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YOU ARE THE REASON
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One Nice Bug Per Day
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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Whenever I think about the value of something being done by a person who really understands the job from a lifetime of experience, I think of my first restaurant job. My goal was to work every position, and I started with a year and a half in the dish pit at 16yo.
When i started as a dishwasher, i was trained by an old career dish pit man named Claudio. He'd spent his whole life washing dishes. It allowed him to move to just about any city in the world that he wanted to and get a job without having to deal with complex hiring processes or strict resumé requirements. Which was the main thing he wanted out of a career. I still think about him.
He'd seen a lot of people come through that station who either didn't consider it a real job or thought it was beneath them, on their way to "better" or "more important" things. And, in retrospect, those first two days he was sort of doing the minimum with me that he could do and still respect himself when he told the manager he'd trained me.
But, maybe it was because i was really interested in learning all the positions there were in a restaurant because i knew they were ALL important, or because i was a hard worker, or maybe it was because i tried to have real conversations with him in my broken spanish and did my best to not make him speak any english unless he wanted to, but after a couple days there was a big shift in the way he and i worked together, and he started to really teach me.
That place ran the dish pit with one dishwasher, so when he was done training me I was going to be doing the job on my own.
The thing that stuck with me the most, for the rest of my restaurant career, was this... and it wasn't just the actual things he was saying, but a completely new way of looking at what i was doing within the context of how the restaurant ran. I came in for my 3rd day and he said
"When you work alone, you want to go home by midnight?"
we clocked on at 3:30 and took a half hour lunch break and usually skipped our tens, so, yeah i absolutely did want to get off work by midnight
Then, even tho i already knew where most of everything was by that time, he took me around and showed me all the dishes, cups, pots and pans, spatulas, silverware, had me look at all of it. Then he told me to remember that almost every one of the dishes I was looking at would be used more than once by the end of our shift- we were clocking on to wash the entire building full of dishes multiple times.
Then he led me back over to the industrial dishwasher most restaurants have, which looks like this:
and then this 60 year old career dishwasher from Mexico City said the thing that changed how I looked at restaurant jobs forever
"This machine takes two full minutes to run a cycle. We are on the clock for 8 hours. That means we have a maximum of 240 times we can run this machine. If you want to wash all those dishes, clean your station, mop, and clock off by midnight? This machine has to be on and running every second of the shift.
If you don't have a full load of dishes collected, scraped, rinsed, stacked, and ready to go into the dishwasher the second it's done every single time? You can't do it. If, over the course of 8 hours, you let this machine lay idle for just one minute in between finishing each load and being turned on again? Instead of 240 loads, you'll do 160 loads.
[like, literally, he had done this math, he had these exact figures]
160 loads instead of 240 loads means you are doing 20 loads in an hour instead of 30 loads. That means the dishes are going to pile up. The cooks will run out of pots and pans and will have to stop and wait for you, the servers will run out of plates and cups and have to stop and wait for you, and your night is going to SUCK. Every part of how this restaurant works can grind to a halt because of that idle minute between dish loads, and if it does you'll have an entire building of people in a hurry and all waiting on you.
And it means you're going to be here until 2 am doing the 200+ loads of dishes this restaurant goes through every night.
For this to work, you MUST have this dishwasher on and running every minute of the shift. As soon as you turn it on you have two minutes to have the next load ready. See these large items i put to the side down here? One or two of them takes up all the space in the machine. I keep them here so that if the machine finishes and shuts off before i'm ready for it i can stick one of these in there and turn it on again immediately. You have to think like that to do this job without stress."
The way he was looking at how the whole restaurant ran, the way he was looking at how he'd spend each minute of the entire shift, the way he broke down what the physical limits were and how to max them out so he could do his job and go home on time without stressing out... The way this 60 year old guy, who had never had professional ambitions beyond being a dishwasher, was still such a competent and brilliant expert in his field.
It was all such an important lesson, and one that stayed with me through every position i went on to work in restaurants, dish pit, busser, server, cook, all the way up through manager before I finally got out of my restaurant career
Claudio never wanted to be anything but a dishwasher who didn't stay any later than he had to.
But he knew how that restaurant ran better than most of the other people in it. I never had a chance to truly thank him for the specific lesson he taught me, because while it had an immediate impact, I didn't really understand how valuable a lesson it was until much later.
But I've thought about Claudio and what i learned from him many MANY times in my life.
All of this. Disaster befalls any company that holds no regard for the expertise of the lowest level staff.
In my younger years I worked at a medical office that managed both mental health and addiction recovery. The company had purchased an empty lot down the road from the building we rented to build a better facility with larger capacity. The CEO worked for months with the architect, and just as they were finalizing everything they happened to let me - who was the receptionist at that time - take a gander at the blueprints. It took all of three seconds for two major issues to jump out at me.
