MagicBoobiess

The in between period of time between when you put in your two weeks notice and the last day of work should be studied. Im not sure why but every single time I’ve put in my two weeks at any job it feels as if the moment I do, all the energy and life gets sucked out of me.

I suppose im currently in that exact situation myself. I really told myself “ok it’ll be different this time, I’ll tough it out and move on to the next chapter”. Boy was I wrong.

I strongly believe what it is, is that since im no longer going to be at my current employment. The rose tinted glasses have finally come off and im seeing everything for what its been. Id suppose the main culprit of me feeling like this is the customer interaction. The customers, oh jeeez is how I feel about them.

They always have something to say (most of them anyway) and its never anything productive its always so negative. Im only human and don’t appreciate being used as an emotional punching bag.

In summary customers suck and they drove me to this point XD. But hey its all good its not like i havent started from scratch before.

Here’s to new beginnings and a new life 🥂🍾

I try, I really do, it’s just that sometimes it’s simply not reciprocated. It’s ok though, this is just a learning experience. It just really sucks that this isn’t the first time something like this has happened.

Someone will come my way, I’m sure of it, if not today then tomorrow. Love is in the air, I just have to breathe it in. Plus I’m learning that rejection is just part of life really. It helps the self grow! Or so I tell myself.

Also why do I always fall for people that are already in relationships 😭. Every single time. I think I meet someone and we click so well. Eventually though they pull out the “oh my bf this that and a third”. Like you’re a catch I’m not surprised you have a boy friend. But like can I once meet someone who’s not already in a relationship with someone. This always happens 🥹 all the good ppl are already taken. And the ones that do like me always end up being toxic and weird.

Like for reaal, all the people that I’ve ended up dating just do me dirty 🥲 I’m just so tired of trying I never get anywhere 😭. But just cause I’m tired of trying doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying. My person is out there, I just gotta find em I suppose. But if anyone wants an Aries I’m heree XD

I will maintain the peace however and I won’t crash out just cause I’m alone. I’ve been alone for a while and hey it’s lots of fun. Plus it’s not as bad as ppl make it out to seem. Anyways

I dare not tell my parents as I don’t want them to further lower their view of me. I find that I’ve really just told my acquaintances about this. It just feels easier telling a stranger versus someone who cares about me. I haven’t been making the best choices (not for a lack of trying) I just keep putting myself in situations I shouldn’t be in.

Every-time it happens I always realize how easily everything could have been avoided is. I’m still sad as I write this, I know in my heart this problem will be resolved, I will be ok and I will move past this. I just want to stop disappointing myself already, I love myself don’t get me wrong. I just really, really, wish I wouldn’t do some of the things that I do.

Im trying. So here’s me attempting soberness for like the 100th time (even more probably at this point XD) let’s see what happens

Also at work they had offered me a new role within the company. I was pulled into conduct an interview. The role in question was for a sales position. I was not aware the role was so heavily focused on sales however since it kind of was just sprung on me last minute. I sit down, two of my managers are conducting the interview. They start telling me what all the job will consist of. After they are done explaining, they ask me "if the role still interest you please let us know, also if you are no longer interested please let us know as well."

After much internal deliberation I ultimately decided to not pursue that role. The reason being that in the past I had been let go from one of my jobs of 5 years due to not being able to meet sales goals. That previous employer fired me so suddenly too that it traumatized me from ever wanting to back into a sales role. Long story short I needed some time for a mental health break since I was just so overwhelmed from work and life. I ask my manager for a wee off, she ok's it and I go on my way and take the time off. Mind you the time off request is unpaid as well, its not like this was paid.

So after I take my time off I call my manger before I come into work to give her a heads up that I'll be back in the office on Monday. However when I call her that's when she tells me "Oh yeah the boss said since you're not meeting the sales goals to just not come back to the office." My heart sank, yeah I didn't really like the job or what I was doing at it. I had however spent the last 5 years of my life at that place just working away 5 days of the week for 5 years trying my best. Only to in the end be thrown out like a paper cup from starbucks.

That made me so sad, people don't care that you work for them for 5yrs or all the business you helped bring in. Which circles back to me saying no to the new role at my current job. Yeah it probably would've been a little more money but I'm not good at sales, and even if I am now good at sales. I don't want to waste that energy working for someone else. Id rather use that and idk maybe make my own business or something. I just need an idea to pop into my mind and then I can just run with that.

I was sad though that I didn't take the role, sad and content. Sad since in a way its me saying no to a potential future or to maybe learning more responsibility. At the same time though content in the sense that, this challenges me to find something else. Something better, by not allowing myself to get comfortable I'm reminding myself that I'm not yet where I want to be but if I keep trying I can definitely get there. I just hope they don't treat me differently for not taking the role.

I simply just don't want to do sales. Or have to follow up with customers and hold their hand and tell them nice things. That's just not me, I struggle with being a good friend how am I supposed to care enough about people to want to reach out and sell them things. Plus they told me it would be a lot of cold calling type of sales. Where I would have to go out of my way to recruit people and make sales goals every week. Regardless of if the business was slow or fast paced for the week. It's just a lot that goes into these things. The perks did sound nice for what the job was offering. They did say there was 1 week of paid vacation to go to Atlanta for training.

