Mandolyne02

What was Zach Callison’s A Picture Perfect Hollywood Heartbreak really about?

Hey all you people out there! How are you surviving quarantine? I had a bunch of spare time, and so I decided to write an essay that focuses on Zach Callison’s album, A Picture Perfect Hollywood Heartbreak. The album has been out for a while, but most people either only know Interlude IV or are really confused about the story it tells. I think I’ve finally got an answer, and I wanted to share it with you all.

If you’re only here to better understand Interlude IV, you can skip down there if you want, but you’ll still be pretty confused. Besides, you should listen to the rest of the album. The whole thing bops. 

Personal favorite song is Phantom Love, but I’m pretty sure no one cares about that.

Anyways, on to the show! One song at a time, in order.

WARNING: REALLY, REALLY LONG POST UNDER THE CUT!!

How To Write Masterpost 

What is Social Anxiety?

Social Anxiety Disorder, also Social Phobia, is a complex phobia and anxiety disorder. It is not simply being shy or introverted, but an intense fear and avoidance related to social situations. It can be general or specific to performance type events. In older versions of the DSM social phobia and social anxiety were separated, but are currently the same disorder.

The criteria that must be met are:

Persistent fear of one or more social or performative situations, in which the person is exposed to unfamiliar people or possible scrutiny by others. The individual fears they will act in a way or display anxious behavior that will be embarrassing or humiliating.

Exposure to the feared situation provokes anxiety. Panic Attacks are common.

The person recognizes the fear is unreasonable or excessive

The situation is avoided or endured with great distress and anxiety

The significance, time, and differential criteria are:

The avoidance, anxious anticipation, or distress in the feared social or performance situation(s) interferes significantly with the person’s normal routine, occupational (academic) functioning, or social activities or relationships, or there is marked distress about having the phobia.

The fear, anxiety, or avoidance is persistent and typically lasting 6 months or more.

The fear, anxiety, or avoidance is not caused by drugs, medication, or better accounted for by another medical disorder.

What Does Social Anxiety Feel Like?

It feels like everywhere you go you have a spotlight shone right on you and that everyone is staring, watching, judging you. That the second you slip up and make the slightest mistake everyone around you will descend like hyenas to mock and ridicule you for it.

It is fearing doing something wrong, knowing you’re going to do something wrong because you’re anxious over being in public and being watched, that you’re going to mess up and that the reaction will be a public shaming.

It’s being so scared of interacting with people that you avoid going out in public unless you have to. It’s using the self checkout and online options to avoid having to interact with people. It’s having a panic attack and hyperventilating at the prospect of making a phone call, and crying so hard while making it that the person can’t understand you, or it’s just hanging up as soon as the person on the other side picks up and says “Hello.”

It’s being terrified of job interviews and so never applying, never calling back, never showing up to the interview, to the orientation, to the first day of work. It’s not showing up to class because someone will notice you doing something wrong. It’s failing band and giving up playing music because you can’t do a playtest in front of people. It’s running out of class and having a panic attack on the bathroom floor. It’s hiding in bed instead of doing any number of things that require talking to or interacting with or just being around people.

It’s putting off doctor’s appointments and not bringing up health problems because “what if you embarrass yourself?” It’s not making friends because you can’t initiate the friendship, and when they try to, you run and hide because social interaction is that terrifying. It’s losing friends because you never hang out, because you lose touch because even talking it too anxiety-inducing to maintain.

It’s missing out on everything that requires talking to, interacting with, or being around people because you’re too afraid of messing up.

I’m fortunate in that I’ve gotten better about my social anxiety. I can talk on the phone to people I know well. I can listen to strangers talk on the phone (and respond if I have a script, and only cry a little). I can interact with cashiers at the store (after being one and realizing cashiers don’t give a flying flip what you do or say as long as it’s not causing them trouble). I can talk to my coworkers if I’ve gotten used to them. I can do my job (but answering the phone still makes my heart leap into my throat and my stomach drop out and my hands shake).

Social anxiety exists on a spectrum, and what your character will have issues with might not be the same as another character. Some might only have stage fright or performance anxiety, while others may find it impossible to talk on the phone or face-to-face to anyone. Or maybe the character is just fine with people they know, but strangers cause intense anxiety.

