﹫ serenia : didn't the new ceo have some controversy a couple years ago bc she was (allegedly) a diva in her old group?? ↳ ﹫ kangjoonz : that was a rumor (but i guess she isn't making shit look good for herself)

﹫ __kailiz : well clearly they havent if the members are having to perform with broken bones 😭😭

﹫ hanjin03 : she's much more musically inclined than she is when it comes to the position of ceo, think she just wanted to be the big boss ↳ ﹫ pinkbutterflies : at least shes hot?? ↳ ﹫ hanjin03 : did you read ANY of my comment?

﹫ _luvfix : considering the messes of their predecessors (rix & ak) they will literally be worked to the bone 🙁 the CEO change doesnt matter because we all know what happens to louvix audio groups that sell well.. ↳ ﹫ sp1rals : i mean their managers seem nice?

﹫ angelspique : seeing this company's luck its most likely gonna be a rix 2.0 situation, at least they dropped the whole "angelic idols" thing 😓 ↳ ﹫ sp1rals : it's cause they're a big group, its easy to convince ppl a group of 5 or 6 all like each other but THIRTEEN guys?? there are bound to be some fights.

﹫ neverlandslawyer : the fact that their first group debuted following a four year disappearance is so huge seems like a risky leap for me.. of course money will blind any seemingly terrible decision but i think they're simply trying to hit everything at once instead of debuting groups in spaces ↳ ﹫ sevenshades : there wasn't even an attempt to wait a year 😭 ↳ ﹫ hanjin03 : i think phoenix were on the back burner for a while and seolhee would've flipped if their debut date was extended ↳ ﹫ __kailiz : seolhee is just crazy tbf🧍but phoenix's debut was years in the making so i can understand her being pissed about it

there's something particularly amusing about a company that seems so ‘lovely’ being plagued by such unfortunate circumstances which are the same almost every single time. take this past week for example, happy new year by the way, meliora is louvix audio's next big thing (—a next big thing which will hopefully not disband in the coming few weeks considering this whole.. rebrand), yet it hasn't even been a year and their beloved leader is already on a hiatus.

i'm not a conspirator.. not particularly, but i enjoy indulging from time to time. the thing about louvix audio is that no matter the image they force, there's always a tick of burden trailing behind their idols, their leaders in specific. such a thing is so apparent in fact, that it's almost become expected by people who find themselves enjoying the music of such groups. yeah there's been a few instances but it's a pretty glaringly common occurrence that you almost wonder if it has become an inside joke among company employees, probably.

frankly, it's the most normal of leader hiatuses under louvix audio considering their track record. according to a company spokesperson;

"yohan has opted to take a break for the benefit of his health, both mental and physical, we hope you understand".

truly couldn't have been the effect of all that overworking, could it?

well don't listen to me, let's hope another lawsuit threat doesn't end up on my doorstep. i think you're a cool woman ms. mae eunkyung! don't steal my money! i'm reporting on things that have already been very confirmed!

the first instance of the whole ‘louvix audio leader hiatus guarantee’, what a fucking mouthful, was back in 1998, remember land? yeah you probably don't and that's alright, they lasted a good eight months, not even a whole pregnancy, there isn't exactly much to remember, they're practically lost media now. the groups leader, junho went on a hiatus midway through their debut year due to ‘family reasons’, yeah he left for family reasons alright. he got his ex girlfriend pregnant, you'd think that would be a pretty easy problem to solve, but the guy was hard to negotiate with, didn't wanna pay child support, was too lazy to go to court. really, the company forced him on hiatus to get his shit together, and he did.. sort of, but that didn't matter because the group disbanded about three months later anyway. also he was a pretty shitty dad.

secondly, aeri of aethra, she was at least a decent person, but she had her fair share of issues. following a very publicized nervous breakdown she had on stage in 2001, her older sister had to force her into getting psychiatric help, which extended to a month in a mental hospital. this is one of these stories with a happy ending though, she was eventually able to bring her issues down to a manageable point, they didn't disappear, but she got better, not that the company did anything substantial, it was all her family and her two fellow members. of course, as previously reiterated, a year later, the group disbanded, definitely the best case scenario for them if i'm being honest.

allow me a sigh for a second, all six members of rix had their fair share of issues, but it all really came to a head in late 2011 where their leader, minhyuk sort of randomly just disappeared, so people started getting concerned. in fact, the hiatus announcement came two weeks after people initially noticed that he wasn't in group content, it was a little strange, the company neglecting to mention the leader of their most popular group at the time was basically missing for longer than a good three days? something was fishy. and those obsessive fans were correct, hate to be giving them their flowers but.. that early 2010s internet stalking did work. what they did find out was that louvix audio had been threatened by the idol's family, who'd been spending months trying to intervene and get him in a rehabilitation center for his worsening alcohol addiction. the company were literally fighting to keep him on stage through those egregious schedules, so the family threatened legal action, and that was what finally made them cave.

in an interview from 2019, the members even explained that the company even debated on removing minhyuk from the group so that the scandal didn't come to light. of course we know that didn't happen, but the group did end up disbanding five years later, also probably for the better.

that's not even mentioning eunhye, the leader of angels kiss! who had almost been forced into a hiatus in mid–2010 after being embroiled in a controversy over a past speeding ticket on her record.

so what? that seems like just a couple of coincidences. yeah yohan is the leader of meliora and has recently been writing some depressing shit, but the company has changed! right? i'd like to think so, i'm just an optimist, a sudden hiatus over ‘mental health issues’ right after they had a pretty successful debut year? either this company has got a few black cats in their closest or they just screwed over another one of their leaders and got cold feet.

and i'm not throwing any accusations around, i'm sure nice people work there.. again no more lawsuit threats please, i'm simply a messenger, not trying to get assassinated by anyone on seolhee's payroll or something, she's probably got enough money to hire a hitman.

. . .     % four arduous months following the release of their second mini album, salva veritate was released on november twentieth twenty twenty. no prior social media posts, no indication from the members, just released out of nowhere at midnight and allowed to simply fester. funnily enough, the members act like this album just doesn't exist, especially a certain member despite the fact that his name is scrawled over basically every song. it's personal, it's slow, and it was barely promoted, five tracks, an easy snow day listen.

. . . ▸ opening rather soothingly, knock on is basically the songification of the phrase " kicking my feet and giggling ", basically, these men want the subject of this song BAD, so bad that they hope they're writing about them in their diary. once again, it's the product of a yohan-hwan pairing, starting to think they've never gotten over anything in their lives. basically enough, knock on is a love tune, it's about the heartwarming moments before confessions that make you roll around your bed happily, giggling over the basic things such as text messages or simply hearing them talk. honestly? it's cute.

. . . ▸ again yohan penned (his name is all over this thing), light a flame sports the " love is like fire " analogy, though not that intense of a song, it narrates the intensities of love, how it may begin light yet feverishly grows passionately like a fire. all consuming, occasionally overbearing, but sometimes you are so intrigued that you yearn to step closer, for the warmth, the spark which makes you feel special. it can both destroy you and offer you available mellowness. while it isn't exactly title track worthy according to everybody, the message seemingly covers all bases, even in a cozy 3:15.

. . . ▸ it's like everyone in this group had a bad breakup or something, because etiolate is a clear breakup tune, and though i don't know much, i know one of them must've been clutching their hair strands for days. written and produced by louvix audio head music pro ahn sohyun in a not so surprising partnership with yohan, the prior staff member noted that the meliora members were " experts at yearning, they needed more of that ", she was right, we thank her for her sound judgement. if we can take anything from listening to this, it's that they did not take the breakup well at all.

. . . ▸ okay so imagine the last song, crank it up to like 10000%, and you have so long, the songification of " sobbing on the floor " apparently.. they're getting desperate y'all. literally the only song on the album having not been poked and prodded by a certain leader, so long was written and produced by a frankly talented eighteen year old named eden, probably not her real name but it's impressive nonetheless! though also a clear breakup tune, it instead takes the approach of " you might just be the problem ", less of an innate tune regarding love and being angry over the ending of that love, but coming to terms with what humans are, overly complicated. maybe you were a pushover, blinded by your very own ambition, careless concerning the feelings of the person who you tell " i love you " rather indifferently. somewhat silently, it's encouraging people in relationships to be better.

. . . ▸ finally, after insane collections of seemingly depressing music, i wish is the closing tune which provides somewhat solace, a bit of hope in this album which appears to paint love in a negative steering light. frankly, i wish is much more about friendship than romantic relationships, at least that's what our beloved writer yohan says, yeah he's back, did you miss him? he didn't write the whole thing, eventually junmin came in to write the second half of the song.. a strangely fitting pairing. platonic or romantic, this song is about somebody who loves someone so much it's sickening, that they want to get sick in tandem with that special someone, love is surging, whether it be between friends, or lovers, something those two probably know a lot about.

. . .     % era notes

the album was actually barely promoted, no prior messages or even hints from the members that it would be released, it was clearly very thought of but after it was released louvix audio rarely batted an eye at it

light a flame won exactly 1 music show, fitting because they only did show up for like.. two days to promote it

selling over 750,000 copies in the span of a month, it was certified platinum by the kmca on december twenty ninth twenty twenty, by late january twenty twenty one it had surpassed over 1,000,000 sold copies

memorable era moments

okay so.. the members kinda pretend this album doesn't exist for some reason

especially yohan, yeah he created like half the thing and he always squints uncomfortably whenever interviewers bring it up

this album, and late 2020 brought a cute collection of meliora vlogs, the fan favorite one being ‘nov.log #7: the making of knock on’, which is.. pretty self explanatory, it gave fans a glimpse into the song-creating process

"would you rather be a human with strawberry thoughts or a strawberry with human thoughts?" — kang yaejoon, 2020

hajoon and haneul's totally not sober karaoke vlive which then got taken down a week later, the latter straining his vocal chords at the attempt of ‘really bad boy’ by red velvet

00 vlive but instead of promoting the album junmin and hajoon were arguing over baseball teams whilst yohan just sat there wanting to die

TRACK I : the current staff

i. 매은경

a picturesque smile, perfectly ironed shirts and a reputation somehow never damaged despite much speculation, mae eunkyung is the upgraded CEO that probably isn’t as perfect as she appears but is better than whatever we had prior. her slate is clean, business degree polished and musical projects often praised by those who have heard them. perhaps she’s allowed for her childhood anxiety to permeate any real world relationships she has with people, so up with the perfect facade or whatever she calls it that she can’t even bear to interact with the rest of the staff. they whisper about her behind their hands and she’s aware of it, but what is she supposed to say about it?

NAME ⋆ MAE EUNKYUNG. 매은경

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ MARCH 8 1981.

POSITION ⋆ CEO

TENOR ⋆ 2017 — PRESENT.

PLAYED BY ⋆ YOON EUNHYE.

ii. 송규철

the older brother of a certain manager, song kyuchul could not tell you exactly why everybody else who works here appears out of their mind, especially those in the creative department, but he supposes it isn’t his concern what they divulge to their therapists. he’s about the easiest person in the godforsaken building to get along with, nice enough, judgmental behind closed doors and better with his expressions in comparison to a certain someone. surprisingly, he happens to be the perfect right hand man to our CEO, enough of a compromising force and always breaking up fights attempting to spur in the meeting room.

NAME ⋆ SONG KYUCHUL. 송규철

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ DECEMBER 30 1978.

POSITION ⋆ COO

TENOR ⋆ 2005 — PRESENT.

PLAYED BY ⋆ KIM RAEWON.

iii. 민선화

possibly the only person here who actually does their job with no ridiculous back talking to the CEO, min sunhwa has her priorities straight; providing for her family and exercising her patience in order to not absolutely rock the shit of a certain creative director, or all of them even, they seem to get a kick out of pissing her off, attempting to draw out a visceral reaction. her degree of patience is practically magical, she’s cut an off putting glare and a tight grip on the creative department they always decide to tip toe. if you were to ask her, the only bad thing about this place going up in flames would be the end of her paycheck.

NAME ⋆ MIN SUNHWA. 민선화

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ MARCH 29 1980.

POSITION ⋆ CAO.

TENOR ⋆ 2005 — PRESENT.

PLAYED BY ⋆ HAN JIMIN.

iv. 샘광선

one of the only original staff members who wasn’t either jailed or charged with something during the whole 2016 incident, sam kwangseon just so happens to possess the worst weapon of all, a big fucking mouth. if there ever is an exposé on the inner workings of company gossip, we all know whose writing it. he’s got his good traits, technically the creator of meliora and the astounding visuals in their music videos, when he actually cares about doing his job he’s spectacular, but it appears he dedicates most of his time to making brash comments none asked for, if not for the sake of stirring up arguments, then simply so he test sunhwa’s precious patience.

NAME ⋆ SAM KWANGSEON. 샘광선

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ JUNE 9 1979.

POSITION ⋆ ART DIRECTOR.

TENOR ⋆ 1999 — PRESENT.

PLAYED BY ⋆ ZO INSUNG.

v. 곽설희

somehow still having her job even with deluded drunk ramblings and retaining a bit of a superiority complex, kwak seolhee may have a temper, at least that’s what kwangseon says whenever her eye happens to twitch at another one of his not contained insults. the creative director of the now disbanded angels kiss! and the now flourishing phoenix, i guess it’s no surprise as to why she thinks she’s some sort of genius. though being a self proclaimed ‘genius’ doesn’t equate to having perfect media training, how does she expect to not have a wish washy reputation when she keeps swearing at news outlets? perhaps she makes the best “relationships” with those who have the same hate flowing through their bones, the only reason she can tolerate kwangseon is because they both despise jaejin.

NAME ⋆ KWAK SEOLHEE. 곽설희

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ AUGUST 8 1980.

POSITION ⋆ CREATIVE DIRECTOR.

TENOR ⋆ 2005 — PRESENT.

PLAYED BY ⋆ KIM TAEHEE.

vi. 허이슬

perhaps a bit too dramatic for certain people during board meetings, heo yiseul is a sensitive art person stereotype. somehow always ending up by the side of seolhee, attempting to be damage control when the other is much too keen on wanting to cuss everyone out. she’s worked with her on both of her most important endeavors, angels kiss! and now phoenix, though she was better able at keeping her dislike for her former ceo behind closed doors. she has easy buttons to push and could probably be brought to tears by anything. it’s unfortunate how into her work she is, practically estranged from anyone who isn’t at the louvix audio building 24/7 like she is.

NAME ⋆ HEO YISEUL. 허이슬

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ MAY 24 1981.

POSITION ⋆ ART DIRECTOR.

TENOR ⋆ 2006 — PRESENT.

