zoosmell pooplord

@makeswind

if there’s one thing he doesn’t like, it’s having something on the tip of his tongue that he can’t quite figure out. he likes to pride himself on having a good memory, so when something so aggravating happens, it puts him in a sour mood. Lee noticed someone nearby who looked oddly familiar despite him knowing he’d never actually met him before. so…how did he know him? did he just have one of those faces? think, Lee, think.

only when he glances down at his phone does he remember. oh!

“Hey–! You’re the one who liked my post the other day!”

you hear someone addressing you, and you turn towards the sound. the face certainly seems familiar, but it’s not anyone you remember meeting before. and you have a pretty good memory about meeting people. you just can’t place your fingers on who this is. and then their words register to your brain and you have a sort of eureka moment.

no just kidding you still have no idea.

“FINE. THEN I’M PUTTING A SOCK ON MY HEAD AND PRANCING AROUND WITH A SHIT EATING TWINKLE IN MY EYE. I BET TWICE AS MANY PEOPLE WILL RECOGNIZE WHO I AM.”

TO: everyone FROM: john egbert

i do not know how you could watch this man and not think he is the coolest person to ever exist.

MALLEK: i feel like i should ask;

MALLEK: = there a government here; MALLEK: i dont think ive seen anyone that could be considered an authority; MALLEK: if there = one they must be distant; not operating in the city at all; MALLEK: at least that = what i can gather being completely fucking new to this whole thing;

♡  – ohhhhhhkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay now youre really shittin my nuts johnster

♡  – idont think my lil sim mind can HANDLE this im about to mcfreakin lose it

♡  – great lords above dont take my ladder away when im in a swimmin pool i beg you

♡  – i wish i lived in the sims, i could just be like “ooh, shooba wormie!” and eat a sandwich 

one whole like! he’s famous!

you type out a reply.

his first post on social media is as follows. the first picture is of his condo number– 469. the second picture is of the same number, but with his hand covering the 4. the caption just reads: ‘WHOOOOOOOOOOO!’

John Egbert liked your post.

❝ HELLO AGAIN. STUPID ISLAND INHABITANTS. THE TIME HAS COME ONCE MORE. TO PAY TRIBUTE TO YOUR LORD AND MASTER. THE TIME HAS COME TO PROVIDE ME WITH THE ART. THAT WILL BE BOTH ENTHRALLING TO ME. AND PAINFUL TO YOU. THIS TIME YOUR TASK WILL BE MORE CRUEL THAN THE LAST. YOU WILL LIKELY BEG FOR MERCY. BUT YOU WILL RECEIVE NONE. BECAUSE YOU ARE SCUM AND UNWORTHY. BUT IF YOU DO AS I COMMAND. I WILL CONSIDER ALLOWING YOU ALL TO LIVE FOR A WHILE LONGER. I DESIRE IMAGES OF THE ONE KNOWN AS TAGORA. COMMANDING ANOTHER IN A BOISTEROUS TONE. WHICH IS UNFITTING OF HIM AND HIS PATHETIC CASTE. HE WILL TALK DOWN TO A VASTLY SUPERIOR BEING. MUCH LIKE MYSELF. BUT NOT MYSELF. AND YOU WILL DEPICT THIS IN A SLIGHTLY TITILLATING MATTER. NOT EROTIC. BUT TITILLATING. YOU WILL DO THIS FOR ME NOW. OR YOU WILL PERISH. ALONG WITH YOUR LOVED ONES. ❞

“that sounds doable. here, i’ll take a picture of it with my phone and text it to you.”

you grab your cell phone and begin composing the message.

TO: lord english FROM: john

here you go! i hope it is to your satisfaction!

you aren’t sure how long you’ve been asleep. something must have happened to you sometime shortly after you arrived at this city, but you have no recollection of anything specific. all you remember is being hit on the head, and now you woke up in a fancy hospital with a bunch of gauze around your hair and sleepy crusts in your eyes.

gross!

you feel an aching in your head and you look out the window. the once destroyed town has transformed into a sprawling city! it seems as though you’ve entered the year 2500 or something!

“Oh, I remember that in High School! … It was uh … Sugondese that wrote it right?”