Idk its whatever now, I said no so hey let me just let that door go ahead and close. Hey I just heard another door open though so we shall see.

Idk here's to being hopeful I suppose. Something good will come

However I was actually kinda liking it, it feels like those beds that can fold and give great support for your back. Putting you in an angle almost.

So when I woke up from my nap I told myself, “ I should really try to fix my bedrame.” So I did, I put my my mind to work busted out my tools and with some ingenuity and TLC I have a bed again XD. All it took was 24 hours, but finally I’ll sleep good again. It feels even better than when I got it also I’d say, I’m really good at this builder stuff XD.

Comfort prevails! It’s the small wins in life.

Ughh… let me just go to bed.. oh wait 🥹

I told myself “stop being shy” haha what a good motivator I’d say. Plus I’ve gotten to the point in my life where if I see someone I could potentially like or want to be friends with, then I wanna go out of my way to make an impression or at least talk to them. If there’s a feeling I don’t like, it’s the feeling of not doing something I wanted to do.

Her curly hair is what immediately caught my attention, also she had the prettiest looking make up. It was neon green right above her eyes. She had such a pretty smile too, the type to just make you want to smile as well. The choice of accessories was also very becoming, it pulled the whole ensemble together.

Later I met a guy through my friend and he gave us a ride home. He was a good conversationalist and very nice and well mannered. He had me fooled since I thought he looked so young but turns out he was actually a yr older than me. Once he dropped us off me and my friend went back into her apartment we chatted for a good while then went to bed.

all I need for another day

And I all I ever knew,

only you

I'm on vacation right now and not gonna lie it's actually really nice. For the longest time I've never really allowed myself to do what I wanna do see what I wanna see etc. Ya'll get the gist. So recently I've just been doing what I would basically not do. I'm trying to go against my regular self so I can be more out there and allow myself to experience the world.

I think what it is, is I've been working my whole whole life. Since age 16 and even before then but I suppose on paper. Starting at age 16 is when I started working for money. At the time I was really the only one that was working and just trying to make money. In a way it was both good and bad. Good because I suppose I wanted to have my own money and such things in order to be able to experience life on my own terms.

The bad I would say I didn't really take note of until now that I'm much older. The bad is that its wired my brain into this work work work mindset. At least when it comes to me and money. I've deluded myself into thinking that as long as I work I can spend whatever amount of money I want and be ok. Which I suppose there is some truth to that but I don't want to be caught in this cycle of just working working working. Eventually I want to be free, do my own thing, be my own person live life on my own terms.

I'm so shackled to the idea of being this super hard worker, which is not a bad thing but I suppose that once you've been working for more than half of your life you start to re-think every time you have to clock in at work. It's barely day 2 of my vacation but I already miss it and want to go back. What's keeping me going is that I have some more vacation coming up.

It was $40 tooo! That’s like 2 hours plus of work goneee.

But hey like my coworker told me today you live and you learn and that’s the lesson

I really want to find something that can make me money but that's not retail. In the context of the last sentence, I want a job that is fun enough to where it doesn't feel like work. Or that at least pays well enough to where I only have to do it a few times a week or month and have a lot of free time left over.

mmm...

That kinda sounds like maybe I should open up my own business. That is not a bad idea I just wouldn't know the first thing that I would want to sell. I used to always want to open up a bike repair shop or a coffee shop. Both are two things that I would say im passionate about. Idk I feel lost and don't really have a goal that im working towards. I keep asking the higher powers that be to help me too.

I was wanting this to be poetic but sometimes it’s best to just say things as they are. Work has wasted so much of my time over the years. So so much time. The thing is I wouldn’t even try to go anywhere else or better myself. There’s been times where I stayed somewhere wayy longer than I should’ve. Why? I really couldn’t tell you, it was blind loyalty. Being grateful that anyone would take a chance on me that I’d endure less than ideal work conditions just to say I had a job.

That is so sad, no back bone just staying somewhere like a good little lap dog instead of going out and creating my future. Ahhhghghfh. I just need a good opportunity to come my way. Plus I’m just so tired at my job it’s not good for the soul. I’m so mentally checked out of my job the only reason I’m able to do it still is because my normal is being a very hard worker. Regardless of the job or pay I’ll always work hard at what I do.

My current pay is not bad but it took 2 years to get here and I don’t think I have much left in the tank to keep going. The only reason why I haven’t quit is because I don’t have anything else to fall back on. I just need someone to take a chance on me *sigh. Or I need to take a chance on myself either or. I just want more than this. I know it’s possible and if what it takes to receive help or support is to say that I can’t do this on my own. Well here’s me saying it. Please whoever is listening, reading, etc. I can’t keep doing this on my own please, I’m trying, I really am to continue on my own. I would say I’ve gotten far but I just know I could get even further if I had help or guidance or just a really lucky break. So please to anyone out there, I want more for myself I’m ready please help me.