PLAYED BY ⋆ SON YEJIN.

vii. 나민혁

na minhyuk is practically a ghost, invisible to most and often forgotten by fellow staff. reserved from most, he doesn’t find making effort to speak enough, reaching out to the other staff who often exchange dirty looks and secrets like candy any fun, he just wants to hopefully not be driven crazy by the company. he’s only there to.. go figure, do his job correctly. the other staff are consistent with their preconceived notions of him, something of a view substance charges under his belt, but he has no time to entertain any of that, he’s trying to make sure they’re all simply shit talking silently, it hurts his ears knowing they’re unable to whisper correctly.

NAME ⋆ NA MINHYUK. 나민혁

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ OCTOBER 29 1985.

POSITION ⋆ TALENT MANAGER.

TENOR ⋆ 2009 — PRESENT.

PLAYED BY ⋆ AHN JAEHYUN.

viii. 은유빈

it’s really telling how much eun yubin has been sweeping under the rug. in a manner similar to everybody, she absolutely despised jaejin, wouldn’t have minded if he dropped dead on the floor, but her pearly white smiles and buttoned up shirts sold enough of a facade to those in the public. she hates interviews, hates those repeatedly flashing cameras and having to keep up a smile so tight. she could do without seeing mostly everyone in this damn building, but money calls, it’s not that much of a challenge to figure out why she stays.

NAME ⋆ EUN YUBIN. 은유빈

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ JANUARY 7 1981.

POSITION ⋆ MARKETING DIRECTOR.

TENOR ⋆ 2002 — PRESENT.

PLAYED BY ⋆ JANG NARA.

ix. 안소현

possibly somebody here with a degree of redeeming qualities which outweigh her flaws, though it happens to be a low bar, ahn sohyun is truly all about the music, even if she has lost all hearing in her left ear. she’s passionate about her stuff, you could find her name scrawled over the albums of all louvix audio artists post-2006. despite the fact that she barely verbally concedes during board meetings, she definitely does have a lot to say, if not about a few ex employees, then also about a few that still work here. her work is her life, degree wiped clean and record even cleaner. that would be a first for someone from this company (just kidding!!). did you know she used to be a professional dj? real shit!!

NAME ⋆ AHN SOHYUN. 안소현

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ JULY 17 1981.

POSITION ⋆ SONGWRITER, COMPOSER.

TENOR ⋆ 2007 — PRESENT.

PLAYED BY ⋆ LEE DAHAE.

x. 채은성

it appears every time somebody even glances in the direction of chae eunsung he’s ready to go home, well wouldn’t you too if you had to manage thirteen grown men? it gets to a point. though it seems he hates everything and wishes for death upon each member of meliora with his stares, they’re all fallacies, he’d kill for them any day, their consistent muttering aiding in his typical morning. if you can get past the somewhat off putting factors, he’s a pretty decent guy! maybe he makes surrounding areas smell like cigarettes but it’s in good faith. even if the job comes with the company of several shouting extroverts, those who cannot stop getting themselves injured, he’s aware he’d be much bored without them.

NAME ⋆ CHAE EUNSUNG. 채은성

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ NOVEMBER 11 1991.

POSITION ⋆ MANGER OF MELIORA.

TENOR ⋆ 2019 — PRESENT.

PLAYED BY ⋆ LEE JUNHO.

xi. 송규원

the job didn’t seem appealing, but song kyuwon figured she would continue the family tradition of joining huge entertainment companies, it was easy enough with her big brother as COO, not like they’d support her other dreams anyway, why’d she go through the hassle of getting that engineering degree then? she’s not all bad, though definitely a stress smoker and a bit rough around the edges (much of an understatement), she’s kind enough to perform her job correctly. she’s formed somewhat of an attachment to the phoenix girls, but you’d have to kill her before she ever forked such information over to any body. she’s trying to quit, really, she simply finds it difficult with the picture perfect image of her big brother and overbearing mother breathing down her neck.

NAME ⋆ SONG KYUWON. 송규원

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ FEBRUARY 19 1992.

POSITION ⋆ MANAGER OF PHOENIX.

TENOR ⋆ 2020 — PRESENT.

PLAYED BY ⋆ LEE SUNGKYUNG.

TRACK II : the former staff

i. 수재진

apparently among one of the easiest people to detest considering the glares from his former employees, soo jaejin was unfortunately the man who gave louvix audio their name, even if some of it was morally questionable. perhaps he was evading his taxes and banding together a whole hate campaign against him with his frankly childish manner of reacting to things, but he would say that he was “doing what had to be done”. he did take a leap with the whole alienating himself from his family process in order to build a somewhat colliding k-pop company empire, and while successful groups have been created as a result of his processes, he’s got no genuine hand in that anymore..

NAME ⋆ SOO JAEJIN. 수재진

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ MAY 20 1970.

POSITION ⋆ CEO.

TENOR ⋆ 1993 — 2016.

PLAYED BY ⋆ UHM TAEWOONG.

ii. 방성재

no matter what it appeared this company was simply chewing bang sungjae up and spitting him out each time. his first venture lost angels of neverland was immediately sucked down the drain, forgotten, erased, stomped on by the lovely CEO in the rapid aftermath of their failure. he only had one more shot before all of it collapsed beneath his feet in an absolutely terrible feat of disappointment. the success and subsequent public adoration of RIX practically saved his life, he really did care for those boys, he crafted their concept from specific nightmares and journal entries. he only ever did want the best, the day they finally left, and the day he did too, it was pretty much the end of a well winded stress storm.

NAME ⋆ BANG SUNGJAE. 방성재

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ MARCH 31 1974.

POSITION ⋆ CREATIVE DIRECTOR.

TENOR ⋆ 1997 — 2016.

PLAYED BY ⋆ JANG HYUK.

iii. 오하영

oh hayoung was never exactly the easiest person to get along with, she wasn’t really evil but the occasional manipulation would be able to fool anybody. guess you can’t blame her for how she is, if constantly having to bend at such a controlling man’s whims didn’t affect anybody then perhaps the world would be a somewhat better place. the biggest success she ever got under this roof was aethra, she treated them as her own, after losing both valentine r!sing and many more unnamed projects jaejin would categorically insult, it’s not much of a surprise how early she left, the company were quick to replace her with some other insane woman quickly anyway. bless her heart, she was really just trying her best with what she had. of course, when she can, she’ll gleefully drag jaejin’s name through the mud, anything to get even the slightest smile.

NAME ⋆ OH HAYOUNG. 오하영

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ SEPTEMBER 12 1973.

POSITION ⋆ CREATIVE DIRECTOR.

TENOR ⋆ 1997 — 2004.

PLAYED BY ⋆ SHIN EUNKYUNG.

iv. 홍수민

perhaps she was always a little too personal, but hong soomin would say that particular aspects of her personality were what made the music shine. along with being a main curator of both RIX and angel kiss’s discographies, she basically became the string (in pair with sohyun) that held together the company’s musical expertise. she was never much of a talker, putting all of her passion and the words she couldn’t speak outwardly into music. sure her coworkers thought she was a weird loner who definitely camped by the basements espresso machine too much for her already deteriorating health, however, she always made hits, even if it had to include using her own life as a gateway for that one. in the end, it got much too tiring, the place appeared to reinforce her unhealthy habits, she probably would’ve died if she stayed in the building.

NAME ⋆ HONG SOOMIN. 홍수민

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ APRIL 23 1977.

POSITION ⋆ SONGWRITER, COMPOSER.

TENOR ⋆ 2005 — 2016.

PLAYED BY ⋆ UHM JIWON.

v. 하도현

if there was ever a person who could simultaneously represent the hate and love for this company, it would be ha dohyun. he had nothing of a big mouth, in fact it was the little he said which ended up rendering his career dead. he absolutely did not want the job originally, would’ve set the louvix audio building on fire in a fit of anger, but as soon he came across the six boys who he’d be managing, he really couldn’t just leave them alone. sure managing RIX wasn’t this terrific, angelic, carefree experience where he had things taken care of, yet those boys made most of it fine. a week of peace was really all he was offered with a group composing of several extroverts, but at least in the midsts of a company sucking out his soul, there was a little something to look forward to. he would always voice complaints, however; he really does miss them.

NAME ⋆ HA DOHYUN. 하도현

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ FEBRUARY 24 1979.

POSITION ⋆ MANAGER OF RIX.

TENOR ⋆ 2006 — 2016.

PLAYED BY ⋆ JU JIHOON.

vi. 유혜정

every single time yoo hyejeong is reminded of her time at louvix audio she sighs, she probably needs a few dozen cigarettes. in similarity to her prior, she only stayed for the girls of angels kiss, privy of the company’s former history of simply tossing groups away when they got tired enough. yes the girls were occasionally destructive, much too loud, argumentative with a few certain edges, but she’d protect them with her life. she never had many nice things to say, giggling in pair with the spread of rumors is how she made her bonds, and though seething over how money hungry your CEO is makes for good conversation, there wasn’t much talking she enjoyed doing. she often thinks she should’ve done more, if not to reverse the fate of angels kiss, but simply for the sake of other trainees as well.

NAME ⋆ YOO HYEJEONG. 유혜정

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ NOVEMBER 20 1979.

POSITION ⋆ MANAGER OF ANGELS KISS.

TENOR ⋆ 2006 — 2016.

PLAYED BY ⋆ PARK SIYEON.

vii. 백누리

the newest and probably most complex of a disappearance, baek nuri (or known by her pen name vandelia) was never much of a polarizing figure, she appeared strikingly normal. she was your typical successful, attractive girlboss archetype, maybe less of an archetype but the consistent influx of articles did not help with anything. she didn’t cause problems, she was just much affiliated with somebody who did, the same someone she began the concept for phoenix with, she definitely wasn’t beating many allegations with their allegedly strange behavior. however, not much ever got far, she left in mid–2020, just as the phoenix project was finished and trainees were being collected. though she’s never said anything herself, there will always be consistent speculation, besides, would kallos even exist if she wasn’t the slightest bit petty?

NAME ⋆ BAEK NURI. 백누리

DATE OF BIRTH ⋆ OCTOBER 28 1980.

POSITION ⋆ CREATIVE DIRECTOR.

TENOR ⋆ 2013 — 2020.

PLAYED BY ⋆ JUN JIHYUN.

   OCTOBER  6  2021.   LOUVIX AUDIO BUILDING

hwan is low maintenance, yohan doesn’t have to be a genius to know that one.

through observant glances and itching from none other than haneul, he figures that encapsulating silence defines his character. when meeting him firstly, he felt just the slightest bit seen. it’s unlike the groups flurry of extroverts who get uneasy when they don’t receive a text each hour, the two don’t even need to have each other’s numbers.

friendship has never been discreetly established, hwan never verbally establishes anything, he implies it through actions, through baked treats and intricately created charm bracelets.

yohan’s gotten a few cookies, he thinks he’s in the clear.

despite the label of ‘hiatus’, he never exactly rests, not when the members decide to leave anyway. resting would equate to doing nothing, and yohan loathes doing nothing, maybe he should write a song about that.

there’s no time for anything, he’s let off promotions yet there’s still so much to do. hospital visits, meeting attendances, so much catching up he genuinely doesn’t give a thought about when he finally passes out after midnight.

what’s the point of being out on a ‘hiatus’ if the company can’t even attempt to get rid of a few unhealthy tendencies? maybe they want to make way for another stage collapse, that wouldn’t be too daunting. sometimes, he feels like they think he’s a machine instead.

the scrawled lyrics appear as more of diary entries than anything, what the fuck is he writing about again? if this is going like it does in that one story, then a guardian angel will appear to him and finish the whole thing instead.

“aren’t you tired?”

or he guesses hwan.

it isn’t as if it’s the first time he’s ever heard a mutter from the younger, there consistently happens to exist silent mumbles in the background of regular arguments. he usually does give his piece, it simply isn’t loud enough to cut through the ear bleeding sounds of fighting.

well hwan sort of is a guardian angel, unwillingly, in a completely unaware manner, but he acts as a preserver nonetheless. he scrunches his nose at the inquiry, biting his wince back at the screech of the nearby chair. “it’s only been an hour”.

it isn’t an excuse, no, it’s a fact, though he supposes any other member would graciously take the aftermath of silence as an opportunity to attempt a scathing rebuttal, hwan remains silent, much too familiar with using the very own words as a response.

he rubs at his wrist, lethargy staring down lethargy, it’s ironic. it comes sporadically on occasion, but he sometimes feels like yohan’s spitting image, yet the degree of timidity stretches.

“that’s still a lot of sleep missing” he laughs, a quick glance at the scribbled lyrics, he pays no mind to them, it’s typically a team effort, which is pretty caustic considering the lack of definitive teamwork between whatever they write. for once, uneasiness seizes his features, concern, yohan thinks in another life, he’d probably be the group leader. “i mean— i guess i can’t talk about that but uh.. this is your break, for, you know, resting?”

“i’ve spent half the time resting”.

yohan doesn’t find pride in lying, it’s simply effective in moments like this, where someone once again stares him down to inquire about the unhealthy behavior he can’t keep under wraps any longer, it’s to quell worries, it’s a brick wall used to at least conceal something.

but of course, someone so similar can probably spot that one, it isn’t as if he underestimates the other’s intelligence, it’s simply the fact of the prospect being a regular coping mechanism.

“okay hyung”.

his undertone is soft enough that it doesn’t physically irk the older, but it almost appears just the slightest bit condescending, at least he has the pretty smile as a sugar coating device. “i can finish this..”

yohan’s right eye twitches, yet not out of irritation. “no, it’s okay”.

okay is about the worst word to use.

“my handwriting isn’t that bad”.

he snickers, he doesn’t exactly expect that one. “it’s too personal, you might go crazy”.

and the excuses are going to pile up until there are none left, until yohan has to surrender his dignity to admit the fact that he’s scared, that his medication does nothing and the claustrophobic studio has already swallowed him whole.

but until then, nobody cares about that.

he shrugs in reply. “the intimacy is an important factor”.

“i’m gonna scrap it”.

this is probably the longest conversation they’ve had, yes, despite the many lyrical collaborations. the act of stalling is easy, and the simplicity clears the anxiety he felt encapsulating him before the younger entered.

hwan blinks. “or you could let me help”.

help should be a word of contentment, but that uneasiness once again settles, longing for solace in the air of a room like this is a fool’s dream, and yohan thinks it’s been too extensive of a period since he’s properly closed his eyes without fearing what would happen after sleep. sleep itself appears to be a dream, he reaches, his fingers just barely grace its curvatures, and then it slips away once hope emerges in a gleam, taunting, fucking shameful.

in his current circumstance, help could be considered similarly, he yearns for such a thing, yet it’s just barely out of his reach.

his glasses are fogging.

yohan sucks his teeth, now he actually does want to scrap the whole song. “i mean.. i don’t know how we— you would do that”.

he isn’t exactly sure they’re a team in his eyes.

“what? you don’t trust me?”

it could be earnest, but it appears more playful, yohan’s sure hwan is picking such words carefully.

it’s actually the opposite, yohan doesn’t trust himself, which is a stupid thing for such a stubborn person to say aloud, so of course he doesn’t.

