why am i like this

Landlord: Hey you know how I said I was going to evict those tenants that have been harassing & borderline hate criming you for the last 8 months? Yeah I decided i didn't want to deal with them so I'm going to sell the house instead.

Me: Oh gee thanks buddy A+ landlord, it's not like we've been exceptional tenants of yours for 7yrs or nothing you couldn't do this 1 thing for us?

Friend 1: you two are playing the victim card just move and stop posting on Facebook if you don't want people to give you advice

Me: umm I made 1 post letting folks know we may have to move and that I would be posting stuff for free/sale as we declutter. Then I asked people to stop sending me rental listings because it was overwhelming me and I literally didn't ask for help. *sees friend 1 comment more insane shit* Actually you know what f u c k you *block*

Friend 2: Hey I know you've got a lot on your plate right now but I'm upset that you couldn't be mentally or physically there for me when I got SA'd last year so I'm just going to bring that up whenever you need to cancel plans

Me: ok yeah I get that but like you said I wasn't in the right head space i literally couldn't be there for you so thanks for the constant guilt trips

Partner: heeeeey guess who has seizures now? Oh and a concussion and a broken nose on top of those because my face broke my fall each time.

Me: Hey my love I know this is a scary time but we got this ok, I'll be your brains while yours heals I'll help make sure you get your meds on time and help you in any way you need

ER Doctors: yeah so we don't know why your partner is having seizures, all these tests are coming back clean so here's some anti-seizure meds anyways and follow up with your GP byeeee

Me: uhhh you're not even going to check out his broken nose? You say it's not broken? I suppose we go home then...

(Now that some swelling has gone down, it is indeed broken)

Friend 2: you've got a lot going on right now with your partner's health so it's ok if you miss my birthday dinner next week

Me: why do I feel like if I miss your birthday I'm going to hear about it later?

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And this has just been the last 2 weeks.

I'm in desperate need of a rage room or a remote location to scream. I've been on autopilot and haven't processed a n y t h i n g which I know isn't healthy but I just can't yet

The biggest thing: that girl I was with for 5 years? Yeah, that ended. I thought my world had ended.

But I realized that she was actually incredibly abusive. Emotionally and financially.

Then the healing started.

Then I went no contact.

Best decision I've ever made.

When I was ready to start dating again, I found my soulmate. We celebrated our 5th anniversary this year.

He started his transition last year, and this was where I realized that I'm not actually 100% a lesbian. Gender doesn't matter to me, this is my person, and seeing him live authentically makes me so incredibly happy.

Then I realized that I kind of always have been that way. And I'm okay with that! I didn't really feel a "loss" of identity, even though I had been identifying as a hard-core lesbian since I was 16. It just...fit? Snug as a bug.

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I haven't drawn any actual art in years. I've doodled, yes. I've done various other art forms (stained glass, crochet, learning lino printing) but I haven't done a good old pencil drawing in so long. I've been itching to pick it back up, though I'm almost scared to?

I think I'm worried about the loss of skill. Like I have an image in my head but it won't translate well onto paper.

It'll be okay though, art is a practiced talent. You can't make good art without making bad art first. I just have to get back into it.

Especially because I want to create a graphic novel before I'm 40. We'll see how well that goes.