The Mystic

We here at the mystic are elated to announce our 125th anniversary. To celebrate this occasion we have begun to release our news to the cloud. Don't worry, we will continue to release physical newspapers to areas with low rainfall. News stories of years past will also be transcribed for new readers.

From everyone at The Mystic, "We look forward to the future!"

Don't worry that is perfectly natural. It sounds like you have a Strangler Snake Plant. The name is misleading since it comes from its tendency to wrap around tall objects. This isn't a threat to living things as the object must be still. It probably chose your lamp since it was the best source of light in the room. If you would rather not have it on your lamp I would suggest buying a pole and placing it near a window.

Signed,

Are you in the market for a new critter companion but don't have the faintest clue where to start? We recently talked to Marvin down on Aborn and Saint Clair who has so graciously shared some tips and tricks to get started on your journey bringing a new friend into the family.

Breaking News:

Lucky Seven is recalling all tangerines shipped after August 10th. The little orange fruits were grown WITHOUT their typical humanoid ears. Scientists on the Lucky Seven team, as well as the FDA, are currently investigating what may have caused the mutation. If you have recently purchased tangerines, please quickly toss them out. You have been sharing your family secret recipes with a non-listening fruit, who knows what will happen.

As we all know ghosts and magic creatures are real, but how real are cryptids? These mysterious monsters are defined by their elusive nature due to all accounts of these creatures being unreliable. Some state that their inability to be properly photographed qualifies them as being magic, some believe it is a natural ability, and even more argue they have never existed at all. We have recently spoken to our local cryptozoologist, and leading figure of all things cryptid. "Cryptids are not magical but definitely exist. We have blurry images, weird tracks, unidentified hair. This is all concrete proof of their existence. As for their magical status, it is impossible for them to use some sort of invisibility magic. If they did, it would actually be easier to find them using magic detectors."- The Cryptid Kid There you have it. According to cryptozoologists, cryptids are "real" and definitely not magical. Its silly to think that we just have never seen them. No matter how much we want them to be, we have to acknowledge that, no matter what evidence we have, they are not real. - T. Cobolan, Myth buster

It's that time of year again, as the year comes to a close the city is bustling with anticipation. People from all over are lining up to be judged by the one and only Flick of Flick's Featured Records! Today we highlight some of the records that have been beaten so far this month, as well as some new records all together. Here are our top 3 picks for the month of November:

The Hare Stylist: Our friends over at Lucy's Salon have held this record for a few years now, and this year is no exception! However, we've got a new face holding the title. Jan Flare has successfully bleached, colored, permed, and fishtail braided a total of 13 desert hares in 1.5 hours, beating the previous record by 4 hares! Now I know what you may be thinking; although just last week Thomas Peak was announced as having styled more hares at 17 total, he has since been disqualified! It seems as though 8 of his hares were in fact either rabbits or bunnies, meaning he only really styled 9 hares and tied with the last record holder. Congratulations on your success Jan, you deserve the title!

Wyvern Wrangler: Zeke Ranger, although technically from out of town, has gained the hearts and respect of citizens of Skyeport. You may have seen him around, our new beloved strong man has been practicing his wrangling around town over the last year in preparation. His wrangling and wrestling of the wyverns has kept Skyeport wyvern free for the last 3 months! If you've seen one since then, it's most likely because Zeke releases them back out on his training days so that he can recapture them. "It's a bit hard to practice wyvern wrangling without any wyverns around," comments Ranger, "I've tried practicing on cows instead but it's just not the real thing, ya know?" We do know, and fully understand. Zeke has earned his place as our new Wyvern Wrangler, having captured 43 wyverns in 10 minutes. Congratulations Zeke on your new title!

Astral Project-athon: A new title this year, new interest and techniques in astral projection lead to this collaboration between Flick's Featured Records and the state of New Hampshire. Astral Project-athon takes place in multiple major cities across the state, so if you recently saw a yellow hue outside do not fret! The sky was temporarily illuminated by yellow lights so that we could easily see the green shadows cast by the naturally blue tinted souls. Being the first ever in history, the Project-athon aims to put the newly explored skill of astral projection to use! Each soul traveled 26.2 miles west, the first to cross the line (or the soul that got the furthest if all failed) would be crowned the winner. This year's champion is Glory Siccle, having been the only soul to project the full distance in 5.75 hours! Congratulations Glory, we knew you could do it.