kel

INTO HER HEART

pairing: megan skiendiel x masc!reader

synopsis: you ask megan to model for your clothing brand, and you decide to take every advantage possible.

contains: megan and r need that cookie real bad (again), everyone being supportive as always, they're so sillykinss, i love them

a/n: if you guys have any requests, please send them!!

part one

megan wasn’t sure what she was going to wake up to this morning, but it certainly wasn’t this.

as part of her morning routine megan checked her phone to see if anything had happened overnight. and boy did something happen.

she barely had time to put her password in when she saw that she received a message from you. the message was sent a little over an hour ago, and megan cursed herself for not waking up sooner. 

nevertheless, she quickly pulled up the text.

cutie 🫶

good morning :) hope you’re not too tired from carrying the stream yesterday 

megan reread the message multiple times before huffing out a small laugh.

megan

carrying???? idk about all that i was literally fighting for my life when i sat on ur lap 👀

the typing bubble appeared almost immediately. good to know she wasn’t the only one down bad.

cutie 🫶

i noticed 😭😭

megan’s cheeks instantly warmed. she was going to respond when another text came through.

cutie 🫶

i have something to ask u tho

megan sat up properly, sensing the shift in tone.

megan

suree what’s up?

cutie 🫶

would you be interested in modeling for my next drop?

megan dropped her phone. she wasn’t sure if her eyes were playing tricks on her. 

after her 5-minute mild short circuit, megan’s fingers tumbled over the keyboard.

megan

are you serious???

cutie 🫶

oh very serious  i designed some pieces with you in mind

okay maybe you shouldn’t have said that last part.

megan froze again for what seemed like the umpteenth time. cause what do you mean by "her in mind"?

before megan could stop herself—

megan

yes yes absolutely  i would love to i probably would’ve said yes before you finished typing

another bubble appeared.

cutie 🫶

perfect ☺️ i’ll send the details later

megan

also… does this technically count as seeing you before our date? 

cutie 🫶

maybe.

“lara!” 

a loud crash echoed throughout the apartment before megan emerged from her bedroom.

“what??” lara yelled back.

“i think i’m gonna be modeling,” megan rushed out, excited at the possibility of working with her crush.

“what do you mean you think?” lara questioned, confused.

megan shoved her phone right in lara’s face. “dude just look!”

lara read the messages, scrolling up, then scrolling back down before facing megan with a shit-eating grin. 

“you got that cookie on lock i see you,” lara dragged out. “you’re never beating the down bad allegations.” 

“please be serious,” megan begged.

lara laughed at the obvious distress that megan was in. “i am being serious!” 

taking megan’s phone with her, lara made her way to the kitchen where everyone else was. 

“y’all megan booked!” she yelled.

everyone looked at her in confusion. “booked for what?” sophia asked. lara just handed her the phone to look for herself. all the while megan wanted the floor to swallow her up from embarrassment. 

the floor being you. okay no, stop.

“oh girl, you’re in deep bad,” manon teased. the others agreed, but that didn’t stop them from being supportive. they knew how big of a deal this was for her. 

a few days had gone by, and megan was pretty much shitting herself. she adjusted the sleeve of her oversized zip-up way too many times as she stood outside the studio. 

she’s never like this usually. she’s never been nervous for photoshoots, but knowing that this was for you made the pressure double.

she released a deep breath before walking inside. she didn’t know what to expect, but the interior was very you. it had a minimalistic touch to it, but it still looked amazing.

there were clothing racks on one side and camera equipment on the other. a few people walked by, carrying the light stands and garment bags. 

“hey you made it. i was scared you bailed at the last second.”

at the sound of your voice, megan turned around to face you. 

there you were.

your outfit was simple. a faded oversized graphic tee with some baggy jeans and your glasses resting on the top of your head.

megan was silently thanking your parents for creating you.

“you look amazing,” megan fumbled out, completely ignoring what you said beforehand.

you smiled. “so do you.”

it was silent between them for a few seconds before they both laughed. “sorry that was so awkward,” megan said. 

and just like that megan’s nervousness faded.

you had given megan a small tour of the first floor of your studio and introduced her to some of your staff before the shoot started. 

the plan was that you and megan would take solo shots of the different clothes you were dropping.

megan opted to go second. the stylist had fixed her into a jacket while the makeup artist added small touches.

she went through so many clothes, poses, and backgrounds, but the one thing that stuck out to her was the number of times you would wander over.

you would fix megan’s collar, or it would be how her jeans layered on her shoes. honestly you were finding anything to fix just to be next to megan.

it was safe to say the photographer noticed the tension, so they decided to try something at the end of the shoot. 

“yn.”

you looked up. the photographer motioned for you to stand next to megan. 

“what do you want us to do?” you asked.

“just..” he paused. “look at each other.”

it was quiet for a second. both of you were processing what he said. 

megan looked at you, and you looked back. neither of you could contain the laughter. 

click. click.

the photos looked authentic with them just being themselves. the photographer took a few more pictures once you and megan were in a different pose before calling it a wrap. 

as the staff began packing away the equipment, megan felt someone bump her shoulder. she instantly smiled when she realized it was you. 

“so…” you started, nervously fidgeting with your hands.

“i promised you a date.”

“you certainly did,” megan replied with a small smile, already having a feeling of what was about to happen next. 

“are you free right now?” you scratched the back of your neck.

she grinned. 

“i think my schedule is pretty empty right now.”

you originally planned to take megan to a fancy restaurant, but that only lasted all of ten minutes. 

“this place is…definitely something,” megan whispered after scanning the menu. you couldn’t help but laugh. “$32 for some fries is just insane.”

[15 minutes later]

you and megan were sitting on the hood of your car in a dead parking lot, sharing burgers and milkshakes from a family-owned diner. 

you weren’t sure if it was sharing, considering that megan ate more of your meal than you. 

“this is ten times better,” megan said before stealing (another) one of your fries. 

“you know if you move your hand slightly to the left you’ll actually grab some of your fries,” you playfully teased. 

megan gasped before shoving you slightly. “you ass!”

“sorry, i’m sorry!” you yelled. 

as a peace offering, you gave her two of your fries. 

after all the food was done, you both lay on the hood and gazed at the stars. “thank you for this,” megan whispered, breaking the silence. 

“you won’t be ready for my next date idea.”

“oh really? i think i want those $32 fries.”

“ha-ha,” you laughed sarcastically before turning your head to face megan. she eventually turned her head once she felt your gaze on her. 

“can i kiss you?” you asked, nervousness creeping up again. megan didn’t have to say anything else. her hand grabbed your cheek before attaching her lips to yours. 

you held the back of her neck as the kiss became deeper, the sound of your lips echoing in the quiet parking lot. 

you both pulled back when air ran out. no words were needed. 

the campaign dropped the next friday. the post was normal with all the shots of you and megan until the last one. 

it definitely wasn’t a picture from the photoshoot, as it was a low-quality picture you sneakily snapped while megan was laughing at something you said. 

of course, the comments immediately noticed. 

eyekondaily: helloo why is yn looking at meg like that 😭 pokipokidoki: creative director my assssss katseyefiles: so about that last picture

even pokimane reposted the campaign and left her own comment.

pokimane: i knew something was happening just not what…

megan laughed once she saw the post and the amount of comments calling you out for the last picture. 

cutie 🫶

so i might’ve maybe accidentally left my favorite pic in the campaign

meg ❤️

accidentally???

cutie 🫶

definitely accidentally.

neither of you believed that, but that didn’t stop the smile that was etched on both of your faces.

synopsis. you've been thinking of changing your name for a while, but you're scared of how nikki might react.

pairing. nikki freeman x butch!reader

wc. 555 words

Nikki glances at you, something deep in her subconscious alerting her to the missing sound of your laughter. A frown grows on her face at the sight of your blank expression. It’s like you’re somewhere far away, deep in thought about something. But in a split second, you’re back, face splitting into a grin she thinks is total bullshit.

“I need another drink,” Nikki announces. She looks to you. “Wanna come with?”

You peer up at her and stumble over your words, trying to come up with an excuse to stay. But she grabs your arm and yanks you to your feet, leading you over to the bar with her hand in yours. It makes all sorts of feelings whir around in your stomach as you feel her skin against yours.

Even after months, after so many kisses and tender touches, you still get nervous around your girlfriend.

𓏲 ✴ kisses over dinner ✷ ꣓

nikki freeman × f!reader

𓏲 sypnosis : a dinner with your best friend at a fancy restaurant in between a busy week to wind off and spend time with each other, results in you getting foggy from alcohol. she offers you to stay, and it ends in hidden feelings to unfold.

cw ✿ best friends to lovers trope, bear is mentioned, reader works at the record store with bear, sarah and ian. nikki is a writer, set before the events of obsession where the one wish willow never happens, implied internalised homophobia (?), love confessions, not proofread

The week has been restless.

Similar as any week while working at a music store for hours on end 5 days a week, except this week had more to it. Restocking that didn't seem to end, costumers that wouldn't stop bragging about out of stock records, and two co workers who can't stop slacking off due to nonstop conversations, causing you to having to do more of the work given to you out of spite.

Your only favorite time of the week, however, is going home and having a conversation over the phone with your best friend, nikki. she'd tell you about her days trying to become a writer, which she was very passionate about. it made you very happy for her, you knew she'd be a remarkable writer.

"But anyways, " she stated. "we haven't seen each other in so long, work has been taking a toll on us, hasn't it? How about a date somewhere, we could go have dinner at that sushi restaurant you'd been swooning over for the past couple weeks." she suggested.

You'd caught her attention after fidgetting with your nail immediatly. "I wasn't swooning! The food just looked, too good.." you giggled, a playful hum coming from her. "But I'd love to, nikki, friday tomorrow?"

"Friday tomorrow it is." she'd reply back. "well, I have to look at a few emails, it's getting late isn't it?" You checked the wall clock. oh wow, time really passed by whenever you're having fun conversations with her.

"Yea, it is. I should go too, time really passes by when we're on call together."

"Really does. well then, goodnight!" She'd chime.

"Goodnight, nik." You'd reply with a smile.

The call ended.

You got up and immediatly thought about how she'd called it a "date", something in you wished it would be classified as an actual, romantic date. but you don't ever thing you'd get that lucky, well then, you were excited nothingless.

the restaurant was lively.

A bunch of chatter from people ordering and conversations at tables, clinking of kitchenware, and the subtle waft of something yummy. however none of this phased you. You sat fidgetting with your necklace, occasionally adjusting the strap on your shoulder as you waited for her to arrive. just as you were going to pick up your phone out of boredom, you spotted a familiar person at the corner of your eye.

She was beautiful. She wasn't wearing anything extravagant, however she was just as pretty as you know her. You didn't realize she'd already taken a seat across you before you could comprehend.

"Sorry if you waited too long, "she'd smile as she adjusted her purse, "traffic's been trouble, as the usual."

You'd smile at her and tell her no worries, before you waved at a waitress to come get your orders. Over the time at dinner, you talked more freely than you usually do together on the phone, occasionally glancing at her hair, her lashes, then drifting to her collarbone peeking from behind the top's end.

You'd always have found her stunning, and feelings you never thought you'd feel would start forming the more your friendship went, starting to believe this may not be casual. The end of every phone call, every hangout with the others, and every talk would leave you to your thoughts being consumed by her.

You'd even have thought of letting out your feelings to her in a quiet space, far from everyone. You beat yourself too much over it sometimes, but you just couldn't think about doing it. You were so afraid of ruining what you now had, the closeness of your friendship, and bear had seemed, which you figured out from being together, to have a liking in her, you were most probably a goner either way.

"I'm not feeling it to call a cab today, traffic's probably still going on, it would take an hour," She'd complain as you were brought back to the present by nikki's change in subject. you internally cursed yourself for not focusing on what she was ranting about beforehand. "could you drop me home? I could drive if you'd like."

how could you say no? you'd forever love her presence around. "perfectly fine with me, nik, I could even drive."

nikki doesn't respond to you as she finds a waiter's attention to get the bill, a few minutes later and you're out the restaurant.

nikki rounds up to the car's driver door before you speak, "nikki, you don't have to—" you attempt to interject what she's about to do.

