Why so silent, good messieurs?

Who am I if I don't feel I ever had a home of my own adult life yet? I have lived at mom's house but it stopped feeling like home as soon as she got too controling of my adult self. I moved to a rented appartment with my ex-relationship. It seemed like the beginning of adulthood, safe and new and brilliant. A house of mine to keep as I wish, decorated as we chose. It didn't last long and we sepatared after 6 months living together. Fast forward to the best years of my life, where I lived, had a child with and married this beautiful, big hearted person, who let me in his world and home and gave me everything he could. And still, I always longed for my own place, a place I could call "mine", not "my husband's family home".

In all this mess, now back at my mom's, I understand how much of a home my husband's family house was for us. I am regret. I am sadness. I don't know how my future looks like. I am scared.

I took my son out of his home. I am regret.

I am back to the start, not knowing if my marriage is over or just on pause. Still living apart, still having confusing days of regret, missing my relationship, trying to keep it together for my kid.

These last 2 days...

This past month has been so chaotic! I thought I was going to divorce. I left home. I was so confused.

I am sick and tired of not listening to myself.

Hubby and I are communicating through our problems and choosing to stay. A whole other level of relationship is starting and I can feel it. They say you fall in love with different versions of your partner throughout life and I think we are just going to start the next chapter of ours.