madeleine

"It's not really when I would do that for free anyway", he said with a chuckle. He missed her in his kitchen, she might not do much but sit on the counter sipping her wine but he missed it. She missed his cooking, and the quick lunches at her desk really weren't a good thing. She could just show up to dinner. Any day. "I'll leave you the keys. Just show up, I have food and wine for you", Maddox nodded. He didn't really need people bringing him wine, being a damn snob he didn't even trust people's taste that much, but he always said that. Gift him wine. The kisses against her neck stopped as he frowned before he pulled back from her. "Wait", he said. Maddox really hadn't said to make them have this conversation. He just said it because he just did. He did love her. "Wait, what are you saying?" They could make it work - sure, but what it was? Was it them getting back together and making that work, or was it just ignoring their feelings for the sake of hanging out as friends.

Shocked,Madeleine's dark eyes widened for a moment at the other's reply. If he never could forget her,what memories did he have of her?The workaholic,chaotic and rushed Madeleine or the sweet,funny and lovable Madeleine?”Is it because I'm a part of your past?”She questioned,hoping that he wouldn’t agree. She was sure she could never forget him — how could anyone forgive the love of their life? All of her treasured memories were always somehow linked to him and she didn’t want it to change.

“You could never refuse,right?You loved our little moments in the kitchen.”A smile crept over her lips as flashbacks kept coming back to her. With her cup of red wine and sitting on the kitchen counter,they chatted about the most random subjects,from their day to embarrassing and funny stories. Sometimes,Madeleine hugged his waist from behind,placing her chin on his shoulder and leaving small,tender kisses along his neck,jaw and cheeks. Those memories haunted her at night,blaming herself for driving away the most important person in her life due to her high demands.”You and your wine.”The lawyer teased with a half smirk,her heart filled with joy from being so close to him.

Her heart skipped a small beat at his reaction,wondering if her words had gone too far and crossed the already invisible line. Even if they wanted different things,she needed him and was willing to give everything up to have him in his life once again.”Since the cat's out of the bag now.....I'm sick of ignoring the fact that I still love you. It’s so hard to wake up every morning and knowing I have to go through the day and not seeing or talking to you — not being able to love you,knowing I screwed up.”She admitted while looking deep into his eyes ,content and relieved to finally confess her feelings out loud but fearing his answer.

Madeleine would’ve given it a second thought but she was too tired to put up a fight.”I’m in and I’m in it for the beer so bring it on.”She cheered with a small smile,eager for another sip of alcohol.”But I’m only in if you give me the best beer you’ve got.”

“Could you ever forget me?”She questioned in a small whisper,searching for an answer in his eyes. If there was one thing Madeleine was sure of,was that she could never ever forget Maddox. He was the only man that she ever truly loved and when their marriage came to an end,she found herself lost. In her whole life,she was always independent and never gave love an actual thought but after meeting him,she found it impossible to live without it.

“Maybe,you’d spend a few hours with me and you would get paid for it,it’s a great deal if you ask me.”She teases further with a sarcastic tone. Whenever in a situation that envolved her emotions in a vulnerable way,she always tended to make jokes to lighten the mood even though it just ended up showing how nervous she actually was. Madeleine was glad they never had a heated fight because she wouldn’t know how to deal with it without making jokes to try and ignore the weird feeling in her gut. Surprisingly,it never happened during court since it was never with anyone she was madly in love with and didn’t let her feelings get involved in her job.”Sounds like a deal to me.”

What would happen after?After the reality hits her that they are no longer together and just ignored all the boundaries and lines. With her fingers caressing his dark hair,she sighed softly as she glanced out the window.”We always make it work...don’t we?”

