pls calm down

Little mermaid: man sings a song about eating a crab. Moana: crab sings a song about eating a man.

reblogging for “The Rock Sings to Her”

@polyangel

2018 Goals

Since last week I’ve been getting extra money at work for free

Yo Canada, quick question. Why is your money see through?!?

Yo USA, why the FUCK are we still using fragile scraps of linen like fucking animals when we could have fucking Laser Show Dollars instead?

I want to move to Canada just because their money is so cool

The youngest millennials are in their twenties like… We’ve had jobs for years. Dumbass old people.

does john mulaney know that he is literally one of the only stand-up comedians to ever transcend traditional media and become a meme and social media icon or does he just live in his 1950s schoolboy bliss

For April Fools’ Day, my local radio station is playing literally nothing but Backstreet Boys’ songs and announcing them as other songs, and I think that’s beautiful.

That’s not a joke that’s a gift

he’s trying to use a fucking Tide pen

Youtube needs a “never recommend this or anything remotely like this to me ever again” button.

i miss the era where rapist and pedophile men were rounded up and slaughtered at a festival in honor of the goddess artemis, protector of girls

pretty fucked up how christian beliefs are referred to as “stories” but indigenous beliefs are referred to as “mythology”

im gonna start calling it all “christian mythology” now and watch people literally melt in fury

I call it Christian mythology and the amount of angry looks I get from old people in public when I say it is honestly baffling and hysterical.