The Mae Blog

Being in the same room as you

Holding your hand

Being in your arms. You give the best hugs

Looking into your eyes. I can tell how much you love me in those eyes

Walking around town with you

Getting snacks together

Going shopping

Making each other laugh

When you play with my hair and I play with yours

Cuddling on the couch

Going out to dinner together

Laying in bed talking about life

Going to bed in your arms

Waking up and your next to me

Brushing out teeth together

Hugging you from behind as you cook

Watching movies together

Just existing with you...

I didn't realize it's been almost a year since I last wrote here. Since my last year's post, a lot has happened.

So, in April 2022, Neil did make it to the States. Everything was great. We were just so busy running around seeing everyone we had like no time to rest. The was the negative part which I am not doing that again when he comes here May/June. We had a great time though, everyone seemed to love him and even my cat loved him and she doesn't like really anyone but me. So we decided to get engaged after that pretty much.

I went to Scotland in July 2022, which was also pretty busy. I had a horrible experience with British Airways, and I'll never fly with them again if my life depends on it. That is besides the point. Neil and I went through the ringer on that trip too pretty much, but we had a very intimate conversation that meant a lot to me. It was a great time I can't wait to be back.

We got two cats in 2022, Nilly Bean and Dirty Dan, so now in this house we have five cats. My cousin wanted to get rid of her cat, so we took her. That's how we got Nilly Bean. Dirty Dan was a stray, and we were going to take him to the apl, but he ended up being a good fit for us. You can check them out on my cats' Instagram @ fruit.loop.cat

I dyed my hair and orange-red color. My friend from work did it and it was amazing!

I started dressing in a more alternative/gothic look. I've always loved that look ever since I was a kid. I just never saw people who looked like me dressed that way, so I never did. But with the power of the internet and social media, I found some inspiration

New years me and my best friend and I got in a fight, and we are no longer best friends. I had a breakdown, and it wasn't great. I tried helping his fiancé but she ended up backstabbing me and putting us against each other. They are no longer together, and I lost my best friend, so not so great. We talk sometimes, we worked out a little, but the trust has been broken, so it'll take time.

Neil and I are getting married this year, June 2nd, on our anniversary. I have a black dress and he is going to bring his kilt. I'm super excited, well, maybe more, just anxious. It can't come soon enough. If you saw my last post, you can see how my head space is right now. I'm really lonely and just want him. I just have to keep pushing. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do to make time go faster.

Hey, it's been a while. I could vent a bit, honestly. Everything has been good lately. we have our set day to get married, June 2nd this year (our anniversary day). He is bringing his parents. It'll be their first time coming to the States, so that's pretty exciting. My wallet is crying for help, though, but we'll see what happens.

What I come here for today, though, is I feel like whenever I get strong feelings for my fiancé they are never acknowledged or really anything. I have a hard time expressing emotions, so it really makes me mad when I feel happy and I guess a little clingy, and I get ignored. I know I sound spoiled, but I really just wanna feel the love in return. He is on vacation with his friends now, and I'm really jealous...even kinda a little paranoid. I hate my head space right now...

A few months ago, Neil told me that I don't give him attention when we are on the phone. It made me mad because I'm a pretty busy person, but I fixed it to the point to stop everything I'm doing to talk to him, but now I feel I'm getting it in return. He's not doing it on purpose or anything it just makes me upset that now it's just like this now. Karma right...

There is honestly nothing we can do except wait for the end of May. I told him not to prioritize me, and I won't prioritize him until we get to see each other again. I can't sit here waiting like an excited little puppy dog all the time. When I feel in love, I'm in deep, and there is no point in me wasting all that energy for nothing. Yes, I love him, but I just can't give it my all now. If we get to talk cool, if not well, that's that. I have denied picking up shift at work because I hope that I get to talk to him, I deny hanging out with people, hoping I'll get to see him... No more. I need to focus on my life. He is in my life, yes, but he also isn't. He is in a whole different country, and we live different lives. We want, wait, wish, dream, everything but all that means nothing because we aren't together yet. Being in a long-distance relationship is having the title girlfriend, fiancé, wife,etc, but none of the benefits. I can't do another 10 months of this. After we get married, we are getting this visa stuff figured out.

Hello! It's been a while, but I have great news! My partner is visiting here for the first time on Monday (3 days from now). He has never been here and I'm just so excited to see him again. I don't live anywhere exciting, but I hope that he has a good time. I just can't wait to be in his arms again.

It is crazy that for the first time in my life I feel everything is going well. Of course, despite a few stresses here and there but I feel like I am ready for the next stage of my life, but I don't have my partner with me. I love and enjoy my job, I'm managing college, I got side income going, and have a great partner that I would do anything to have in person. If you don't know I am in a long-distance relationship. I'm from the US and my boyfriend is from Scotland. I just feel every time I try to find ways to be with him It's not possible. There are so many rules about moving to a different county and I understand why of course but it doesn't make it feel any better.

We have tried speaking to immigration attorneys just for any help to point in the right direction of what we could try. We have no ideas. I've started college luckily; I get college through my work. Again, college is going to take some years. I've tried applying to colleges in my partner's city with no luck but I keep trying. Even though that's not my favorite option because it's so much money and college, to be honest, isn't my strong suit but I'll do it to be with him.

I've tried applying to jobs over in his city but without certain documents, I am unable to. My plan next time I go there try to talk to some places and see if they will hire me and at least give me a chance.

We tried looking at many different things... we are just looking for help anywhere just to get the ball moving. If you are reading this and have anything you can offer you will be the biggest help ever! If not it's okay as well just you reading this means a lot to me.

https://www.gov.uk/browse/visas-immigration

I keep getting these quick visions I will call them of what I feel like could be a possible future. It could be nothing but the thought is still there. With my boyfriend I do see a future with him. Our life together will and already has so many obstacles since we live in two different countries. We are working on getting us together anyway we can but in the mean time I'm just kinda dreaming on the future we could have.

I never really saw myself settling down really or having a family. That's because I never wanted that here in the US. If I was single I would just travel the world and meet people and be just a free bird but that doesn't look like how my life has in store for me. Of course anything could happen I'm a realist in most cases I know I can't live unrealistically but how life is playing out now I think I found someone I can be happy with.

In these thoughts I see my now boyfriend but in the though husband playing with two children... our two children. They have to be a year or two apart, possibly a boy and a girl, but that doesn't matter all too much to me I would treat them as equals no matter what. My partner was hanging the one child upside-down and the other was laughing wanting it to be there turn. I just stand there in the doorway just laughing at the craziness in the living room. "These kids had to turn up like their dad?" I ask in a playful manner.