“not sure..”

for the first time, his responses dry up, there appears to be no more excuses left behind.

there’s a smile, hwan lords his victory over yohan with that smile. “go to sleep hyung, i can finish the song”.

and it’s the simplicity which moves him, has him standing out of his seat, hand instantly grabbing his sweater. hwan’s smile remains, it’s a rare right, and yohan guesses he has the right to be full of so much pride. “was that a first?”

well now he’s just being cocky.

“i guess” yohan shrugs, he doesn’t divulge the imminent fear of closing his eyes which will probably arise on the walk back, a horror not even the solace of his bed can fend off. “one song”.

hwan doesn’t seem to long for any more. “aye aye captain”.

his nose scrunches, but he guesses it’s pretty funny.

   AUGUST  18  2021.   HANAGAE BEACH

kiro’s about one of the strangest guys yohan knows, which is the true surprise when considering his debut in meliora as a whole.

they’re all a bit strange, some members allowing for the peculiarities to shine, others instead keeping them restricted until they have to display such oddities for the sake of content. he’s aware that might be a rude thought, but he still holds love for them, eccentric characteristics and all.

and it’s not that kiro causes him to question his sanity, he has a good chunk of the others to condemn for that one, he’s not one of them.

he’s sweet, through the spontaneous peculiarities, he doesn’t make yohan want to rip individual hairs out of his scalp, he simply makes yohan feel indescribably beatific, it’s something about his smile that earns a responding smile. kiro makes yohan happy even with silence, that’s why he’s strange.

and this, for some inconceivable reason he can’t conjure, makes yohan happy, all because of kiro. standing on a beach to watch the sunrise simply causes warmth to encapsulate his heart, it’s cute.

yohan’s always been an early riser, he’s aware kiro’s practically identical to him in that field. comeback seasons been out forever, yet opening eyes at five in the morning to again face the monstrosity of this world is completely mundane, it’s always been mundane, established as its own feat of normalcy since the early teenage years.

when he sees kiro downstairs, hair already brushed and tying his shoes, he blinks;

“what’s going on here?”

he startles, yohan occasionally forgets the members are always so jumpy, he isn’t that frightening, he’s sweet!

“god hyung don’t do that! i didn’t even hear you coming down the stairs!”

it’s adorable, how he remains the slightest bit neurotic, korean stuttered as he stares him face to face. when they first met, kiro could probably only dream of such a prospect, yohan can still make out a fraction of timidity remaining, but in comparison to last year, they’ve improved.

“sorry” his tongue prods at the side of his cheek. “it’s so early, where are you heading?”

and yohan realizes he does sound a lot like hajoon at this moment. well, he can’t win everything.

embarrassment overtakes his features, it manifests in a red tint which is quick to make home on his cheeks, the tips of his ears rapidly reacting in a quicker succession, and listen, yohan is aware it’s the middle of summer, but the place is also extremely air conditioned, unless there’s some secret furnace he’s unaware of.

“i uh— um..”

take your time, he wants to mutter, afraid of being unable to convey that through his stare alone. yohan’s a patient man, and though time is precious, he finds that the comfort of the people in his life outweigh that prospect. “i usually go to the beach to watch the sunrise..”

yohan blinks, he’s unsure of how the answer appeared to slip by so rapidly, or maybe he should scrutinize himself for not allowing the endless possibilities which exist to spring to mind.

“the nearest beach is almost two hours away?”

“well i uh— i mean, i don’t mind just catching a taxi, even if they’re kinda expensive”.

he hums, observing for a moment before clicking his tongue. “do you mind if i join you?”

his reply is exhibited through the acute physical reaction which corresponds with the titular widening of his eyes, as if it’s a travesty having the company of another human being by his side.

that might not be the case, it may just be the idea of spending time with yohan which startles him, or perhaps it’s the question, the tone and weight of each singular word that makes regular inquiries appear so.. irregular.

“do you not want me to?”

“no, no you can come with i was just.. kinda surprised”.

so they do exactly that; continuously muttering on the way, even with the taxi ride stretching to just before the two hour mark, they happen to enjoy themselves much more than they assume.

“so is this a tradition of yours?” he inquires, eyes threatening to flutter closed from the sheer power of the sun, the rays stabbing at his eyes. his right eye twitches, but he doesn’t fret.

“yeah mostly, when i first came to korea this was one of my first visiting spots”.

a smile tugs at yohan’s lips. “that’s cute” he states, basking in the light breeze of the early morning, the rushing of the ocean filling his ears. “do you always come alone?”

kiro appears to attempt a shot at hiding, averting his gaze instantly. “no one wants to wake up early to watch the sunrise” he whispers.

there’s a singular tick before yohan speaks once more; “if you ever want to, you know i’m always up early”.

“aww, are you offering?” his undertone indicates pleasantry with a hint of genuine surprises, but yohan decides to not dwell.

“i mean— the beach is nice, would be good to get some fresh air..”

kiro laughs. “you need to make time for yourself, hyung, this is technically your break after all”.

“i am doing that” yohan is unsure of exactly why he decides to pose such an argument, tone too gentle to convey any truth. “i can just do that while also spending time with you”.

and he includes the nudge of his shoulder to sell his point, repeatedly blinking at the shine of the sun. “come on, let’s go eat breakfast”.

yohan usually doesn’t eat breakfast, but he supposes today is a special occasion.

“oh hyung, are you spoiling me?”

he can’t help his responding smile. “don’t get used to it”.

   NOVEMBER  29  2019.   HOTPOT RESTAURANT 

apparently it’s a good day for hajoon, and whilst yohan can only assume, it appears the answer for his elevated brightness is clear.

yohan remains the slightest bit weary, not because he’s rude, it’s quite the opposite, he exudes a level of consideration yohan doesn’t expect from a guy he’s technically competing with for a spot in a fresh new group.

their skill sets are much the opposite, but competition is competition, he’s aware he’s gonna debut either way, maybe that explains his natural talent for simple generosity.

and it’s not that yohan doesn’t like him, it’s simply everything else that makes him strange.

which is exactly why yohan agrees to a hotpot “date” as he calls it. he entered the cushioned trainee dorms at eight pm, completely vitalized despite the tenor extending exhaustion. he specifically sought out yohan for a reason which remains iffy, nothing of a sure reply given for the question.

but he guesses that should be the least of his concerns when food is free.

he tunes out for a moment, only snapped out of his daze once the younger begins a fit of complaints. “you’re always looking in front of you, what are you thinking about?”

he knocks as if the older’s head will emit a sound, amused by his responding irritation. yohan’s face scrunches, his fist winding up just for nothing to happen. “nothing..”

“it’s not nothing” yohan is rattled by his chewing, his nose scrunch selling that idea. the younger decides to ignore him, hands clasping together in a silent sound. “come on, i won’t bite, what’s bothering you?”

“nothing’s bothering me i just couldn’t focus”.

hajoon takes in a deep breath, somehow not having his tongue burnt from the sheer amount of food he’s scarfed down, it’s still steaming, yet he doesn’t falter in the slightest. “is it debuting?”

yohan falters, hajoon smiles, god he’s way too good at that. “what’s with the doubt? you’re clearly going to debut”.

at that statement, he earns an eyebrow raise. “clearly?”

“you’re everything the lineup needs, you’re pretty, you can sing, you can dance, you don’t talk too much, companies like that in trainees” he muses, fingers coming to brush his hair out of his face. “you’re just like hwanie”.

yohan finds the words baffling, but he doesn’t display that, simply furrows his eyebrows. “and what? you aren’t anxious about debuting?”

“it isn’t exactly my whole life, this group”.

yohan is jealous. he longs for such laxity, hajoon talks about it like it’s nothing, but yohan’s putting his whole life into this. how is he supposed to face his mom if he doesn’t get into the group? areum? hyeri? yisoo? he’s supposed to pass, he’s the sibling consistently fueled with determination, what would failing even be like? how could anybody be relaxed about such a thing?

or maybe yohan’s simply chiefed by his anxiety, perhaps that’s the reason.

“oh”.

sensing the sudden change of atmosphere, hajoon begins whistling, playing with his chopsticks. “after this, we should go shopping or something”.

yohan’s eyes narrow. “if we do that we’ll get back late”.

he pretends to contemplate, clearly aware of what he’ll say next. “you need to relax”.

yohan clicks his tongue. “didn’t realize you cared”.

the younger snickers, slapping his arm. “of course i do! we’re friends now aren’t we?”

friends, well that’s a strange word. yohan doesn’t realize they had a label for this, hajoon just appeared one day in the practice room and yohan never questioned it, he never questioned their relationship.

yohan realizes that he probably won’t get another opportunity like this with the next year hot on his tail, once the idol life sets in, there’s no longer free time.

he sighs. “fine”.

“great! it’s a date!”

that’s probably gonna be his thing, yohan realizes he doesn’t mind much.

   SEPTEMBER  3  2022.   STYLE ROOM

yohan finds the members’ muttering easy to fall asleep too, the stylists hands in his hair cushioning his falling head.

the heat emanating from the hair straightener is surprisingly comforting, and despite the shouting, he manages a good thirty minutes of slumber before a tap on his forehead disturbs him.

he’s awaken by yet another tap on his forehead followed by the shuffling of footsteps, when he finally does open his eyes, he belatedly misses the absence of the hairstylist’s presence, instead alerted by two muddled voices.

haneul and yaejoon are arguing over.. something, yohan doesn’t mind whatever they’re whispering about. however, he notices the appearance of taro, who awkwardly stands by, seemingly caught in the crossfire, the image causing a chuckle to push itself up his throat.

the two others continue their “intense” argument, taro turns his way with pleading eyes, silently requesting for the older to get him out of his current predicament.

“what did i do?” he whispers, arms flailing slightly as yaejoon lightly tugs his shoulder.

yohan decides to pout for him. he clears his throat, catching the attention of his two arguing members. “you guys wanna know something interesting?” he begins, “last week’s hotel had the best desserts so far”.

and just like that, they begin yet another debate, a calm one somehow, taro watches on in pure amazement. “how do you just do that?”

yohan shrugs. “i don’t know”.

and honestly? he doesn’t.

the two arguing don’t pay attention, but at least the pressure is off his shoulders. he takes a seat in the vacant chair beside the leader, yohan gazes on, observing the anxiety permeating from him immediately, the maknae flinching at nothing in the air. “you okay?”

he doesn’t answer verbally, simply nodding. yohan hums, unbelieving of it all. “come on, you can tell me what’s wrong”.

he still remains silent, yohan doesn’t mind that really, he’s simply aware of how terrible it is to bottle up things like this. “aren’t you excited to go home?”

at the mention of home, taro flinches, flinches in the manner of a cat flicked with water, accidentally dropped into a bathtub in a ruthless prank by their owner.

he’s skittish like that, yohan has observed, he’s got cute eyes and constantly fiddles with his bracelets when longing for something to do, once the anxiety settles in, he plays around with the knots of fabric pressing to his skin.

gosh, yohan adores taro.

“i’m not sure, yoiki is excited but knowing my parents they probably won’t come”.

yohan frowns for his sake, but the news appears normal for him, his undertone doing nothing of a change. he blanks at the information, not exactly unaware of such a thing, simply disheartened for the maknae.

“are they working?”

“it doesn’t matter if they are or not”.

yohan doesn’t meet the members’ parents often, it just so happens to not be that much of a need for him, the members all have their own issues relating to some parental figure, and if that isn’t the case, then it’s probably much worse, stuff he’d rather not get into with the rest of them because dealing with trauma like that does questionable things to people.

his mother appears to be nice enough, she’s simply a massive workaholic.

his mouth dries. “hey, don’t think about that, on a positive note, your sisters are coming, and..”

“and?”

“you have us” he motions his head in the direction of the two softly quarreling. “i’ve always wanted to try soba”.

now that earns a small smile, the pretty stretch resulting in warmth encapsulating yohan’s heart. taro glances downward at his nails, picking at the skin.

once yohan gently separates his nails from the skin, he earns a smile; “i know a few good places” he mumbles, shyly looking away.

yohan smiles. “great, we can go together”.

he blushes, flush with endearment and a hint of budding enthusiasm. “yeah i’d like that..”

he’s unsuccessfully attempting to hide a smile, and yohan has to stifle a flurry of coos.

he simply thinks taro may just be the cutest person ever.

   DECEMBER  23  2021.   MELIORA DORMS

yohan comes to a not-so startling conclusion, haneul drunk is nothing different from haneul sober.

he supposes affection is guaranteed with a guy of that manner, when yohan first met him, there happened to be a distinct fashion of the air. he appears to be fond of everyone, everything, elated by such mundane prospects of life as if it’s his first waking moment on earth.

it’s.. well, kind of cute, in a completely abnormal sense to yohan’s considerably sane mind. he’s never seen the guy without a smile, every waking moment the feat of ecstasy simply heightens, and it appears that extends to tossing back shot after shot.

his face is painted a baby pink, the only contrast being the bright red of his cheeks. it has no affect on his attitude, he’s woozy, one of the few unusual results of drinking to your heart’s content.

“one more!” and when he raises the shot glass, it disappears as swiftly as yohan swipes it out of his hands. he releases a very intelligible ‘hmph’ and gives his best attempt at getting it back, just barely able to control his own limbs. “hyung!” yohan grimaces at the immediate spike of volume. “you can’t withhold shots from me, it’s my birth month”.

what an excuse, the younger about falls off his chair, yohan having to act as damage control in a room full of his other wasted members.

but he unfortunately does not let up, instead wrapping his arms around the leader in an effort to keep him in his place, or maybe the alcohol setting in is just opening the door for a mountain of affection he did not ask for. he snuggles into his side, and yohan has to keep a sigh between his teeth.

“are you alright?”

“i’m tired” haneul mumbles, eyes fluttered shut as he totally, possibly unconsciously, squeezes around his waist, yohan clenching his teeth as his own silent reply.

yohan snorts. “what about the shots?”

he allows for the crack of an eye, then his glance wanders over to the dormant shot glass, lips taking a downward turn into a saddening frown. if yohan didn’t know any better, he’d presume that haneul was definitively disheartened by being unable to enjoy one last “drink”. it’s hilarious, in another universe, he’d be rewarded acting accolades.

“you were the one who stole them from me? you’re such a phony you know what right!?”

lord is he still whining? yohan pats his head in a questionable manner, as if haneul is his son or something, attempting to console him in his drunken stupor. “shh! you’re too loud..”

haneul yawns, pinch purposeful. yohan slaps the small of his back, earning the best glare haneul can give with such droopy eyes, a glower which results in probably one of his fairest laughs in a while.

“how about” he begins, unable to slip from the compression paired with his physical feat of endearment. “you go to sleep”.

“i want water” he immediately demands, yohan again allows a smack on his back, perturbed by the change of his tone in the fashion of an unaltered adult.