"Hey, I can always cook more but there is only one Monkey", Maddox said pointedly. Their relationship was kind of an accident in the first place - they met and started hanging out. Somewhere in the middle of all the fooling around, feelings just happened. She was always welcome to come over, but they might just end up going down that road again. She was constantly over anyway, and he couldn't say he'd mind. Until she'd start dating again because it was just inevitable. She was amazing, someone would be lucky to have her. "And his separation anxiety is a little bad, it's not fun for anyone." Maddox would absolutely trust her to watch his dog. Monkey would mope a lot but it'd pass. Of course he was still attracted to her, but Maddox couldn't write it off as just attraction. Every damn curve on her body was so tempting to him, but god, she felt like home. She smelled like home and she was so close and he couldn't keep his hands off her. "God. I love you." He didn't mean to say that, he should just shift her body under him on the couch. But it really wasn't just attraction.

"I could say I’m sorry about that but I’m really not.”She teased,a small and beautiful smile growing on her lips. Madeleine knew she wasn’t the easiest person to get used to,from her birds to the long hours in the office and late nights,she never thought Maddox would get used to it but he did and she got used to his little things too. His simple and relaxing way of living,his adorable puppy,the way his eyes glistened when he looked at her...there wasn’t anything about him that she didn’t love.

“Have you ever considered being my personal chef?It’s good money.”She added,lightening the situation. For a lawyer,Madeleine hated to be under pressure when it came to dealing with the people she most loved and that situation alone,the one they were currently in,was making her freak out. Not that she didn’t love kissing him,feeling his hot skin touching hers,her fingers tangled in his smooth hair but she knew,the second it all ended,the reality would hit her hard and leave her heartbroken once again. She wanted his love,his touch,she wanted him,wanted to go back in time and fix their marriage.

There were no words to describe what she felt for him but a few that came close to it— unconditional love,desire,need and so many more but nothing like what she felt for him. He was her everything even after their divorce and she knew that would never change because he was her home.”What?”Madeleine questioned in a mumble,still in shock at his confession. Would it be alright if she said it back?Would it change anything for the worse?”I...I love you too,Maddox. I still love you — I never stopped.”

“She sounds like she is some kind of fashion badass.”Madeleine commented with a small chuckle,imagining the person the other had just described. She had no idea people so bold like that existed but it was good to know they did.”I guess so?I mean,i love my job with all of my heart but it brought me to make a lot of sacrifices during the years.”She added,sighing softly as she remembered all the times she had small attacks or arrived home late from all the work in her hands.”That’s a cool motivational quote,you should put that on a shirt!”

"I know", he said. He enjoyed cooking, he probably enjoyed it more because he didn't do it for a living. He enjoyed inviting people over to eat, he did it all the time. "You know what time I eat dinner", Maddox said pointedly. She really was always welcome, she knew he was a creature of habits. His daily schedule hadn't changed in years and it wasn't going to change. She could invite herself over, and he'd be there with food and a bottle of wine. It wasn't the worst way to spend the night.

Maddox knew he'd cross the line when he invited himself over to have coffee at her place, but them hanging out was going fine. It was. Making out on the couch was fine, of course it happened. They were divorced, but attraction wasn't the reason why. Of course they were still attracted to each other. Hanging out was fine, this line was fine. "I missed you", he said. It was just muttered words against her lips, because he couldn't pull away. He was gripping her waist and her fingers were in his hair and it still wasn't close enough. He missed her a lot, he would admit he was completely giving in to that craving.

“I remember everything,Maddox.”She added in a quiet mumble,her eyes on his. Knowing that her ex-husband had a big wedding years ago,she could guess he didn’t want anything huge neither did she. All she needed was the perfect dress and the love of her life and it was already the perfect wedding for her.

“I would love to drop by and steal some of your great cooking and maybe even steal Monkey from you for a bit.”She joked in a quiet tone,wanting nothing more than to go back in time and stop their divorce from happening. Madeleine had tortured herself ever since she signed those papers with memories of their times together every single day,during work,before sleeping and even in trial. It scared her how much she though about him and missed him with every single bit of her heart.

