αυτό και αυτό και αυτό.

Kai reaches out, brushing at Finn with the very tips of his fingers, and withdrawing only when the latter moves to sit down beside him. Hands move with a certain grace, just like how every part of him moves, unwitting and beautiful as a result. At least, it would be beautiful, if one were to pick up on and appreciate such things. “Cheers to my honor and all that.” He replies, a smile playing at his lips just like it always seems to be, and his fingers wrapping about the neck of the bottle to bring it to his lips. A sip later, and he’s handing it back again with a little sigh of contentment that has him leaning back against the sofa. “This isn’t a sneaky excuse to see Yuri, is it? ‘Cause he isn’t home.”

HE’S A TOUCH MORE surprised than he dares to admit; hazel hues stretch wide as he glances up, shock mingled with the faintest hint of intrigue lingering in his expression as he peers over at the other. Finn, in all of their glory, is a sight to behold from where they are perched upon the mini-fridge. The lycan hesitates, stuttering at first before he clears his throat – a rather lame attempt at regaining his composure. The wiggle of Finn’s brows is enough to have Gianni question himself. He’s not a presumptuous man, nor is he a vain one… and it feels both vain AND presumptuous to assume that Finn is actually serious. ❛ Erm – I mean – if… well, I don’t see why we couldn’t ? ❜ It’s the only response Gianni can fathom – and automatically, the brunette kicks himself mentally. He gives his head a brisk shake and offers a lop-sided grin, thick brows furrowed just slightly. ❛ Hypothetically, that is. ❜ Another pause – and in spite of himself, his dopey grin widens a fraction further. ❛ … unless ? ❜

For some reason, Kai hadn’t actually expected Finn to follow through with what they had said in the group chat, which is funny considering he’s never known them to not follow through before. Leaping from behind the couch to land on the cushions with a little huff, Kai pats the place next to him with a broad grin on his face. “Exactly what I ordered, though I didn’t know you self-described as a twink. Join me! We’ll drink from the bottle like civilized people.”

There’s a weighty atmosphere in places like this, where sins drip from the walls and sex drips from the bodies writhing within their confines. It’s a familiar touch, Finn’s hand ghosting down his back, but it ignites him nonetheless. He draws even closer, slotting their bodies together in a practiced closeness. He has no doubt that they’ll draw an audience of their own, moving the way they are; Yuri doesn’t even have to be onstage to attract attention. He nudges his cheek against theirs where its pressed to his own before one of his hands lifts to their jaw. It’s with a light press that he guides their face closer, close enough so that he can lean in and press their lips together. The kiss isn’t reckless; by their standards, its downright tame. That’s why Yuri pairs it with a particularly sinful roll of his body pressed so tightly against Finn’s.

             “Drinking. At the club. Walking down some street I don’t recognize chain smoking. In someone else’s bed. Probably Yuri’s. Maybe Zade’s if I’m feeling particularly masochistic or murderous. Alexi’s if I’m feeling only a little masochistic or murderous. Gianni’s would be nice but I’m not sure if that’s an opinion. If none of those things appeal, I’d maybe crack open an ancient text and translate it to see if the Gods have anything fucking interesting to offer. Depends on the mood. Currently, I’m favouring the drinking.”

                   “If I get to go back to the very beginning: I’d stay outside longer in the summers, I’d beg my mom to let Bran sell the boat, I’d pull away gentler, I’d stay local for college or— at the very least, I’d say goodbye before I left.”                   “If I got to go back to the night I was turned: I’d decide not to go to the library and go the Charis’ opening night instead. Maybe I’d go home for the holidays and say I’m sorry. Live a normal human life in my own decade and be an old fucking man now.                   Hell, I’d probably have deserved it— to grow old and bitter and never have all my burning questions answered; to die, drunk in a gutter or exiting a club. Maybe it wouldn’t fucking work out and fuck, I doubt that I’d be able to make any good choices the way that I was back then, if I didn’t know what I do now but I think, you know, in the brevity of a normal life, never having been a solider or a monster, I would have gone home eventually and given it wasn’t too late maybe I’d have had the life I’d…” always wanted.                  Finn stops, trailing off to clear his throat. They can’t do that, so what does it matter that they might’ve? They say it anyway. “I just would have gone home.” 

              “It always comes down to the same thing,” Finn clenches their jaw, fingers fidgeting with the lighter in their hand. “The way things are now, the way I am now, I wouldn’t. If I could chose not to have been attacked and left there to fucking figure it out, yeah. Fucking of course? Why wouldn’t I? But to be human now feels…Wrong.“ They do not need to think about the second question but they steal themself a moment anyway; remember the first night they’d run into Elio in New York a few short months ago.               “Yeah. There is someone I wish that for— someone who made a choice I wish he could unmake. Maybe that’s selfish of me… because it doesn’t seem to be something he regrets but fuck. He wasn’t meant to be a creature of the night— he belongs to the sun and whomever did this to him should have known he belonged to the light.”              Finn can’t get their mouth around the words that they want to say: That the world has been robbed of seeing Elio’s eyes in the afternoons and golden hour in the countryside, of seeing him by the shoreline while the sun shines on the water and watching him run around with bare feet in the warm grass, careless. Elio has been robbed of it.              “I understand why, I really fucking do… but I don’t think it’s good enough. He deserved more.”

              Finn falls silent for a while, kicked back on the hind legs of a chair that creaks unhappily about it. They balance there for a while, face carefully left blank as they contemplate. There are many factors to add up.              “I think what it comes down to is this,”              Finn tips the chair forward and falls with it, all six of their feet on the floor. One of theirs taps quietly. “I have a different answer for every mood I’ve ever been in— with the exception of some overlap. See, I only fucking care to spend extended time with three- maybe four- people. Only two of them are available during the days. None of them would pick me first and hell, let’s say I don’t fucking care that I’m the second choice because ya know, I’m not afraid to be alone.”              Finn leans back into the chair but keeps all the legs firmly planted. They hold up a hand and count off reasons as they explain them, “It is easier to be around Yuri because he knows me- and it is easier to be around Gianni because he doesn’t know certain things. It is harder to be around Yuri because he knows me and it is harder to be around Gianni because I don’t want to have to tell him what a fucking asshole I am. There’s more to it than that because of fucking course there is. I don’t have to worry with Yuri but I think maybe Gianni makes me feel like I’m not a total fucking piece of shit because he doesn’t know yet that I’m a total fucking piece of shit, ya know?” A breath, arguably a painful one.              “Elio— Elio… I don’t think I even have that option. Maybe I don’t want it, maybe I do. Miyu, I think, would tolerate me the most. But… Having to choose one, yeah, I don’t know. Fuck it. Yuri or Gianni.”