*shrugs*

You developed something of a routine with Din. He called you most nights after putting Grogu to sleep. Usually he caught you just coming home from work and was happy to keep you company while you went about making dinner–his voice echoing on speakerphone between the sounds of chopping and sizzling. Or microwaving, if you were too tired to bother with anything else. The conversations felt like an exploration. Each of you was slowly learning more about the other in a delicate game of give and take. Din was honest and sincere, but you could hear the effort it took in some of his words and the way he reflexively steered questions back to you. He was not a person used to talking about himself. 

There wasn’t a chance for another date for a few weeks. Between both of your work schedules and Peli’s availability to babysit, it was difficult to find the time. Still, he did swing by the coffee shop once or twice to flash you a charming smile and let his fingers linger over yours for a beat too long when you handed him his drink. As impatient as you were feeling to actually get some time together again, you had to admit that the anticipation was kind of…nice. It had been too long since you had something to look forward to. 

                      -----------------------------------------------------------------

“Please tell me you’re free Friday night.” It wasn’t Din’s usual phone greeting, but it did have you immediately grinning.

“Depends on how good the offer is,” you teased, wedging your phone between your shoulder and cheek to free up a hand. He’d caught you while folding laundry.

You could hear his chuckle through the speakers. “Dinner? I’ll buy you dessert and everything,” he suggested. As if you needed any convincing.

“You’ve said the magic words.”

“Perfect.” You could hear the genuine excitement in his voice and couldn’t help but match it. Even when he asked about your very mundane day, the smile didn’t leave your lips.  

                          ----------------------------------------------------------

The steam from your shower was still hanging in the air when you heard your phone begin to buzz from the other room. You were just able to pad out of the bathroom and swipe it from its precarious place on the edge of your nightstand before it went tumbling to the ground. Din’s name flashing on the screen made your eyebrows knit together. He wasn’t supposed to pick you up for another few hours. Answering the call, you were immediately greeted with the sound of a high pitched cry loud enough for you to reflexively pull the speaker away from your ear with a wince. 

“Din?”

“Shit.” There was rustling on the other end of the call followed by Din saying your name in the most anxious tone you’d ever heard from him. “I’m so sorry, but I can’t come tonight. Grogu is sick.”

“Oh.” You tried to mask your disappointment as well as you could. You’d waited this long, what were a few more days? “Don’t worry about it. Is he okay?”

“I think it’s just an ear infection.” Another cry cut through the background and Din sighed. “I really am sorry. I’ll make it up to you.”

You dropped onto your bed, pushing the outfit you’d already picked out to the side. “It’s okay, Din. I promise.” 

He was clearly trying to calm Grogu down on his side of the call with a barely audible soothing tone. It seemed to work momentarily before the fussing started up again.

“I really need to get him some medicine.” There was a heavy sigh accompanying Din’s words that made your heart clench. “Peli’s already gone somewhere and I’m not waiting for Postmates so I’ve got to try and get him to the drugstore without deafening the whole neighborhood.” Another sigh. “I’m sorry, this isn’t your problem. I’ll call you later, okay?”

You weren't sure if it was because your friends had been right all along and you really were too nice or if you were already gone for this man, but the words came out of your mouth before you could stop them. “I could get it. I mean–if you want. I’m faster than Postmates and you won’t have to drag him out while he’s uncomfortable.” 

There was an uncomfortable pause long enough to make you wonder if he’d heard you before Din spoke again, “You don’t have to do that.” There was enough hesitation in his voice to make you question if that was what he really wanted to say. You’d been dancing around the subject of Grogu since you’d met and maybe this was just another one of his protective walls built around the child you knew nothing about. 

“I don’t have to,” you agreed, “but I’d like to if it would help.” He still had an out if he wanted it–an out you fully expected him to take as you waited in another few seconds of silence.

“I can send you my address,” was the reply you got instead. Still hesitant, but with a definite softness that hadn’t been in his tone before. “Thank you. Seriously.”

