to love, and to be loved

MRW I have to explain what microfilm is to my student workers in the library

That I did not say it,  that I swallowed that poison down,  that I was quiet, that I looked towards the ground, that silence and I became very best friends, that I lost my voice,  that I had to,  because you were overwhelming, and demanding and love,  you promised looked like your fists or your raised voice and this is what it is. Your anger and my acquiescence,  your anger and my apology,  your anger and the space that used to hold  the shape of me. That I was my own woman, before you ever got your ugly hands on me.  That I was gruelling fight,  and bare boned knuckles.  That I knew how to roar.  That I’d waged quiet wars,  that I was more strength and backbone than you  would ever understand that I forgot all of these things, because I loved you, because you made me.