Trashlingg_

I wish I could find the strength to get out of bed one day, and just know that everything will be ok. That those nightmares will go away. That the monsters hiding in my closet is just a jacket on a hanger and the ones under my bed are just my imagination. I wish I could make up and look in the mirror and call myself beautiful because I deserve it. I WOKE UP FOR ONCE LET ME BE BEAUTIFUL. 

I’m very confused. I’ve never felt this feeling before. I feel hopeless, weak, undone. As if someone has just left me with an emptiness in the middle of my chest and all in one night. The feeling on sadness coming onto me as it always does but this sadness has a different way of  hurting me. This sadness makes me feel as if I have no air in my lungs, as if someone has just hit me in the chest with a baseball bat and it echoed into me and the echo is never-ending. It’s sad because people like me don’t feel these things. I’m used to saying no and not letting anyone in, I’m not used to thinking about how I feel or going through the motions of what I am living right now, in the present.