“okay fine, water”.

unfortunately, yohan underestimates how much he would sort of do for him, it’s just so the younger can stop hugging him so tight, he echoes in his mind.

but he’s probably lying to himself in that regard, the contracting embrace encapsulates solace he supposes he never knew existed for someone like him.

he could probably get used to it.

   OCTOBER  25  2021.   IOYS STUDIOS

“have you ever actually considered painting much more seriously?”

the significantly strange wavelength of what they can call their “relationship” is probably what sprouted such a question. rae often inquires, he’s curious about it all, maybe he was meant for the stars, when his pupils dilate in his typically questioning manner, yohan can’t help but observe how they resemble constellations he so dearly cherishes.

he used to be scared of yohan, in complete tandem with several of the members, yet his fear was deemed different by yohan’s subconscious. it took one physical clash in the practice room for him to run away and hide, it provided him with excellent laughing fodder for a mere moment, but afterward it was simply strange.

the reason they’re painting is technically all due to yohan in the first place, he muttered to him that it was an “early birthday gift”, except such a gift was hidden from the members because they’d easily chastise him for not resting during his break, hwan already did a good number on him.

“it’s just a hobby” he mumbles, tongue prodding at the side of his cheek as his glasses make a daring attempt to fall off his face, steadily sliding down his nose. “nothing serious..”

yohan realizes he must say that about many things, because byeol’s responding look is reminiscent of many he’s gotten throughout the years when musing about his unserious hobbies.

“you said that about singing too and..”

that earns a snicker, it’s true, but they can’t exactly be compared. yongrae takes yet another glimpse, as if trying to take a look into yohan’s mind. his attempts appear to be futile, and he turns his head back to his half done painting.

“well that was before i knew i would debut”.

“didn’t you always know?”

he likes to ask questions, and yohan enjoys answering questions, enjoys relaying more information to his members in a manner which heightens their intrigue. he’s unsure of why they’re always so curious about his life, he isn’t that interesting in hindsight.

“i mean.. you never know, remember when we thought iseul-ah was in the lineup? we got fooled”.

technically they didn’t, iseul was a fuse, somewhat of a breaking point for the company, yohan doesn’t try to talk to him now that they’ve debuted, he’s sure the other holds back some contempt, but not enough to block hajoon’s number, he’s sure they still talk.

they were a.. close pair he remembers.

he shrugs in reply. “i guess you always just seem to know, sometimes i think you’re a psychic, hyung”.

the way he describes things always irks yohan, but not in the usual sense. he’s invested in the manner of his verbal illustrations, he longs to hear more. “that’s funny”.

his wrist has begun to cramp, he finally sets down the paintbrushes and adjusts his glasses. there’s some scrawled across his shirt, shades of blue he doesn’t recall ever actually choosing, yet they permeate the canvas before him anyway.

“it’s pretty”.

“it’s not done” yohan isn’t a perfectionist, he simply wants for it to be done, the chemicals sneaking up his nose. “i don’t want us to stay out too late”.

“oh, do we have a curfew?” the younger inquires, raising an eyebrow and beginning to giggle at his own joke.

“well you need sleep”.

he snorts, opting to frown at the mere mention of sleep. “how can you say that with little sleep under your belt hyung?”

yohan gets chastised for it often, he finds such a prospect hilarious, consistently getting criticized by his own dongsaengs for his terrible sleeping habits— or, he supposes insomniac habits, he doesn’t sleep much, he supposes that’s why they always point it out.

“i’m just looking out for you”.

yohan wants to vomit, he’s unsure of why it’s taken him so long to verbally utter those words to any of his members, but he really does just want that. yes his members are strange, out there, loud, occasionally they irritate him beyond words, but he does care, he tries his best to verbalize that with actions the best he can.

“how about we just stay a bit longer, it’s not that late” he excuses, he’s correct, it’s only eight o’clock, crossing late territory won’t be evident until it’s at least nine. “you aren’t even done yet”.

yohan’s gaze softens, he guesses it won’t be that much of a problem. “sure”.

his birthday is coming up anyway, yohan will do everything he can for him.

   JUNE  16  2020.   MELIORA DORMS

“and why exactly are you doing this for me again?”

yohan doesn’t mean to exude such a tone, especially with someone older than him, but he supposes he’s much too used to it. chaiya doesn’t mind much, besides the occasional jab at the maknaes whenever they disrespect him as the eldest member, the act of formality is the furthest from his mind.

“you have an addiction” he merely states, and yohan scoffs.

“it’s a healthy addiction” as if that makes any sense, he probably sounds like a raging hypocrite, but that would be nothing new. “better than all the sugar you put into that shit”.

“don’t you swear at me” he points an accusatory finger, yohan’s eyebrow merely raises. “i’m older you know, just because you’re the leader doesn’t mean you have all the power”.

yohan narrows his eyes, longing to say a specific something. the eldest seems to understand despite the silence, because he smiles; “you better stay there, not letting you run away from trying something new”.

that appears to be a consistent theming with all of the members. since when did they all just think that? why do they consistently tell yohan the same thing? well.. the ones who’ll talk to him anyway.

they only debuted a month ago, half of them won’t speak to him and most of them seem terrified at his mere gaze, but they all look to understand the same thing.

yohan’s a control freak.

how funny, he just barely recognizes the inner workings of all their minds, but it’s like they all look at him and think the same thing.

yohan enjoys having things remain the same. what’s the point of trying a new thing that he may dislike when the current wavelength of his life is somewhat comforting to him already? he simply stares, blinking at the concoction the eldest is pouring sugar into. his nose crinkles.

“see? you always do that”.

“i like my coffee black” he voices clearly, but he’s not going to listen, why would he? he’s already doing all of this, at least he knows a good chunk of the members are as stubborn as he is.

“i know that” his tone appears gentle, as if yohan’s some sort of baby. he presumes chaiya would be a good teacher in another life, the thought almost earns a smile. “i just need opinions”.

from me of all people?

and yohan doesn’t think he’s.. mean per say, he just thinks that his opinion could possibly anger one. he’ll leave all the blatant insolence to junmin, there’s so much which could spill out, but he decides to actually have self control in contrast to the other.

chaiya again smiles. “i don’t mind if you don’t like it, that’s the point of opinions isn’t it?”

is this how people make friends now? yohan almost laughs, this is probably the best case scenario of such a thing. “besides, there are twelve other people living here, i need to draw actual conclusions”.

he’s simply so cheerful, and yohan finally does smile, a small one, but a smile nonetheless. “fine”.

“see? i knew you’d come around”.

yohan snorts. “don’t be so full of yourself”.

the words hold no truth, bear no genuine weight on the confidence of the eldest, yohan finds it pretty admirable.

he can just deal with it for now.

   AUGUST  10  2022.   OAKLAND  CA

yohan gets about twenty minutes of peace before his door is kicked down.

his eye cracks open, and he heavily sighs at the sight of a familiar headache. kang yaejoon just so happens to be full of energy, a consistent noise yohan begged to not bother him.

“oh fuck this”.

“don’t swear hyung”.

and suddenly, the younger flops on top of him, possibly breaking all of his bones in a singular movement. yohan grunts, but the other doesn’t let up, instead makes himself comfortable crushing him. “is this a guarantee?” he’s somehow able to let the words escape him, glancing up at the younger who appears contended by it all.

“this is how i show my love for you!”

“by trying to kill me?”

yohan is so fucking tired, maybe he shouldn’t have fought to be placed into a group with twelve other guys, his head falls forward and he takes a deep breath into his pillow. he hears the younger snicker, completely overjoyed at the prospect of the older’s misery. “hey, sometimes it works”.

“yeah sometimes”.

“don’t be so mad, hyung, i always knew i was one of your favorites”.

yohan doesn’t even attempt to refute such a claim, he instead decides to make himself comfortable with the situation in the best manner possible, head remaining rested on his pillow. yaejoon mumbles something that he doesn’t try to decode, eyes begging to flutter closed.

he’s disturbed by a whisper; “hyung”.

“yes?” he yawns, eyes now closed.

“am i really your favorite?”

he cracks one eye open, hoping to convey his feat of chagrin with just a singular movement of one eye. “is that what you’re most concerned about?”

“yes”.

“let me sleep”.

“it’s only nine pm!”

yohan typically doesn’t sleep early, but the tour has practically wiped him out, sleeping early is the only thing he can do in order to ensure he doesn’t pass out on stage.

he grabs onto the younger, instead pulling him into an embrace, one leg thrown over the other. “shh, quiet now, i need my beauty sleep”.

yaejoon stares, yohan can feel it despite the fact that his own are closed. “wow, you wanna lay with me? always knew you had a crush on me”.

“shut up”.

“alright hyung”.

he may talk his ear off the whole entire night, but yohan decides that such a prospect might just be the slightest bit comforting, even if irritating.

   AUGUST  6  2022.   LOS ANGELES  CA

the longer yohan spends time with him, he realizes there are many similarities between him and kristian.

it goes past the amount of siblings they have, their equal adoration of cats, unhealthily taking in much caffeine, being much introverted, often on the side when the groups arguing.

he really didn’t recognize how much the younger is basically him in a skewed font, glares and all.

los angeles is the first stop on every american tour, yohan didn’t mean to study it, he’s just always around once the staff begin muttering about future plans, barely alerted by his presence due to his silence. that’s where kristian was born, he doesn’t often talk about it, not even to jaehwan, who he practically talks about everything to.

yohan’s only aware of one thing, a thing he’s aware of once it comes to most of the members; he’s got a complicated relationship with his parents.

not the first time with a member in this group, he makes occasional passing comments about how they’re probably crazy, doesn’t go much further than that.

he’s clearly been weary of coming home, in a fashion that’s typically uncharacteristic of him, his usually tranquil manner disturbed for possibly the first time since yohan’s met him.

and now he’s grabbing his jacket, heading out.. somewhere.

“where are you going?”

he produces the closest thing to a ‘hmph’, scoffing at the prospect of nothing. “my parents called for a reunion dinner because they heard i’m here”.

yohan blinks, studying the younger for a while. he doesn’t care what the members do after hours, he’s simply concerned about what reunion dinner entails. “and you’re really going?”

the younger shrugs, even with disquietude coloring his features, he wants to appear completely unscathed by such news. yohan again narrows his eyebrows, it’s easy to spot such a facade when you’ve had one up so many times yourself. “my siblings will be there anyway”.

“but your parents..”

he doesn’t finish.

kristian simply stares, attempting to look unbothered despite the clear lack of satisfaction emanating from him in all. yohan yearns to give him a hug, for some unusual reason, he wants to tell him everything is going to be okay, which makes no sense because the younger seems to despise hugs if they aren’t from his favorite person.

he pushes down such thoughts. “doesn’t matter, i’ve dealt with them before”.

you shouldn’t have to.

yohan really does care, he feels like hajoon, constantly babying the members even if they can reasonably afford to take care of themselves. with the way the younger stares, he can practically tell what yohan is thinking.

“don’t you think you should stay?”

yohan is really trying.

he tilts his head. “do you want my company or something?”

“no.. i’m just worried about what might happen”.

“well if i don’t come back then you’ll know they killed me”.

yohan deadpans, but the slightest snicker leaves him. that was pretty funny.

“if you need me to come pick you up i will”.

“you’re too sweet”.

it isn’t said like an insult, not in the manner it usually is, that makes yohan the slightest bit glad. “don’t get sappy”.

“i was saving it just for you”.

yohan scoffs, but there is nothing genuine behind it.

   APRIL  30  2022.   DOWNTOWN SEOUL

yohan never thought he was anybody’s favorite member, mainly because he’s always perceived himself as pretty unapproachable,

but it appears jaehwan enjoys differing with him even when he doesn’t specifically utter it.

and how he drew an impatient blabbermouth to his side will always perturb yohan, he seems to attract a completely contrasting crowd, which includes over half of the meliora members. jaehwan woke up early for possibly the first time ever (despite his day typically ending at nine pm, he’s always out untimely) and dragged a groggy yohan out of the house. the taste of toothpaste still fresh on his tongue, he barely had time to adjust.

“what’s the point of this exactly?” the younger appears elated by the sight of displayed baked treats. he’s always so happy, joy caused by even the slightest of things.

jaehwan continues bouncing up and down as he seemingly contemplates on what to get. “i just wanted to go out, you know you’re my favorite right?”

yohan is unsure if his heart should swell at such a fact. “oh? i thought it was kyuhyunie”.

it technically is, no matter how much it changes, jaehwan will always have a specifically special place in his heart for ahn kyuhyun mostly. yohan doesn’t mind, it’s not much of a pressing matter.

jaehwan frowns, feigned offense in the stretch of that downward turn. “things can change”.

well they usually don’t.

“do you want macarons?”

at the question, jaehwan plays at thought, though his choice appears completely avowed, yohan still squints his eyes anyway. well, he could probably pass that over with the reason that he left his glasses at home, what would jaehwan know?

the younger smiles, bright, all teeth present in the frankly pretty grin. “absolutely, do you not want macarons?”

he shrugs. “i don’t know..”

they do end up getting macarons, several flavors available yet all of them tasting the same to yohan. maybe he doesn’t allow for too much focus, perhaps he should’ve allowed the specific tastes to linger on his tongue, then he would’ve enjoyed them much more than it appeared.

jaehwan drags yohan by hand around downtown seoul for the filler of the day they have time, comeback preparations begin soon and it seems he just wanted to spend time with his “favorite person” (his words, not yohan’s, though the consistent smiles he earns are invigorating enough that he has no rebuttal), something of a mystery to yohan.

“how do you plan to afford this?”

“you mean how do we?”

yohan’s eyes narrow, his vision somewhat blurry as he eyes the miniature figures jaehwan appears so entranced by. they pose nothing of a interest to him, not in the manner they clearly do to jaehwan, but he keeps his mouth shut.

“i don’t want any of this”.

okay, not shut for long enough.

jaehwan pouts, is he really sad? that’s ironic.

“can’t you do me this favor?”

his eyebrows pinch together, is he serious? yohan about laughs at such a thing. “i got you macarons”.

“macarons cost nothing!”

“so why didn’t you get them yourself!?”

he opts to not answer that question, instead taking ahold of yohan’s arm and lurching him forward, out of the titular store.

his feet may have begun to swell, he’s unsure.

he doesn’t exactly long for home, a certain someone just so happens to be weighing in on his conscience, he surmises that going out is better than facing a member who causes his eye to twitch erratically, even if leftover mushy feelings remain constant.

“this sugar intake is unhealthy” yohan ironically bites into an abnormally large chocolate bar as he inquires on such a thing.

“you need it after all, you don’t eat any sugar!”

“i do, healthily”.

jaehwan snorts. “healthy is a fake word, nothing’s healthy at the moment”.

“how deep”.