It was impossible for Madeleine to ever say that she didn’t feel the attraction for him that she always felt and their make out session in her couch only proved that. Her fingers pulled on his hair ever so slightly to try and pull him even closer.”I missed you too,so much.”She gasped shortly for air,looking into his eyes before pressing her lips against his once again. Thousands of thoughts crossed her mind as they kissed but the most prominent was that she still loved him.

“I have no idea who you just mentioned but it’s not really my thing to dress like I’m in my 20s,I didn’t even dress like I was in my 20′s when I was indeed in my 20′s.”Madeleine commented in a joking manner,her gaze flickering from the clothes to the other female.”Yeah,in lawyer world,if you’re a woman and you don’t show up in a thousand dollar shirt with the tightest pencil skirt,you’re not taken seriously and I’m sick of it.”She sighed softly,trying to decide if she should really try it on.”What if it doesn’t look good?”

Maddox really hadn't planned on marrying her when he did pop the question. He hadn't planned it for weeks, there wasn't some grand romantic gesture prepared. It was spontaneous, and the smartest thing he had done in a long time. He just remembered staring at her, being in bed with her and he could spend the rest of his life in bed with her. He still could, but that's just not how life worked. Sometimes, two people just couldn't put their wants and needs together no matter what. It was still the best spontaneous decision he had made. "And I'll cook for you every time you do come to check in on me", Maddox said. He could cook, she had to miss his cooking a little bit and he really worried about her. He really couldn't keep his hands off her body when they were still married, she was in shape and she took care of herself - but quick lunches at her desk just weren't any way to live. If she even remembered to eat from her workload. "I don't. You were perfect", he said in a low mumble. She was the perfect wife, so loving and caring. One of the best parts of his life. Them hanging out could work, they still cared for each other and wanted to know how the other was doing. Then again, he really had intended on just having coffee. He did not intend to make out on the couch with his ex-wife, but God. Kissing her felt like home and not pulling her closer to him was really hard.

“My wedding vows were award-winning vows and you can’t take that away from me.”When he first proposed to her,she was shocked but didn’t hesitate to accept. She had never been so sure of anything in her life and the memories of their quiet but loving wedding replayed in her mind every single day. It was nothing too prepared since they eloped but she managed to get the perfect speech and dress just in time and still keeps them with her.

Never in a million years did Madeleine thought she would get married. Not that it wasn’t something that she didn’t want,she just didn’t see it happening until she met Maddox. Her life was never the same from the moment she laid her eyes on him and she didn’t regret it one bit. Every single thing had,at that moment,made sense to her because everything that had happened to her and what she had done had led her to that moment where they met.”Your cooking is just the best,honestly.”She admitted as a small smile grew on her lips,remembering all those times she would come home and smell his cooking from the other side of the door. It was those little things and so much more than made her love him even more than she could ever think.

They had already ignored the line and couldn’t give a care about it. “I missed this.”Madeleine admitted,her tone low and husky. Her hands tangled on his hair,her lips crashing against his and moving passionately,she could only pray that moment would never end.

Madeleine was never one to keep up with the fashion trends or new and upcoming collections,she just got stuck in the professional outfits when she started college and never saw the end of it.”I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try them but I’m not really twenty anymore.”She shrugged,her fingers brushing past her brunette locks.”Oh,I really like that one,that is definitely something I would wear.”The lawyer agreed with a small smile,eyeing the items.