With instructions on which infant pain reliever to get and many more thank yous, the call ended. The date outfit on your bed was switched for jeans and your comfiest sweater and soon you were in the car on your way to the closest drug store, and to Din.

                       -----------------------------------------------------------

Din opened the door, looking flustered in a way you’d never seen him before. His hair was its usual mess of curls, though now wilder like he’d been raking his hands through it. There were nerves written clearly on his handsome face, and you had a feeling they were all centered on the little bundle currently squirming against his shoulder. Of course you knew that he was responsible for a baby, but knowing it and seeing him cradle a fussy little boy were two different things. The sight made your heart skip a little as you stood holding bags in each arm.

“Thank you for this.” He cut off your train of thought and pushed the door open wider for you to step inside. A quick glance around gave you the impression of a typical–if sparse–bachelor apartment that was currently invaded with baby supplies. You set down the bags on the bar counter of his small kitchen, suddenly feeling unsure as Din watched you with a strange look on his face. He’d just noticed the greasy bag of fast food you’d set next to the medicine.

“I was getting hungry so I thought you might be too.” You made your tone light, trying to soothe the anxious lines on his forehead.

He seemed to notice only then that he was staring. “Thank you,” he said for maybe the twentieth time that day, looking into your eyes and sounding far more serious than a bag of fries warranted.  

You were still searching for something in Din’s eyes when Grogu broke the silence and those eyes turned back to him. “I know, buddy,” his father whispered, patting him on the back softly before his cries could grow again. “Let me get some medicine in him and then we can do proper introductions.” He flashed what looked like his first smile of the day. It was small and tired, but a smile nonetheless.

Your lips quirked up in response. “Bathroom?”

“Down the hall on the right. Make yourself at home.”

The rest of the apartment you could see on the short walk to the bathroom was just as sparse as the entrance had been. Business finished, you started back towards where Din’s soft voice was filtering down the hall when something caught your eye through an open door.  

It looked like it had once been something of an office. There was a desk pushed against the opposite wall, scattered with papers and an open laptop. The shelf next to the desk had random items on display–a collection of photos, models of sports cars and intermittent stacks of books. You took a few steps into the room, curious to see the titles Din kept on his shelf. Farther in, you could see that baby supplies were slowly taking over this space as well–packages of diapers sat stacked against a wall with a collapsed playpen. What caught your eye though was another shelf next to the door. This one had more books lining the shelves and a motorcycle helmet sitting on top of it like a display. You could see some dust had gathered on the helmet’s dark reflective surface, but your attention was more focused on the large gash running down the left side. The shell of the helmet had been cracked open, jagged edges revealing the padding underneath. Long scratches marred the side as well where the road had clearly scraped off the helmet’s surface in a slide. Seeing it gave you a pit in your stomach, but you strangely couldn’t look away.

“It’s a reminder.”

You glanced up to where Din had joined you in the room, a little startled by his voice. Grogu was still laying against his shoulder, slightly less fussy now. Din nodded at the helmet that had captured your attention.

“I was young and stupid,” he said. You winced at the thought that his head was inside that when it cracked open. “I’ve watched a lot of people get too cocky and forget how dangerous the work is. It’s my reminder to stay smart.”

You glanced back at the helmet and then met his gaze, tilting your head curiously. “You’re not what I expected.”

Your words seemed to throw him off guard and a small self-conscious smile grew on his lips. “Is that a good thing?”

Pretending to think it over, you stepped towards the doorway where he was leaning. His hand was rubbing up and down the baby’s back and you doubted he was even aware that he was making the soothing gesture. As you got closer, his smile shifted to be more relaxed, seeming to have caught on that you were teasing him with your fake deliberation. “I’m still making up my mind.”

Din raised an eyebrow but the amused smile was still on his lips. “Anything I can do to help?”

The two of you were close enough now for you to lean against the side of the doorframe opposite to him and his broad figure took up enough space so you could feel the pleasant heat emanating from his skin. Brown eyes dropped distractedly down to your lips and you grinned, pushing against the doorframe behind you to press your mouth to his. The surprised intake of breath from Din was just as sweet as the kiss. You pulled back after only a moment, basking in the soft look in his eyes–close enough to see the light from the hallway reflected in them. “That helps,” you said, the words coming out more breathless than you meant. 