“i’m being serious” he earns a mere shoulder nudge as his response. he narrows his eyes, vision obscured with the lack of his glasses present. “don’t fight, okay? i don’t want you two to be mad at each other..”

and maybe, for a specific purpose, he’s allowing for the words to escape from the sheer kindness of his heart.

“i’ll try”.

by try, he means he might just have to bottle it all up again, maybe avoid him consistently in the fashion he has since after chuseok, but it technically would be trying.

“no more avoiding him either”.

damnit.

well, yohan can’t do anything else now.

   SEPTEMBER  9  2022.   SCOTIABANK ARENA

they’re about two hours into rehearsal, the complaining begins as soon as the threshold is crossed.

haneul exceedingly whines about the heat, then suddenly jaehwan is endlessly complaining, chaiya is attempting to stare into the sun and yaejoon wants water.

yohan is aware in these kinds of situations he’s supposed to sport a whole responsible leader attitude about the whole thing, but he can’t find the air to care, a hand combing through his hair and lethargy sinking him to the ground.

“let’s take a break now!”

well yohan’s glad he didn’t have to utter it.

he grabs a spot in one of the corners, eyes closed as he allows for his head to comfortably snuggle against the nearby stage equipment. it’s possibly dangerous, though that happens to exist on a further plane of his mind.

he gets distracted when he feels the irking sensation of a presence beside him, a presence which has his eyes narrowing despite them being fluttered shut.

now yohan is unsure of much regarding canada and its specific climate, he doesn’t have enough time to delve into that one, however, the heat typically dissipates around early september, that is not the current wavelength of the weather.

when he cracks open one eye, he’s met with kyuhyun attempting to keep himself awake despite his head begging to be let down so he can doze off. yohan’s perceived his unusual bout of weariness these days, not that every member is not extremely tired over the soul sucking mindscape of a tour, but energy 24/7 kyuhyun suddenly becoming not so talkative should begin ringing alarm bells.

“you need to sleep”.

and yohan supposes he’ll just always be a raging hypocrite, sleep just so happens to be his worst enemy in the world.

kyuhyun turns his way, a seething exhaustion gleaming in his pupils. yohan blinks, he so yearns to give him a hug, he just.. he just looks like he needs one, looks soft, probably feels soft too.

“ouch, do i look that bad?”

yohan chuckles, poking his cheek as his lips take a downturn. “you look like you could use better time”.

kyuhyun scoots closer and makes his head comfortable on his shoulder. yohan longs to question the wavelength of his actions, but he opts for silence as a response. typically, kyuhyun could not resist blabbering, extroverted tendencies carried throughout no matter what.

today appears to display a couple of differences.

“maybe you should stack up on the caffeine” yohan sports, amusement elevating his words.

kyuhyun offers a snort, though deflated. “ki would kill me, you know, i used to be crazy for iced coffee, she’s practically keeping me alive”.

“an energy drink once in a while isn’t terrible”.

“you can’t talk hyung” he rebuts, not scathing, tone much too gentle for the perceived insult seemingly delivered. “your blood may as well be replaced with caffeine”.

“it has some good effects”.

“sounds like something an addict says” kyuhyun unconvincingly laced their hands together, a figurative embrace that surges warmth despite the hoisted heat in the surrounding air. “kiarra would faint”.

yohan furrows his eyebrows, somewhat offended by the certain insult. “well if you attempt it in a healthy manner, it won’t be as bad”.

kyuhyun sighs heavily, supposedly on the brink of dozing off, yohan guesses no energy drinks shall be bestowed upon him, he may as well just fall asleep before they can finish rehearsals.

yohan pokes him again. “go sleep, you’ll be able to catch up tomorrow”.

kyuhyun scoffs, clearly attempting to rebut that claim, unfortunately, yohan’s much more stubborn than he is.

“go”.

“okay!”

kyuhyun’s nose scrunches, but it’s clear he needed that either way.

   SEPTEMBER  21  2021.   GWANGJU  SK

junmin somehow agrees to celebrate chuseok with yohan’s family and he basically has a mini heart attack at the fact.

he suggested such a thing for a blatant reason, he really really knew the extent of junmin’s parents behavior. yejin is constantly at the forefront of his mind, she’s just a kid, barely recognizes the reality of her situation and much too young to even attempt a shot at independence.

he isn’t exactly sure of why he so wanted to, he wasn’t aware the other members had plans. haneul definitely would’ve invited him, hajoon as well, shit, maybe even rae if he wasn’t holding fear back from clashes in the practice room. he took that as a challenge, it wasn’t one, who was he even competing with? himself? his sane mind that tells him to not continuously do this to himself?

when he inquired about it to junmin, the younger just stared. they had been.. well, what they were was complicated at the time. there was no semblance of bad blood, not any that yohan is aware of, he so wishes he could read junmin’s mind, he embroils things in confusion, yet yohan yearns for his presence no matter what.

“you could bring yejin too” he recalled saying, striving to appear mundane enough. “i know you want to”.

well yohan doesn’t know enough about what exactly junmin wants.

god he hates him.

actually, he doesn’t.

he presented a good enough smile. “sure”.

sure, yohan held solace in that one singular word for the week coming up to going home. he never forgets anything, but the mere idea of having to disclose such information to areum and hyeri kills him for the duration, his own head pounds at that.

oh, you’re bringing your boyfriend back home?

not my boyfriend.

she taunts him about it even with the most silent of mutters.

thankfully, possibly because the world decided to hand yohan a single favor for once in his untouched fucking life, his siblings are much too caught up with pampering the house’s newest baby to observe yohan’s impending impatience.

junmin easily slides into the cracks with such perfection yohan wants to die. he’s good at listening and he has a nice smile, yohan’s parents adore him at first glance, yisoo allows for his thumb to continuously point backward; you’ve hit the jackpot!

yohan hasn’t hit the jackpot, he would never call himself a coward, he isn’t, he really isn’t, on most occasions he would simply face a trouble like this head on instead of displaying a terribly manufactured facade.

“don’t get your feelings hurt, han”.

hyeri always says this without any additional context, but yohan isn’t in need for a situation like this. his nose crinkles, and she crushes a dormant cigarette under the heel of her boot. he presumed she quit, he guesses she lied about that fact to mom.

“i won’t”.

who is he kidding?

she does that invasive stare thing, her eyes narrow in complete judgement, she could never be ambiguous, nothing of dubiousness when it’s all scrawled over her features 24/7. yohan constantly feels surveilled under her gaze, when she finally calms the eyebrow raise, she sucks her teeth, teeth drawing blood from where they sink into her bottom lip. “i’m sure your members would believe that one”.

he opts to leave that one unanswered.

junmin doesn’t bring anything up, and yohan’s grateful he remains silent because dad and mom would probably freak if they found out what he was doing behind the scenes. he loves them, but they retain too much of that worry they constantly weighed down on him during his childhood.

“you’re making fun of me”.

“i’m not”.

“you are” yohan clears his throat, chin tilted up in a stubborn display of.. something. “i didn’t decorate my childhood bedroom, you know”.

junmin frowns, cracking his knuckles in his typical i just need something to do fashion. “the color scheme is simply funny, and you used to be so cute!”

yohan guesses he likes it sometimes, enjoys the fact that junmin has that somewhat exuberant switch whenever he’s with him alone. it’s such a selfish thought, yohan surmises he’s probably a pretty selfish person when it comes to the current circumstances.

he doesn’t mean to be, he simply can’t help it.

“could you not? those photos are essential for keeping memories alive!”

and then they bicker, it’s always the same between them, yohan finds comfort in that.

it all went fine, yejin is an absolute angel, areum wants to keep her around forever, she formed a strong ass attachment in just seven hours, yohan’s sure she’ll sign adoption papers straight away.

“he should come around next year too” his mother whispers once most are out of view. yohan pauses, blinking, throat drying up in an aberrant manner, he winces, accidentally turning the water much too high, he might’ve just burned his own hand unconsciously washing the dishes. “i like them both, they’re the sweetest”.

yohan might as well just die.

“i mean—” he swears at himself, how do you disagree with your own mother? “i can see if he wants to again..”

then it’s over, areum has to begrudgingly let yejin go and hyeri continues giving him that look. yohan isn’t leaving just yet, technically, he has a sure fire break until the company decides to shove him back on stage, mental wellbeing better or not.

“think they just found their new favorite” areum made yejin a gift, hair tied into twin braids and decorated with bows. she’s adorable, yohan is aware of how the easy devotion formed.

“she’s gonna want an invite next year”.

yohan frowns, playful, nothing real. “you don’t sound glad”.

junmin shakes his head. “no no your siblings are nice”. he looks down at the floor, hands clasped with his sisters. “i guess i wouldn’t mind”.

yohan wants to jump at the fact, that’s pretty pathetic of me.

“could you call me when you get off the train?”

and listen, yohan’s always been a little self destructive, he’s going to get hurt in the future, maybe he’ll cry, bite off his nails in anxiety, hate himself,

but it feels so good now, he’s afraid he can’t help it.

﹫ KACHIAT : it's clear what this man prioritizes, his dog, his members, and his abundant collection of silver jewelry. for a guy who documents everything on video, he isn't even in the top three of members who post the most. every few months he crawls out of his void to surprise everybody with a shot of his face close up, he's really trying to sell the barista bit, who knows? maybe he's getting fired soon.

﹫ HANKKIZ : a raging hypocrite that's what he is, he's chained to that phone, chained to that instagram app because he knows people go crazy and begin cheering whenever they get those notifications. compared to the other members (i guess you could probably eliminate hajoon), his page appears to be themed enough. it's a consistent feed of himself, friends, the members, and his cat. hot people turn notifications on yohan's posts.

﹫ _EUNJUNS : genuinely where the fuck is he!?!??? #junmincomebacktoinstagram. in contrast to the prior member, junmin pretty much avoids instagram like the plague, and when he does decide to show up, it's barely a photo of him alone. the members are the main characters of his own feed, you could probably find any cute meliora photo on junmin's instagram. he hasn't posted in a good ten months though, it might all be over..

﹫ JUNHAYZ_ : do half the people who follow him know who he is? no, but they can all agree on one thing, he's hot as shit, this man has a face for the ages. also an insanely consistent poster, putting that photography hobby to good use. his captions are these long poems about certain flowers, and whenever he posts the members he always has to detail his appreciation for them in these essays. he's a hot guy with a big heart!

﹫ KAHNLI : kyuhyun is a man who loves his girlfriend, like a lot, he's crazy in love it may be insane, kiarra rules over his posts and it's as disgusting as it is adorable. he posts too much, and when he doesn't, that's cause for concern. if his feed isn't full of photos of his girlfriend (kiarra), then it's full of photos of his boyfriend (haneul). new post everyday, follow him and you're fed.

﹫ _KKULJINZ : hwan is a very simple man who posts what he likes, cookies, dahlia's, his iced coffee addiction, his charm bracelet creations. his instagram account is basically a peer into his mind, you could figure out stuff about him from just reading a post. he puts the aesthetic in more of videos, he has that nice smooth voice that probably puts him in the league of an asmr-er (is that what they're called?)

﹫ HANOTWO : he is also a very simple man, except he enjoys adding on photos he took of the members when they were glaring at him. he really does admire them a lot, and he exercises that admiration by snapping an unknowing photo as a taunting device. no matter what, this man is always outside, the opposite of a homebody for real.

﹫ YOIKITM : listen, he's a sanrio guy through and through, got an army of pochacco plushies and everything. it's nothing short of confusing, if it's not him then it's one of the other members and if it's not them then it's a my melody mugshot photo that he has saved to his phone forever. of course there's a taro pic thrown in there for good measure, that's his son.

﹫ YAEZKANG : he has full management over his account clearly, because he can't resist posting about gay garfield shirts to elevate his mood. the pingu pfp was an artistic choice, he carries love for childhood shows wherever he goes. don't question the mothman post, he won't give a correct answer, it'll be a different answer each time. if he isn't posting himself or the newest cryptid meme, then he's posting hajoon, his first ever man crush.

﹫ THESTARAE : a star lover through and through, his icon just happens to be the picture of his favorite constellation, auriga. it can really all amount to anything, photos of waffles, z, an exo album, that rilakkuma plushie yohan got him for his birthday, all of it is cute. he's actually pretty consistent, if you count stars in the sky as consistent instagram posting.

﹫ KUMOSIM : this man loves clouds, he could cloud watch to death, but not before his clogging his feed with photos of kristian to spike his growth. ignoring the cute strapped hello kitty his page so beautifully displays, it's all pretty normal, the regular photos of himself paired with features of his bffs and his big brothers (i.e hajoon & z).

﹫ .KHRASN : he's obsessed with two things, himself, and his babies (the cats), oh and taro too. jaehwan always glares when he takes out that phone, which does not end up working in his favor unfortunately. there really isn't much of a sense of class, but at least his humor remains, if he isn't arguing with jaehwan in replies for hours, then he's criticizing the people in his comments for crying over boys, it's such a waste of time!

“it’s cold”.

“it’s cause you’re a summer baby, you’re weak”.

the effervescent exchange of insults would be alarming if not completely mundane, kiyo is beginning to think it’s their love language (though ‘love’ is a word of repulsion in kristian’s eyes, if it has anything to do with jaehwan, he would best say their relationship is barely tip toeing the lines of genuine hatred). he didn’t mean to tag along, but he was also completely anxious about being left alone with the other hyung’s, he knows they mostly mean well, they simply intimidate him no matter how they stare.

such worries should be considered idiotic by the time you’ve already lived with twelve other people for about eleven months, he still has that sinking inkling that they might cuss him out, suddenly turn against him and begin a synchronized fit of bullying.

still, he prefers freezing outside in comparison to what is going on back at the dorms, the company of his two bickering members acting as solace for a while.

“he’s a weakling, isn’t he yoki?”

it’s stunning how the others seemed to adapt to the nickname. he guesses the fact is regular, but the slight unease remains, even with the warmth of kristian’s arm coming around to land on his shoulder. “it is pretty cold”.

his scoff contains a similar feat of disdain, yet simply a bit toned down. jaehwan’s expression twists into a grimace, and he sticks out his tongue at the elder 04 liner. “weaklings, both of you”.

kiyo may just chalk it up to his imagination, but he notices the softening of his gaze in just the slightest, nothing of how he stares at jaehwan.

he might just be crazy though.

“says the person who grew up in california”.

“at least i actually prepare for cold temperatures, how do you complain about it being cold in february?”

“don’t yell at me, you’re such an asshole”.

really, kiyo is astonished at the figment of a relationship even being there, he probably couldn’t get through being insulted by a member without even tearing up, something of diffidence overtaking him as he thinks about his own sensitivity. he shoves his hands into his pockets, teeth scraping his inner cheeks. “why are we out here again?”

despite the whispers of the older members alluding to a nasty argument, he actually isn’t sure what happened, he just knows the others are put off. really, he followed along because he was afraid of being left alone. “we’re escaping yohan hyung’s wrath”.