"Yeah. It'll make Monkey happy. And y'know, it's for my health and safety", he said. He was rationalizing it - she was still the closest thing to an emergency contact, she should have keys to his house. She was allowed to come see him just because, he couldn't turn her down. He still wanted her around and involved, and he didn't know how not to. He wasn't even sure if he was supposed to want that. "You're too important to them", Maddox said. He really appreciated her work, but he still had tried to convince her to call in sick and stay in bed with him and Monkey for the day a time or two. He understood the separation was probably really important, but some of the work she did she could probably do from home. He was selfish sometimes. He couldn't actually suggest she'd take a vacation and go to Italy with him. He went to visit his wife's grave because it was the anniversary of her death, it wasn't a vacation. For anyone involved. "You didn't", Maddox said. "You were far better than what I deserved." He hadn't apologized to make them have this conversation. They had had this conversation to the point that they were just running around in circles about it. He just apologized, because he should. He was sorry for hurting her. He couldn't be easy to be married to. He was a little too reserved and a little too distant and a little too confusing. Still a little too in love with his first wife. She was too good for him. "I'm still... I'm sorry", he said. He was sorry for hurting her. He was sorry for not saying he was still in love with her. He was sorry for being emotionally unavailable, but he was always all in with her. He was sorry for being too close for comfort. He was sorry for not being able to keep his hands to himself around her. He just was sorry. For everything. He could fake being sorry about kissing her too, but he really wasn't. That wasn’t really a conscious decision anyway.

“That I’m a workaholic idiot with a soft spot for you?”Madeleine added,trying to lighten the situation. She might have been a lot of things over the course of her life but what she was most proud of being was being his wife. Sure,they had their own issues but nothing mattered from the second her day at work ended and her day with her husband started. Her heart still ached for him,still needed him.

“I’ll check in on you every once in a while,don’t worry.”She reassured with a soft smile. There were no words to explain how Madeleine felt about,finally,being so close again and feeling his touch. For a short second,she allowed herself to let the happiness flow through her veins as her heart beat faster than ever but then she remembered,she was no longer his wife. She always thought he was way too good for her and that thought always haunted her,day and night. During their relationship,she was afraid of giving her work too much attention instead of her husband and thought that was one of the main reasons their marriage ended.

“It was never like that...you deserve way better than me.”Throughout the course of their relationship,Madeleine realized how lucky she was to have him. He waited for her to come home,he was supportive of her crazy work ways,he was always by her side while she just felt like she could never be enough for him since he seemed perfect in her eyes.

“I....I miss you,Maddox. More than I would like to admit.” Madeleine confessed,feeling her heartbeat on the tip of her feelings. She couldn’t believe what was happening and all she wanted to do was feel her lips crash against his once again and confess the care and love she still held for him.

"I'll leave you keys to my house", Maddox said. She should come see Monkey, the dog had interrupted them a lot when they were all living together. Monkey was happier than her husband when she finally came home. She should come see Monkey, whenever she wanted to but she should probably have the keys anyway. He wasn't expecting her to still care about him, but someone should check in on him every once in a while. He worked from home, he had no reason to leave the house. He was kind of a hermit. "But you aren't going to, you love what you do", Maddox said with a slow shake of his head. Her work was important to her and she was good at it. He could appreciate it and worry at the same time. "You didn't", Maddox said. None of it was her fault, he wasn't going to let her blame it on her. Of course she blamed herself, she was so mean to herself. Having children with your spouse was not asking too much. It was the norm. He just couldn't, he couldn't make her understand it. He just didn't want kids. He had enough kids around, and getting to return them to their parents was the best thing about babysitting. He didn't get it. "It's okay. If you do", he said. She was allowed to hate him. He'd allow her to do anything if it made her feel better.

“And you’re my husband...”She trailed off,nibbling nervously on her lower lip for a short second. Even if nothing was the same anymore and they weren’t together anymore,he was still the only person on her mind and heart and Madeleine feared that would never change.

“Are you sure?”She questioned,arching her eyebrows in search for an answer.They were already crossing all boundaries and limits without even knowing it but,at least for Madeleine,she couldn’t care. She knew he still trusted her and that,by itself,made her heart flutter. Could she really visit him and not get hopeful that things would go back to the way they were? Could she really visit him and not get heartbroken all over again over the fact that they weren’t together anymore?”You know me too well...the world of law would drown in chaos without me in the office.”She joked,letting out a saddened chuckle. She didn’t need some time off work,she didn’t need any vacation,she just needed him.