For a lot of people, the constant anxiety that is associated with the prospect of having a social situation and the possible embarrassment is all that happens. So, it would be completely possible for a character to have this as well. There are also a lot of people who have panic attacks while in public or talking on the phone, and so this is also something that characters can have.

Does anyone else have like. Anxiety-related memory problems. Like, after you do something, you start wondering if you messed something up or did something wrong, and you get really anxious over possible mistakes you made and you genuinely can’t remember if you made those mistakes or not?

Like for example maybe you write someone a letter and then after sending it you start imagining you made some terrible mistake and despite the fact that you yourself wrote and proofread and sent it, you can’t remember if you did or not?

Anxiety are the beginning stages of relationships, you struggle to get through normally because in you always seem to ruin something before it begins.

It’s staying up at night and tossing and turning because you wonder how someone feels. It’s questioning if this is really something or is it all in your head.

Anxiety is being excited about a date but thinking they’ll cancel last minute. It’s staring at your phone waiting for it.

It’s every past relationship on repeat and hoping this one doesn’t end the same way.

It’s an ending that emotionally destroys you. It’s trying to handle it with grace and dignity but at the same time, you’re in tears wondering, when things changed and what you did wrong. It’s beating yourself up for it, even when you’re friends tell you, it was him not you.

Anxiety tells you, ‘no, it’s not that they were the wrong person, it’s that you’re flawed and not good enough.’ And you look at yourself fixating on things you wish you could change because that’s probably why it didn’t work out. Anxiety is striving for perfection even if it kills you.

Anxiety is every text and not wanting to be the first one to send it.

It’s stressing how to word something properly because you care but you don’t want to come on too strong.

It’s the agony of waiting for a response as reread what you just said. It’s wanting to send a double text but knowing you shouldn’t

It’s social media adding to it and making it 10X worse. It’s never just a like or a view or a share because you’re staring at your phone wondering if it means something more.

Anxiety tells you, ‘they’re ignoring you on purpose. They don’t care. They are going to leave. They’re mad at you.’

Anxiety is believing lies made up in your own head.

It’s the weight lifted off your chest when they respond but you still worry.

It’s wondering at any moment, ‘are they going to change their mind about me?’ It’s playing out that scenario in your head, just so you’re ready for how you’d respond to it.

Anxiety is anticipating the worst in people, even though you have the best intentions. It’s caring but the insecurity of caring too much.

It’s questioning and doubting, everything someone thinks, says and does.

It’s finally getting a relationship but you’re paralyzed with fear of it ending, even though it just started.

Anxiety is pushing people away because you think it’s for their own good.

It’s is being everywhere on time and needing your partner to be the same way. It’s wanting things to go according to the original plan and getting upset when it doesn’t.

It’s messing up and making a mistake and your immediate assumption is, they’re going to leave or dump you. It’s being unbelievably hard on yourself even though you’re the least judgemental person ever.

Anxiety is being painfully insecure and not being able to help it.

It’s standing in a crowded room, holding his hand, as you meet his friends but all you want is for them to like you. It’s trying too hard that they don’t sometimes.

It’s wanting to drink but worrying about drinking too much. It’s the apology the next morning you didn’t even need to say.

Anxiety is wanting to explain to him, ‘this is what you’re dealing with or this is what you’re getting and I understand if you want to leave.’ But at the same time, you just try and hide it.

It’s learning to trust him slowly.

Anxiety is explaining to your partner, ‘this is what I thought, it’s completely illogical, I know but I need you to just tell me I’m wrong. Tell me we are okay.’

It’s needing constant reassurance.

Anxiety is your partner wrapping their arms around you when you completely break down and they just have to keep telling you, ‘it’s fine.’ It’s someone else being strong when you can’t be.

But it’s also the fear of letting someone close enough to see that side of you because you’ve always been strong for yourself and you fear vulnerability.

It’s that critical voice inside your head that you hear on repeat. Even when they compliment you, you don’t believe it at first. And they don’t understand why you don’t see yourself the way they do. But there’s something beautiful about teaching someone to see themselves through your eyes.

