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i hate it when people ask me to "explain my thought process" like hell if i know

"what's going on in that head of yours?" nothing i want to be a part of

god. god. im glad i have the gay gene so i can listen to abba and lose my fucking MIND. its so sad straight people cant appreciate abba like we do

customers will see u drink water & be like i didn’t know u were allowed to do that

I’ll see a coworker drink water & be like I didn’t know we were allowed to do that

“I will most likely not be normal again until at least Thanksgiving turkey” is now my favorite sentence to use in the future

“please sir” and “i will buy you expo markers” killed me

Thanksgiving turkey and the casual love you bye killed me dead

There’s something so sort of wistful about “I will most likelly not be normal again until at least Thanksginvg turkey.” And at the same time, it makes me laugh so hard it hurts.

being bi is just having a crush on a girl and being like “damn if i only i was a hot mediocre dude with cheekbones then she would like me :/” and then YOU end up ALSO being attracted to hot mediocre dudes with cheekbones…..the self betrayal

growing up reading fantasy books was such a bust cause your whole life you’re left wanting more from life and like there’s something missing and you’re just waiting for that missing part to begin but it’s never gonna come

you know how sometimes it just feels so good to move and twist about in your bed? that’s your wormsona coming out

Wassily Kandinsky - Dance Curves, 1926

the most #UselessLesbian thing i have ever done was when i was trying to figure out if this girl liked me or not, just constantly arguing with myself about it, and after a couple, uh, months, of this, i was like, “god i wish i could just like… go to court and lay out all this evidence and have a couple lawyers argue over the TRUE MEANING of her text messages, and then a judge tells me if she likes me or not.” and then the proverbial lightbulb went off over my proverbial head, and i dug into my mock trial folder from high school and found the trial guidelines and i wrote out an entire trial transcript featuring a plaintiff (me), my attorney (my wildest hopes and dreams), a defense attorney (my worst fears and insecurities), and a judge (my desperate attempt at rationality). the final product was several thousand words long. it clarified nothing. at any point in this process did it occur to me to ask her how she felt about me? absolutely not. did i ever stop and think, “hey, maybe i should tell her that i like her?” absolutely not. that’s for people who take risks and i don’t take risks i take myself to court in my own head.

I’m sorry you put you thru this but I can’t help laughing

“i am sorry you put you through this” is for real the best phrase i have heard in 2018