Kind Angel Take Me Away

Lady Dior Bag , re-interpreted by Kohei Nawa (2011).

The artist used variably sized ‘PixCell’ glass beads and python leather to re-interpret the bag for the “LADY DIOR AS SEEN BY” Series.

📸 Pic 1 by Nobutada Omote.

90% of the time, that behavior stops.

when the behavior continues, it’s when she’s extremely frustrated that she’s not getting a communication across. while she’s incredibly smart, there’s going to be some lapse in understanding between the two of us, and she lashes out by doing the things that she knows creates frustration in me, almost like she’s trying to make me understand she’s frustrated just like that.

so, I sit back down on her level. “baby, I can see that you’re mad/frustrated/upset/sad. let’s work this out together. I really want to understand what is bothering you.” if it’s something that can’t be done (stay awake from nap, eat sugary things before bedtime), then we find a compromise: you want to stay awake from nap to play with toys? let’s dig out an old toy you haven’t played with in a while after your nap! we’ll do it together and have lots of fun. you want something sugary right now? that will keep us awake for too long, but here’s some *really tasty favorite fruit* for now, and tomorrow, let’s bake cookies together when you wake up.

she’s two fucking years old. and she understands that shit. and now, often times, when she climbs into bed and she still wants to play, she’ll tell me, “tomorrow can we play with these toys, Mommy?”. she already understands compromise, and her behavior is fucking phenomenal.

I totally understand that it can be frustrating to parent. sometimes it feels like you’re hitting your head against a brick wall. BUT KIDS DON’T HAVE THE FUCKING ABILITY TO TURN ON THEIR LOGIC BRAIN WHEN THEY’RE HURTING EMOTIONALLY. WE, AS ADULTS, DO. and it is our fucking RESPONSIBILITY to help them turn their logic brain back on, and help them work thru that strong emotion, instead of punishing them by letting out our anger on them.

you know what would happen if I were to yell at my kid? she’d yell back, louder, and now know that this is an acceptable way to react now, and I’d effectively have made it hypocritical to tell her not to yell at me. bam.

Uncle Iroh:

protecting children is not a slippery slope toward total authoritarian censorship

online fandom was a huge part of my early self-expression, but there were (and still are) communities that hold pleasure so sacred that their ‘anything goes’ policy lets groomers, manipulators, and racists run rampant, and it left childhood scars ngl

it doesn’t have to be censure OR freedom; creativity can coexist with moderation without limiting the art or restricting exploration of darker subjects

Your reply was: Who decides what “moderation” is? And why were you on adult websites as a child?

I’m glad you brought this up because these two things always appear whenever anyone has this discussion.

How can we trust anyone to decide what’s allowed? How can we keep kids from accessing sites open to the public? Since there’s no perfect or immediate solution to either, the best course of action is no action at all.

I totally disagree. It’s such a lazy cop-out.

No one is asking for an internet purity council; we both know thats insane and impossible. It’s just a convenient scary excuse to throw your hands in the air and dissolve all responsibility. But that doesn’t change the fact there are realistic things we can do personally, as individuals, to make public communities safer for kids and unwelcome to predators & bigots.

Moderation is not just enforcing a strict terms of service. It’s the standards you set in your community with your actions & inaction. How do you handle content with pedophilia? Racism? Transphobia and homophobia? Do you have conversations about hardcore porn around/with minors? Do you engage them privately for sexy roleplay sessions? How do you reprimand those that do? Are you hostile toward criticism? Do you discourage reporting and flagging? When community members express concern, do you react with cruelty or undermine their comfort? This shapes the environment of the space, giving dangerous weirdos an idea of what they can get away with.

Kids are nosy and overestimate themselves. I wanted to talk about my favorite anime on popular forums, lj kink memes were poppin’ and public, oops. You’re right, there’s no stopping that. But stopping it isn’t the goal post. Mitigation & damage control is the realistic bar. You don’t need an iron fist to accomplish that.

Moderation is not just enforcing a strict terms of service. It’s the standards you set in your community with your actions & inaction. This shapes the environment of the space, giving dangerous weirdos an idea of what they can get away with. Kids are nosy and overestimate themselves. Mitigation & damage control is the realistic bar.

As for people faking concern for children as an excuse to force conservatism yeah we’ve seen that happen these past few years with QAnon’s Save The Children rallies (here’s an extra article for international folks unfamiliar with this cult) in real time. That’s why I favor changing the culture of individual responsibility over changing the structure alone.