“junminie is much scarier, he’ll definitely kill me”.

“he’s not the only one” is kristian’s go to reply, he sucks his teeth as he seems to recall a memory. “they’re so stupid, now the air in the dorm is all weird because they can’t admit they like each other”.

well that’s news to kiyo, whose eyes widen as his reply. the two older members exchange a glance, before jaehwan bursts into a silent fit of laughter. “are you telling me you didn’t know?”

a rosy red colors his cheeks. “well i didn’t think it was like.. that! i don’t know, i guess i wasn’t paying much attention”.

kristian coos, a hand placed atop his head and fingers beginning to move in comforting ministrations. “so oblivious.. it’s okay, i don’t blame you for keeping your distance”.

the older smiles, a smile that kiyo himself barely sees, yet he thinks is pretty, he doesn’t understand why kristian doesn’t like his smile, it’s a decorative display of his elation. “maybe it’s good not to be there right now..”

“right? let them fuck their feelings ou—”

“shut up” kristian lets out the closest thing to a shriek kiyo has ever heard, the result of jaehwan’s heavy slap, a shriek which clearly was dramatized, if not to make the older’s life even worse, but just to extend the feat of irritation. “or i’m letting you take all the heat”.

“i’m a pure being, they would never believe you”.

the eldest of the trio scowls, expression twisting into a grimace as he begins stomping his way through the narrow streets. the other chuckles as he taps the maknae’s shoulder, smoothly looping their arms into one another as he decides terrorizing him isn’t yet over. “jaehwanie! don’t walk away from me!”

“i’m going to kill you”.

he simply grins at the threat, nothing but pure amusement behind his eyes. “no you won’t, taro is here to protect me”.

“that’s called favoritism—”

“or maybe he just likes me, you like me don’t you?”

suddenly put on the spot, kiyo again finds heat coiling against his skin, he hopes it’s chalked up to the cold, though judging by the expression crossing jaehwan’s features, they clearly know it is not from the cold. he stammers for a moment, put off by the narrowing of kristian’s eyes. “i.. um—” he again blinks, clearing his throat. “yeah, yeah i do”.

the older chuckles, not making fun of him, simply enamored by the response. “oh you’re so cute” he nudges him with his shoulder, slipping his arms from kiyo’s.

“see? our maknae likes me more than you”.

what a display of showing off, kiyo keeps silent, the rushing breeze earning a tiny wince. “oh fuck you”.

“don’t swear so loudly at such a time, have some decorum”.

jaehwan again scrunches his nose, yet his insults don’t dig that deep, kiyo can’t help but envy their.. ‘relationship’. as the three again begin their journey down narrow street, he opts to listen in on their endless bickering, the gravitas dissipates as minutes stretch, and their exchange of remarks result in more of giggles than anything.

it’s the slightest bit admirable, how they can go back and forth without genuine feelings being hurt.

“are you gonna milk me for all i have now?”

“your rich, it’s only fair” the eldest places a lone arm on the shoulder of the tallest, who scrunches his nose at his choice of words. “unless you don’t want to spend money on me”.

there really doesn’t seem to be anything left to contemplate, kristian’s smile is nothing real, it’s stretched so far kiyo is afraid he may begin bleeding. “i wouldn’t complain if that wasn’t the case”.

“you’re a terrible friend”.

“is that what we are?” he could be an actor, seriously, there isn’t a falter in the way his expressions form, it’s terrifyingly impressive. “would’ve never guessed..”

the maknae stares again, feeling himself grow awkward as the older seemingly gets increasingly exasperated. “your paying”.

“sure” his smile remains plastic.

he does end up paying for cute cafe treats, though he attested it was all against his will, the genuine smile he attempted to shadow over with leftover irritation indicates the fact.

“outrageous, coffee at this time of night?”

“could you not criticize every single little choice i make?”

kiyo felt like a burden getting something, he wasn’t aware they were going out, he can’t fathom the confidence jaehwan exudes, it’s the slightest bit terrifying.

“no, every single little choice you make contains some form of stupidity”.

“you’re an ass”.

“thank you”.

he again keeps silent as they bicker, jaehwan’s face twisting into a grimace with the garden rose macaron being his safety net.

kiyo just wants to go home— not back to the suffocating dorms, no home, his stomach curls uncomfortably, even if it means having to face the awkward air between his parents, it would be better than this, he thinks. he really can’t compare, it feels as if every other member has someone to lean on, who does he have? even these two, they’re much closer than he could ever think he’d become to the other members.

“are you alright?”

no, kiyo is sure he might throw up on the sidewalk. “yeah, i’m fine”.

“do you not want anything?”

his tongue feels heavy in his mouth, words now a figment, his eyes hurt, he’s unsure of why. “no” he shakes his head much too unnaturally. “it’s fine, i just.. um, i wanna go home”.

‘home’ is just a bit of a stretch.

the two older members exchange a glance, a feat of concern gleaming across both of their pupils, he so dearly wishes for them not to argue with him.

“okay, are you sure you’re alright?”

curse them for being so caring.

“yeah i’m fine i’ll just.. i’ll see you there”.

and really, it’s a miracle he doesn’t just end up vomiting his guts.

staring at your ceiling in the middle of the night brings out the strangest of thoughts.

the fact that he still owns a teddy bear may be childish, but it’s an item of solace. he sometimes yearns for a manual when it comes to shit like this, being randomly selected to become an entertainer in a foreign country is ridiculous, he’d assume the teenager idol life would be more akin to a dream.

he guesses naivety gets people a long way.

he isn’t exactly sure who he can go to, about the nightmares, the shadows of the night which threaten to jump out at him, his concern for yohan’s own wellbeing, how he feels too weak for the pressure threatening to crush him under its weight. they’re all older, they all seem so much more experienced, as if they had been granted the gracious opportunity to read over an instruction manual. for all of his short cutted, awkward, seemingly forced movements, everybody else did things in full effect, nothing of a falter in their actions.

he feels out of place,

and he only has this old teddy bear as his wall, a cowardly display of his feigned bravery. he yearns for something much more familiar, warm, the idol industry offers him naught, it may be selfish, but he wishes it came with the praise he previously assumed it would.

god, is he a baby or something?

he would not want to disturb others, yet he longs for some sort of substance, maybe not affection, maybe just..

truthfully, he has no idea, he complains but can’t even think up a solution to his issues, he simply stands around in silence and hopes for it all to be okay, hopes that a freak accident does not occur (like the members breaking bones a month shy of a performance, or having to be in the middle of an active argument), hopes that he’ll blink and suddenly everything will all be fine.

there are only two other people on the third floor which are awake, haneul sleeps so softly, and kyuhyun has been gone for a good few hours, always the early sleeper.

and it’s the two people he sort of ran away from.

he keeps kei clutched to his side in the manner of a child, his weapon against the monsters under his bed, the worries which plague his mind in the dead of night, his bare feet meet the cold floor as he swings out of his own bed, much too lazy to grab at a sweater, though it is also much too cold in this large space.

really, it’s sort of scary, reaching out, having to relay your worst fears to someone else, he can’t, he isn’t sure he ever could.

he almost flinches backward when kristian’s door opens, as if the light permeating from the cracks of it weren’t enough of an indication. “hi, something wrong?”

kiyo wants to die looking at him.

and that’s funny, this is probably the most normal the other has looked. there’s an uncharacteristic way of docility behind his eyes, nothing of the toughness he can’t help but fear. he doesn’t say anything, not anything the maknae would expect, there isn’t a comment about his trembling, about the stubborn way in which he holds the teddy bear, about the fact of the teddy bear either, he simply awaits a response.

“i— um.. can i stay in your room tonight?”

isn’t that just so weird to ask? what kind of sane perso—

“sure” he offers a smile, “better than just having jaehwanie here”.

“i heard that”.

he doesn’t mind, holding open the door (what a gentleman) for him.

he sinks onto the floor, knees up to his chest, teddy bear also up to his chest, he simply wants to be around people, socialization shouldn’t be entailed with that. he stares down at the blank wooden floorboards, attempting to entertain himself in his own mind.

he can’t though, because all he’s met with is anxiety.

the movie playing on a laptop blurs into mindless background noise, their resounding bickering nothing but its own fit of normalcy. he isn’t sure of the time, he’s simply too out of it.

“are you okay?”

the inquiry is repeated by the same person, same way, same gleam of concern. he again retreats into himself, but the unbreakable wall he put up can’t shadow the dejection, he’s unfortunately obvious.

“just homesick”.

not exactly a lie, simply a half truth.

their shoulders brush for a moment, but nothing more is said.

there’s laughter which comes from the nearby laptop, his face grimaces, the comedy is nothing short of forced, or maybe he’s being pessimistic, much too busy trying to keep it all together.

he caresses the fur of his childhood best friend, yearning for some length of protection in this world which replicates that of a monstrous creature.

“have you had that for a while?”

“forever really..” kiyo is afraid his mumbles may be unintelligible, yet he’s too afraid of speaking up. “names kei, means blessing”.

when he snorts, kiyo fears the imminent mockery which may follow up, but he instead earns a (shockingly) small smile. “that’s cute”.

his smile is pretty, much prettier than he’s ever told. if it was up to kiyo, he would shower him with compliments, maybe he thinks its ugly, well he’s wrong, how does insecurity exist when he’s so—

well, he shouldn’t allow his mind to wander off.

“kinda childish..”

the older raises an eyebrow, a spontaneous gleam of enchantment in his pupils. “no, it’s cute, teddy bears are cute, i never had one though”.

kiyo can’t help but think the lighting of the room is perfect.

“that’s depressing”.

“right? no mode of safety, what’s gonna protect me from monsters under the bed?”

for once, it gets a small laugh, though breathy. “you could always just buy one”.

“it would have little worth”:

kiyo’s eyes glance at the posters stuck to the wall. “maybe you should cuddle your pillow then”.

now it’s his turn to earn a snicker, the laughter is silent, yet it’s real, a sudden fit of elation that would usually disturb taro on a regular day. “got any better tips to battle homesickness?”

a head shake. “nothing..”

another chuckle. suddenly they’re closer, but they both remain silent on that specific topic. “i think.. i don’t know, guess it seems scary at first, but it’ll settle, there’s no reason to be scared”.

“yeah right!”

“hey! you shut up i’m trying to comfort our maknae and you can’t even be quiet for one minute—”

and then they start fighting, he guesses that the normalcy seeps into the blood after a while, if he’s being honest, it’s kind of funny, it’s own fit of comfort.

. . .     % just two months after their debut album, ocean bliss was released on july eighth twenty twenty. again, somewhat unexpected, the release was much quicker than most fans of this new group expected, it was said to have been released "too early", people accusing the company of purposefully releasing projects early as a way of permeating the charts, it was "too much music" apparently, but despite the silent outcry, there was also much excitement. in contrast to the prior, this album only includes four tracks, each of them completely capturing the essence of summer fun.

. . . ▸ yet again coming around to attempt a hit to the title track, chasing summer is the album opener coming to save it all. it's so fun, so very fun, i have to get up and bust a move not gonna lie. penned by one of the summer children, hajoon, it's clear he knew what he had to do. not sure who their musical director is, but they made a mistake not having this be the title, it isn't always this good.

. . . ▸ apparently stressing the summer fun name over and over, attention! is the titular title track. though not a favorite of mine, it's much different from the groups last title track, a clear statement to the journey the groups musical direction will take in the future. it's a nice song to play on the summer night, windows left open as you drive at speeds unknown to man (do not do that, i don't endorse driving past the speed limit), i would say it deserves a crown.

. . . ▸ simply your typical summer party song, illusion details that of late night outings and getting blackout drunk, funny because only six members could probably legally drink at this time. written, produced, and arranged by again our main vocalist duo of yohan & hwan, the song was conceived literally in the middle of the night, three am in the music studio of louvix audio, maybe they snuck in a few drinks as well, some of these lyrics seem to truly amplify that fact.

. . . ▸ surprisingly already at an end, sea is a song which can give you anything. euphoria, sorrow, regret, it can give you all in one. though upbeat at a first listen, once it truly begins to settle in, you digest the dejection which entails the ending of summer, somewhat of a melancholic closing to an album that had been full of songs which were littered with happiness. seemingly in his feelings, this one included participation from kyuhyun, who also arranged the lyrics.

. . .     % era notes

attention! definitely grew more than their prior title track, it was their second number one single on the gaon digital chart, holding the spot for three consecutive weeks, the single earned seven wins in it's two week promotion period

the album also did better than their prior one, surpassing 370,000 copies in pre-orders in three days, the day before it's release, it had reached 500,000 units in pre-orders

it was certified platinum by the korean music content association on august twenty four twenty twenty after it surpassed 750,000 units in sales

sea became their most streamed song of the year following the release of the album, and it remains one of their most streamed on spotify, with over seven million streams

memorable era moments

byeol forgetting the lyrics of the title track in their fanchant guide video

taro breaking the trophy at their first win, quite literally almost bursting into tears when he realized, then proceeding to burst into tears when making eye contact with the mc

"the songs are tamer now, so stop complaining" - junmin (vlive; 07.12.20)

the start of their most well known variety shows, luminosity & chronicles of meliora [com]

the groups first mafia game, which lead to probably the loudest argument in meliora history, an argument that almost became a brawl, which was then broken up by their manager in great fear

their manager earning his own little fandom after z called him "the most handsome guy i've seen in a WHILE!"

. . .     % meeting the world on a spontaneous whim in the midst of a global pandemic, borealis was released on may first of twenty twenty. the project was completely unexpected, because after four years of silence from a company who had just had their most popular group sue their former ceo into a hefty jail sentence, did louvix audio just come out with a new group? yep, and nobody expected such a thing. composing of five tracks, it seems to be much more of an experimental album, a concept that hasn't been seen in the group for a while.. maybe we should start a petition.

. . . ▸ the opening track of the album reveal is your classic album introduction which could serve as a title track on a good day i suppose. with our beloved center hwan credited with the arrangement of the lyrics (and bless him because we got a yohan chorus). reveal can best be described as a yearning piece masked by the production put into it, the lyrics delve into the idea of going crazy over love, a love that makes you go insane, no other thoughts beside the enraptured soul nestled in your palms. or, you could just describe it as a sex tune, it sort of fits that bill pretty well.

. . . ▸ coming in as the beloved title track, snake eyed scar is the perfect encapsulation of the sin lust. the lyrics tell a story of it's own, a cursed bond which is tied by the scar connecting two souls together, again, it could simply be labeled a mindless sex tune, but in the bigger picture of things, it could also be a song detailing the connections between a toxic relationship and that of addiction. it's terrible for you, cracks your features and breaks you down one by one, yet you continue going back for me regardless of the hurt which follows.

