Do you know what it means to not believe in God? Everything is pointless, no great beyond to thank or pray to. You lose hope and you got nothing but your shaky legs to pull you up. Do you know what it means to lose everything you ever cared for? For most of your life it was just rusty metal parts and people who spoke of peace as if it was a dirty word. A caress that echoed like a slap, the sting of leather on your back.
And then there she is. On the other side of the Atlantic, saving you again and again and again as if you're worth it. You, who denounced her like Peter did to Christ not because you don't love her but because you always thought that a rotten thing like you was doomed to never hold something blooming like her.
You found something in France. Yes, you did; like a castaway on a deserted island. You thought you were born to follow and for the first time you got to lead; not pretending to be something. That you're not; a weapon and an open wound at the same time. You saw a boy who never knew of pain and thought that if you kept him pure then maybe a part of you would heal.
And still, you didn't believe in God.
It only took her again to raise your eyes and thank the invisible. You forget about the blood in your hands, the next battle, the ghosts in your head. She is the miracle, you would fall to your knees for. And she is there, not in a dream but in front of you. A body to hug, a hand to hold, a shirt to grab on to. Real. She is bones and blood and a pumping heart.
No, you never believed in God and you don't think you'll ever will; but if this life has taught you something, if you believe in one thing, then it's her. It's always going to be her.