"I'd love to drive, just let me." without replying back, letting her do what she offered, you enter the car with her.

the ride home was just casual talk, a mix between the restaurant's food, details she'd just remembered on a drama she told you about, and just work feelings. the ride went quiet on the last minutes home, indicating the tiredness that stretched out on you both.

"well, here we are." nikki says mostly to herself as she rounds up to the sideway, hitting the brakes and she sighs. upon feeling the quietness, she turns around to see you asleep.

she can't hide the subtle smile that comes through her, before shaking your shoulder slightly with a, "hey, sleepyhead, I'm home." before you slowly become conscious.

"I don't think with your state right now you could drive home, you could stay at mine? I'd love—"

"no nik, you've already drove us, I can go home, let me just switch seats," you mumble back tiredly before reaching for the door handle, opening, before you're stopped as her hand shoots out to your arm.

"please?" you'd see her eyebrows furrow in worry and half desperation, in your sleepy state, you couldn't bring yourself to once again reject, a part of yourself wanting to stay with her like she'd request (out of worry, as you'd thought).

"alright." you'd say in defeat as she smiled, before rounding up to your garage. your mind was still hazy from sleep as she took you inside, but you were too out of it to let go of the hand that was leading you to the door. maybe you had too much to drink.

time passed, maybe half an hour, and you were laying down on the living room couch. you were starting to get out of your foggy state and before you knew it, you got up after feeling a wave of boredom settle around you.

"better now?" you'd see nikki appear from behind the couch, a glass of water in her hand, she'd changed to pjs, which you were glad happened because you truly didn't want to see her uncomfy in her own house.

"Yes, thank you, nik. I don't know what I'd do without you."

It was left unanswered as she smiled and sad with you down, there wasn't much to say now, as she'd probably have a change of clothes for you by the other room, and knowing her house all too well anyways.

You suddenly felt a pang of something within you. Was this it? Maybe you could—

But as always, the overwhelming thoughts came back. The possibilities it could go wrong, the chances, others, what if it was never meant to be—

But you look at her right now in awe, thinking what it would be like to be with her all the time, to love her all the time, to wake up to see her, and sometimes, it keeps you up at night, for what if you could try? You'd never have the thoughts that swarm your brain ever answered if you didn't voice it out.

"Nikki?" You'd break the silence, you thought if maybe your voice sounded too small.

"Yup?" She'd turn your head to you, "Does your head still hurt? I could give you—" she was always so attentive to you, it made you want to kiss her every single time to shut her up.

"No, not that, I'm fine, there's just something I've been meaning to tell you."

suddenly the room felt a tad bit warmer, From your nervousness, you thought, and she was looking directly at you, brows turned slightly in confusion and patience.

"nikki, I— you're an amazing friend, I don't know if I could live without you by my side, we spend so much time together, talk to eachother so much, it makes me think about how much we mean to each other." you talked. you felt like you were saying too much, but nikki, ever the listener, sat there with a small smile at what you've been saying, however still listening.

"It makes me wonder if we could spend the rest of our lives together." You'd mumble out. Nikki didn't really seem to get it.

"We'll always be together, you'd always see me and we'll always be friends, I'm just concerned about what you're saying right now—"

"I love you, nikki. I want to soend the rest of my life being yours." You'd finally let out, no wraps around it, just the complete truth, that you love her.

the room stayed silent. you started fidgetting with your nail at some point as you immediately turned your sight down out of waiting for an answer.

You'd feel, then see a hand holding yours, and as you turned your head up, saw her, before she took her other hand to hold the side of your face. "Can I?"

Your heart started beating from your chest, as you mumbled a "mhm", you once again hated how small your voice sounded.

Before being able to even blink, she planted her lips against yours, the hand that was holding yours going up to hold the other side of your face, it took you a second or two before you leaned into the kiss. You don't know how long you stayed there for, but it didn't matter to you, you were right where you wanted to be.

Shes the first to let go for air, before you both fell into a fit of giggling, it was stupid really, but you were just filled with so many emotions. "I thought you'd think of me that way, to be honest, I did too, I guess it took longer for me to accept that before you did." she'd reply back to you.

And you'd smile back, and hold her face, before going back for another. you'd stay in this moment forever, your lips with hers, feeling her heartbeat against your own, and you'd think to how fortunate you were to have a perfect angel like her.

☆ nikki freeman x fem!reader

☆ summary: after falling for your friend nikki, you decide to be brave and confess your love for her in a way she'll really understand...by writing a poem

☆ warnings: pure fluff because nikki deserves happiness 😌, love confession, friends to lovers, lesbianism, this story was inspired by nikki's talent for writing

☆ title from: a quote from call me by your name (originally from heptameron)

☆ word count: 1315

☆ author's note: i loved "obsession" and knew i had to write for the lovely nikki, she deserves the world aka a woman deeply in love with her (also have to mention i despise that disgusting m*n and everything he did to my precious baby nikki) anyway happy pride!!!

☆ enjoy!!!

it wasn't like you meant to fall in love with nikki, but you just couldn't help it. though it's true that she's very beautiful and funny (and stylish and cute and kind) it was actually her writing that really made you fall for her.

nikki had a gift for honesty. whenever she she read little bits of her stories to you or when you snuck a glance at her latest pages, it felt less like you were experiencing her writing and more like you were experiencing her: nikki.

she poured so much of herself into her writing. all over every sentence and stanza was her wit and cleverness. you were so surprised in the beginning of your friendship, when she was so shy letting you read her work. her writing was nothing but beautiful to you. especially because it was a way of understanding nikki even more deeply. you loved nothing more than getting to know nikki and learning new things about her. and lucky for you, her writing was an opportunity for endless discovery.

you loved being nikki's friend, you really did. she always bought you your favorite snacks even when you begged her to let you pay, she could always tell how tired you were from the night before and sometimes she would even rest her head on your shoulder.

you knew you had it good being her friend, but you couldn't help but wonder if you could be more. you loved nikki already, but you wanted to love her fully. to see her for everything she is and do nothing but appreciate it. that's all you wanted.

so you had to ask yourself the question: is it better to speak or to die? how could you be sure? if you spoke, you risked your whole relationship with nikki. you risked her looking at you differently. but didn't she deserve to know how you really felt about her? she deserved to know the truth.

if you chose to say nothing, you chose death. and sometimes choosing death isn't truly a personal choice. choosing to die can kill both you and all the people around you. you had to be brave, for nikki. you would not agree to the cowards choice, to die rather than risk actually living. you would speak.

it was only a question of how? how could you express how much you loved nikki in a way she understood? you wanted her to know not only that you loved her, but also how you loved her. fully and completely, you wouldn't change one thing about her. you loved her very much, just as she was.

when you thought of nikki and all the things you loved about her, your mind drifted to her writing, her beautiful stories and sweet poems. that's when you knew, you would write to her, to try and speak to her in her native language; poetry.

it took you an embarrassingly long time to write this poem, if you were being honest. something as trivial as words just couldn't describe someone as beautiful and deeply interesting as nikki. there was too much to say.

so instead of trying to describe nikki, which was impossible, you decided to describe yourself. how you felt for her, what you would do for her, what you hoped to do. once you started writing about what you would do for nikki, you couldn't stop. you would do anything for her and she needed to know that. even if she didn't like you back or care for you in the way you cared for her, you would still love her. she was still nikki, and you would love her no matter what.

so finally you texted her, asking if she'd come over after work because you had something to show her. she agreed and now you were pacing back and forth, anxiously awaiting her arrival. you couldn't give up now, you had to be brave, for nikki, she deserved it.

you had rehearsed the poem about a hundred times which was pointless once you realized it would be easier to just read the poem so you didn't have to make direct eye contact. her eyes always made the butterflies in your stomach flutter anyway, so they would definitely distract you.

finally, you heard a knock on your door and nikki's sweet voice saying, “i’m here!”

ᴄᴏᴡʙᴏʏꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀɴɢᴇʟꜱ. ᛪ༙. nikki freeman x fem!reader

warning(s): no wish au, set in college, reader is a med student, smoking, drinking, angst (it gets worse before it gets better,) friends to lovers, both nikki and reader are idiots, semi-smut (but nothing too explicit,) happy ending(?)

index: When your heart's in someone else's hands

Their wish is your command

You're not to blame

Everyone's the same

YOUR BACK LEANED against the concrete ridged walls of the campus center building, just on the side out of view from the students that entered and exited the front glass doors as it were finals season and everyone was either going to study, coming from studying, or getting more coffee to study. you on the other hand? you were on your third cigarette of the day, the half empty malboro pack in the pocket of your adidas sweatpants being proof of stress.

you wish you could say it were stress from finals, that’d be much better than the actual truth of the matter. but you hadn’t studied in days and honestly you didn’t care to. your mind was a whirlpool of heartache and question that burdened you so much lately you couldn’t even concentrate on the stupid cartoons you loved to watch after smoking two joints after a shift at the campus cafe.

in other words, or in more matters you never thought you’d find yourself in such a predicament. you’d never had a thing for relationships or love, not that you were one of those sad wannabe philosophical fuckers who ran around with the corny ‘fuck love’ saying plastered over them but in a way that you just didn’t care for it much, definitely not after having to grow up watching your parents go at each others necks almost everyday until they eventually got divorced and your father moved two states away with only one call a week with your name on it.

you didn’t understand, and often wondered what was it about love that made people so crazy. was it that people often got love and infatuation mixed up? sure it could be that, especially in today’s world where everyone your age was getting relationship advice off of tiktok and fake love spells to bring their ex-lovers back. or maybe people were scared to be alone. you could understand that to an extent as you know how lonely the world can get, feeling like the gaping hole.

you mean, what was the point of the saying ‘if you love something, set it free?’ when no one ever let what they loved go? not truly anyways. maybe it was the societal collection of being scared of change. scared of what it meant to not be by someone’s side anymore? or the other side of the coin where someone is too afraid to let someone ago, rather go through the arguments and fights just for the sake of being too scared to see the person you love change.

you don’t know, and maybe you never would. not those parts anyways. but what you do know is, you have scientifically and fundamentally fallen in love with someone you could never truly have. it felt like walking on a thin sheet of ice that layered over a lake in the depths of a cold winter, but still knowing the risks you walked, no, you ran over it anyways.

it was never supposed to be like this, it started off as one stupid drunk kiss between two lifelong friends that went untouched and un-talked about for weeks until one of you broke and demanded to know what it meant, then well that turned into a more heated kiss that turned into stolen ones and left untouched words, that turned into touched bodies with even more hollow words and the more physical and hollow things got, without you even noticing you became just as hollow as the unspoken words, if not more.

and not because things weren’t exclusive and labeled but because it made you realize you had loved and been in love with someone who was supposed to be nothing more than a childhood best friend to you for so long you became blind to it and when you could finally see it, it didn’t seem like she wanted anything more than your body because for whatever reason, she started to push you away the more you lie down together.

and for whatever reason the only times you seemed to hangout lately was at shitty frat parties where she ditched you and you had to find her lip locked with random guys; the same thing that started the first ever real argument you two have ever had. sure, when you were kids you’d fight over who got to play with the coolest barbie but this? last friday? last friday was different.

you were only trying to help, you swear you weren’t being a jealous asshole, even if your eyes were a green as the hulk—she was just way too drunk, more than normal, probably the drunkest you’d ever seen her. so, when you seen her stumbling upstairs with some douchey frat guy you had to intervene. you didn’t yell, you didn’t try to claim her, you simply just rushed over to her and asked if she wanted to go home to which she laughed in your face and bitterly declined. then you turned to the guy and told him she was way to drunk to do anything, asking him was he really that low of a dude to take advantage of a drunk girl.

the moment happened too fast, you didn’t even remember all of it but the parts you do remember is him swinging on you after your third attempt to get her to not go with him and you dodging it, to which he tried again to punch you and not landing it before you took a swing, two to be exact and those two right hooks knocked him cold out on the stairs. you didn’t expect her to thank you, but to start yelling at you? that was a whole other thing—a whole other side you’d never seen directed towards you.

why would you do that?! i can make my own decisions! i don’t need you to save me—you know, i don’t even know why you’re here because i don’t want you here! stop following me around like a lost puppy!

if there’s anything you remember from last friday, it’s those words that she had spat at you.

