i know the chances of me being right here right now are extremely slim to none, but what is the point in all of this. im existing in a system i didnt sign up for with minimal understanding of what the purpose even is. i have a hard time believing i'll be rewarded for all this suffering & i've grown tired of trying to craft something beautiful out of garbage. im tired of learning hard lessons. im tired of doing all of this. i continue to live solely because i refuse to cause others more suffering by not... which means im not even living at all. im just here. i try not to think about that too much. staying alive solely not to bring pain & suffering onto those who claim to care about me. meanwhile those same people bring me immense amounts of pain & suffering with not a care in the world.