. . . ▸ following behind the steps of the title track, salty narrates the bitter taste of love on one's tongue, it tells a literal story of a couple who can't get over each other no matter how much they try. the prospect of having to move on with the feeling of longing remaining etched in your mind is as distasteful of the bitter lingering of salt on your tongue, a taunting tune that seems to have been created to try to convince people to text their ex, and if they did.. well, we can all guess where that went. with lyrics penned by our beloved leader yohan, we can assume he probably missed his own.

. . . ▸ expressing the clear intention of ‘slutty music’, 119 contains everything such a song needs, breathy backing vocals, hip thrusts, undeniably questionable lyrics, the whole shebang. performed by members yohan, junmin, hajoon, kyrie, and haneul, you could really just call this one a sex tune, hajoon would be inclined to agree! just don't ask them to explain what it means, they'll freeze and attempt to stutter out a response whilst haneul " slyly " reenacts sex positions with his fingers.

. . . ▸ now coming to a startlingly quick end, the album closes with moondance, a tune which repeats through excessive adlibs (hwan put in that work!) that love could be equivalent to the beauty of the moon, even with the production and the very not needed dance, it's sort of beautiful? the love of their partner could be comparable to that of the moon's atmosphere, a source of light which is all that's needed. " if our love was equivalent to the stars , you would be the earth , and in every universe , i would be your orbiting moon ", shit makes me want to die.

. . .     % era notes

though it's often hailed as one of their best title tracks, snake eyed scar garnered only three wins over a two week promotion period, it's their title track with the least wins

it is also the album with the least amount of member participation, the only members involved in writing and production are our two main vocals, yohan and hwan, who are credited on reveal and salty respectively

the album didn't do much well in pre-orders, but in day of it's release, it sold 240,000 units, debuting at number 7 on the gaon album chart, it then shot up to number 2 after a week, the album holds the ninth spot as one of the best selling albums of 2020 with a total of 806,637 units sold

the lead single would do moderately well, landing at number 6 and 12 on digital charts respectively, it was actually the third song of the album, salty which would completely overtake the digital singles charts, debuting at number one at the gaon digital chart and remaining at the number one spot for six consecutive weeks, it became the best performing single that may

okay, now onto memorable era moments

yohan pulling himself from every single version of the album, cue the narcissist allegations when he decided to keep all of his photocards

meliora's first ot13 vlive!! (05.02.20) which drew out member fact sharing, including the members stark descriptions of each other (cut to the members calling haneul a ‘slightly dimwitted sweetheart’).

the group getting their second vlive deleted because they broke half the rules, most of the vlives from this era, excluding their first one, have been taken down because of their insistence to not follow the rules

yohan not even being able to announce the fandom name because the members were arguing over designs for their lightstick

the members all descending into a loud flurry of madness because junmin swore once in their fanchat guide video

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  FANDOM NAME ─ aponia. ‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  HANGUL ─ 아포니아.

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  BEHIND THE NAME ─ ❛ aponia ❜ is a greek word that means " an absence of pain ", the name connects back to the meaning of the groups name meliora, which is a word that means " better " or " better things ". the idea is that the fandom takes away the groups pain, which is.. pretty ironic now but in the beginning, the meaning was pretty cute. the fandom was named on the groups 100th day anniversary, and they honestly can't think of any other name which would fit. a cute thing is also both the groups and their fandom name ending with " ia ".

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  OTHER NAMES ─ ❛ off their meds group ❜ ୨୧ a name graciously handed to a subsection of the fandom by kristian, who described the fandom as "off their meds" after they continued to grill him for aegyo. funny live, though it's since been deleted because miss mae wasn't exactly fond of it. ❛ apples ❜ ୨୧ this name was given to them following a drunk live where kiro couldn't remember their fandom name and spontaneously buttered "apples", as it also started with an ap. he got a flurry of laughter, considering he was only gone after two drinks in. this is their unofficial "third" fandom name, because it's a once in a lifetime mishap you can't help but giggle at from time to time. ❛ moira ❜ ୨୧ meaning "fate; destiny; shared", it was a fandom name suggestion that was in a poll early fans had created. it's a word often brought up in correlation with the groups whole "strings of fate" thing, calling back to the name of their second japanese mini album. it's an admittedly pretty name, and it's considered their "second" fandom name.

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  NICKNAME THEY HAVE GARNERED ─ the offputting. that one rose bush you avoid. immortal evildoers. cheshires. ataraxia. anodynia. fuckers with no self respect. secret kiro biases (yep, all of you). maia's minions. stan twitter demons. collective fruit basket. endlessly melancholiac bastards. aconite's. for the pursuit of terror. cardigan crew.

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  FANDOM EMOJIS ─ ☄️ / 📀 / ⭐️ / 🎧

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  LOCATION BREAKDOWN ─ ❛ korea ❜ ୨୧ 50% ❛ international ❜ ୨୧ 50%

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  GENDER DEMOGRAPHICS ─ ❛ male ❜ ୨୧ 45% ❛ female ❜ ୨୧ 39% ❛ other ❜ ୨୧ 16%

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  AGE RANGE ─ ❛ 8–13 years old ❜ ୨୧ 1% ❛ 14–18 years old ❜ ୨୧ 40% ❛ 19–30 years old ❜ ୨୧ 45% ❛ 30–60 years old ❜ ୨୧ 14%

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  REPUTATION ─ you can easily split aponia's into two groups, the normal people here to listen to the music and occasionally giggle over instagram photos, then you have the crazies. they don't necessarily have a "bad" reputation per say, but they aren't all sweet either, they definitely butt heads with others from time to time. they get the first couple things right, supporting the group unconditionally, speculating about their shady company, cheering loudly whenever junmin decides to suddenly post himself on his own instagram, the usual things you expect for the fandom of this group, but then there are.. the others. mainly kyuhyun's solo stans, there's a certain subsection of the fandom that just reek of losers with no self respect. you know who they are, the kinds of fans who don't think of idols as human beings and instead talk about the members as if their dolls, or products they can buy, the kinds of fans who will break into dorms to steal hairbrushes and sell them online (this has happened.. believe it or not).

if you strip that all away, though, they really aren't that bad. they engage in fanwars with their teeth barred like they're wild animals, but what fandoms don't? they will probably ride or die for meliora, just don't say yohan can't sing, you'll see an angry aponia like you've never seen before, they terrify me sometimes. really, it all depends on where you talk to an aponia, some of the twitter dwellers might be nice, but they usually hold some condescending superiority complex that's just.. so stupid. again, certain fandom spaces yield certain results, so as long as you choose correctly, you'll be fine.

they do have their good moments though, the fandom will go to war for the members. they'll take the extremities if it means the members will be able to get rest. if they have to boycott, they will boycott, if they have to start petitions, they will start petitions. crossing out all the strange sasaeng fans, they truly just want the best for the members, even if that means petition after petition to get them even the tiniest of a break (yohan hiatus area.. yeah, 2021 was definitely a time). genuinely, when all jokes are off the table and the giggles from junhan (yohan + junmin) posting a selca together finally settle away, they're serious about the members, it's cute.. i guess.

the relationships between aponia's and meliora is as cute as it is strange. they often argue, bicker, have these stupid little hissy fits over things that are insanely stupid. the members never feel the need to put up a front, not with their close fans anyway, at fansigns, the members usually see familiar faces, always making sure to point out when they see someone they know they've met before again. a good majority of them always remember their older fans, their faces, and their names, which is especially funny when fans get nervous about a member looking at them for too long. generally, aponia's don't mind dating rumors, considering that only one member is publicly known to be dating someone, they're just waiting, often joking about how the others have "no game". there is absolutely no way all thirteen of them could be single, that's impossible.

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  FANDOM FRIENDSHIPS ─ soda bombs ❪ cherryade ❫. pixiz ❪ phoenix ❫. yu / yunies ❪ so(u)l ❫. neverland ❪ (g)i-dle ❫ moa ❪ txt ❫ 

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  ANTHEMS ─ ❛ salty ❜ ୨୧ come on, it's the bside of bsides. they had only debuted yet they knew what they had to do, make history. it's a song that's simply.. timeless. it's the only song from their debut album (besides the title track) that they always make time to perform, it's always on the set list, and for good reason. if you ever want to make an aponia scream, simply play salty, they'll pass out right away. ❛ sea ❜ ୨୧ everyone loves a summer song, and the closing song on ocean bliss completely proves that point. it's fun, it's catchy, and it's also kind of sad if you're listening to the tune while the month of august is steadily coming to a close. the song encapsulates many emotions, it can be both euphoria and melancholy, whatever you want. again, only the second mini album, but they knew what they had to do. ❛ where did kitty go? ❜ ୨୧ a newer release, but it's okay, kiro knew what he had to do, he delivered. your ears get used to it pretty quickly, it's among one of their best japanese releases. thank you kiro, we appreciate your efforts.

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  FAVORITE ALBUMS ─ ❛ borealis ❜ ୨୧ listen.. it's the debut album, and it hits so hard even after four years of it's release. similarly to the bside which hails from it, the album is timeless, it's enjoyable, it's ‘what the actual fuck they debuted with this?’ in a good six tracks that leave you greedy, wanting more. it's simply.. magnificent, it's no wonder the fandom likes this album so much. ❛ elektra ❜ ୨୧ first korean album, simply one of their prettiest visually and musically. released almost a week proceeding z's birthday, it's regarded as one of the groups best. it can pretty much give you everything, relaxation, chaos, comfort, happiness, whatever you may need, elektra will be able to give you. along with much participation, it's an album each of the members love too.

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  FAVORITE TITLE TRACKS ─ ❛ snake eyed scar ❜ ୨୧ first title track, but jeez, they knew what they had to do. thank you yohan, you will be compensated for your efforts. there was simply something in the air when this was released, here was this group that we knew barely anything about, yet everyone dropped dead once this ep released in tandem with this single, we alll knew it was over. it will never get old, we love you, fans are begging for the group to perform this at least once on the next tour. ❛ _world ❜ ୨୧ elektra's lead single, come on.. you knew this would be here, we got a byeol chorus! we got taro lines! we were fed! the heavens placed this song into our hands, the group was just singing it for us.. not their best title track, but it's iconic, let's be honest.

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  FIRST BIAS ─ kiro hajoon / hwan / haneul / taro / kyrie / yohan / jian / junmin / chaiya / byeol / z / chrysa

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  MOST POPULAR IN KOREA ─ kyrie hwan / yohan / chaiya / haneul / hajoon / jian / kiro / z / junmin / taro / chrysa / byeol

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  MOST POPULAR IN JAPAN ─ kiro byeol / taro / kyrie / hajoon / haneul / chaiya / z / junmin / yohan / hwan / jian / chrysa

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  MOST POPULAR IN CHINA ─ jian chaiya / kyrie / yohan / kiro / hwan / hajoon / chrysa / taro / junmin / z / byeol / haneul

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  MOST POPULAR INTERNATIONALLY ─ jian kyrie / chaiya / kiro / yohan / hwan / hajoon / taro / haneul / junmin / byeol / z / chrysa

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  MOST POPULAR OVERALL ─ kyrie jian / chaiya / kiro / hajoon / yohan / hwan / taro / z / haneul / byeol / junmin / chrysa

‪‪༘༘ ˖࣪  FAVORITE APONIA MOMENTS ─

ℒ. aponia's joking that kyrie is the only member "with game" following his debut and the reveal of his relationship.

ℒ. when an aponia showed taro their oil painting of him at an early fansign and he teared up (which then resulted in an awkward comforting session).

ℒ. artist aponia's getting replies on their stories from jian, who is also a bit of an artist himself. a funny thing that came from this was when a certain fan tweeted; "imagine if jian saw this", just for him to, what do you know, see it a few hours later.

ℒ. where an aponia was sitting next to chaiya on the train and didn't realize until after forty five minutes, to which they then proceeded to freak out because they assumed they were dreaming.

ℒ. a proposal happening midway through _world during the AMBER HEART tour, a proposal which happened between two long time fans who earned both yohan and kiro's blessings after the concert ended.

ℒ. where an aponia shared photos of their dad randomly getting junmin's authograph and a photo after the two met in a cafe bonding over macaroons.

ℒ. aponia's and their tendency to crazily celebrate whenever yohan and junmin post something together. #JUNHANDIVORCEOVER (maybe).

ℒ. an aponia meeting kiro after also being a fan of his old group, who didn't realize he was in meliora, got the surprise of her life when they both ended up recognizing each other. their conversation went viral because of how the two conversed in a manner reminiscent of old friends catching up.

ℒ. a collage of art created by aponia's, courtesy of the maknae line's insistence, was displayed as the ending screen for the groups single "_world".

TRACK I : the company ❪ LOUViX AUDiO ❫

if you'll believe me, louvix audio originally started out as a tiny family business out in the small town of namwon-si in the north jeolla province in 1991. the company started as a private record label that managed miniature talent around the city, the original ceo soo jinho and his wife min sarang operated the company, and their son soo jaejin (our future & now ex ceo). in the early 90s all throughout the late years of the decade when it was first formed, louvix audio could be described as invisible, simply a label no one had ever heard of that tried their best to get out of their mountains of debt with trot songs no one exactly wanted to hear. a far cry from what this mess of a label has became today, but in the days where it was at it's lowest, there seemed to be no potential.

but though all hope seemed lost, our good friend jaejin seemed to see potential in the company with an admittedly catchy name. it took him a few years to actually convince his parents to reroute the company to seoul, mainly because they never wanted it to be more than it was, they were planning on shutting down the company by the end of the decade, but he knew he couldn't lose such a gem without doing something with it.

so jaejin did something just a little dirty.. he lied to his parents. once his parents had abided by his wishes, he swindled his father out of the ceo position! truly not his best course of action.. because he got disowned almost immediately. but who cares? he had a company, and a plan, which was easier said than done, because breaking into the entertainment industry as a no name company in a place as big as seoul would prove to be difficult, and it was evidently.

for the time being, whilst trying to make themselves known among the idol industry, louvix audio began a little bit of a career patching firm for actors and actresses who seemed to have effectively destroyed their own careers. while they were trying to make their name in the idol industry, slowly they became much more known for taking in the people who had pitch forks at their throats and made them seem more.. human, even with the eyebrow raising suspicions most people in the public had about this whole.. thing.

before ever reaching the success they did with their second boy group, louvix audio had a few idol group projects, projects we'll get into in the next section.. projects that frankly, no one gave a shit about. maybe the creativity was too ahead of it's time, or maybe it's just that no one had enough time to pay attention to groups from tiny companies that tried to patch up broken careers. most of their early groups disbanded within one year of their career, and if they even did get some attention, tragedy after tragedy followed them, causing for their collapse.

though there was a clear decline in attention throughout their early days, louvix audio eventually rose to the infamy they're now left with. it was really in the 2000s that they started to pick up momentum in the industry they so desperately wanted to get into. i assume that a cheshire grin must've spread across jaejin's face once he realized what the company was good for, producing "angels", marketing their idols as the sweetest beings to ever grace the earth, up the parasocialness, deliver to fans' every single request.