“those are bad for you.” you exhale a deep breath at the familiar voice that rounded the corner of the direction of the side of the building in which you were placed.

“yeah, well…” you shrug. “finals season you know?”

“you haven’t come to a single study session this week.” the girl now comes into full view, standing in view of the trash bins you had been aimlessly staring at the last ten minutes.

“hi, sarah. how was your day?”

her head tilts and she gives you an unamused look, “don’t change the subject. where have you been? i haven’t seen you at all this week.”

your eyes roll in a playful manner, “js’ busy.”

“busy? cut the shit. why are you being so vague with me? are you a fucking secret spy for the government or something?”

“sarah, i—” your mouth opens and closes. “i just haven’t been feeling good.”

“soo, go to the doctor? or better yet, you’re literally studying to be a doctor, take care of yourself maybe?”

you groan, running your hand over your face.

“i don’t have time for a lecture, sar. how’d you even know where i was?”

“i pass on sidewalk on the way to the dorms, genius. i seen you standing over with your cancer sticks yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that.”

wordlessly, you take one last hit of the stub of a cigarette before throwing it to the ground and pressing the heel of your foot on it.

“what’s going on? you’re obviously not sick. i mean, you didn’t even come to trivia night last week.”

your eyes graze over her face, meeting her concerned gaze. “i’m just not feeling social, i don’t know.”

“y/n, i’m your friend. i’ve known you since like eighth grade. i know when something’s wrong with you.”

“you wouldn’t understand. it’s not something—i can’t talk about it.”

“okay, so, why haven’t you talked to nikki? you always talk to nikki. you’re closer with her than anyone.”

nikki freeman.

the very thing you can’t talk about. the very reason you’ve been standing at the same spot all week huffing down three cigarettes.

before all this you would say she was an ever-so quick witted, determined, literary buff. or you’d say she was the girl you had known since you were five years old, the girl whom you got into your first fist fight for; defending her against some bullies during third grade recess. the same girl who made fun of you and pushed you around but would kill anybody if they even bumped into by accident. the girl you managed to beat at every single video you played together.

all of it, you were sure all of your memories included her. nikki was your childhood best friend. there wasn’t a single thing you did without her—well until you started to act in un-platonic ways, realized you’d been in love with her, and she completely freezed you out without an explanation to why.

“she’s busy with finals, i don’t wanna bother her.” the lies rolls off your tongue so unconvincingly.

“she took her last final monday.”

“okay well,” you cross your arms. “she needs rest. she’s been studying hard.”

you have no idea if she’s been studying hard or not. you had not talk to the first for a week and two days.

“when did you become such a lair?”

“what?”

“what’s going on? i know you two got into a fight last friday, what was it about?”

“who told you that?”

sarah rolls her eyes, “bear. he said nikki called him drunk out of her mind and needed a ride. he said when he picked her up that nikki was just going on and on about you.”

“what’d she say about me?”

“i don’t know, i—something about you being jealous and ruining her fun. what’s that about?”

“i am not—i was not jealous—” you catch yourself before getting rilled up. “look, nikki was drunk and someone tried to get in her pants, i was just trying to help and she…”

“that’s stupid. you and nikki have been friends for how long? get over it.”

you look at sarah like she had just offended every emotion and bone in your body.

“i am over it.”

“good. so that means you’re coming to trivia night tonight?”

“what? no.”

“why not? you just said you’re over it.”

“i—” once against your mouth opens and closes as you try to buy time on what to say.

“i have to study.”

“jesus christ, y/n, i swear to god if you tell me one more lie.”

“why does it matter to you so much, sarah?”

it her turn to look at you like you had offended her, “well, i’m sorry for caring about you. you wanna be left alone so bad i’ll go, but when you need someone after you’re done sulking don’t call because i tried.”

she goes to turn to walk away but you hastily grab her arm.

“sarah, wait.”

“what, y/n? this conversation is getting nowhere, i’m running in circles trying to make sure you’re okay.”

“i—" you purse your lips. “i’m sorry. i just…”

“it’s complicated okay? i…fuck. i made a promise and that promise includes not talking about what’s going on with me. i’m not trying to shut you, or ian, or even bear out, okay? i wish i could talk to you because i really need you right now, all of you but i’d rather look like the asshole than…”

she’s quiet for a moment, her eyes searching your despaired face. she notices the slight bags under your eyes, the look in them that showed drainage and tiredness.

“you didn’t say nikki.”

“what?”

“when you said you’re not trying to shut us out, you didn’t mention nikki.”

licking your lips before they purse, “yeah…nikki too.”

“is this about nikki? this is more than a stupid fight isn’t it? you and nikki never fight. disagree? sure. but fight?”

in this moment you can feel yourself breaking down, the shell you had become over the course of the past month cracking before your eyes. you wanted to get away from this conversation but another part of you wanted to leap into it, better yet leap into sarah’s arms and sob to her how you don’t recognize the girl you had been so inseparable with.

“what’s this promise about? nikki, would never make you promise something that would break you.”

“but she did, sarah!” your voice slightly raises and the microscopic confession feels like a breath of fresh air.

“she kissed me! and i kissed her! and we slept together and she knows i love her but she doesn’t feel the same! she only sees me like a friend and a body! but she’d rather treat me cruel than to lose me and i can’t take this shit anymore! i promised her i wouldn’t tell anyone what was going on between us…”

“you wanna watch a movie or are you too drunk?” nikki jokes, kicking your foot as she stepped over them to take a seat on the couch placed in the middle of the dorm’s living room.

it was the first friday of may and the weather had just begun to give hope to people after the nasty winter air that was over the skies not too long ago, so of course on a college campus it was a call for a party.

and a party there was. it was packed, you’d almost say half of the campus was there. people were either drunk or high or both. people danced, played beer bong, made out, went to some random room to have sex. it was the whole nine, like a movie.

of course you and nikki went to the party, along with your whole shared friend group besides bear, who had mysteriously been locked up inside his house the past few days.

you came, you saw, and you conquered.

you don’t normally drink, not much anyways but when ian dared you and nikki to a drinking contest you caved and that’s how you found yourself completely buzzed in the back of an uber with your best friend that took you back to your dorm.

“only if i get to the pick the movie, i am not watching that eternal sunshine movie for the one zillionth time.”

laughing she pushes your shoulder in a playful manner, “we have not watched it a zillion times…maybe a million but definitely not zillion.”

“nikki,” you give her a look. “every time it’s your turn to pick the movie for movie nights you pick eternal sunshine, you always go on about how it’s a real love story and not some crappy romance—whatever that means.”

“a love story is—”

“understanding the connection, it’s about internal fear, yeah, yeah—i’ve heard this analysis a million times from you.”

“ok, asshole,” she turns to you, placing her arm on the couch and bending it to place her face in the palm of her hand.

“you think you’re a smarty pants because you’re a doctor.”

“i’m not a doctor…yet.”

“yeah, yet. but you will and when you are you’ll kiss all my boo-boos—”

“don’t be an asswipe.” you joke, plucking her forehead.

“ow!”

“that did not hurt.”

“yes it did,” she rubs her forehead. “now you definitely have to kiss my boo-boo.”

“boo-boo? what are you, five?”

“as a doctor you should not be inflicting pain and now that you have, you have to make it better.”

you give her a look, “you are seriously gonna make me kiss your forehead?”

“mhm.” she nods. “or you could buy me fries, you know i get hungry when i’m drunk.”

“i’m not buying you anything. i have leftovers in the fridge.”

“well, i guess you’re kissing my very serious forehead injury that you caused.”

you lean up, pressing a plain kiss to the center of her forehead before leaning back and plucking it again.

“ow! see, now you have to kiss it again. i think you made the stitches come out.” she jokes.

“oh i am very sorry, ms. freeman. i am a well respected doctor and i can assure you i will take the best care of you wound.”

“well, thank you, dr. y/n. see i got this wound from my asshole friend, she shot me.”

you snort before continuing the joke, “ah is that right? because this looks like a serious pluck wound. you know, those are more serious than gun wounds.”

“ya don’t say?”

“yes, very serious and can only be treated with a kiss and a bandaid.”

the brunette laughs, “oh, doctor, please treat me!”

“of course,” you turn closer to the girl, your hands coming up to cup either side of her face before slowly bringing her forehead closer to your lips and gently placing a kiss in the spot where you had plucked her.

you softly move her back, still in close proximity with your hands in place. your eyes meeting her’s as you both are glossed with drunk, playful stares.

“all better?” you tone is soft and joking.

“much better.” she meekly says, her eyes never leaving yours.

and for a moment, for whatever reason, maybe because you were drunk, you stay in the position that you are even after the joke has died down and silence had become to lay between you two; the glint in nikki’s eyes changes, so does yours. for a moment she looks down at your lips and back at your eyes causing you to do the same, the tension making something feel uneasy in you so you try to pull away and she stops you, pulling you forward and crashing her lips right onto yours like the waves of the ocean crash onto the sand.

you don’t even think, you just kiss back. stern yet soft your lips move against her’s with her head between your hands and her hands gripped tight onto your shirt.

you had kissed a lot of people, in high school and certainly now, in college…you’d be surprised how may girls thought it was hot for someone to be in school to be a doctor. but that kiss. that kiss with nikki was different, to be the most dramatic, it was unlike any other kiss you had, had—even the serious kisses with past lovers. in that moment it felt so real. you didn’t know it then, but you know now that when your lips were against her’s, when her hands were clinging to you so tight as if you were going to disappear, why it made you feel like you were sinking and falling and skating into her was because you had been in love with her.

you and nikki didn’t talk about it for two weeks to be exact. you still hung out, you sent dumb tiktoks to each other, studied in the library, still teamed up together during trivia nights, though she didn’t jump into your arms to celebrate the win like she normally would before those events; she didn’t drag you along to the bar to get celebratory shots like she normally would. no, instead, she gave a two handed high five, before turning to bear, who would knowing go with her to rally more drinks. and you know it was childish that you two just drunkenly made out, fell asleep, and tried to act it was normal.

which, hey, maybe it was normal but not for you two. not when you two had known each other so long—it was like flipping a switch you couldn’t turn off. and you wanted to talk about it, you did. but when you woke up and she was gone, only a text on your phone from her saying ‘hey, sorry had class. hang later?’ you figured she didn’t want to talk about it. you chalked it up to her just being drunk.

and it hurt, sure it did. hurt like hell. but you were not going to push her and risk some damage.

you kept thinking about it all those two weeks. as soon as you woke up, with a pounding headache, you thought about it. first, you asked yourself did you dream the whole thing but you knew damn well you didn’t. then you thought about how soft her lips were, how she tasted, the way it felt to have her hands on your body that way. and then you wondered why she kissed you and what it meant? or why she left? but most of all, you thought about what feeling it emerged out of you the way lava emerges from a volcano.

you always had just seen nikki as the person closes to you, the person you could go to for anything and they would be there with no questions asked. she was the girl who you went to dating advice. she was the girl who you spent most of your time with, wasting away and doing aimless things. but now? it seemed she was more than that to you.

when you seen her the next day for trivia night, she went on and joked, and talked with you like everything was cool—like you didn’t make out passionately on your couch. she might have been cool but you were definitely not because when you looked at her, it started to make you nervous in a way you had never, ever, been around her.

but you had no choice put to push any and all twisted up feelings away because again, if she weren’t going to bring it up, why should you? well, until the thursday of the second week.

“you going to tomorrow’s party?” nikki rolls onto her belly, having been laying in your bed the last two and half hours as you helped each other study. you were placed on the floor, you back flat on the surface with books scattered around you and an open macbook.

“probably not, i really gotta study. there’s like sixty questions on one of my tests.”

she rolls her eyes, fixing her face in a pout. “you have to go. for me? please?”

“i’d love to, trust me. but i don’t plan on spending another eight years in college.”

“come on, you’re smart as hell, i’m sure you’ll have no problem passing finals.”

you push yourself with your hands, moving your body to sit up. “i am very smart, but this shits different than math or some shit, nik. i actually need to know this.”

