AllBlackEverythang.

Almost the end of 2025. I feel grateful that I’ve been able to kind of get one step closer to what I’ve wanted for so long. It reminds me that I should always pursue and be persistent when I want something truly. Truly. If I never was persistent for those few months I would have not been able to be in this city that had had my heart since 2017. Being here makes me more sure that I want to be here. It’s a jungle and I’m sure it feels and will feel lonely but if I have my North Star (Mimi) I’ll be okay. I really want to nurture here and be a good mom. After all these years I met with my ex and had some down to earth conversation and although I never got something magical from it, I still took away that i have come so far (which he reminded me) and that I have so much more to come. I hope 2026 brings me and my magical star love, life, joy, new beginnings and peace with each other. This year has taught me that I really need to trust myself more, show up more for me and take a leap of faith. For 2026 I want to buy that house, I will buy that house and I will make my NSA happy. She is my person, my being, my everything. And the love I thought I had I will let it go. And if nothing new finds me…. I’ll be a little upset, not lonely because entertainment is somewhere, but self fulfilment and a new chapter is everything for 2026.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Life has been lifing at me pretty fast and I am trying to keep up. I feel at the crux of something new.. November is marking the beginning of transition but I guess when you resign and about to start something new it can feel a little like a shock to the system that you are about to tread into unknown territories. It’s exciting nevertheless but when someone else throws a different grenade that you weren’t expecting it king of throws you off even more. Either I guess some unexpected shit is going to happen between now and 31st December… I suppose I wanted to end the year with some sort of bang/achievement but I just wish it wasn’t chewing holes into my anxiety so much. I probably look super calm and collected but inside there’s a bag of nerves rattling away. Either why I better act like I deserve it.

Time is of the essence…

You know what, I do have a good career like what I’ve always wanted, yet I still moan it isn’t enough. Ha, life is weird.

What’s the point of being with someone if you feel you are always compromising….

Miserable

Inconsistent. I think that’s the tag line for this year. This relationship, how my daughter feels, how I feel, my diet, the gym, work, career, my goals, what I want from life. I’m tired of the inconsistency!!! It’s a lot and I guess with how my personality works it just isn’t it. It makes me feel anxious and like a fish out of water. I’m sick of this, I feel like I knew what I wanted and it was all going to work out but now I don’t have a fucking clue, shit is just in the air and I’m sick of it. I must be the problem.

***internally screams***