★MaiMai★

I was invited today to go to a river and I accepted the invite okay? I went there before it was the same river and I felt very excited to go since it has been a long while.

This type of river, it has a bunch of rocks in the water at the entrance. When I entered the water, I ended up stepping on some sharp rocks and I made some expressions who shows my pain and discomfort because I am trying to relax and tried to bear the pain. Two girls who were also invited, they were talking to each other about me. They were laughing and making funny remarks about me. I was in pain and I closed my eyes for a second before moving more in the water to find a area without any rocks and they were saying "Look she has her eyes closed" they were laughing at me.

I felt upset, when they entered the water I looked at them with a disappointed kind of angry expression and one of them asked "Are you okay *Insert Name*?" I just had to brush it off and say okay and acted like they didn't just make funny remarks about me. I was feeling pain, stepping on sharp rocks isn't a good thing and you are making funny remarks and laughing at me for how I react to pain.

Okay, three boys were there but one of them was a person who I was very close to. They mostly spent time together today, I felt quite alone. I felt left out, everyone was with someone except me.

I ended up crying because of how I feel treated there. I really wished my sister was there with me. It's just... it's just for my whole life, ever since I was born she has always been here with me, the fact that any event takes place, it feels lonely without her. I just want my sister back.

But, I was told that she wants nothing to do with me. I am just a stranger to her, not a sister, a stranger. It hurts. I was told even if I miss her, she wouldn't even care. If she cared about me, she would try texting me or calling me but she never did it. Her grandmother she stays with, she is telling her to cut of any relationships with my family including me. I am just a mere stranger to her. I can't change her mind, I have to accept that but I can't. She's my sister, I am very used to her being with me. I imagined that she would have been here with me at that river today, she would be playing with me. She will ensure that I wouldn't be left out. We would splash each other with water, we will take photos. We would talk, we would do many fun things together. But, I feel stupid for thinking about that. That will never happen again.

I was told not to listen to what these girls were saying and trying to have a good time. I was talking with a small child and one of the girls was saying "Oh, see "Insert Name" there." She said it in a way which was mean, the boy who I mentioned earlier who I am close to. I think of him as a older brother since ever since my sister left, I talk with him and think of him as my older sibling. I felt so bad, he was there hearing her say that and didn't even defend me or even tell her to stop. Wow.

That same girl who I said a while ago. She is one of the reasons my sister left. Her. It's because of her too. You see, I have trusted her for a while and thought she was a nice person. Now I finally know her true colors, she is the one who was making my sister against her own family. I hate her, I know I am not supposed to hate people but I am sorry I truly hate her and my mind won't be changed.

She dressed so inappropriately, and everyone was supposed to dress in a modern way. Seems like she was trying to impress the boys there, I felt so disgusted.

You know another thing that upsetted me, the fact that the person who I don't even talk to like the two girls and two boys, they didn't even say a hi. I felt so alone and left out, like they see me and walked past me like they didn't even see me. You couldn't atleast say a "Hi", a simple "Hi"? Maybe I was just a ghost there, a individual who didn't belong.

I guess the only reason why they talked to thise girls is because of how they dressed, I dressed moderately while they dressed inappropriately. I don't care, but I am dressing moderately.

My brother, the one I mentioned. The one I thought of as a brother. He knew what that girl did, the one I mentioned who caused my sister to leave. He already knows, and he still talks to her, why? He knows how she made us feel for what she did to my sister and you still have the audacity to talk with a girl like her? I am not saying nobody has the right to talk to people but I mean you clearly know it hurts me and you already know so why talk with a person like that? You know I feel betrayed? I feel betrayed.

Right now, I realized he doesn't rely want to talk to me. I have to start the conversation sometimes. I invited him to a event and he said he wouldn't make it. I think he is making uo excuses now and I am just gonna stop asking him. It's fine.

I realized a couple of things now, I realized now that people only talk to you and get close to you just for something. That is what it seems in my case. Constantly, people talk with me just to get something from me, and when they get it, they leave.

Another thing I realized is that for some reason, persons won't stop hating on me. What did I do to people? I don't know. I am always put the blame on, I am always lied on. It's always "Oh, "Insert Name" does this." Does that? Does this? Blah, Blah, Blah. I am tired of getting treated badly all of the time. Am I a robot to you people?

I don't even know if people are even my true friends anymore, I don't even know anymore from my experiences. You only stay my friend when you want something or when you want me to do something for you. All of the time you keep taking advantage of me. Why?

Why me? Have you people ever thought of how your words or actions would affect me? I have to force myself to be happy because I will end up cracking for how I am being treated.

I feel like nobody truly loves me when they say they love me. Do you even really love me? Or are you saying it just so I can feel better? I don't even know if anyone loves me as friend.

Right now, I just give up. I am sorry but I do. And I can say this but I think maybe it's best I leave this app. I don't think any of you guys deserve me and if any of you guys don't like me, then I will like to say that I am sorry for being in your life.

Sorry for venting a bunch, but this is how I feel right now.

I'm sorry if some things I say isn't what you like or what you expected for me to say but this is how I feel.

Again, if you don't like me or I annoy you in some way. I am so sorry for being in your life or presence.