. Losing his friends lessened his stress, but it was unwelcome and it was a lesson in appreciating what you have, because while I think Remus was always aware, I think he fell into the comfort trap. And I think he was more shocked by that than he was concerned about the way he wouldnât have to focus so hard on the moralities of being friends with arrogant toe rags.
Soâyes, I suppose it was liberating not to have to deal with the stress of James and Sirius, to not have to worry about them running around risking their lives, to not worry about them getting hurt by Moony or found out assisting a werewolf on illegal nighttime romps, and so on⌠but I also think (as Iâm sure you do) that it was far more devastating to not have them around, because they were his life.