“yeahhh but you also need to party with your best friend and enjoy your youth with her before you’re a serious doctor.”

a breathful laugh escapes your lips, “you are not persuasive as you think you are.”

swiftly, the girl moves off the bed and onto to the floor, now across from you. “what do i have to do to convince you?”

“create a machine that just zaps knowledge into my head and makes me remember it.”

a smile creeps onto her lips, “that can be arranged.”

“hey, don’t let me cramp your style. you should still go, i mean, aren’t ian, sarah, even bear going?”

“yeah but they’re not gonna dance with me. ian’s gonna have a flock of girls around him, sarah is gonna get drunk and psychoanalyze people, and bear, well we both know he’s gonna hover over my shoulder all night. you get drunk and dance with me.”

your purse your lips, pausing for a split second. the mention of being drunk with nikki making you thinking of the past events.

“i only get drunk with you on special occasions—or when i’m dared.” you point.

she leans slightly closer, not enough to make you dizzy, but still closer. “well, y/n, i dare to get drunk with me tonight.”

your eyes flicker to her’s, another pause. you’re trying to think, really think or maybe not think. whatever. you’re trying to shake the flash memory of her lips on yours so desperately and the heavy breathes that escape from her mouth.

“i don’t think we should get drunk together.” it was supposed to come off as joke but fails miserably.

“why not?”

“i—” you tear your gaze from her face, to the wall.

“i just don’t.”

“you don’t wanna drink with me and dance? you loving dancing, no matter how hard you try to act like you don’t.”

“nikki, i—“ your mouth opens and closes. “are we gonna talk about it?”

you can her jaw clench and release. the glint in her eyes changing from playful to something that is unreadable.

“talk about what?”

you were about to burst open.

“…you know what. don’t make me say it.” you tone is just above meek and vulnerable.

“why not?”

“it’s awkward.”

“it’s awkward?”

“yeah, it’s awkward, nikki. you’re my best friend.”

fuck. she leans just a little closer.

“so, would it be awkward if i kissed you again right now?”

immediately, your eyes flicker up to her’s. you look like a deer caught in headlights, yet the glint in your eyes in stern.

you don’t know what to say. it feels like some type of clock is ticking over you and the more you try to think of words to sputter out, the more your mind goes blink. you feel somewhere between trapped and lucid. so, she didn’t just kid you because she were drunk? or maybe she was drunk right now and you just didn’t know?

you go to open your mouth but then you feel her hands in a way you doubted you would feel again—her right hand reaches up, gripping the neck hem of you shirt and pulling to crash into her, better yet pulling your lips to crash into her’s and that’s exactly what happens; and somehow it’s better than the first time. it almost felt like you could feel it even more.

and you don’t want to, but you pull away—because you know you should.

“nikki, we need to talk.”

“you don’t wanna kiss me?”

“i do, i mean, fuck—i do wanna kiss you but…this is…unusual for us, i mean…i—i’m trying to understand. shit, nik, i’ve known you for forever and we’ve always been just friends so, when you kissed me last time it—i don’t know why it did or how it made me feel and i’m not saying it made me feel bad but it definitely made me feel something. i just—why are you kissing me all of the sudden?”

a second goes by that she is silent.

“you’re right, y/n. we’ve known each other for forever, we spend most of our time together…i don’t know, i can’t exactly say i have feelings for you but when we were joking around and your were holding my face and we were really close, for a split second the thought of kissing crossed my mind and i don’t think i would’ve actually did if i weren’t drunk; you know drunk courage and all but i did…and i didn’t not like it.”

“….so, you kissed me because you were drunk?”

her hands comes up and rubs her face as she lets out a hollowed exhale, “no, not entirely. i mean, i meant it when i kissed you. i’ve thought about kissing you before, at one point i thought i had a crush on you when were like fourteen but i didn’t…i don’t know, i’m human, i think about kissing everyone from time to time but—look, it was an in the moment thing at first but damn…it felt really good. it felt like a big release to me, you’re attractive, y/n, it’s no secret. and you’re my closes friend.”

“…i…i liked it too. i just—you left and you didn’t say anything about it so i figured it was just stupid drunk shit, but it wouldn’t be terrible if you kissed me again.”

“good because i’m going to it again and this time don’t pull away.”

looking back, sure the first kiss was the first drop of rain but the second one was the first swirl in the hurricane. you say this because the first kiss could be ignored but the second one? it demanded attention like britney spears’ hair change in 2007. it started a routine of your hangouts turning into more kisses, it made you know what it felt like to have your best friend’s hands on the back of your neck as she pulled you closer for a deeper taste of your lips.

fundamentally, everything was changed. nikki, she was longer the girl who dorkily old literature no one has ever heard of, she was longer the girl you once pranked by shaking her sodas up, she was no longer the girl you’d seen through her ‘awkward phase’ but rather the girl who made you stare at her with a twinkle in your eyes that was most definitely more than friendly; she was the girl who you knew her lips sometimes tasted like cherries or french vanilla depending on what chapstick she were wearing.

no longer just someone you loved and held closer dearly but someone you were in love with.

and though you didn’t say it, you knew she knew it deeply and pushed it away without pushing you away, at first anyways. you weren’t an idiot, you seen the way she went back to being your friend when you stared too long or when you were around other people, especially your friends.

but what really confirmed it, what really stung was what she said after the first time it went further than just a kiss.

friday night and you had passed your first final, so obviously you were going to party hard.

you, ian, sarah, nikki, and even bear, this time, had been placed at yet another infamous campus frat party. ian was leaned against some girl as they shamelessly made out on the couch. sarah crushing a game of beer bong, beat was standing in the kitchen with a red solo cup in hand as he awkwardly declined a girl’s advances.

you and nikki? well, she was a little past tipsy and you were buzzed from a joint, so of course you were both off in some random room with the door locked, making out on the bed.

you sat up against the headboard with nikki straddling your lap. your hands ran up her body with delicate haste and her’s scraped through your hair. the music boomed downstairs but the real music to your ears were the soft groans that left her lips. and sure the bed was a comfy one, blanket soft, but nothing was softer than the skin of the stomach that your hands ran over.

her lips move to your cheek up to your ear and down to your neck. you can’t help but groan when she teases you with a bite before sucking the same spot softly. you don’t even care if she leaves a mark, in fact you wish for her to leave as many as she pleases.

“i’ve never heard you moan before,” she speaks into your neck before going back to kissing it.

“you’ve never had a reason to.”

“yeah, well, it’s hot.”

your hands continue to work her body, running up and down as if it were cold all around and her body was the fire to keep you warm. you move them up, fingers grazing over the lace bra you hoped she wore just for you.

you want to do it so bad, you fingers over the clasps but you’re scared. a heated make out is on thing, but fucking your best friend, well that’s a whole other thing that definitely and surely can’t nor won’t be undone.

“do it. take it off.” her hands throw themselves onto your shoulder and she lifts her head to look directly in your eyes.

“nikki, i—are you sure?”

“you’ve already got like two hickies on your neck, what’s the point of having the proof that you did something without actually doing it?”

“you—you wanna…?”

“do you want to?”

“i don’t wanna make you uncomfortable and i don’t wanna ruin…”

her teeth sink into the skin of her bottom lip, “y/n, i wanna do it. i want you to touch me,”

she surprises you when she grabs your hand and makes you cup her boob.

“it’s not going to make me uncomfortable and it’s not going to ruin our friendship, even if it did, we are past the point of some kind of destruction.”

you look up at her with a lost puppy daze, wordless, hand on her right boob.

“so, take my bra off,” she kisses your cheek.

“and then take my shirt off,” your ear.

“and then kiss my neck,” she nips your ear with her teeth.

“and then kiss me here,” her lips move to your jaw as she squeezes your hand around her chest area.

“and then kiss—”

desire pushed you to grab her face, pulling her in a hungry kiss and grunting into it you as your lips clash. immediately, you opened your mouth, begging her for more; all while you undo the hook of your bra with one hand causing an aching moan to escape her open lips, sending vibrations into you.

the atmosphere of the room felt like ice and fire all at once. one single room with just you two in a way you’d never been and never, ever, thought you would be filled each of your stomachs with butterflies; as you both flipped and kissed. before you knew her clothes were off and so were yours, she was on top of you and than underneath you. before you knew, you had figured out when it felt like to have you fingers in her mouth and other places across her body, you had figured out what it felt like to have her say your name in a lustful way and beg for more of you.

you know that feeling when you reach the peak high you’ve never felt before, it feels like a euphoria you could only ever feel through immerse innocent and cluelessness? well that’s what it felt like when nikki’s body were pressed to yours, her nails in your hair, mouth near your ear telling you to never stop touching her the way you were. that’s what it felt when the noise from down stairs seemed to all fade away by the lewd noises you both made together.

it was all around intoxicating and there was nothing that could ever stop it now—this was it. no return point. the night that was the start of something so shallow, yet so deep and fierce that it scared the oceans and deserts.

“you look like a kid at the candy store.” nikki teases, laid on her side in her now ruffled clothes, arm propped up with her head rested on her head as she gaze at you, who were laid back staring at the ceiling with a wide smile.

“you would be too if you were me.”

“shut up.” she jokingly pushes you head with her free hand.

“you think they’re looking for us?”

“ian and sarah probably not, bear, yes.”

you let out a laugh, mind going to the guy you were friends with for unknown reasons. “i think he’d kill himself if he seen us right now.”

“god, don’t say that.”

“what?” you move to sit up, pressing your back against the random bed’s headboard. “he’s so obvious it hurts. he’s always staring at you with that puppy dog look, at your beckoning call.”

she can’t help but to scoff, “he means well.”

“define well.”

“okay, he’s a nice guy. he’s a little—well, he’s a wreck but he’s my friend—he’s our friend and so what he has a little crush?”

rolling your eyes, “little?”

“what? are you jealous or something?” in an instant, nikki’s playful demeanor seems to flip to something annoyed and slightly serious.

“what? no, i’m just teasing is all.”

“good.”

“good?”

“yes, good. we’re friends, y/n—”

“i know that.”

you watch as she moves her position, leaning up as you had done. “ok…well, i don’t think we should really tell anyone about this.”

you face begins to scrunch into something offended hurt but you quickly catch it, clearing you throat and allowing your eyes to move to pace around the room, away from her face.

“i mean, i didn’t exactly plan on it but, like, why are you saying it like you regret it or something?”

this time she’s one to roll her eyes, followed by a slight scoff she tries to pass off as playful but fails miserably. “it’ll just make things weird between the friend group and everything, and like you said bear’s head would explode and i don’t wanna hurt the guy.”

“so, what? you and bear have something going on too—”

“god, no—y/n let’s just keep this between us. please?”

“ok, yeah sure.” you purse your lips.

“thanks,” she utters. “we should head back downstairs soon.”

“you go, i’ll catch up…so no one gets suspicious or anything.”

you lean your head back, eyes closing as you feel a small knot of relief untangled inside and out of your body as you let what’s been pint up inside you spill past your lips to sarah; who held an unreadable expression at your confession.

“i fucking knew it.”

“what?” you lean up.

“i knew you and nikki had a thing for each other! ian owes me twenty bucks.”

“what are you talking about? you and ian bet on us?”

she rolls her eyes, adjusting the books in her arms. “you do realize you and nikki act like a couple right? why do you think bear hates you so much? it’s not just because you’re closer to her than any of us.”

“we do not act like a couple. you’re saying this like we’ve been sneaking around—all of this is new…it’s new for me, for her, for us. okay?”

“god, y/n,” she scoffs. “you get nikki coffee every morning, walk her to class, meet up with her after class—for fucks-sake she has a bin full of clothes at your place.”

“that doesn’t mean anything,” you shake your head, arms crossing over your chest.

“i’ve known her my whole life, it makes sense we’re so close.”

“you’re oblivious. nikki has been into you for forever and vice versa. it does mean something when you can’t go a day without seeing or talking to each other—you sit at cassall’s and study just to be with her.”

“ok even if that were true,” you squint your eyes, body language clearly holding fences. “it doesn’t matter anymore—she doesn’t want to see or talk to me for whatever fucked up reason.”

“you’re too smart to be this stupid.”

