Creutzfeldt

Today, using newspapers to blend in the crowd is more suspicious than not using one.

If you're watching Jeopardy! and you're the only one in the room, not saying a correct answer out loud still feels like you got it wrong.

A tip is just a bribe traveling backwards in time.

If you've tried everything to go to sleep, and something finally works, you won't remember what it was.

It's a good thing farting isn't as contagious as yawning.

Cellphones would have saved Romeo and Juliet.

It’s perfectly acceptable to be rude and blame it on “not having any coffee yet”. But if you were to replace coffee with booze in that excuse it is not acceptable.

To think outside the box is a pretty inside the box suggestion

Mustaches are just mouth brows

The best part of a cucumber tastes like the worst part of a watermelon.

Pencil sharpeners are actually quiet and its just the pencil screaming