maddie

obligatory intro post!

maddie, they/them, i'm 19, this is my vent account! tw for $h and 3d and whatever the fuck else is wrong with me. i am on the schizo spectrum and chronically ill (eds)

16+ please :)

i try to avoid thinspo or excessive ed tags

lgbtq+, blm, trump belongs in the bottom pit of hell, no one is illegal on stolen land, free palestine

fatphobia is NOT welcome here

fully pro-recovery, i'm just mentally ill!

report me if you want, i'll just come back

^ me irl

i have an art instagram, but all tw still apply and could be considered graphic. be careful if that might bother you

@ exoteric.predisposition

lil more info, tw numbers

i'm moving in with my girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!! i genuinely can't belive this is real, i'm in awe of it everytime it crosses my mind. i thought i would be dead before this would ever be a possibility and i feel like i'm walking blind.

i got diagnosed with autism!! it was always a back and forth, i've been evaluated twice before and they just said it was adhd and social anxiety and sensory issues and slow processing, but i always felt like it was something more. it's gratifying and also. i can't find the right word but i feel sad a little bit. it's a disability, i don't function "normally" and it's confirmation that i will never function normally. i know disability isnt a bad thing, god knows i've had to grapple with that, so i'm trying to focus on the relief of finally having a name for it.

i was also diagnosed with bipolar 2 (with psychotic features) and ocd!!! both in "partial remission" but the psych told me basically never go off my meds or i will decline rapidly!! lol 😛

i officially hit my highest weight ever!!!!! i am totally fine and normal about it!!!!! i'm not freaking out at all!!!!!! 🤯🔫 yeah so i feel like absolutely awful. i'm in the overweight category, and none of my clothes fit anymore. i'm trying to be normal about it, i'd prefer to be down 10-20lbs like i don't even care about being at my lowest weight anymore i just hate the number. i'm not actively trying to lose weight though, just to binge eat less. my main goal is to maintain cause if i don't know what i'll do if I get any higher 🤠

besides that, i am genuinely doing amazing. better than i have in years. like ever i think. the last time i felt this good i was seven or eight. i love my girlfriend, i'm finally getting out of my parent's house, i'm doing okay with self harm, i was three months clean, then another month, now five days but it doesnt really feel like a big slip, it was just babies and spur of the moment and i feel committed to stay clean. i'm not suicidal???? i have passive ideation, but like actually for real for the first time since i was twelve i really believe i have a future and a life worth living and reasons to stay and everything i thought was bullshit when i was younger. it does get better???? like tell me that when i was 15 and i would have laughed in your face.

yeah so that's my life update if you made it this far youre awesome