“you wanted me to open up to you, and now you’re insulting me? thanks sarah, i feel sooo better.”

she huffs, “she’s scared, y/n! you do realize that right? she’s doesn’t hate you, god, you scare her. the idea of you scares her. when have you ever seen nikki in a relationship? one that lasted more than a month anyways? you’re the one person in her life she’s completely open with. you’re everything to her, especially considering the relationship she has with her family.”

“but she knows i’m not going anywhere! she knows how i feel about her, sarah. she’s not scared of me or whatever, she just doesn’t want to be with me in that way—in a serious way, and i get it but i thought she at least would care about me enough and have the respect to say it to my face. she’s been an asshole to me, she’s the one who kissed me in the first place.”

sarah leans back, pressing her body weight onto her left foot, she tilts her head slightly and moves the gaze of her eyes to look up and down your body; taking in your full appearance. she purses her lips and sighs before speaking.

“i can’t convince you to see what’s right in front of you, and i can’t convince you to come tonight but at least consider it?”

“i’m just not in the mood, sarah.”

“i just said consider it, we’re heading to the bar in about an hour.”

you bid your goodbyes and watch as she turns her heel, leading to leave in the direction she came from. letting her get a head start on her venture you make the same decision to leave your lonesome spot, trailing down the sidewalk that led to your dorm while deciding against have another cigarette on the way. thankfully your place was vacant of your roommate, allowing you to throw your keys on the kitchen counter and plop yourself down onto the couch, your back hitting the cushion with a soft thud.

—you wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep but after an hour of lying with your eyes closed you knew no rest was coming to you. your mind was too stuck in a loop of what sarah had said to you.

apart of you, maybe even most of you was just angry and bitter—you couldn’t fully see the notion that nikki was scared of deep intimacy with you; especially when you had both held a fair share of intimacy together, even before this shit show happened. yeah, some of what sarah said were true—you spent all your days, nights, and everything in between with nikki but that’s what you do when you’ve been friends for so long. it was normal you woke up every morning, thinking of nikki first, grabbing her an iced coffee and heading to her off campus apartment to walk her to class—even on the days when you didn’t have class. it was normal that after, you waited in the lecture hall for her and either went to work just sit with her or just took her back to your place.

it was completely normal that you held hands, cuddled, and sat way too close when you were just in a flow of conversation—it didn’t mean anything before her lip pressed against yours and became intoxicating. she was your nikki, the person you were closes to in all areas possible. so, how and in what way would she ever push you away for the sake of being even more close to you even that were even possible? and even if that were the case, nikki has never been one to hold back what’s on the tip of her tongue—she’d speak all of her mind; not deliberately hurt you.

and hurting you were, along with being angry and confused but you missed nikki—you wanted everything to be okay between you two even if it meant just sitting in awkward silence until one of you just started contagious laughing and never talking about things you had done that equaled more than just friendship. you’d rather have her in your life as a friend than not all—you didn’t want to think about what it meant to have a life that didn’t involve her—you couldn’t even envision it. it’s childish but you always thought you’d be those pair of best friends who when you’re forty have houses next to each other and your families are really close, dinners every night together—sitting on the porch with wine.

“fuck.” you groan, running your hands over your hand in some attempt to soothe your mind.

in the swirl of the pool that was running in your head you started to wonder if you should show up tonight. you knew nikki didn’t hate you—that’d be a little extreme. mad at you? sure. but hate was a stretch. as long as you’d known nikki, you’d never known her to flat out hate someone—even if she did, from time to time, talk to shit on persons she dislike. and how bad could it be really? at least she would ignore you entirely and at most she would recreate the scene of the incident at the party. and if anything that those two options would give you all the answer you need about where you stood with each other.

things couldn’t get anymore embarrassing than they already looked to be.

you reach into your right pocket, pulling your phone from it and swiping up to look under the do not disturb tab.

ian

you coming out tn?

sarah

did you even think abt it?

instagram

nikki.jpg posted a new story

your finger immediately hovers on the instagram notification but you decide against it, having avoided looking at anything she has posted of recently, especially a story post as she could see if you viewed it or not. uttering an annoyed ‘fuck this’ under your breath, you toss your phone to the side all while standing from the couch; you take the time to kick your shoes off finally and leave them by the centered coffee table. you just wanted to rest, that’s all you wanted to do, even if it were for thirty minutes—still, it was a moment you could have without having your mind constantly run on.

you had scanned the bathroom cabinet before grabbing two tylenol pm’s, pairing them with the single beer that was left in the fridge—your roomate was still nowhere to be found, which was normal considering she spent most of her time at her boyfriend’s place; and you definitely didn’t ming at all. you take your spot back on the couch, popping the two pills into you mouth and taking a swig of the bud-lite before sitting back, resting one arm over your eyes and the other lazily on your chest.

—it didn’t take long for the tylenol to kick in, allowing you to rest, maybe around ten to fifteen minutes before you were out cold—well, maybe with the help of the beer too.

it was peaceful for a little while, your body and mind completely at rest, no worry of what’s been consuming you. you’d probably been sleep for about an hour and a half before a knock came at the door. the first two caused you to stir a little but didn’t wake up. then the third came causing you to open and close your eyes with little recollection that someone was actually knocking. it was until they became loud on the fourth try that your eyes shot open, immediately annoying you. your first instinct isn’t even to get up and check who it, no, you reach for your phone that you’d been clueless lying on and click it on to check the time—elven on the dot. you take into account the two missed calls from sarah before disregarding them for the agitating knocking that wouldn’t stop.

“i’m coming!” you shout, your feet lazily moving towards the door.

yanking the door open, “what?”

you were prepared to give an attitude to whomever were disturbing you at this hour, assuming it might be your roomate or sarah but when you’re meet with familiar glossed brown eyes you halt; feeling the wind knock out, waking you on sight like the feeling when you abruptly sober up out of nowhere.

“are you gonna let me in?” by the way her words are slurred and eyes are dazed you can tell she’s drunk.

“i—what are you doing here? how’d you get here?”

“an uber,” attitude is thick in her tone and her eyes roll in an obnoxious way. “can i come in or not?”

pursing your lips, you step aside and she takes steps as careful as she can into the doorway, allowing you to close it before facing her. your eyes wander over her face, teeth sinking into the side of your cheek as you take the time to notice the slight bags under her eyes covered by concealer and her body language that was unfamiliarly closed off to you with her hands in her pockets as she swayed slightly side to side, eyes averting around your place and back to you in a sequence motion—no matter how hard she tried to hide the fact that she were nervous, it miserably failed partly due to the fact that she were under the influence but also because you knew her too well.

it was silent for a moment as you tried to come up with something to at least say—this position was unfamiliar territory. you’d never been scared, confused, or angry to be in the same proximity as nikki, let look at or talk to her. your heartbeat was slightly unpaced and you could feel your body anxiously shaking. do you speak first? do you cry? do you yell? it’s hard to pinpoint what to do when you have so many emotions that it’s hard to tell what or how you’re even feeling; especially when you didn’t expect her to show up, breaking the silence first—plus, you don’t even know for-sure why she’s here. it’s almost like trying to running a marathon along rollercoaster track rails; she’s the rail and you’re the runner…or maybe she’s the runner and you’re the rail.

“i thought you were out at trivia night, what happened?”

“how’d you know i was at trivia night?”

you sigh, crossing your arms over your chest, keeping safe distance from her. “because it’s the same night every week, nikki. plus, i talked to sarah earlier.”

“so, you’re talking to sarah but not me?”

“i think you made it clear you didn’t wanna talk to me, nikki,” you let out a laugh that filled with so much sarcasm it were practically a scoff. “stop following me around like a lost puppy, remember that?”

“ok, i was drunk, so it doesn’t really matt—”

“and you’re drunk right now, nikki! so, why are you here?”

“you’re such an asshole, you know that?”

your face scrunches up in disbelief, eyes going wide as you were astounded by what you were hearing. “i’m an asshole?”

“you can’t walk around like you own me, y/n! just because we hooked up doesn’t give you the right to ruin my fun, and it definitely doesn’t give you the right to sulk around because i don’t wanna be with you.”

you shake your head, “is that what you really think, nikki?”

her eyes wince at the way her name rolls off your tongue.

“because if trying to help my friend not get take advantage, and make a huge mistake is walking around like i own her—if that’s being an asshole, well than sure, i guess you’re right. if sulking because the person i’m closes to doesn’t want me around, makes me look like i’m trying to own you—”

“you weren’t trying to help me! you were jealous—”

“did you come here to argue with me? what is this? what are you doing? actually, nikki, i don’t even recognize you right now.” you scoff, pushing past her to grab your phone. “i’m calling you a ride home.”

“i didn’t come here to argue with you, i just think it’s selfish you don’t wanna be friends anymore all because you caught feelings.”

your body stills and your eyes flicker up from your lit up phone, you stare at nikki in a way you never have before and it’s deadly—wicked almost with whatever was stirring inside you right now, mixed with whatever emotions have been pint up.

“you kissed me, nikki!” you voice shakes as it raises along with twisted anger. “you kissed me! you started all of this between us! i was fine with being your friend—i didn’t even know…i…i didn’t know i had feelings for you before you kissed me.”

“and that’s the problem.”

“no!” you point. “you don’t get to blame me! you kiss me! you sleep with me, and the moment it’s over you wanna go back to being friends? well that’s now how it works!“

“well,” she turns her head to the side, crossing her arms. “i was hoping it was!”

“why? you don’t feel the same? fine. you don’t feel the same but i thought you’d have respect for me enough to say it to my face! not lash out on me, ignore me, and then show up here drunk after two weeks of not seeing me and insult me!”

“i never said that i don’t feel the sa—”

“oh, really?” you step forward, now just mere inches from her. “because from where i’m standing it’s pretty clear how you feel about me! you think it’s pathetic that i caught feelings…well, i’m sorry not everyone can be as cold as nikki freeman. i’m sorry not everyone can just be physical with someone and not catch feeling—”

“i do love you, y/n! fuck—why do you think i even kissed you? huh? it wasn’t some drunk mistake that turned into something more, okay?” she takes breath, looking down at her feet before back up to you, directly in the eyes.

“i’ve been in love with you, for as long as i can remember and—and that night, i don’t know—i got the courage to finally do something about it.”

“you’re confusing me, nik—”

“you don’t get, y/n!” this time she’s the one to throw her hands up, turning as she starts to pace, slight stumbles in her walk. “you see right through me and it makes me sick! you know every inch of me and i can’t handle it,” she shakes her, eyes filling with plead.

“everyone else just has this imagine of me, and it’s easy to live through that—but fuck, you, i—i can’t hide from you. i can’t just be the cool, fun girl to you or whatever—sometimes you look at me like i’m going to break and i cannot handle that, y/n. you’re the one person who i can’t hold at arm’s length, you don’t think that’s scary? it was one thing to be your friend, to be that close to you but its another when your hands have touched me the way they have and you don’t want to disappear and leave—no, you want to be even closer. that type of vulnerability gets people hurt.”

you don’t think that’s scary? your heart feels like it silently twitches as her explosion makes you recall sarah’s words about nikki being scared of you. something starts to click and it makes most, if not all of your angry simmer down.

“nikki,” your tone begins to peak softness as you take a careful step towards her. “i’m not going anywhere. i’m right here…ive always been right here.”

once again, she looks up at you; sorrow in her eyes.

“i don’t wanna get hurt, y/n…especially not by you…you’re the one thing that makes sense in my life—and i’m sorry because i didn’t mean to fall in love with you, i swear—”

“don’t apologize, nik,” you take even more steps towards her, even more careful this time as your hands quietly shake as you lift them, prepared to touch her. “it’s okay.”

“no,” she shakes her. “it’s not okay. i hurt you, i made a mess of this—”

“nikki, it’s okay.”

her eyes sternly flick up to yours, still grossly yet absent of the anger they were filled when she first appeared at your door—this time they were somber and meek. and though there was so much more to say, to discuss, you bring your hands up and gently move the strands of hair out of either side of her face. she leans into your touch, her own hands wrapping around you forearms gently.

“can i stay?”

“i want you to stay, we can—we can just lay together and talk more in the morning. i don’t want to do all of this while you’re drunk and i don’t want to move too fast.”