Anxiety is the beauty and appreciation of someone really knowing you and accepting you because you still struggle to accept yourself. It’s watching them change the way they act or what they do, just to keep you more at ease. It’s the comfort in a simple phrase, ‘I’m sorry I didn’t answer this is why…’ It’s a feeling of wholeness when they say, ‘I still love you, even with this thing WE have to live with.’

Anonymous asked: Hi, could I get some advice on writing from the first person point of view of a person with social anxiety?

First off, there is anxiety that is induced by social situations that is relatively common and most people have experienced at some point, and there’s Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD). I am a big supporter of mental health and encourage writers to include it in their fiction though it must be mindful, researched, and respectful.  If you are interested in writing about mental illness, be sure to research first.

For the sake of this post, I’ll be focusing on mild social anxiety, or really what most people equate to awkwardness or nervousness in social situations. How your characters experience this and to what extent it exists in their lives is very much up to you, but here’s a few pointers to help out.

Talkative characters can still feel anxious in social settings. This is a huge misconception. Just because someone is talkative does not mean that they are not nervous or uncomfortable or cringing at the thought of having to meet and talk to someone. Talking can even be a nervous habit. Sometimes nervousness only pertains to certain social settings for instance, a talkative boy who does not tend to get nervous might seem anxious around a crush or at a party where he knows no one but the person he came with. Some people are talkative only after they are comfortable having had the chance to get to know you first. If you’re worries about an anxious protagonist being “too talkative,” don’t.

Anxiety might be limited to certain situations or topics. Social anxiety generally is limited to social situations, but it can be even more narrow than that. For instance, if a character doesn’t drink and does not like to be around people who are drunk, he might get uncomfortable when alcohol comes up in conversation or when friends come to him with stories of drunken escapades. With this example, the character might be uncomfortable to even admit or address his discomfort.

A character might actively avoid a situation or setting because of his anxiety despite wanting to get involved or participate. An introvert might still want to take up an offer to go clubbing with a new friend, even if the thought of actually going is too much for him. He might do things like cancel at the last moment or try to postpone, make excuses to avoid having to confront what exactly makes him anxious. He may even in part sabotage a relationship to avoid having to get into a anxiety-ridden situation. I know most of my examples are party-based - those are relatable enough, but are by no means the only way that similar anxieties can be expressed.  

It will take time. A lot of time. The patience and understanding of the love interest will go a long way to strengthening that bond. Even if they get impatient now and then like “You never talk to me” or “Why don’t you trust me?” they’ve got to be willing to continue as the protag’s partner through thick and thin, quiet and noisy (and anxiety is noisy af).

Their willingness to give the protag space will also improve that bond. If the depression and anxiety make the protag withdraw often, the love interest needs to learn (not know right off the bat) when to be there and when to stay clear. If they make the right call often enough, the protag will love them all the more.

Finally, as with all friendships and romances, it’s the small things that matter. Gentle touches or thoughtful gestures mean a lot to a depressed person. Getting them things they need, doing chores they’ve neglected, and encouraging them to pursue activities they enjoy are big signs that you love them. Just picking up something someone’s dropped or dusting off their clothes are things that can endear a person. Love is more often in the tiny gestures than the grand ones (and grand gestures to an anxious character may be a bad plan).

Hope this helped!

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Fab Tree Hab

@cutabello that’s a great hashtag but they are mainly selfies and im looking for things like this:

Im trying to find POC photography where there are in the world and being magical, or being with family, or going on adventures or anything other than it just being a selfie or talking about racism. Yes racsim should be addressed but I’d love to see more POC in surrealistic or domestic photography where there isn’t an explanation for them being there they just are. Like this:

@openheartopenhead OH MY GOSH????

Within 5 mintues I found EXACTLY what I was looking for? This is amazing i can’t even fit all the photos i found im floored!!

This Icelandic manuscript of magic, known as the “Huld” manuscript, presumably derives its name from the word “hulda” meaning secrecy, and was compiled from three older sources by Geir Vigfússon in 1860. These ten selected pages from the manuscript feature “stafir,” or what we might call sigils today.

For the description and purpose of each sigil, click “keep reading.”

Listen well darling, you’ll hear the world turning.

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