“The receptionist can’t see the waiting room from her desk with this layout.” I said. “It’s around the corner and blocked by a wall.”
“Is that important?” They asked.
“Do you want me to be able to keep track of the patients who are waiting?” I asked.
“Isn’t that what the sign-in sheet is for?” They asked me.
“Not everyone who comes here is signing in for an appointment, some are coming to check in, some people are here for the group therapy and need to be directed to the other side of the building, some people are painfully shy and if I don’t appear warm and inviting they won’t approach.” I explain.
“How often does that even happen?” They asked.
“Every day.” I explain.
“Bullshit.” They said.
“I’m not joking at all. Also, where is the chart room?” I asked.
“Oh, over here.” They said, pointing to a tiny closet on the far side of the building from the receptionist and check out desks. It was tucked neatly beside the CEO’s office. To get there the secretaries would have to go through two sets of security doors and it would be a five minute walk each way.
“Why isn’t it next to the front office, since that’s where the people who use it are?” I asked.
“We had concerns about people just going into the chart room to goof off and not do their work. It takes them away from their desks too much. You should only go in the chart room twice a day - once in the morning to pull the charts for the day, and once in the evening to put way the charts. It would remain locked and the CEO would have the key and let you in to supervise.” They said.
“We pull charts the day before so everything is ready to go and we can alert staff if a patient with additional needs is coming in. We have to go in the chart room every time a patient calls in that’s having a problem with their meds or is in crisis or otherwise has a question for the nurse. We have to go in there every time someone cancels and we are able to fit a waitlisted patient in. We go in there 20 - 30 times a day for legitimate reasons. The only reason any of us has ever gone in there to take a minute was when we got news that a patient had died and we were crying. And even then, we filed charts as we sobbed because no one in this office has free time.”
They stared at me.
“Sit with me for an hour and see what happens up here.” I said.
They took the blueprints away from me before I could keep looking at them, but they took me up on sitting with me. They didn’t last an hour. They changed the blueprints to fix both things I’d pointed out.
Unfortunately, they didn’t let me keep looking at it and they never asked the janitor what he thought, so no one caught the final fatal flaw in the design.
There were no closets in the entire building. Nowhere to put our supplies. And I’m not talking just a place for stationary and pens. I mean no janitorial closet. Nowhere to put paper towels and toilet paper or cleaning products. Nowhere to put holiday decorations or anything at all. They completely forgot about storage of any kind and immediately started eyeballing my hard-won chart room for it.
They wound up putting all the supplies in the cabinets under the sinks in the public bathrooms. And, surprising to no one, all of it got stolen after our first week in the new building. All our spare keyboards and monitors and phones and even our paper towels just walked out of the building. Because the CEO who had never worked a lower level job in his life wasn’t convinced closets were worth it.
welcome to the hudverse pick your hudsona
Ilya voice while planning summer vacation and shane asks where he wants to go As long as you wear those little shorts…I will be happy
shane voice Obviously I’m going to wear the little shorts. can you please contribute to the discussion
(@loontattoo)
Couldn’t stop thinking about that poor travel agent
Ilya is flying back from some three day brand deal/photo shoot in LA summer 2024 post playoffs. He’s flying via New York because there’s no Ottawa - LA direct flight, which means when his flight out of LA is delayed, he knows he’s going to miss his connection to Ottawa. The flight’s wifi isn’t working, and he’s just sitting in his seat irritated that he’s not going to make it home to Shane tonight and wishing he could call Shane and apologize and promise to get on the first flight in the morning.
He lands and as soon as his phone reconnects to the network, a voice note from Shane comes through.
“Hey baby, I’ve been watching your flights and I know you missed your connection. There isn’t another flight to Ottawa today, but I booked you a flight to Montreal. It leaves in 90 minutes, so you should have lots of time to make it. I’m going to hop in the car and I’ll pick you up at the Montreal airport. I grabbed us a hotel room so we don’t have to drive back tonight. We’ll be tired, and also I need you inside me like… right fucking now. I’m gonna put a plug in before I hit the road so I’m all ready for you when you land.
Anyway, I sent the flight details to your email so you have everything. I love you so much, baby. I’ll see you soon.” (It’s important to note that this entire message is delivered in a matter of fact, business tone.)
Ilya experiences the Shane-specific range of emotions that his husband is oh-so-good at eliciting in him: gratitude, overwhelming affection, feeling safe and loved, and insane horniness, all before he even gets his bags and gets off the plane.
He subtly adjusts himself and texts Shane as soon as he’s in the terminal.
“Thank you for taking care of the flight. You know how much I respect you, right?”
Shane replies:
“Of course I do, baby. Why?”
Ilya:
“Because when I get you into that hotel room tonight, it’s going to seem like I don’t.”
Shane just sends back a picture of himself, back to the mirror, the merest hint of something silver between his cheeks.
Ilya:
“And they call me a fucking menace. See you soon. I love you.”