“ok,” she nods, her head falling into your chest and arms moving to wrap tightly around your waist.

“please hold me.” her voice is muffled into the fabric of your shirt but you don’t even hesitate.

note(s): i proofread this as best as i could

cus this was NOT originally a nikki fic

Thanks!

NERVOUS?

warnings :: none

!! :: pre-wish / no wish!nikki

—

NIKKI IS halfway through telling you a story when it happens.

she's sitting on the bathroom counter, phone wedged between her shoulder and ear while she gets ready for the day.

"...and then she literally looked at me and said-“

clink.

a sharp metallic sound.

silence.

"...oh."

you pause.

"what?"

another second.

"oh shit."

you can hear scrambling on the other end of the line.

the sound of something rattling against porcelain.

"nikki?"

"i dropped my crystal necklace down the drain!"

you blink.

"your what?"

"my crystal necklace." she groans dramatically. "the one i wear all the time."

you can practically picture her staring down into the sink like she's been personally betrayed.

"what kind of crystal was it?"

there's a pause.

then she tells you.

you hum.

"that sucks."

"thank you for your sympathy."

"i'm very sympathetic."

"you're horrible."

despite the complaint, she's laughing by the time the conversation continues.

eventually the topic changes.

eventually the call ends.

and eventually you end up standing in a crystal shop.

because apparently your brain has stopped functioning normally around nikki freeman.

you find one that's nearly identical.

same crystal. same shape. same silver chain.

close enough that she probably won't even notice the difference.

you buy it before you can talk yourself out of it.

and then spend the entire drive wondering if you've completely lost your mind.

—

nikki isn’t expecting you to show up at her door later.

she definitely isn't expecting you to hold out a small paper bag — presumably a gift.

"what's this?"

"open it."

immediately suspicious, she narrows her eyes.

but she takes the bag, pulls out the little box inside, opens it and freezes.

completely.

you watch the exact moment recognition hits.

the necklace glints under the porch light.

the same crystal. the same chain. the same everything.

for a second she just stares.

"you..."

her voice comes out quieter than expected.

"you bought me a new one?"

suddenly you feel a little stupid.

"yeah."

another pause.

"because yours fell down the drain."

"i know mine fell down the drain."

"okay."

"i was there."

you snort. now she's smiling snd blushing. actually blushing.

which never happens.

nikki doesn't blush, she makes other people blush.

that's how it works.

except apparently not today.

she keeps staring at the necklace, then at you, then back at the necklace. almost like she can't quite process it.

"you didn't have to do that."

"i know."

"seriously."

"i know."

her fingers tighten slightly around the box.

and for once nikki doesn't have some smooth comeback ready. doesn't have some flirty joke. doesn't have a sarcastic remark. she just looks nervous.

which somehow feels a thousand times more dangerous.

"that's..."

she clears her throat.

looks away.

then immediately looks back.

"that's really sweet."

the admission comes out almost reluctant.

like she hates how much she means it.

you smile.

and the blush on her face somehow gets worse.

"don't."

she points at you.

"don't look at me like that."

"like what?"

"like..." she gestures vaguely. "that."

you laugh and nikki groans, covering her face with one hand.

and all she can think about is the fact that out of all the people she knows.. you're the only one who would've gone out and bought her a new one.

which is a very dangerous thing to realize about someone you're trying very hard not to have a crush on.

—

A/N

⸝⸝ silky . . . nikki freeman

content && warnings. post-wish nikki x fem!reader, profanity, suggestive content, alludes to smut—teeters on the VERY edge of smut, dry humping, 4.2k words.

courrier. i always tell myself to keep fics below 4k words but then i get carried away and somehow surpass that limit by just the smallest bit. but im giving my best work so...... maybe passing that limit isnt too bad!! also, i hope everyone likes this, it is inspired by a scene in jennifer's body! listening to madison beer's yes baby and make you mine while reading this is highly recommended 🩵

it's midnight when you finally decide to close up shop and head to bed.

and by "close up shop," you really mean fold the blanket in the living room, rinse out the empty popcorn bowl you were eating out of, and shut off the movie you were only half-watching as you scrolled on your phone trying to figure out what you should do tomorrow other than sit and watch boring movies.

you've been doing that a lot lately. well, ever since your friends kind of started... disappearing from your life and basically ghosting you.

even nikki, who you thought was your best friend.

it's not really a thought on your mind anymore, though. the only thing that kept you up really late at night like this was the fact that baron, your co-worker, somehow managed to get her wrapped around his finger in a matter of days during his attempt to ask her out.

you don't think he even asked her, it just happened. which makes the entire situation ten times crazier!

nikki always told you what she thought of him, and you can't think of a time where she talked about him as anything more than a sibling-like figure. she called him "her annoying little brother" one time.

to your face.

feet away from baron, who was probably whipped out of his mind and too focused on the fact that her uniform was sliding off one shoulder and her skin was exposed.

he's the reason dress code was enforced for the employee's at cassell's. no surprise there, but seriously? he can't even keep it in his pants at the sight of a sliver of a girl's shoulder?

a real weirdo, that guy is.

content: hurt/comfort. fem! reader dealing with internalized homophobia. 3.7 k words.

summary: you and nikki have had a thing going on between you for a while, but what happens if that secret would come out?

notes: this turned into an entirely different direction than intended. this was supposed to be a fun, short fic but turned into something completely else. if internalized homophobia is a sore subject for you, I do not recommend reading this!

it was trivia night in that bar downtown and like usual, you and your group were seated in the far front, completely captivated by the game, well most of you. you, nikki and sarah were a-game with that night's questions, answering them without flaws, but the other two were completely in their own heads. ian was mostly there for the drinks and fear of missing out on a group hangout and bear was staring at nikki, like an uncomfortable amount, with basically heart eyes. you only rolled your eyes at that, knowing his attempts of getting her attention were futile.

no one in the group knew how you and nikki had for months spent nights talking over the phone, flirting over text, how your hugs lingered a little longer when you spent time together alone without the others. you and nikki weren’t exclusive, but neither of you had been seeing someone else during these months so maybe it wasn’t completely fruitless flirting…? as far as you knew, the group didn’t know about you and nikki, but if they’d figured it out, the gossip would spread like wildfire. compared to nikki, who was confidently public with liking girls, you weren’t. it was a big deal for you to let out something so personal to the public. nikki, who had been your best friend years before whatever was between you, knew that and kept it a secret, for you. 

the questions rolled in feverishly, with the next one being “what is a group of flamingos called?” you buzzed the button without thinking it over with the group and called out “a flamboyance,” which was correct, of course. all nights playing trivia weren’t for nothing. “since when are you a flamingo expert?” nikki teased you, lightly shoving your shoulder. you let out a little chuckle and opened your mouth to reply when ian interrupted you. “yeah, y/n, you are such a nerd.” it wasn’t in the same teasing tone as nikki had said, and you didn’t really know if he had meant it in a joking manner or not, but you were once again interrupted, only this time by nikki. “don’t be an ass, ian. we got a point, and every point we get is closer to the victory beer,” she snorted back, not playing around with you, like usual. she always got to tease you endlessly but when someone tried to do it back, with a tone she didn’t like, she retaliated. “well then y/n, get me that beer faster,” he answered, raising his third pint for the night that was almost empty. ian’s eyes weren’t pointed at you though. they pointed to the girl right beside you, the girl who had just defended you. he always had that habit of annoying you when you got close to nikki but he had a glint in his eyes, like he knew something he shouldn’t. it made a chill run down your spine but it was calmed when nikki patted you on the shoulder and gave you a sweet smile. although it seemed like nikki didn't approve of that comment either, she had decided to play nice. her smile has always been one of your greatest weaknesses. she could say basically anything, but at long as she smiled at you like that, it didn’t matter. 

you caught bear watching her smile towards you, seemingly jealous, but you didn’t really mind that. he could be jealous all he wants but you’re still her number one. she had said it herself one night.

you and nikki were talking over facetime, discussing everything from life to death and everything in between. “what do you mean ‘you’re lacking love to inspire you to write your book’? have you seen the way bear looks at you? the man is fully encaptivated by you, like he wants you forever and ever,” you teased her, after she had complained about having trouble with inspiration. it was a calculated move by you, that you had carefully laid out. you knew bear liked her, maybe a little over ‘like’ but that’s another discussion, and you wanted to know her thoughts of it. as you had started falling for her a little bit, you wanted to locate your competition. “no. ew. don’t say that. he’s like a brother and nothing else.” her face scrunched in disgust at the idea of her and bear being lovers. “oh, like hansel and gretel, but grown up and become incestuous?” you continued pulling her leg with a big smile plastered on your face. only what she didn’t know was that your smile wasn’t just accompanied by the teasing, but also from your pleasure of her not seemingly having any other potential love interests. “ew, you’re psycho. stop it,” she called out, putting on a disgusting look, but you could still see the small smirk on her lips. 

that was why you could confidently rule him out of the equation. yeah, sure, there were other signs too. like how she touched you more than him and leaned more into you when talking, but that was nothing compared to the confirmation. 

as the trivia questions kept rolling in and the night moved on, you started to feel something nudging your ankle. you didn’t have to be a genius to figure out what it was as when your eyes met nikki’s from beside you, a secret smirk struck her lips. she was trying to play footsies, that cheeky girl. your cheeks blossomed a little, but whose cheeks wouldn't when such a beautiful girl was trying to play footsies with you? of course, you reciprocated it, a little hesitantly with the fear of being caught, but still reciprocated. her closeness had always made your heart flutter and then, when doing such an act in public, you couldn’t help to hear your own heartbeat rise more than usual. 

nikki had always had her way of being secretly flirty when you were out in public. it was like she adored you and wanted to shower you with affection all the time, but since your mutual agreement, she only did it secretly. for example, when the group were discussing the answer to a question, nikki leaned in, close enough for you to feel her breath hitting your ear. “you look really good tonight,” she whispered, not sultry, but rather in a tender way, like she had thought about it all night and wanted to let you know. if your cheeks had blossomed when she had started playing footsies, which she was still doing by the way, your cheeks transformed into a tomato red shade. 

when nikki leaned back a little, you made eye contact. if you weren’t in such a public environment, you would beg her to kiss you. you were completely encaptivated by her. her smile, her eyes, her warmth oozing from her. maybe you should just let her kiss you and let that be your come out story… but of course, the moment had to be ruined by sarah, who seemed oblivious, despite the bluntness of both of your actions. “well, do you know the answer? is jupiter or saturn the biggest planet?” it seemed like the moment had only been interpreted as you discussing the answer. both you and nikki cleared your throats, it seemed like she, just like you, had forgotten everything around you except the other, and answered at the same time, “jupiter.”

the trivia night ended shortly after and therefore the group were planning on going to the next bar, and then a next and a next probably, but you weren’t interested in going. sure, it would be fun to spend more time with the group, but you were tired. it had been an exhausting day already and you actually wanted to be sober enough to drive yourself home. you all stood up from the table in agreement to leave this bar, at least, but you still had to tell the others that you weren’t planning on following them elsewhere. when you had stood up and prepared to push your stool in, nikki beat you to it. she always had that way to act like a gentleman towards you. if others could read nikki as well as you could, it would be obvious that it was in a romantic manner and not just like a joke between friends. she beamed up at you after pushing it in, and you jokingly made a little bow. “why, thank you, my lady.” a little blush rose on her cheeks but she reciprocated the joking manner, “nothing short of the best for my woman.”

when you all had reached the parking lot, ian wrapped his arms around nikki and sarah, who seemed confused by his sudden action. “i take sarah and nikki and you take bear,” he ordered you, like you didn’t have a say in it. it was weird that he was trying to decide this then. you and nikki had come together and ian had driven both sarah and bear but all the sudden, that wasn’t in play anymore. no one seemed happy by that request, at least by their facial expressions. of course, you and nikki would complain about not going with each other. bear clearly wanted to go with nikki so he could probably try to smooch her in a car and sarah wanted to go with bear, because of her blatant crush on him. if bear opened his eyes and realised nikki wasn’t interested, there would be a girl happily waiting for him, but that was another discussion. 

you muttered to ian, his usual asshole behaviour didn’t exactly put a smile on your face. “actually, i was planning on going home. i’m tired.” it made bear let out a little relieved sigh, which you were probably the only one to notice. if you didn’t go, his chances of being with nikki were higher, but his dreams didn’t come true. “if y/n is not going, i’m not either,” nikki exclaimed, pushing away ian’s arm and moving to your side. a little smirk tugged at your lips. you had always liked when it didn’t go ian’s way after he had planned something without including others’ thoughts.

