mafa

being pitied by everyone when i’m 500 pounds not able to do what other girls in their 20s are doing. everyone being extra nice to me, almost too nice because they know being this young and so big has gotta be hard. i must be having trouble losing weight, i mean i’ve gotta have some serious mental problems to have went from being the quiet nice normal sized girl to a big tub of lard so quick. you’ve seen my 600 pound life, that’s how it is on there. there’s no way i’m going home and chugging down melted ice cream with a vibrator shoved up in my giant fupa because it gives me a full body orgasm. no, my life’s just been harder than others. i couldn’t have done it on purpose. someone like me wouldn’t have done that *stares at you like an idiot*

i love when i’m chugging something near bursting, but a switch flips in my brain mid gulp that takes away that desire to stop and replaces it with this mindless overwhelming absolute need to keep going until my cunt is completely soaked and i’m whispering “more” despite the fact that my belly is taut as a drum. to think that normal people will never experience that is hard for me to understand but makes it all the more pathetic and sensual

i wanna be pitied and babied for being so fat i’m unable to do things like buckle my seatbelt or tie my shoe. i want someone to say “poor girl” and run to help me even though i did it to myself. i love enablers

thinking about how when i move out using exclusively OF to subsidize my rent i'll basically be trapped as a growing fat girl whether i like it or not. i know for a fact i'll lose control as soon as i get that first taste of freedom to order doordash at any hour of the day, not have to worry about cleaning up my fast food bags before everyone gets home, buy a shower chair and a rolly stool to make things easier on myself, and to finally be able to make my twisted fantasies a reality. i can see it all going south so fast when i accidentally gain 100 more lbs and that fear of just how real what i’m doing to myself starts settling in. but if i wanna keep living on my own, i really have no choice but to continue gaining or how else am i gonna keep a roof over my head? and losing that comfort of binge eating and soft fat swallowing my frame would send me straight into panic. i'd be way too ashamed to move back home and reveal how i’ve been living, and i’d be too spoiled and conditioned to a mindless sedentary lifestyle being handed right to me that the thought of getting a real job would make me burst into tears.. just an endless cycle of using addiction and orgasms to drown out those feelings to make a living until i’m too big to care anymore. maybe being on my own with no one to stop me from losing control isn't the wisest decision, but isn't it sooo tempting to see what could happen?

laying in bed sososo sleepy and absolutely exhausted thinking about what a strenuous day i had, and then i realized that my idea of “strenuous” is baking cinnamon rolls, stuffing myself, cleaning the dishes/mess, and taking a bath. all of these tasks combined took me over 7 hours to complete and that’s mainly bc i took so many breaks when i get lightheaded & out of breath lollll which happens more than i’d like to admit.. keep in mind, this was a busy busy day for me. i’m usually just stuffing myself and laying around, maybe unloading the dishwasher AT MOST.. the baking part rlly took a toll on my poor little body:( having a chair in the kitchen rlly comes in handy when my hips start aching. which also happens very frequently oops