In this moment of weakness, the hardened sheen of her gaze gave way to the roiling storm underneath, watching her husband with such trepidation. At any other time, it would have been the greatest comfort to look into her beloved's eyes, but nothing was upright in her world anymore.
The ground beneath her feet felt unsteady; like one wrong step would send her tumbling into an abyss from which there was no escape. The air between them was thick and murky as the depths of the sea surrounding their—...her—glorious kingdom. As she stared into the eyes of the one who was supposed to reassure her, the one who was supposed to make her feel safe, the fear she felt instead was unbearably wrong.
Amaya's lungs filled with cotton in the silence after her outburst. It wasn't like her to lose her composure. Even after days of preparing herself for this, even when her logical mind—inundated with those haunting memories—had to believe that Magnifico wasn't safe any longer...she couldn't hide the pain of those foreign, rampant emotions. Not from him. He was her strength when her own failed; he was her support when her own crumbled.
But that was before. With lips pressed into a thin line, she forced herself to breathe through it all. Now was not the time to be fragile. What was the point of breaking when the hands that would lovingly piece her back together were out of reach in so many ways?
By the time Magnifico spoke, she had hastily cobbled her resolve. It wavered beneath the emotion in his tone, the way he backed down from her piercing gaze. Not trusting herself to speak again just yet, Amaya simply listened, balancing on a tightrope between mistrust and the wish she yearned for more than anything.
Did he really not remember what he'd done? And if not...surely that had to mean it hadn't been him. All the cruelty, the insanity...if it came from him, if the man speaking to her now had truly committed those horrible deeds, then he would remember. So what did it mean that he didn't?
Amaya didn't know. All she knew was what she wanted it to mean—and that she was still too afraid to hope.
Though he posed his final words as a question, they were certain enough to not need confirmation. She knew her outburst made it obvious. She couldn't hide it from him. "You hurt all of us," she said instead. "I—...I watched you lose yourself. That book—" venom dripped from the word, the most hateful Amaya had ever been, "—it doesn't just contain evil magic; anyone who uses it becomes evil, too. It's an infection with no cure."
In the days since the catastrophe, Amaya had read those words over and over again. She had scoured every paragraph, illustration, annotation and margin; searched pages filled with wickedness for the tiniest shred of hope. But such evil didn't care about her desperation, her heartbreak. The words never changed:
Give yourself to this dark magic even once, and it has a hold on you forever.
She shook her head, blinking away the mist at the edges of her vision. Her heart ached beneath the discolored bruise. "I want to think that I know who you are: that you would never enact such pain and despair on your people. But ever since you used that book..."
She swallowed thickly, called upon her deepest moorings to remain strong. "The man I knew disappeared. You disappeared. All that was left was cruelty and greed. You wouldn't listen to reason; nothing could get through to you." Not even me. Though she held those words back, the hurt in her eyes spoke loudly enough. "Truthfully...I don't know how you're here right now. I don't know if you—the real you—is here right now."