Shane:
“I love you too.”

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The christian family in these memes (which are absolutely all over facebook these days) genuinely do always look miserable. Who the fuck is relating to these stock mormon farm cultists. That is a couple who made love only once in pitch darkness with bags on their heads then celebrated the pregnancy with a feast of uncooked potatoes and warm tapwater. The baby seems intrigued though. Maybe only by the bottle of pills??
Could not leave this in the tags <3
#i am high and exhausted why does the dude in the comic look like straight adamtots #like im siding with the cool leftist lady and the baby
Really glad predictive text exists. Should i bring my own parking lot
London mutuals what is there to do that’s cheap and not alcohol based?
bongs at croydon
there’s a bloke at clappham common who will suck your dick for £4.50 hell even play with your balls for an extra quid
I have 0 desire to meet you let alone give you money
£3.50?
shane climbing into ilya’s lap when ilya starts crying in ep5… do u think that this is just how shane comforts ilya form now on? sees that ilya is a little sad and shane just crawls over him and snuggles up in his lap like a kitty, pet and kiss me to feel better, rock me like baby that will be nice yes
in my high school a few years ahead of me there was a polyamorous girl named luna who was dating a guy and a girl and the girl was named (i swear to god this is her birth name) marea. they were named moon and tide and they were lesbian lovers. i thought it was the most romantic fated thing ever as a tiny baby queer it would make me sigh in adoration. the boyfriend's name was frank

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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your assigned ilya of the day has something waaaay more important to be watching than practice
I have a very niche Shane-centric au, where in the midst of his post-retirement "What is my life's purpose" crisis, he gets a dog.
And Shane is obviously extremely strict about the dog's obedience training - this dog is so well trained he doesn't even beg for table scraps because he knows that's not allowed. The dog's diet is meticulous, his schedule is like clockwork. He's not allowed on the couches, CERTAINLY not on the bed. He puts Anya to shame with his absolutely perfect behaviour. And Shane gets genuinely pissed at Ilya when he tries to sneak his dog unregulated treats because You're going to confuse him and derail his training, Ilya!! But it doesn't even matter because the dog doesn't take the treats - he worships Shane, he knows who he belongs to, and he won't take a treat that Shane hasn't allowed him to have.
One day while researching activities Shane can do with his dog to tire him out, Shane discovers agility comeptetions. And Shane gets fixated on training his dog for these agility courses. Coaching children? No no, Shane is now this dog's personal coach. He is working this dog to the bone, he is training it like a MACHINE, they are winning competitions like crazy it is NUTS. And every so often, Ilya raises his concern that maybe Shane is getting a little too into it, but Ilya doesn't understand - Shane's dog is a winner. He HAS to compete.
And then during one of these competitions, Shane's dog fumbles the last leg of the course. He comes in second place. And it shouldn't be possible for this dog to understand that he's competing against other dogs, let alone that he didn't win, but somehow this dog is still slinking over all deferential towards Shane after his mistake, all big brown eyes, so desperately sorry, so totally dependent on Shane's approval, that Shane,,, kind of has a breakdown. He's weeping while he holds his dog in his arms and like, reassures him that he's a good boy, he's the best boy, that he knows he tried so so hard and that Shane is so very proud of him, a stupid ribbon doesn't even matter, Shane loves him so so much.
And then Shane gives up the comps permanently and just lets his dog run around chasing birds in the park and go for swims in the lake at the cottage and sleep most of the day away in sunny patches on the floor. Because he's a good boy who deserves it.
I maintain that the best summation of my feminist beliefs are that men and women are not fundamentally different. There are a few quantifiable differences if you average out every woman and every man, but they are not qualitative. And most of them are socially constructed, and would be fixed if we started treating men and women the same. Neither is inherently smarter, neither is inherently kinder, neither is inherently more stoic or stronger or angrier or softer. Everyone is obsessed with the differences between women and men, with finding them and creating them and distancing themselves from the "other half". It's fucked up
While often different in practice, cissexism, transphobia, and homophobia are all rooted in oppositional sexism, which is the belief that female and male are rigid, mutually exclusive categories, each possessing a unique and nonoverlapping set of attributes, aptitudes, abilities, and desires. Oppositional sexists attempt to punish or dismiss those of us who fall outside of gender or sexual norms because our existence threatens the idea that women and men are “opposite” sexes.
Julia Serano, Whipping Girl
graffiti discourse is so stupid why the hell would I give a shit if people spraypaint their names or do some cool paintings under a bridge
sorry didn't realize the bridge has to be plain beige concrete. that was a load bearing plain beige concrete if anyone tags it the whole bridge collapses

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I know this sounds like the deranged ramblings of a senile old man but I swear it used to be possible to look up information on the internet
babygirls of the world the beauty industry will never ever ever be your friend. it actively hates you and wants the worst for you and always will <3