the company made a name for themselves for having "sweet" idols, their groups following 2001 always being crafted as sweet trainees who simply wanted to make music together. they had a reputation for fixing careers, so it only made sense that their idols would.. naturally be sweet.

and that's how it was for almost up to two decades. with jaejin as ceo, louvix audio quite literally lived up to their name, they were regarded as "the lovely's", and who could really argue with that? they were so good at covering their tracks and keeping their idols without scandal that it seemed the lovely facade they placed upon their idols wasn't much of a facade at all. it wasn't until 2016, with the disbandment of their biggest group, the uncovering of jaejin's years of tax fraud and forging, as well lawsuit after lawsuit against the company for complaints such as child endangerment, unfair pay, the violation of child labor laws, and so much more that the rose tinted glasses had been lifted.

after spending so long building his company up from ash, getting disowned by his parents and making sure to do anything to achieve public spotlight, soo jaejin, along with several staff members (including dance teachers, vocal coaches, and even musical producers) were charged for their crimes. quite literally more than half of their entire company were either behind bars or now fired, which included the ceo. their last big group disbanded, and everything was now back at square one.

there was silence for about a year and a half, until someone new took the position of ceo, who is our current ceo today, a woman by the name of mae eunkyung. her main job was 'to patch up this mess of a company', as she said in an interview after obtaining her ceo position. she's been here since the beginning, practically doing everything for louvix audio back when they were trying their best to make their name big. she's often suspected to be the secret lover of our former ceo, who, it's important to be said, did confess to having an affair with someone in that company, but it's most likely to be someone who caught charges with him in comparison to the woman who seems to have such a clean slate with no sign of mishaps whatsoever.

in all honesty, she seems too perfect, which is pretty shocking because who expects much from kpop ceos these days? it seems that every other month a ceo is purposefully sabotaging their own groups, but i guess a ceo being a decent person is enough to make me have a little more faith in humanity.

so!! that's where we are now, the current ceo is a woman who is much too nice that it causes suspicion, and almost everyone has been changed to avoid the same situation from happening again. seems that they dropped the whole "angel" thing too, but it doesn't mean they still don't have some strange marketing tactics. considering this will be their first group in four years, i'm curious to see what they'll try to pull now.. but i guess all we can do is wait.

꒦꒷ ʾ THEPROFiLE !

NAME LOUVIX AUDIO

TYPE PRIVATE

FOUNDER SOO JINHO & MIN SARANG

FOUNDED MAY 16, 1991

BASED GANGNAM, SEOUL, SK

TRACK II : a turbulent first few years ❪ the first groups ❫

though they've now had their existences completely scrubbed from the public eye, courtesy of jaejin's own insistence, the first few groups of louvix audio became the building blocks for the groups coming in the future. they've unfortunately never reached the fame their successors would have, which sucks in hindsight because these groups and their early disbandments were the only reason louvix audio and their future groups could rise to the top like they so desperately wanted to. it's sad to see how quickly they faded from view, and how the company did so much to erase them from everywhere they could. considering most of these groups were pre-youtube, we only know about their existences because of the members again bringing them back into the limelight with their own videos.

VALENTINE R!SING 「 1997–1998 」 was the first ever group out of louvix audio, a group that put pink in.. well everything. it was strange to discover that their first ever group was a girl group considering the company is better known for their boy groups, and it's also pretty strange that their lineup was so stacked.. yet they didn't fare well. their lineup consisted of a breakthrough actress, a rising mc, the daughter of a famous music producer, a former solo artist, and.. some unknown. the lineup seemed to be destined for success, they were pink pop perfection, but their downfall was also inevitable. their debut barely gained traction, and when it did, it was only because the members didn't exactly seem happy to be on stage. the members were picked apart for their clear lack of passion for the idol life, and when the buzz down died, so did everything else about them. in recent years they've gained some traction because their old title tracks are much too irresistible, but the members will never return to the idol industry, some of them fading into the background.

꒦꒷ ʾ THEPROFiLE !

GROUP NAME VALENTINE R!SING ( 발렌타인 라이징 )

FANDOM NAME CHOCOLATE HEARTS

DEBUT DATE FEBRUARY 14, 1997

DISBANDMENT DATE SEPTEMBER 2, 1998

MEMBERS KYUNGHWA, MIHEE, SOMIN, JIAE, CHANMI

LAND (lost angels of neverland) 「 1998–1998 」 was a boy group clearly ahead of their time, i have to say, their concept was pretty magical, i'm hoping for a resurgence in the near future. the group that sported four members captured the hearts of the public pretty quickly, and they could've been something if the company actually cared to put any effort into using their fame. the problem with them was that they were all piggybacking off the success of their center member, who, after an insane modeling gig, became the only member people actually bothered to remember. even people who didn't stan the group knew him by name, and when that happened, so did the jealousy. the group fell apart in a matter of eight months, all of it culminating into a physical altercation that left their reputation strained. if louvix audio just put a little more effort, maybe they would be remembered as a group with a promising concept and good music.. but i guess were in the universe where it was all destined to go wrong.

꒦꒷ ʾ THEPROFiLE !

GROUP NAME LOST ANGELS OF NEVERLAND ( 네버랜드의 잃어버린 천사들 )

FANDOM NAME ETERNITY

DEBUT DATE JANUARY 20, 1998

DISBANDMENT DATE SEPTEMBER 25, 1998

MEMBERS JUNHO, ZERO, HYUNJUN, TAESOO

AETHRA 「 2000–2002 」 was a trio that were as popular as they were a ticking time bomb. though they only lasted a good two years, they carved a name for themselves in a more infamous way than the members probably would've wanted. consisting of aeri, tahlia, and runa, the group would garner the most success louvix audio had captured in years, especially opening up to the japanese market, the members were terrific moneymakers for the company that had been struggling for the better half of a year. though they had good beginnings, the members quickly fell into a deep cycle of partying, substances, and violence that took up their lives more than actually being idols did. it all culminated into their final stage in 2002, where all three members, exhausted beyond recognition, decided to quit the idol life and walk off stage. it began with runa, who expressed her frustrations with the industry before stomping off, then followed by aeri and tahlia. the company was forced to make a statement about their decisions, stating that each member had requested to terminate their contracts, and even with the chaos in their lives, the three remain friends to this day, still despising louvix audio.

꒦꒷ ʾ THEPROFiLE !

GROUP NAME AETHRA ( 에이트라 )

FANDOM NAME 7TH HEAVEN

DEBUT DATE MAY 15, 2000

DISBANDMENT DATE AUGUST 1, 2002

MEMBERS AERI, TAHLIA, RUNA

so yeah.. the first few attempts were met with disappointment after disappointment, it's a wonder that they didn't just give up and went through with their whole 'actors rehabilitation project' or whatever that was, but i guess it wasn't a mistake for them to not stop, because they're biggest successes would come in the following years, even if it came with some sacrifices.

TRACK III : now comes the success! ❪ the golden groups ❫

it would all become something in the mid 2000s, which is when our named company finally found their calling, producing the most "angelic" of idols who would capture the hearts of the public, all with clean slates and completely free of scandal. they would, quite literally, put every other company to shame with the amount of parasocialness they allowed to pass by, their idols would be beloved simply due to the fact that the company had insanely good marketing. when you look back at it now, it's dangerous how much the company let breeze past just to keep up the images of their idols, but then again, when has a kpop company ever been necessarily ethical?

RIX (meaning 'rising of six') 「 2006–2016 」 was the group back in their heyday. if you didn't like them, everyone assumed you were trying to be different. the hexad quickly captured the hearts of the public for their down to earth attitude and genuine group bond, they were beloved because they just seemed like a group of guys who liked making music together. RIX were jaejin's magnum opus, following their debut in 2006, they shot to soaring heights of success, winning rookie award after rookie award, nothing could compare to their success, they were a powerhouse of a group. a good year after their debut, they were dubbed "angels", they were so loved that it seemed physically impossible for any of them to slip up.

for the ten years they were made to stay together, RIX practically held up the louvix audio building, everything they touched turned into gold, they were selling things out left and right. they had charmed south korea, then they charmed japan, then china, then thailand, then they completely charmed the west with their indescribable charisma, they were hard to miss in 2007–2011, they were quite literally everywhere. you couldn't get rid of them, unfortunately, and because of their success, it was only right to push single after single out of them. the group were overworked yes, but they kept it all under wraps with their perfectly placed smiles, smiles that were a little too perfect to actually be anything real.

but while their success was enjoyed, there always has to be an end. though RIX was originally meant to disband in 2013, on account of the seven year contract all of them had signed with the company, they went on for three years longer than they initially planned, it only took some begging from their higher ups, who practically depended on them for the income the company was making at the time. the last few years of RIX's activity were slow.. nothing like their glory days where you could find them plastered everywhere, painted smiles all up, figurative halos circled over their heads, screams after screams dedicated to them, it seemed that they simply went into hiding, what happened? where the hell did they go? people begged louvix audio for updates, but in an unusual manner, the company kept their silence.

hey remember that whole 2016 incident that put half of louvix audio's staff in jail including their ceo? yeah, the reason all the commencing lawsuits got so much traction was because the six members of RIX each filed lawsuits to end their contracts, along with every other charge staff members at the company had brought against them, the group had also accused the company of looking past physical abuse against their own trainees and idols, abuse that ranged from the usual forced diets to some trainees even accusing staff members of putting their own hands on them (which didn't stop at those who were underage). the whole thing was a mess, a legal battle that ended in louvix audio keeping copyright of RIX's name, and the group disbanding after ten years together.

to this day, even with new groups having debuted after them, louvix audio will never replicate the success they had with RIX, there seemed to be something raw, genuine, real about them. even today they are remembered as a loved group, the members saw particular horrors under that company, but they remain best friends till this day. they'll probably never be a group again, yes, but they'll stay in good memory.

꒦꒷ ʾ THEPROFiLE !

GROUP NAME RIX — RISING OF SIX ( 릭스 / 라이징 오브 식스 )

FANDOM NAME LUCKY8

DEBUT DATE APRIL 5, 2006

DISBANDMENT DATE JULY 19, 2016

MEMBERS MINHYUK, MAESI, FANG, DAE, ISEUL, SIHYUK

ANGELS KISS! 「 2007–2012 」 could've been the group, they were the group honestly, but there was a huge issue, louvix audio was only focused on RIX. though their first girl group in seven years was met with a similar amount of success, the company put a clear emphasis on their predecessors, and because of that, they started putting cracks into the carefully crafted facade their former group was so heavily keeping up. though their company was known for producing "angelic idols", as the years went on, the members slowly put that image to question. they were blasted for having "attitudes", being "attention seekers", they clearly bickered during behind the scenes interviews and not all of them got along it seemed. they were putting the "angelic idol view" that their company has crafted to shame with their shenanigans.

in comparison to their male counterparts, the members of ANGELS KISS! were deemed as "rowdy and rebellious". the members were often seen partying, drinking, doing substances, a lot of them were accused of dating around. they were deemed "whores", they were slutshamed, they were called irresponsible simply because they had private lives. did it all matter if they were performing well on stage? none of them ever gave 0%. they loved their jobs, they just also loved having lives outside of that job. they totally weren't jeopardizing anything!! they delivered good music and were never slacking, so who cared?

everybody, the answer is everybody. now, louvix audio isn't exactly a perfect company, but they were the company that composed of the perfect idols, so with a group that was challenging that carefully placed image, they had the least amount of content given as a result. the group worked day in and day out, killed themselves at practice to be given minimal rewards from their own company. their labelmates were the favorites, they got all the shiny stages and five star hotels, got to perform in the biggest stadiums in the country, but them? eh, they were also there. it didn't matter if they even sold out RIX in some aspects, it didn't matter if their fans were begging for bigger venues, for them to go to their countries, for them to expand to the west, this was what louvix audio felt they needed.

it seemed to work well, for the time being, the members got their act together (which meant they just began sneaking around), and they were rewarded for it. their success expanded, they caught the hearts of japan, of the us, of everyone. they were just like their seniors, except they brought girl crush like nobody ever did before. they were loved because they were unapologetic, maybe some people got bored of the picture perfect image RIX would showcase, stating that ANGELS KISS! was clearly the less fake of the two. the members were obvious about their issues, they didn't disguise anything, they showed everything, which included the ugly. if two members had fought, you would know, if the members were having trouble during promotions, you would know. they was still a facade there, but their smiles didn't look completely plastic, they had.. personality.

of course, this world isn't exactly fair, and the group eventually got a worse end than their seniors. it was in early 2012 that the "exposé" dropped. a former staff member, who had, in her own words, had been holding a grudge against the members, decided to go all out and blast all of ANGEL KISS!'s business in a lengthy document that would be copied, shared, and mark it's place in kpop as something that in retrospect, was not as messy as people made it seem, but back then? back then you'd think the members were sacrificing infants in rituals with how bad the outrage had gotten. the former staff member had hacked into the leaders phone, leaking everything of her's for the world to see. her messages between the members, her personal email, her family's personal information, and worst of all, her photos, personal photos, personal details, everything, it was a shit show. then, in the following months, the same would happen to each member, the person clearly had a grudge they were holding, and because of this "exposé" that member YEONA was revealed to have a relationship with ISEUL of RIX.

but why would this be bad on the girls? i hear you question. it's not like they necessarily did anything wrong, they had their privacy invaded by someone they thought they could trust. well, louvix audio didn't take too kindly to this. no no, they found it more important to punish the members than catch the culprit first. ANGELS KISS! would be put on an extended hiatus for months, canceling their oncoming tour with their largest US venue ever and completely scrubbing the internet of their existence. for months, whilst the investigation was ongoing, people were wondering what would happen if the group. they were finally answered when, later that year, the company announced that each of the girls decided to terminate their contracts with the company, ending their journey as a group together after just five years, three years of their original contract left. the news was devastating, people were angered, and they have every right to be! the group disbanded over something that wasn't even their fault.

but even with the protesting trucks, the petitions, the outrage, what was done was done, ANGELS KISS! would never again be a group, they were finished. it would be revealed later that the company had forced YEONA and ISEUL to break up, forbidding any of the members from even getting anywhere near the building. it's devastating really, because, if you take away everything, all of the members had their lives destroyed over something that could've been easily done with, but no, the company decided to end them. to this day, we still hope for the group to at least make mention of their old name, but it seems that the members all seem happier now that they're out of the idol life. i can only hope for the best for them.

꒦꒷ ʾ THEPROFiLE !

GROUP NAME ANGELS KISS! ( 엔젤 키스 )

FANDOM NAME AUREOLE

DEBUT DATE JULY 30, 2007

DISBANDMENT DATE NOVEMBER 20, 2012

MEMBERS EUNHYE, YEONA, AMARIS, NABI, BLAIRE