I stepped into truth and told of it all. Decoding the writing that's been on the wall. I now see the monster who hid behind lies. Predator stares and dark evil eyes. Had me high on cloud 9 laying love on my plate. Then, with the click of a switch, he was feeding me hate. Hot-wired my heart, and drove me out to the sea. Strapped weights to my ankles with my own empathy.

The mind games, the rage, then “love” gifts to flatter. Always forgiven, so he’d say, “What's the matter?” One forgiveness, two forgiveness, 3 then 4, is what gave him full permission to torture me more.

All the creeping and juggling and telling his lies. Crying victim, blame shifting to appease all blind eyes. Coming back quickly for regular supply. Red flags dipped in chocolate before I knew why.

Yes, I stepped into truth and I’m telling it all. I decoded the writing that was written on the wall. I validated him, celebrated him, ego stroke after stroke. If not, I’d inhale all the gaslighting smoke. Multiple love bombs would blow my whole mind. Reality deluded, thinking everything was fine.

I thought I was winning, assurance in tow. When in fact he was winning, but winning what I didn’t know. He was winning an auction, my soul was for sell. Highest bidder, his demons, destination was hell.

~Aletheia Phoenix

Keep him blocked. His response was that I was immature for doing so. Digging at me trying to make me feel small as usual. He’s losing his grip and that’s why they make these big bold statements to seek control. Good job. You did the right thing.

Love,

Started off east coast summer on a bad mental foot so I biked away the sadness and trauma. It felt like losing a limb that I know was slowly infecting the rest of my body. If they start telling you to “get over yourself” when you are expressing your needs…RUN. Or in my case drive across the country and then bike your little heart out. Bike in the rain, bike with black flies and let them suck out that blood that’s been rotted by stress and lack of sleep, bike around the lake, bike up mountains, bike 60, 80, 100 miles, bike in the cold, the heat, the wind, until you no longer feel it is a crutch but a long lost love. ❤️

I got rid of my socials so thought I’d rejoin the sphere and anyhow, I prefer yelling into the void without response.

another old post that has sat in my drafts for 8 years.

Lately, I've been thinking about how convenient it would be if I did not need sleep. I've already been here six months and it all seems like it's flown by. I've done lots and learned even more but I have this urge to stay awake. I feel like I am missing something that happens at night. I feel like I have not seen enough of Seoul or Korea for that matter. Once my friends and I in Seoul have entertained our friends from Busan this weekend these are my upcoming plans. You may join if you like! 

1. June 16-17: Stay in beach hut on Muuido Island http://wikitravel.org/en/Muui-do

2. June 23-24: Bus to Damyang to visit bamboo forests Stay the night in Gwangju and travel back by KTX http://english.visitkorea.or.kr/enu/SI/SI_EN_3_6.jsp?cid=764156 

3. July 30-1: Something for Kendra's bday!

4. July 7-8: Bus to Cheongju to visit Suamgol (수암골) Village http://londonseoul.blogspot.kr/2012/02/suamgol-painted-village.html http://wikitravel.org/en/Cheongju#b 

Also would like to do a weekend in Gangneung on the east coast, a day in Chucheon for dak galbi and general site seeing, Jeonju for the food festival in october. etc etc etc. Gah! tooooo much to do but I'm determined.