“I should’ve never asked so much of you.”Madeleine added in a quiet whisper,followed by a short sigh. She could never forgive herself for breaking them up,the feeling of guilt pressing and weighing on her shoulders more and more. In a quick moment of unawareness,she placed her other hand on the side of his face,caressing his cheek.”Maddox,I could never hate you...we were married and I loved you more than anything.”She finished,her tone low as thousands of thoughts ran through her mind. She could never tell him how much she still loved him,it would never be good for her to admit so.

“It’s great to meet you too.”Madeleine commented with a polite grin,her gaze shifting from the clothes on display to the other female. She could tell,just from a quick glance,that none of the clothes seemed to fit her personality or taste but she was willing to try something new.”I don’t think band shirts and levi’s from the 80s would really fit my looks.”She added with a small chuckle.

With a sigh of relief,a small smile appeared on Madeleine’s lips. Most of the shopping she did in her life was for work and most of them were really expensive items and she needed to break that cycle.”Oh,I’m Madeleine and I’m looking for something...more casual. I’m getting tired of all the high heels,pencil skirt kind of look.”

Maddox knew he wasn't always the most emotionally available guy. He was so open and caring, he was so easy to talk to and he would always care about her. He would always listen to and care about her feelings, but his own? He was kind of bad with them. Hell, when his wife died, he literally moved thousands of miles to get to grieve how he wanted to. He was good with dealing with his emotions, but he dealt with them on his own. He was bad at sharing that. Unless it was about loving her, because he had. He really loved her. "He would be happy to see you. He loves you", Maddox said. Monkey was the friendliest little thing, but seeing Madeleine would probably make him jump out of his skin with excitement. Besides, Maddox meant it. She was always welcome over. Because she missed his dog, or his cooking, or his wine, or she was just bored and had nothing better to do. She didn't even need to ask, she should actually have keys to his house. "You should be at home more. You've got a good place", Maddox said. He had to admit, it was getting harder not getting distracted with memories. When they moved in together, unpacking took a forever. Sometimes he just got stuck staring at her, sometimes sneaking in quick kisses between boxes escalated a lot. "Yeah, it is", Maddox said lowly. It was his fault, he couldn't give her what she wanted. She didn't need to act otherwise. He didn't mean to hurt her, but he did. He knew he did. He glanced away for the shortest moment before searching for her eyes while touching a hand to her thigh. "Do you? Hate me?"

“I might be an idiot but you loved it.”She teased with a small smirk,allowing her fingers to push her hair back. It was true,she knew she was an idiot but not the kind of acting like one,the kind that cared about the little things,and the kind to always prioritize others instead of herself. It wasn’t unusual for her to even put strangers in front of her,it was what she did almost every day at work and never thought about herself.

When Madeleine finally realized she was falling for her,now,ex-husband,she didn’t know what to do. After feeling numb for years and years on a row and believing that love was nothing but a fairy tale,it was hard for her to actually acknowledge she cared about him in the first place. She had never cared so deeply for anyone,loved so dearly and after he slipped through her fingers,nothing was ever the same anymore. He was the only person in the world who understood her,who comforted her,who had seen her cry and had seen her past those walls she built so high and when it all ended,she was lost.

“I love him too,almost as much as my birds.”The female joked with a quiet chuckle,glancing at her birds in their cage. There were certain nights were Madeleine would come home to her husband,to his arms and his little puppy would just be thrilled to see her. Often,when the two were in each other’s arms,just chatting on the couch,Monkey would jump on top of them and try to be a part of their little moment. Even if she lived in a whole different house than the one they shared,the silence of her current apartment just brought back more and more memories.”Yeah I should...I should definitely give myself a break from work.”She nodded,more to herself as if keeping a mental note to do so.

“It was not your fault...it was mine,I asked too much of you.”Madeleine sighed loudly,knowing it was true. If it weren’t for her silly little fantasy that was so damn hard to achieve,they would still be together.”I could never hate you,Maddox,even if I wanted to. You were the best thing to ever happen to me.”She confirmed,her eyes gazing into his as she,slowly and hesitantly,placed her hand above his.