Going the Distance.

I remember the day you told me you were leaving

Another year gone and passed. I still carry our choices with me daily and use them a lesson in my life. Although I regret and feel so much guilt, I know I would not be the person I am today without those decisions. For me, my early adult years were failing and being the worst version of myself so that I could grow and know the kind of person I don’t want to be. I hurt people along the way and I’m not proud- but I also found the meaning of a true friend and loyalty. I carry the burdens every day as a reminder of the pain I caused and the tremendous loss I took. I know who I want to be and I strive every day to become her. I’m kind of happy seeing the little changes along the way and finding the people that are worth fighting for and what exact that means to me. Growing up in a house with 5 people with the same stubborn head and unwillingness to “lose” an argument gave me an unfortunate disadvantage in all of my friendships and relationships. Communication was never easy. Shutting down and the dramatics of it all definitely was. Some things I look back on and I wonder why it was ever such a big deal and today I call that picking your battles. Some things I look back on and wonder why I didn’t shut up and listen and understand. I call that trying to win. But are you really winning if the person you’re battling is someone you love? Sometimes you just gotta look back and laugh and wonder how anyone ever tolerated you. Live and learn and love. I’m still not where I want to be, but recognizing that is absolutely HUGE to me. Because one thing I definitely don’t want to be is completely ignorant to how I’m making others feel-especially the people I cherish the most.