One day at a time

A pretty bad week. Things have spiralled; and by things I mean my mind and all the thoughts that encompass it. I find myself at a loss of novelty that makes everyday feel separate from others. The same routine over and over is making me sick. I crave something spontaneous and new and unexpected. Tragically, I'm responsible for creating it.

With respect to work, sometimes I find it so difficult staying on task paralysed by the fear of being on the wrong track. I know that all effort is worthwhile but, is it towards the right goal?

Did not die

Woke up earlier than ever.

Dreamt a lot and did just as much.

⏳ 8.5 h

Goodnotes has deleted random sections of a few of my notes and I am paranoid now to the point of constantly re-checking every single folder repeatedly. God what a mess.

A newly discovered access to a resource I should have known for a long time but anyway, we're here now.

I've been feeling behind lately as the exam date approaches and the fear of failure looms over me. I must overcome this, not give up. It has become a silent testament to my will and grit; I must defend it.

Week 15

I have nothing to say except,

Week 14

The new leaves of spring in the morning sunlight are my reason to live this week. Almost iridescent in their naive, hopeful colour. It feels like a blessing that such beauty is available freely for all to see. Even as the world crumbles slowly around us, even in the worst of times, life goes on.

New endings and new beginnings.

⏳8:46 h

☕ My best friend's parents invited me for dinner with them (friend lives away from home). It was a strange experience and yet, not that out of pocket. They have seen me grow up and go through school and college and they are almost my parents at this point.

This week has been chaotic and I am taken hostage by a deep need to be cherished and loved - like a feral cat.

Less than needed work got done but something more than last week. I have high hopes for the next week.

Life is picking up pace. I can see the path a little further and it is full of hurdles. The biggest one being, staying on the path. It is difficult to be ambitious when simply existing is a revolution. Yet, here I am, striving and struggling for something that feels just out of reach. I never thought I would reach so far and have still further to go. A few more months of pushing the rock uphill, then I can rest.

⏳5:40 h

Happy women's day to all my talented and relentless women; special shoutout for women in medicine. I wish we didn't have to work that hard but oh well.

I've been watching yt discourse on cultural topics more and it feels like my brain is molting out of the short form content that has been normalised and promoted. I re-opened instagram to check on messages and I had genuinely forgotten how overstimulating it is.

Week 7

I FINALLY HAVE THE TRANSCRIPT. After fighting with the clerk for WEEKS, I got it done. A friend had to bring his mother to rally for us but it got done. Onto the next battle.

I have read through all my physical and kindle books. It is a feeling most unsettling. An urge to surround myself with the potential to be immersed in the unknown of a good book might just force me to visit the bookstore.

My friends and I watched the wuthering heights movie and ruined our otherwise alright week.