MaddinLines

Normally, there's this thought that being first is always a good thing. Often times there are benefits to being first.  However, there are some situations where I don't want to be first.  Like the moment I realize I love someone.  In a perfect world, me and the girl I've fallen for would arrive at this moment simultaneously, or somewhere around the same time. However, it just never happens this way.  

I find myself open to love even at the times when it is least convenient.  I have so much going on in other aspects of my life that a relationship just feels overwhelming right now.  On the other hand, do I really get to choose when it is OK for someone amazing to enter my world?  Yeah, my world isn't ready, but what do I do, tell them to come back later?  It just doesn't work out that way. Well, I guess it can for some people.  

The problem is that this inconvenience manifests itself into stress, and then I project that stress being so wrapped up in my own thoughts and insecurities that I am no longer connecting.  It's messing with my ability to maintain or even establish chemistry.  

I didn't plan on this blog as serving as a diary of sorts, but at the same time, maybe getting it out there is the first step towards something. Normalcy? Or maybe something like it? I just need to stop judging whether a time or situation is convenient.  It's here. It's happening.  Just be in it and stop being so self-conscious.  Just be.