“Good to know.” His voice was quiet as well, like the two of you were sharing a secret. His gaze flicked down again and something almost like insecurity flickered over his features, like he still wasn’t sure if this casual affection was allowed yet. The fact that you hadn’t leaned out of his space seemed to make up his mind and he leaned in for another kiss. This one was cut short by the soft gurgling of the baby on his shoulder. You’d almost forgotten that Grogu was there. 

“Oh right.” It seemed maybe Din had forgotten as well. “This is Grogu and he is usually in a very good mood.” He bounced the boy softly in his arms, angling him towards you and completing the introduction with your name. Tiny brown eyes stared at you for just a moment before his attention turned to grabbing at DIn’s shirt. You were treated to another smile as your gaze flicked back up and DIn tilted his head down the hall. “Let’s eat.”

                             ----------------------------------------------------

Either the medicine has started to work or the baby had just worn himself out by the time you finished your food and moved to talking on Din’s small couch. He got up to put Grogu to bed, returning with a baby monitor that he set on the coffee table between you. Another long sigh left his mouth as he seemed to melt back into the cushions, both hands sliding over his face. “Thank you for the dinner…and for being here.” His words were slightly muffled by the hands still covering his face.

“You don’t have to keep thanking me.”

The hands dropped as he peeked your direction with a teasing smile. “Get used to it.”

You rolled your eyes and were treated to one of his quiet laughs.

“I grew up in foster care.” 

You tried not to let the surprise show on your face at this seemingly random admission. Din has his eyes fixed on the sleeping form of Grogu, nose scrunched up slightly like he was thinking hard about the words he was letting go. You kept silent and gave him the space to find what he wanted to say.

“Most of the houses I ended up in, th-they weren’t great. There were always too many kids and too little room, or food, or…patience.” He looked down at his lap, picking an invisible piece of lint off of his jeans. His gaze was very pointedly not on you, like seeing your eyes as you listened would make the words too heavy to come out. “When I was sixteen I moved somewhere different. They were good people–a family. I owe nearly everything I am to them.” 

Din stood, although his story clearly wasn’t over. You kept your silence as he moved to the kitchen, still clearly lost in thought. You waited as he opened the fridge and soon heard the unmistakable clink of bottles. His hand lifted up a beer in a silent question that you answered with an equally silent nod. After popping off the top of each bottle he settled back on the couch next to you. The action seemed to have helped steady him somewhat–he looked more assured as you took the drink and brought it to your lips.

“I visit when I can.” He started again after taking a sip from his own bottle, “I was there earlier this year and they were taking care of him.” Here he nodded towards the sleeping baby and an emotion passed over his face that you couldn’t quite pin down. “They said they were too old–didn’t have the energy for a baby anymore but there was no one else in the area that could take him yet.” He sighed and passed a hand over his face. “I spent the weekend helping them with him and…something happened. The kid liked me. It wasn’t the first time I’d helped them take care of a baby, but it was the first time I felt that–I don’t know, connection? All I know is that I was getting ready to come back home and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Here was this kid whose parents had died and he had no one. He was about to be thrown into the same shitshow that I had to grow up in.” 

The tanned skin on Din’s knuckles was white from the vice-like grip he had on the beer bottle. Almost without thinking you reached out, cutting through the sudden haze of anger surrounding him to place your hand on the warm skin of his forearm. Din looked up at you for the first time since he’d started talking. He looked more unsure than you’d ever seen him. 

“My foster parents helped get me connected to the right people and a month and a half later, I was a licensed  caregiver with a baby.” He dropped his eyes, but his arm moved up enough to catch your hand in his. His next words were said so quietly that you had to lean in to hear them. “I don’t know what I’m doing, but…I can make sure he has the best life he can. I mean, until they find him a permanent family.” Those last words took you by surprise and you found yourself glancing at the man next to you. The way he talked about Grogu, the way he’d looked at him…