MJ

Okay so this is basically easy access to my AO3 page as well as an “about me” section!

All of my works are on AO3 here

❀Makayla Jade (MJ), she/her, 21, nonreligious, psychology and criminal justice student

if my role in your life is just a helping hand

and not the missing piece of your psyche

i feel my insecurities have corrupted our intimacy

and i have convinced myself entirely

that you do not know me like i thought you did

but you are unwell

it is a warping of the mind that makes you different

he cannot help it, i tell myself, he’s just upset

but the things you say can tear me apart

as soon as they pass your lips

and i am left to pick up my own pieces

i am too fragile for you

it’s like sandpaper against my skin when your mind betrays you

i wonder if i am eroding little by little every day

when the dust has settled

you always remind me that you love me

and that will always be enough

perhaps we’ll just erode together

there are parts of me that died in the streets

with each and every dose of poison i sold

with each and every time my fingers touched a trigger

i am not the man that my mother destined me to be

but she did not destine much for me

considering i was left to my own devices

and picked up my first cigarette

at the age of just ten

there are people i have hurt

people whose trust i have betrayed

people who have died because of my actions

but i did what i did to survive

my trauma sometimes makes it hard for me

to sit comfortably in a room

with my back towards the door

and to live without an innate distrust

for everyone around me

i will never be perfect

our lives could not be more different

we will never be a perfect match

but who says that we have to be

there are parts of me that died in my hometown

i’m just beginning to learn how to live

hopefully you’ll wait for me