“why, nikki? so you can fuck y/n in her car?”

bear and sarah gasped and they looked shocked. their eyes turned to you and nikki and widened with disbelief, like they hadn’t seen that coming, but seemed like they were putting the puzzle pieces together. like the truth was always in front of their noses, like it had been, and they had finally figured it out. the smirk that had been on your face faded as quickly as it appeared on ian’s face. a fury bloomed all over your body, but it also had an edge of panic. you hadn’t wanted the others to know about you and nikki. not because you were ashamed of her, not in any way, but you were a little ashamed of yourself. since you had grown up in a not so welcoming environment and were taught that people like you should hide, you really had wanted to do this at your own pace, and now that was seemingly ruined.

“shut the fuck up, ian! you don’t get to come here and tell us anything you don’t know anything about.” nikki’s voice drew you out of your trance. it seemed like nikki hadn't told him which led you to the conclusion that he had figured it out on his own. he had noticed your lingering touches and your body language. you felt your hands start to shake and your eyes start to water, but you couldn’t act weak now, then everything would be even worse. 

“come on, y/n. let’s go,” she continued, final in her tone. you both got to your car, leaving the others behind. you didn’t know what to do. what were you supposed to do? your biggest secret was out, much to your dismay. it had been your story to tell but it was stolen from you. nikki put her hand on your shoulder and said softly, “let me drive.” as much as you wanted to brush it off, act like this didn’t hurt you, you handed her the keys. you were in no condition to drive anyways. nikki moved to open the door for you and you sat down, brain far too filled with your thoughts that you barely noticed her doing it. what would happen now? would the group split because of this? you didn’t really care much for bear, since you just never had been so close, but you actually liked sarah. she was a sweet and funny friend you’d had for ages. would your friendship evaporate because of this? a part of you knew that she wouldn’t judge you for anything but what if she took ian’s side because of her undying crush on bear? you noticed that you had zoned out when you woke up from your trance by nikki sitting down in the driver’s seat and driving out from the parking lot. you could see ian, bear and sarah on your way by. sarah seemed to be yelling at ian, pointing her finger into his chest. it was nice knowing you at least got one friend backing you up, but bear just stood frozen. like he couldn’t comprehend that nikki had someone else.

“i’m so sorry,” you heard nikki say from beside you as she put her hand on your thigh, not realising until then that it had been shaking, and gently stroked it with her thumb. her warmth gave you the comfort you desperately needed at that moment. “i… i wanted to tell them myself. at my own pace,” you whispered out, looking at her hand on your thigh. her hand squeezed your thigh a little as she focused on the road. “i know, baby. it’s okay. it will be fine,” she tried to comfort you, and then continued, sounding more annoyed. “ian’s a dick. we’ll stop hanging out with him.” you almost let out a broken sniffle and said “okay.” a silence sat in the car with you as nikki continued to drive. “you can come home with me if you’d like. i don’t want you to be alone now.” you grabbed her hand on your thigh and intertwined your fingers with hers. she knew you so well. you didn’t want to be alone tonight, not after that. “please,” you whispered out, sounding too vulnerable for your liking. the silence fell once again, this time not as cold but it still tugged at your heart. you wished the night had gone differently. that ian wouldn’t be that much of a dick for no reason. that you hadn’t gone out at all. 

you reached nikki’s house after a while, and she parked in her driveway. when she had pulled the parking brake and killed the engine, a sigh left her lips. an exhausted, worried and regretful sigh. her head turned to you and her hand that had been on the steering wheel reached up to your cheek, softly stroking your cheekbone. “i’m so sorry, baby. if i knew that ian would do something like that, i wouldn’t have been so obvious at the bar earlier.” “it’s not your fault, nikki. you couldn’t have known,” you answered, trying to avoid eye contact. nikki frowned slightly at that and pulled herself up from her seat to give you a sweet kiss on your forehead. it was the first kiss between you that had actually meant something. sure, you had kissed each other’s cheeks at parties for fun but it had never had a deeper meaning, not in that way. her lips lingered, soft and warm, and you threw your arms around her like you couldn’t bear there being a distance between you. her arms came around you and almost pulled you over the centre console of the car. her hand stroked strands of your hair and you buried your face in her neck, filling your nose with her familiar scent. 

you sat like that for a while, having nothing to say, just soaking up each other’s closeness. it felt good to have someone know you so well. after what felt like an hour, but was probably five minutes, she whispered, “come on, baby, let’s go in.” you reluctantly let her go so both of you could move. as you opened the car door, you felt the cold air hit your face. it gave you a sense of freedom but also a reminder of reality, of what had happened just twenty minutes ago. 

nikki came over to your side of the car, put an arm around your waist and led you in. her house felt as familiar as usual. you had spent endless evenings there, with just her, doing whatever you felt like. you had cuddled on the couch, crawling into her during horror movies as she laughed at you. cooking, and burning, countless dishes in the kitchen while dancing to the music from her phone. for fuck’s sake, you had your own stash of clothes in her bedroom drawer, which you barely wore, because she always insisted on you wearing her clothes instead. “do you need anything? water? food?” nikki asked, like always, making sure you were taken care of. “no. i just want to go to bed,” you mumbled back, wanting just to close your eyes and forget everything. nikki smiled at you and tugged you towards her bedroom, “then we’ll do exactly that.” 

once in the bedroom, nikki handed you a pair of her shorts and shirt for you to wear, which you gladly did. wearing her clothes felt like a protective layer from the outside world, like you were secure from any harm just by some fabric sewn together. after changing, you looked at nikki, who’d also changed to pyjamas, her lips tugged up just a little, in that smile she seemed to only keep for you. “you look really cute in that,” she said softly, with a hint of pride in her voice. you blushed a little before retorting teasingly, “you are such a flirt.” “only for you,” she smirked and kissed your cheek before laying down on the bed. her bold action made you blush even further but you lay down next to her. she quickly put one arm under your head as a pillow and the other around your waist, spooning you from behind. maybe it would be okay to be out as queer if you got to have nikki with you all the foreseeable nights ahead. if you got to come home to her and live a domestic life, just like you always dreamt of. 

you stayed like that for quite a while, the only noises being both of you breathing and the occasional sound of the sheets moving. you stroked her arm that was around your waist while her hand snaked under the hem of your shirt, softly laying on your bare stomach. it was the peace, the familiarity you craved after such a night. but your thoughts were interrupted by a buzz from the nightstand, your phone. a fear tugged down your spine as you were reminded of everything that had happened before. you considered ignoring it, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to relax again until you knew what it was. was it sarah or bear? did they text you that whatever you and nikki had was disgusting and didn’t want to be a part of it? you pulled up your phone, the background being you and nikki from a year ago, drunk out of your minds, smiling widely at the camera while having your arms around each other. once you unlocked your phone, you could read the text you had received.

sarah

“i’m sorry for tonight. ian is an asshole. even bear agrees. we took a taxi to bear’s and left ian to himself. i hope we can still be friends after this <3”

her text warmed your heart in so many ways. maybe you wouldn’t be all alone once people knew about you. maybe your dad had been wrong. maybe you weren’t a ‘disgusting sinner’ for liking girls, loving girls, loving a girl. you were still not out of the woods about those thoughts and you knew that yourself. all of the condescending thoughts you had about yourself would live with you for the rest of your life, but maybe they would fade over time. if sarah and bear, who seemingly didn’t agree with ian’s outburst, maybe they could accept you, just like you were.

nikki smiled at you, with a smile you’d never seen on her. she seemed so happy for you, so proud, like she felt everything with you. “see, baby. i said it would be fine,” she whispered as she stroked your stomach under your shirt. “i thought… i thought that…” your eyes started to water as a feeling of being overwhelmed settled in your body. you couldn’t have imagined a better outcome from such an experience. “shhh, it’s okay. nothing bad will happen. they still appreciate you as a friend.” a sniffle left your nostrils as you turned around to face nikki. seeing her smile from the front made you smile back at her. “you were right,” you mumbled at her while looking into her warm eyes. “i usually am,” she teased you back and kissed your forehead again. it made you feel a little giddy and you hid your face in the crook of her neck. her hand that had been stroking your stomach had moved to your back. you could feel her warm fingertips stroking it slowly but surely as she pulled you closer.

everyone knows everyone in your town, so it’s not unusual to give someone a ride. daniela, however, made it hard on you.

daniela avanzini x female reader

contains - small town drama, liar daniela, smut, french fries, semi-public sex (car sex,) munch dani, hair pulling, bit of fluff

request - yes | no

a/n - girls who drive stick shifts are hot (god i wish i could do it)

driving down the streets of your small town was easy, because of how easy it is to memorize the simple streets. you drove at sunset to get more gas for work in the morning.

when you got out of the car, someone caught your eye.

daniela.

the current gossip.

apparently, her dad’s going to prison for “drug offenses.” rumor has it that daniela was involved, but they couldn’t find proof.

but there daniela was, standing with a thumb out while she sucked on a lollipop. she had jean shorts that were cut half way up her ass and her boobs pushed up to god. her curly hair blew in the wind as her lips curved into a smile when she saw you. “y/n!” she called out from across the parking lot.

Megan Skiendiel x 7thmember!female reade masterlist

The arena pulsed with energy.

Thousands of voices echoed through the venue, singing every lyric back to Katseye as colourful lights swept across the crowd. It was the end of the song, and the members spread out across the stage, feeding off the audience's excitement.

You couldn't stop smiling.

The adrenaline, the cheers, the warmth of your members beside you—it all felt surreal. As your part came up, the giant screens suddenly switched to a close-up of you.

You didn't even notice at first.

You were too busy laughing after making eye contact with a fan in the front row, your smile bright and effortless as you sang into your headset mic. The camera captured every little detail: the sparkle of your eyes beneath the stage lights, the way a few strands of hair framed your face, and the confidence that seemed to radiate from you.

The crowd cheered.

Backstage, fans watching the livestream immediately started clipping the moment. Then the camera changed.

It found Megan.

She had just glanced at you, but instead of looking away after hitting her mark...

She froze. Her expression softened in a way she'd never be able to explain. Her eyes lingered on you just a second too long.

The corners of her lips lifted into the smallest, most genuine smile, and there was something unmistakably tender in her gaze. Like she'd completely forgotten there were cameras, thousands of fans, and an entire performance happening around her.

She just... looked at you. Mesmerized. You looked like you belonged under every spotlight in the world. The camera operator, sensing the moment, stayed on Megan for another beat.

The audience screamed. Online, the livestream chat exploded.

"MEGAN'S FACE???" "SHE LOOKS SO IN LOVE." "Someone check on Megan because she forgot she was performing." "THE WAY SHE'S LOOKING AT HER—HELLO???"

You finally noticed. Your eyes met hers across the stage. Megan blinked as if she'd been caught and a blush dusted her cheeks despite the cool arena air.

You couldn't help it. You smiled at her. Not the practiced idol smile you'd perfected over countless performances.

A real one.

Warm.

Soft.

Just for her. Megan's composure almost disappeared.

She laughed quietly to herself, shaking her head before looking down for a split second, trying—and failing—to hide how flustered she'd become. You gave her the tiniest wink and her heart nearly stopped.

Every time your paths crossed during choreography for your other songs, Megan found herself stealing another glance. And every single time, you caught her.

By the final pose, the two of you stood side by side, breathing heavily as the crowd roared.

As the confetti began to fall, you leaned just enough for only Megan to hear.

"You were staring."

Her eyes widened. "I was not."

"You absolutely were."

"I was focused."

You raised an eyebrow.

"On me?" you teased. Megan covered her face for a second, laughing in complete defeat.

"...Maybe a little."

"A little?"

She looked at you with that same expression the cameras had caught earlier—soft, completely unguarded.

"I just..." she admitted quietly. "You looked so beautiful."

For a moment, the deafening crowd seemed to disappear. Your cheeks warmed.

"You always know how to make me blush."

"I wasn't trying to."

"I know."

You reached over, subtly intertwining your pinky with hers where the audience couldn't easily see. Megan smirked instantly.

Neither of you noticed another camera catching the tiny gesture before it cut away.

The internet, however, definitely would.

megan skiendiel x fem reader

pt.2 to party kiss

warnings: smut! don’t like, don’t read

꧁☆****************************************☆꧂

I lost her, again. I won’t let this happen for the second time. A kiss wasn’t enough, I can’t get enough of this girl.

“Have you seen were Megan went?” I ask my friends.

“Your lover girl? Sorry we haven’t, just stay with us, you’ll find her sooner or later” Lara answered and I begrudgingly agreed to stay with them, but only until I found Megan.

Time went by and I was getting tipsy by each drink, but never forgetting my actual goal of the night .

As I went to the kitchen to pour myself another drink I noticed someone tapping my shoulder.

“Hey—“ My ex. No way he’s actual trying to talk to me.

“What do you want?” I barked back, the audacity he has.

“I just wanted to apologise, I was stupid and I should never have done that to you”

I laughed angrily, “don’t even try to apologise, don’t talk to me, you—“

Suddenly someone holds my head and gives me a small kiss on the cheek, “baby, I’ve been looking for you everywhere, follow me” Megan. My Megan has saved me once again from my stupid ex. Before I can respond she leads the way to a dim lighted hallways away from the noise.

“I couldn’t help but notice how uncomfortable you looked” she shyly stated.

“Yeah, that was my stupid ex trying to apologise for cheating on me”

“I’m sorry to hear that, pretty, you deserve better”

Right after she said that, a drunk frat boy stumbled upon us and spilled his whole beer on me. My white tank top now drenched.

“Oh shit! Sorry!” He apologised as I cursed under my breath, this was just the cherry on top of a wonderful night; at least I had found Megan.

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you all cleaned up, let’s go to the bathroom”.

I can’t even process what’s happening here, I’m with Megan at this stupid party’s bathroom.

I sit on the sink while she’s getting a towel and pressing it on my chest trying not to make it uncomfortable, however I can’t help it but stare at her concentrated face while doing so.

“Maybe I should take it off and let it dry for a bit” I suggest.

She looks at me with a glistening smirk and nods. I take off my top, leaving me with just my black miniskirt and a lace bra.

I notice her eyes wandering around and staring at my chest, I swear I could sense the hunger behind them. She takes the towel back and places it again over my still wet collarbone and keeps patting it, trying to dry my body. Her other hand goes to rest on my ribs. That makes my breath flinch.

“Megan, I—“ as if that was all she needed, she dropped the towel and started kissing me with the same passion as before, if not more. But now her hands went straight to my chest, massaging gently as if she was scared to go on.

Without pulling away from the kiss, I take her hands and bring them to my back as a permission for her to take off my bra, which she instantly does.

“Fuck” she murmurs as she stared for a second before leaning down to kiss my cleavage while simultaneously playing with my nipples.

I pull my head back out of pure pleasure, this girl continues to leave hickeys and marks all over my tits, out of pure instinct I start parting my legs and pulling her closer, and I can’t help but tug at her t shirt, wanting her to take it off too.

She catches my demand and yanks her top over her head leaving her with only a barely covering bra before she goes back to sucking on my breast, giving both equal attention.

I can feel myself getting wetter by each suck and kiss, and I can sense that my own moans just make her go faster.

“Megan, please” she finally pulls back and looks at me with pure lust, “should I keep going, pretty? Or do you want to go back to that stupid ex of yours?”

“Keep going, Megan, fuck please don’t stop”

“As you wish” she rolls up my skirt and lightly presses my covered cunt with her fingers, “so wet for me, huh?”

“Megan don’t tease” she just nods and pulls down my lingerie and saves it on her back pocket right before she inserts two fingers inside of me, stretching me so good.

“Fuck, Megan, go faster” she takes no time to start pumping her fingers in and out of me so fast I start moaning too loud and the only way she has to silence me is by kissing me again, this time with no particular rhythm.

I can feel myself getting closer and closer with each pump and she notices too as she starts slightly pressing my clit with her thumb and I swear I saw stars.

“Let it out, pretty” right as on command I finally cum all over her hand and she never slows her pace. When she pulls out I feel this emptiness in me that I can’t ignore.

I hadn’t gotten out of my high when I see her kneeling down and parting my legs open just to start kissing my inner thigh getting closer and closer to where I need her the most.

Without previous notice she licks my whole slit and licks my juices clean from my previous orgasm, and I just moan in response.

“So sweet for me, might save it for later”

She gets another towel and cleans my cunt and gives me back my tank top, “this should be dry enough now” she happily states as I try to go back to my senses after that wonderful fuck.

I put it back of and pull back down my skirt and as I go to ask for my panties back she just says that she’ll “keep them as a souvenir” and that I can go get them “whenever I need a round two”

She kisses the top of my head, puts back on her own T-shirt and leaves the bathroom before I go to avoid getting caught.

I go back to my friends and it’s like they never noticed I left, I just tell them about my encounter with my ex and that some random frat guy spilled his beer all over me and that I had to get cleaned, omitting the fact that some black and pink haired girl helped me.

Now I have to thank her but I still don’t have her number saved.

I guess I need to go find her again.

꧁☆****************************************☆꧂

megan skiendiel x femreader

//reader goes to the first party after being cheated on and she takes revenge the same way she was cheated on & college au //

꧁☆****************************************☆꧂

I used to love partying. Going out to a frat house with my friends every Friday night and just get wasted and have fun, I guess. That was until my ex decided that scenario was the best way to cheat on me— not even a shot in and he was already making out with a blondie right in front of my face. I don’t know what hurt the most, the fact that he cheated or that he ruined my fun night out.

Since then I hadn’t attended a single party. My best friend Sophia had already given up on me when I decided tonight I might just have some fun.

“Wait— no shit you’re actually going out tonight!” She cheered.

“Finally, bitch, you have to go out and show that dickhead what he’s missing” Lara added, she’s also one of my best friends and my roommate and has been adamant about showing my ex what he’s lost. “Oh! You definitely should make out with someone right in front of him and just get revenge”

“Lara, dear, that’s too much” Sophia sighed.

“Whatever, I just want to go back to enjoying my night out with my girls” I couldn’t help but smile as I was saying it.

“I know that’s right!”

The house already smelled like cheap booze and sweat from all of the people around us. We didn’t hesitate to just go all out and start dancing together, not minding the eyes watching us.

I hadn’t realised a pair of eyes that had been ogling me since I stepped in, my ex was standing at a corner, drinking god knows what and with god knows who.

It was Lara who warned me and the second we made eye contact he started walking in our direction.

Shit shit shit. Think quick! Out of pure desperation I looked to my left and saw a cute woman looking at my direction and I just kissed her, a small peck.

“What the fuck?” She asked

“Just go with the flow, please” I pleaded

That was enough for her to kiss me back. And that alone made my ex go back to his place. I though that would make the girl stop kissing me but she kept her pace.

Her tongue consistently trying to keep going, I parted my lips slightly and I swear I heard a moan scape her lips. That was the hottest sound ever. My hand reached for the back of her neck whilst hers started reaching for my lower back and pulled me closer.

I could hear Lara and Sophia cheering but I couldn’t focus on what they were saying when I was making out with the hottest black haired girl I had ever seen.

When she finally pulled away, I noticed a string of saliva still connecting us together.

“What’s your name, pretty?” She asked

I gave her my name and she gave me hers, I swear this Megan girl was going to be the death of me.

Cowardly I reached for my friends and lost track of her.

The rest of the night I kept thinking of Megan and how badly I needed her. That kiss was intoxicating to say the least.

Fast forward to the next week, my ex already forgotten, we were going out to another house party again. This time I was the one convincing my friends to go out. During this past days I learnt that Megan shares mutual friends with my roomie and is definitely a party girl, hence my desire to go to yet another party.

This time I already have my night planned. To find Megan. The first hour passes and I almost forget why I’m even here, dancing and hanging out with my friends.

That was until I spot her pink fringe dancing under the fluorescent lights. And I swear my heart skips a beat, she immediately looks my way and starts walking in my direction.

I excuse myself from my friends and walk her way.

“No kiss like last time, pretty?” I feel all of my confidence fly away the second I’m right in front of her.

She doesn’t even let me answer before she closes the space between us with a passionate kiss. My hands instinctively go to her hips and hers go to hold my face. Our tongues fighting for dominance, I let hers slip into my mouth as I give her hips a light squeeze.

“Now we’re even” she says as she pulls back, and leaves me dizzy with desire. Her lips swollen from the kiss and makeup smudged from the sweat leave me breathless. Right as I reach for her I hear my name being called.

As I turn back at her she’s gone… again?

꧁☆****************************************☆꧂

Link for the next part:

pt.2 ????? 🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣

a/n: omg my first actual post! It’s been a lot since I’ve written anything so bear with me, plus English is not my first language 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

content warning 𓂁 bottom!megan, smut, MDNI 18+, munch!reader, implied transmasc reader, but can mostly be read as gn!reader.

word count 𓂁 1.3k

-

pillow princess!megan who loves when you kiss her neck because she’s so sensitive there. some nights you don’t even make it so the sex, she just wants you to keep kissing her neck and rubbing her waist because she feels so attractive under your gaze and touch. you could both already be mostly naked, but the touch of your nose against her nape and she’s practically already cumming. when you go to kiss down her neck she whines, so you ask her: “what’s wrong baby?” she doesn’t respond, just tangles her fingers in your hair and pulls you back to her neck. you wish you could leave hickies there, but you know you can’t, so you opt for soft bites that create marks that will fade by the time you wake up.

could you write something about megan? like jealous!megan or something like that, if it's not too much trouble, pls 🙏🏻

btw, how are you? are you doing good? :3

𝗞𝗜𝗟𝗟 𝗕𝗜𝗟𝗟 © 2026 hyunjinights

𑄹 テ𓈒ֵ۫ ❙❘❙ ͏ྀི warnings: jealous!megan. fem!reader. wlw. mostly fluff i guess?? suggestive if you squint. another one for jealous megan🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

a/n: STOPPPP I MISSED YOU SO BADDD!!! i’m doing well thank you, i hope you are too :3 ily

❛⊠ ⸝⸝ ౨ৎ ࿔´ε🩰₊

“megan, you’ll never believe what just happened.” you said, walking back into your and megan’s shared dorm, bags in both hands after going shopping with yoonchae and manon.

“what, baby?” she looked up at you from her phone, her big eyes staring into yours, all her attention now onto you.

“when i was at the shops, a girl came up to me and said she thought i was beautiful, which is lovely cause i thought she was saying it in a cute supportive girly way,” you begin speaking, sitting next to your girlfriend, completely missing the way her eyes squinted as soon as you mentioned a girl called you beautiful, she knew it was true of course but she didn’t think it was necessary for any other woman bar her to be telling you that, “but then she asked for my number? so i was immediately like no no, i’m practically married.”

“we are married,” megan said sternly, her tone not aiming at you but even imagining that the girl was in front of her, she could feel her irritation growing. megan wasn’t insecure in any way, and you would never make her feel a certain way, but she was such a jealous girl. “what did she say after that?”

“she kept pushing by saying like oh we can be friends and i was still saying no to the point manon had to say like she’s happily in a relationship.” you sighed, “i was just trying to shop.” you chuckled.

“mmm, you’re not going without me next time.” megan said, her hand squeezing your thigh, making her mark on you (which she should’ve literally done at this point).

“i don’t want to.” you shook your head, placing a few kisses on her cheek in reassurance, you knew she didn’t need it cause megan knew you would never look in another direction, but you just needed to make sure she knew you were hers. and she knew.

“i’ll stick my tongue in your mouth in public if that’s what i have to do.” megan said, her tone as serious as ever as you burst out into laughter next to her. you loved your jealous girl.

for my cutie :3 @meiyoknsm

THE END: the real girlfriend

notes: lose a fanwar ends here :) i hope you guys loved it!! definitely going to miss writing for this series 🥹

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